


Golden Opportunities

by Klanceisunoriginal



Series: Golden Opportunities Universe [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Everyone is LGBT+, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, His name is Akira, How Do I Tag, Hunay, M/M, Memes, Multi, Original Character(s), Physical Abuse, Shiro and Keith are adoptive brothers, Shiro is bi, Slow Burn, Texting, They go to Europe, allura is pan, allura is rich, based on my summer plans, broganes, chat fic, coran is gay, cosmic wolf is an Australian Cattle Dog, gc, hunk is pan, its 20gayteen, its a group chat, keith is gay, lance is bi, lotor is a dick, matt is bi, pidge is gayce, plotting against each other, space dog, tags??, travelling, trickery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-05-25 11:46:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 70,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14976524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Klanceisunoriginal/pseuds/Klanceisunoriginal
Summary: Pidgeot: So you know how my brother’s girlfriend is loaded?Pidgeot: well she’s taking Matt and their boyfriend to Europe for a few months. Matt asked if he could bring me and you guys so,,,,,,Pidgeot: Do you wanna go to Europe with me, my brother, Shiro, Allura, and Shiro’s brother?There are so many times in life when things don't live up to your expectations. This trip? So much better than expected. Sights will be seen, love will be found, friends will be made. And they'll have a little fun while they're at it. But really, what's a better way to meet your soulmate than being stuck with them while traveling the world?





	1. Allura is a goddess

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to Golden Opportunities, the first story in the series! Thanks so much for clicking on this fic! Look out up here, the trigger warnings are v important :)

**Pidgeot** created a chat with **Hunkules** and **LancethePike**

 **  
****Pidgeot** named the chat **eur-in for a treat**

 

 **Pidgeot** : I know its 4 AM but I have news

 **LancethePike** : why are you awake

 **Pidgeot** : I could ask you the same thing

 **LancethePike** : so what’s the news?

 **Pidgeot** : So you know how my brother’s girlfriend is loaded?

 **Pidgeot** : well she’s taking Matt and their boyfriend to Europe for a few months. Matt asked if he could bring me and you guys so,,,,,,

 **Pidgeot** : Do you wanna go to Europe with me, my brother, Shiro, Allura, and Shiro’s brother?

 **LancethePike** : w h a t

 **LancethePike** : I didn't know Allura was that rich

 **LancethePike** : this is,,,,, important information to file away for later

 **Pidgeot** : don't get any ideas, lover boy. Her boyfriends can smash you.

 **LancethePike** : Don’t threaten me with a good time

 **Pidgeot** : can you possibly not say that ever again

 **LancethePike** : ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT IT'S A HELL OF A FEELING THO

 **Pidgeot** : ALL RIGHT ALL RI- no wait

 **Pidgeot** : can you just ask your parents please

 **LancethePike** : I dunno if you noticed but it is 4:20 in the fucking morning

 **Pidgeot** : NO

 **LancethePike** : ………

 **Pidgeot** : pls dont do this

 **LancethePike** : BLAZE IT *dabs*

 **Pidgeot** : You think you’re so cool because you smoked weed ONCE

 **Pidgeot** : YO waddup my name’s Lance and I’m such a cool kid. I’m so rebellious, I even told my mom “whatever” once. I’m basically a delinquent but life be like that sometimes.

 **LancethePike** : Two words. Strict Mother.

 **Pidgeot** : mhm

 **LancethePike** : I’ll ask tomorrow,,, night nerd

 **Pidgeot** : gn “cool kid”

 

**Hunkules > eur-in for a treat**

 

 **Hunkules** : EUROPE???

 **Hunkules** : Where are we going? Like countries? Cities? I need to KNOW

 **LancethePike** : ^^^

 **Pidgeot** : uhhhhhh let me ask Allura

 

**Pidgeot > Allure**

 

 **Pidgeot** : yo yo yo

 **Allure** : Oh hey Pidge!

 **Pidgeot** : Where all are we going to during the trip?

 **Allure** : Uhhh I’ll send you the map.

**[Photo from Allure]**

**Pidgeot** : okay thanksssss

 **Allure** : no problem!

 

**Pidgeot > eur-in for a treat**

 

 **Pidgeot** : Paris > June 22-27,  Nendaz, Switzerland > June 27-30, Rome > July 1-29, Munich, Germany and Bratislava, Slovakia > July 29-August 10 or 15, Prague, Czechia > August 10-September 10, somewhere near London > September 14-October 14ish

 **Hunkules** : oh wow, four whole months?

 **LancethePike** : This is gonna take a lot of convincing.

 **Pidgeot** : Dude, you’re gonna graduate next year? Your mom should let you have more freedom.

 **LancethePike** : This is going to a whole other continent for four months. How am I gonna have money for that?

 **Pidgeot** : oh yeah I forgot to tell you. Allura is covering the whole thing. Just bring some spending money and we’re good.

 **Hunkules** : You’re meaning to tell me that Allura (a saint of a woman) is willing to pay for 7 people to go tour Europe?

 **LancethePike** : are you sure this woman isn’t a godess?

 **Hunkules** : maybe a queen?

 **LancethePike** : Allura, goddess of weath

 **LancethePike** : I mean it makes sense

 **Pidgeot** : I mean that might be why Matt calls her a princess

 **LancethePike** : either that or they’re into roleplay

 **Pidgeot** : get.out.

 **Hunkules** : a great movie, really.

 **LancethePike** : :P

 **Pidgeot** : 凸(`д´)凸

 **LancethePike** : (⌐■_■)

 **Hunkules** : my moms said its okay but only as long as they meet Allura, Shiro, and Matt

 **Pidgeot** : they know Matt. Matt almost always drops me off at your house.

 **Hunkules** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **LancethePike** : I’m getting through to my mom, but only a little bit. I’m gonna need backup.

 **Hunkules** : be there in 10.

 **LancethePike** : this is why I love you <3

 **Hunkules** : wait what are you saying

 **LancethePike** : no homo

 **Hunkules** : (☞^o^) ☞

 **LancethePike** : (☞^o^) ☞

 **Pidgeot** : do you want me there to back you up? Matt can come too.

 **LancethePike** : yes pls

 **LancethePike** : wait a sec… when do we actually leave?

 **Pidgeot** : …….

 **LancethePike** : Pidge?

 **Pidgeot** : COUGHintwodaysCOUGH

 **LancethePike** : PIDGE

 **LancethePike** : WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK US SOONER

 **Pidgeot** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **LancethePike** : Insta-stress

 **LancethePike** : Hunk I heard you pull up, you know the drill, just come on in.

 **Hunkules** : you act as though we haven't been friends for 11 years

 **LancethePike** : 凸(`д´)凸

 **Pidgeot** : be there in 5

 **LancethePike** : cool, we’re gonna go ahead and start convincing my mom

 **Pidgeot** : I’m coming in.

 

 **Pidgeot > ** **Allure**

 

 **Pidgeot** : Do you want me to add you guys to our group chat?

 **Allura** : I'm really excited to meet them more formally and go on this trip omg. Sure, go ahead and add us!

 **Pidgeot** : (*^▽^*)b

 

 **Pidgeot** added **Allure** , **kogayne** , **takashit** , and **Mathematics** to **eur-in** **for** **a** **treat**

 

 **Allure** : Hello! I’m glad to hear that you all can make it!

 **Hunkules** : Hi, actually,,,,

 **Hunkules** : My moms say it's only okay if they meet you guys.

 **takashit** : what if we have a big group dinner? We can go somewhere and sit down and just,,,, conversate.

 **Mathematics** : Shiro who are you, a professor? Conversate? No one talks like that.

 **takashit** : sorry for trying to make a good first impression

 **Mathematics** : Look at your username, then look at what you just said

 **takashit** : wow okay

 **kogayne** : ha I wasn’t planning on responding but we’re roasting shiro so I had to  
  
 **takashit:** I came here to have a good time but honestly I'm feeling so attacked right now

 **LancethePike** : Matttttttttt

 **Mathematics** : You called?

 **LancethePike** : aren’t you going to formally introduce your partners and also the other dude?

 **Mathematics** : sigh

 **Mathematics** : Allure is Allura, my girlfriend. takashit is Shiro, my boyfriend. kogayne is Keith, Shiro’s brother.

 **Mathematics** : Happy?

 **takashit** : Mattttttt?

 **Mathematics** : w h a t

 **takashit** : aren’t you going to formally introduce your sister and her friends?

 **Mathematics** : you KNOW ThEm

 **kogayne** : *cough*

 **takashit** : Keith doesn’t know them.

 **Mathematics** : Lance, you do it.

 **LancethePike** : ON IT

 **LancethePike** : hi, my name is Lance. I am the best friend of Pidge Holt (Pidgeot, your brother’s boyfriend’s sister) and Hunk Garrett (Hunkules).

 **Mathematics** : thanks Lance

 **Hunkules** : nice to meet ya

 **Pidgeot** : bitch you’ve known me since basically the birth of the universe you'd better know who tf i am

 **kogayne** : fuk u gremlin

 **takashit** : so how about that group dinner?

 **Pidgeot** : I’m free, so is Matt

 **LancethePike** : I’ll be there,,, wait where are we going?

 **Hunkules** : Yep!

 **Allure** : of course I’ll be free

 **takashit** : and Keith and I will be there as well

 **Allure** : Olive Garden?

 **Pidgeot** : My italian crops are THRIVING

 **Mathematics** : my italian skin is CLEAR

 **Pidgeot** : my italian schedule is FREE

 **Mathematics** : my italian stomach wants SAUCE

 **LancethePike** : my cuban self is POOR

 **LancethePike** : my poor ass has no MONEY

 **Pidgeot** : do you always have to shit on my dreams

 **LancethePike** : pretty sure it was in the job description

 **Hunkules** : I’m just poor sorry Pidge

 **Mathematics** : ALLURA THEY’RE SHITTING ON HAPPINESS

 **LancethePike** : sorry I dont have a ROCKET SCIENTIST for a father

 **LancethePike** : actually i dont have a dad but

 **Hunkules** : SDGSHDFSDHF LANCE

 **kogayne** : Ha me neither

 **takashit** : K E I T H

 **Allure** : Oh I don’t either

 **Mathematics** : Pidge, you and I are the only ones here with a dad

 **Pidgeot** : ha fuckin losers

 **Mathematics** : PIDGE YOU CANT SAY THAT

 **Pidgeot** : guess what bitch I just did

 **takashit** : so where can you guys afford?

 **LancethePike:** McAlister's?

 **Hunkules** : (*^▽^*)b

 **Allure** : I’m good with that

 **takashit** : Keith and I are fine

 **Mathematics** : Holts are down.

 **Allure** : see you there!

  
**takashit > eur-in for a treat**

**  
takashit:** It was so nice meeting you all formally

 **Pidgeot:** nothing about that was formal.. ahem LANCE

 **LancethePike:** I'm SORRY i can't control my insane family

 **Mathematics:** Why is it that every time i talk to any member of your family more just... appear

 **LancethePike:** that's kinda racist bro

 **Hunkules:** yeah, just a bit, though statistically Hispanic families have the highest birth rates

 **LancethePike:** get your Spanish 2 bs outta here

 **kogayne:** so. many. kids.

 **LancethePike:** there weren't /that/ many. Only Javier and Cloé.

 **Pidgeot:** Emiliano and Josefa were there too

 **LancethePike:** oh yeah, we were watching them while Veronica had some alone time

 **kogayne:** how many kids does your mom fucking have???

 **LancethePike:** six, and two grandkids

 **takashit:** i can't imagine how she keeps up... I can hardly deal with Keith's emo shit

 **kogayne:** damn exposed much?

 **Mathematics:** imagine being my mom... living in a house with a rocket scientist, a child hacker, and an engineering and computer sciences double major grad.

 **Hunkules:** Colleen... god bless that woman. She has to deal with so much nerd stuff

 **LancethePike:** says you mr. "i wanna be a space engineer person"

 **Hunkules:** its not my fault i've got interests

 **Allure:** I've come into the chat late, but I wanna say that it was really great meeting all of you and I'm looking forward to going on this trip with all of you! I'm sure we'll all have a lot of fun!

 **Mathematics:** its always fun with you around, princess

 **Pidgeot:** I thought this gc was supposed to be a place where I could be free of this mushy hell

 **Mathematics:** jokes on you bitch

 **Pidgeot:** s i g h

 **kogayne:** you're so dramatic

 **Pidgeot:** clearly you haven't met Lance

 **LancethePike:** hey wait

 **Hunkules:** can confirm, Lance is the most dramatic person I know

 **takashit:** this will be interesting

 **Hunkules:** how come

 **Allure:** Keith and Shiro seem to bring the most interesting of situations with them

 **Pidgeot:** it will no doubt be a fun trip

 **Allure:** this is true.

 **takashit:** i'm gonna be /that/ person and head to bed early.

 **Mathematics:** gn kashi

 **Hunkules:** it was nice meeting you, Shiro!

 **LancethePike:** ^^^

 **Pidgeot:** bye old man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'll be getting a new chapter out shortly, so hold tight! 
> 
> I have a tumblr so please go and ask me questions and all that jazz!


	2. Lance is STRESSED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> takashit: finally, some fucking peace.
> 
> Mathematics: What did I miss?
> 
> takashit: [incomprehensible screaming]
> 
> Hunk and Lance scramble to get everything packed in time. Allura hosts a pool party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has been up for 9 hours and it's already got 150+ hits??? I did not expect this??? Thank you so much for reading it and enjoying it.
> 
> Here's a second chapter because the first one was meant to go up yesterday.
> 
> Trigger Warnings:  
> -anxiety attack  
> -"I'm dying"  
> I think that's it but please let me know if you find anything!
> 
> Read on!

**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

 

 **LancethePike** : Pidge for the love of all things good and holy why did you not ask us before yesterday?

 **LancethePike** : my anxious ass can’t handle this

 **LancethePike** : and I’m not sure how I’m gonna fit everything in a carry on sized bag. I usually have at least a week to mentally prepare myself and a month to choose my limited amount of clothes. But nooo, because now I just have a DAY

 **LancethePike** :  You’re lucky Hunk and I have good passports because we visit our native countries during Christmas.

 **Pidgeot** : do you ever stop COMPLAINING

 **LancethePike** : I have every right to be pissed at you for not telling us sooner

 **Hunkules** : are you okay, buddy? You’re a little,,, uh,,, problematic

 **LancethePike** : Yeah, I’m fine, just a bit stressed. Mom says I’m not leaving the house until my room is clean and I clean the bathroom, not to mention I have to go change my phone plan so that I can have service while we’re away.

 **Hunkules** : I’d offer to come help, but I’m in the same boat

 **Pidgeot** : Yeah sorry guys, I don’t know why I procrastinated that much

 **Mathematics** : I was lurking and,,,,

 **Mathematics** : Pidge??? You’ve known about this for two months??? And you just thought to ask your friends two days before???

 **Pidgeot** : Hey I said I was sorry

 **Mathematics** : smh

 **LancethePike** : anyway, I’m gonna get back to work.

 **Pidgeot** : Do you want ME to come help you? I’m all done.

 **LancethePike** : Please? I’ll tell my mom you’re coming.

 **Pidgeot** : Matt, get in the car.

 **Mathematics** : Why am I the chauffer for you always?

 **Pidgeot** : Okay in like 9 months you won’t have to be

 **Mathematics** : smh why can’t you be 16 already

 **Pidgeot** : shut up and drive Matt

 **kogayne** : Shiro are we ever like that

 **takashit** : probably?? Idk

 **Pidgeot** : Shiro you’ve been at our house for one of our screaming matches, right?

 **takashit** : The last one I was there for is when you were fighting over whether Fortnite was fun or not

 **Pidgeot** : Well I was fuckin right,,, it’s NOT

 **Mathematics** : who are you to say its fun or not

 **takashit** : not again

 **Pidgeot** : I mean you just run around and kill things. Games are better with a STORYLINE

 **Mathematics** : how about you eat my ass

 **Pidgeot** : that’s what Shiro and Allura are for smartass

 **LancethePike** : Hey

 **LancethePike** : Uh

 **LancethePike** : Can you please come help me I’m dying

 **Mathematics** : This isn’t over, gremlin.

 **Pidgeot** : 凸(`д´)凸

 **kogayne** : hey shiro can you run by the store on your way home? We need travel shampoo and vacuum sealed bags.

 **takashit** : sure. I’m on my way now.

 **kogayne** : cool see you soon

 **Allure:** Hey Matt?

 **Mathematics:** Yes, Princess?

 **Allure:** Remind me to never trust your sister to convey information ever again

 **Mathematics:**  noted.

  
**Mathematics > eur-in for a treat**   
  


**[Photo from Mathematics]**

**Mathematics:** WHY IS THERE A CAT IN MY TOILET

 **Pidgeot:** MATT WE DON’T HAVE A CAT

 **takashit:** WH

 **Hunkules:** WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING @ THE HOLTS ARE YOU OKAY

 **Pidgeot:** keith no

 **kogayne:** IM NOT OKAYY

 **Pidgeot:** I can’t believe you did that in a group chat of people you don’t know

 **kogayne:** shit

 **Mathematics:** ha you exposed your own damn self

 **LancethePike:** guys have I told you about how I drew thicc mr. krabs on a balloon?

 **Mathematics:** …..continue

**[Photo from LancethePike]**

**kogayne:** I’M SHITTING ASFDLKJEH

 **takashit:** ohh this is gonna be a fuuun trip

 **Mathematics:** LANCE WHAT THE FUCK

 **Pidgeot:** WHY DO YOU ONLY HAVE ART SKILLS WHEN YOU’RE BEING A MEME

 **LancethePike:** a talent of mine.

 

 **Pidgeot** **>** **Hunkules**

 

 **Pidgeot:** Yo heads up, something’s a bit off with Lance. He won’t talk to me about it, but be expecting a text from him any minute.

 **Hunkules:** he seemed fine in the chat?

 **Pidgeot:** you know him just as well as I do. He made it seem like he was fine because me and Matt were there. We just left, so I wanted to let you know.

 **Hunkules:** Thanks Pidge

 **Pidgeot:** :P

 

 **LancethePike** **>** **Hunkules**

 

 **LancethePike:** Humk

 **LancethePike:** i csnt beeathe

 **LancethePike:** thrs too mivh to do

 **LancethePike:** in too strewsed

 **Hunkules:** Do you need me to call you?

 **LancethePike:** yrs pks

 **[call ended** **0:36:19]**

 

 **LancethePike** **> eur-in for a treat**

 

 **LancethePike:** I’m all packed, all i gotta do is change my phone plan and shower and I’m good to go.

 **LancethePike:** My sister is taking me to get it switched in a bit so im just gonna shower and have a good ol’ time. How’s packing going, Hunk?

 **Hunkules:** uhh, I’m almost halfway done

 **takashit:** do you want Keith and I to come help?

 **Hunkules:** as much as I'd absolutely love that, I think I've got it, thanks so much, though

 **takashit:** you're sure?

 **Hunkules:** yep! I'm enlisting my moms... They'll be a big help

 **Mathematics:** i want you

 **kogayne:** pardon?

 **Mathematics:** uhhh wrong chat

 **takashit:** p a r d o n  ? ?

 **Mathematics:** today is the day I delete my existence, kiddos

 **Allure:** why is this the first thing I open the chat to

 **Pidgeot:** scroll up

 **Allure:** oh shit... Matt you've gotta be careful

 **LancethePike:** don't let us kiddos know what you do in your spare time

 **Pidgeot:** LANCE

 **kogayne:** AERJGHAEI;JH

 **Allure:** ahem

 **Mathematics:** would you believe me if i said I was memeing

 **LancethePike:** that's plaible

 **kogayne:** you got a word a day calendar or something?

 **LancethePike:** no. I'm just that smart

 **Hunkules:** it took him roughly a minute to google a smart person word

 **LancethePike:** and how would you know that

 **Pidgeot:** dude english isn't your first language

 **LancethePike:** so?

 **Pidgeot:** sigh  
  


 **Pidgeot** **>** **Allure**  
  


 **Pidgeot:** Hey I just remembered, what are you doing with your house while we’re gone. Is Coran gonna come watch it?

 **Allure:** No, Coran has to stay close to the university. I’m renting it to someone. I’ve had to pack up all my stuff and lock it in a room. Luckily, I’ve had Matt and Shiro to help me.

 **Pidgeot:** Oh that’s cool, you could’ve asked me to help you too if you needed anything extra. Who are you renting it to?

 **Allure:** This guy who used to live in town. He says that he’s single, but I looked at his Facebook and it says he’s married and lives in Springville across the street from his wife’s gun shop. All of his posts are very political as well, so I’m almost afraid that he’ll ditch me and I won’t have any extra income while we’re gone. It isn’t too big of a problem, but it would be nice to know.

 **Pidgeot:** oh no, not one of THOSE people. What will you do if he ditches?

 **Allure:** I’ll just call and have my water, cable, and electric shut off. Maybe at least it’ll cut the costs a bit.

 **Pidgeot:** and you’re 100% sure you’re willing to pay for all of us to go? If you’re tight on cash, Matt and I can pay for ourselves and the Broganes can probably find some money.

 **Allure:** No, I want to do this for you guys. I won’t be that tight on cash, it’ll all be fine.

 **Allure:** How is Lance on packing?

 **Pidgeot:** We helped him clean his room and he’s packing now. Matt and I are going back home to make sure we have everything in order, and then we can finally relax.

 **Allure:** Good! Well I’ve gotta run, I’m gonna make sure I’ve also got everything packed and ready to go… I should probably mop anyway.

 **Pidgeot:** Okay! Don’t work too hard!

 

**Allure > eur-in for a treat**

 

 **Allure:** Hey guys, I was thinking, if you’re all done packing, do you want to come to my pool? Your families are invited too :P

 **takashit:** Keith?

 **kogayne:** I’m down

 **LancethePike:** are you sure about this whole family thing? I have 5 sisters. a brother, a niece and a nephew.

 **Allure:** Yes! They’re more than welcome!

 **Hunkules:** Yes my moms and I are coming, baking cookies real quick

 **Pidgeot:** bless you Hunk

 **Mathematics:** all the Holts are on board!

 **LancethePike:** you should expect 9 McClain's!

 **takashit:** do you want us to bring anything?

 **Allure:** if you wanna bring a fruit tray that would be fantastic.

 **Mathematics:** I’ll get the veggies!

 **LancethePike:** what’s your address?

**[Location from Allure]**

**Allure:** come whenever!

 **LancethePike:** Hunk, I was right. Allura is a goddess.

 **Hunkules:** Lance McClain, king of never being wrong.

 **kogayne:** pft

 **Pidgeot:** mhmmm

 **LancethePike:** fok u m8

 **Mathematics:** we’re here, let us in my loveeeee

 **Allure:** coming, Matthew dearest!

 **Mathematics:** ;)

 **Pidgeot:** not in my good Christian minecraft server

 **LancethePike:** ;)

 **Hunkules:** shouldn’t you be driving, McClain

 **LancethePike:** no, mom is driving

 **Hunkules:** well get here soon you’re the last ones

 **LancethePike:** we’re here we’re here

 

**LancethePike > Hunkules**

 

 **LancethePike:** can we just take a sec to talk about how gross Keith’s hair is?

 **LancethePike:** seriously, the 80s called and they want their hair back

 **Hunkules:** is that why you’re blushing furiously?

 **LancethePike:** of course not

 **Hunkules:** O.O

 **Hunkules:** just get in the water and leave Keith and his hair alone

 **LancethePike:** *sigh* if you say so, King Hunk

 

**Allure > eur-in for a treat**

 

 **Allure:** Thank you so much for coming guys! I’m so glad to have you. I can’t wait for our adventures this summer!

 **LancethePike:** Thanks for inviting us, Allura!

 **Hunkules:** It was so much fun, thanks!

 **kogayne:** you guys don’t seem so bad

 **Pidgeot:** they are. Trust me

 **Mathematics:** Thanks, Princess. I love you, see you tomorrow

 **takashit:** love you, llura  <3

 **Pidgeot:** DISGUSTING

 

**Hunkules > eur-in for a treat**

 

 **Hunkules:** I’m all packed, my room is clean, and I’m finally able to just sit

 **LancethePike:** thank god my mom spared me from dinner. It was my turn to cook but she didnt make me. I just gotta put my skincare stuff in and I’m ready.

 **takashit:** guys it is 3 in the morning go to SLEEP

 **LancethePike:** okay uh rood

 **LancethePike:** I’m trying to have a CONVERSATION here

 **LancethePike:** anyway, what time are we leaving tomorrow?

 **Pidgeot:** 4:00 PM

 **takashit:** Pidge??? Why are you up?

 **Pidgeot:** don’t question it Shiro.

 **Pidgeot:** We’re driving to Indianapolis because Allura’s uncle lives there and he’s gonna drive the car back to his place after we leave from Chicago at 5 AM. From there we fly to NYC, cross the city and get to a different airport, where we fly to Paris.

 **LancethePike:** Sounds like a lot of sitting in cars and airports.

 **Allure:** Yeah, so be sure to wear something comfortable!

 **LancethePike:** Those are the most beatiful words I’ve heard all day

 **Hunkules:** read*

 **LancethePike:** semantics

 **takashit:** pls sleep,,,

 **Hunkules:** okay, DAD

 **kogayne:** ajkdhfheaifei DAD

 **takashit:** KEITH WHY ARE YOU AWAKE

 **kogayne:** YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD

 **takashit:** pls don't do this to me

 **LancethePike:** well, uh, this seems like a good time to say goodnight,,,,,, uh, yeah

 **kogayne:** Night Lance

 **takashit:** Keith, you go to bed too.

 **kogayne:** ugh fine.

 **Pidgeot:** lol bye old man

 **takashit:** :,(

 **takashit:** finally, some fucking peace.

 **Mathematics:** What did I miss?

 **takashit:** [incomprehensible screaming]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some endless screaming because:  
> 1) I'm leaving tomorrow  
> 2) This fic is doing well already and I'm very excited.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!!
> 
> Yell at me:  
> Tumblr: @klanceisunoriginal


	3. Why is Lance the way that he is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> takashit: Hunk come get your mans
> 
> LancethePike: I’m a strong independent man. I don’t need a man to corral me.
> 
> takashit: Lance the last time we took a bathroom break you got out of the car and I saw half of your entire ass
> 
> Car rides, college friends, and Lance’s ass

**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

**LancethePike** : My mom woke me up just now and told me to get ready,,,,,

 **kogayne** : but it’s 10? We don’t leave till 4?

 **LancethePike** : exactly. That’s what I said. My sister still has to take me to get my phone switched over, though. That’s gonna take like an hour at most

 **Pidgeot** : I woke up by myself,,, I never wake up this early

 **takashit** : …...early?

 **Mathematics** : why are you guys texting so much? Its only like 10 am, people are trying to sleep

 **takashit** : [looks into the camera like I’m Jim from the office]

 **LancethePike** : ooof my mom has recruited me for an entire house cleaning before I leave

 **Pidgeot** : rip Lance, it was a good life

 

**kogayne > takashit  
**

 

 **kogayne** : I forgot that we’re gonna have to fly. You know I hate flying.

 **takashit** : two things. Are you gonna be okay? Also, how else would we get across the ocean in a short amount of time?

 **kogayne** : fuck you Shiro I was being hopeful

 **takashit** : have you taken your meds recently?

 **kogayne** : yeah, I took them this morning

 **takashit** : then you should feel a bit better when we get there. If you’re freaking out too much, I can see if you can take another, and maybe some melatonin to make you sleep on the flight or something.

 **kogayne** : its okay, Shiro. I’ll probably be fine.

 **takashit** : if you start to panic i need you to tell me. I don’t want you to suffer in silence. You can talk to me or Pidge or anyone in the group chat, if you need. Just know that you don’t have to go through this alone

 **kogayne** : thanks shiro. I’ll keep that in mind

 **takashit** : now go make sure you’re ready to go. Your room better be clean.

 **kogayne** : you cant tell me what to do old man

 **takashit** : I get called dad ONCE and this is what happens

 

**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

 

 **LancethePike** : hey so uhhh my sis thought that we should go to the city to switch my phone over so I’m leaving in an hour and she wants me to ask if you guys can pick me up the the T-Mobile across from the mall.

 **Allure** : That’s fine, sure! We’re passing by there anyway, so sure, why not?

 **LancethePike** : thank you so much, youre a fuckin goddess ahhhh

 **Mathematics** : hey wait

 **takashit** : back off

 **Hunkules** : were you guys really lurking?

 **takashit** : nah I just smelled someone hitting on my girlfriend and came running.

 **Mathematics** : ^^^

 **Allure** : have I ever told you guys that I love you

 **LancethePike:** uh rude af, I take back what I said.

 **takashit** : <3

 **Mathematics** : I love you too, Princess

 **Pidgeot** : DISGUSTING

 **Hunkules** : so I have an idea for the car ride

 **Hunkules** : why dont we play one of those party games that we all played in middle school? Like would you rather and never have I ever and 20 questions.

 **kogayne** : why would we ever do that

 **LancethePike** : yeah hunk. I gotta agree with Mullet Mcgee over here. Why tf?

 **Hunkules** : because our groups are connected by the Holts, so none of us really know each other that well, and I think it would help to know a bit about the people you’re travelling the world with.

 **LancethePike** : fair enough

 **kogayne** : Mullet mcgee?????

 **LancethePike** : because you have a mullet

 **kogayne** : I do not have a mullet

 **Pidgeot** : well we already know who’s gonna get along

 **LancethePike** : you DO TOO have a mullet!

 **LancethePike** : look at this:

**[3 Photos from LancethePike]**

**LancethePike** : these are different kinds of mullets

**[2 Photos from LancethePike]**

**LancethePike** : this is your hair

 **kogayne** : why do you have a picture of my hair

 **Pidgeot** : GSDDFhEL

 **Hunkules** : PFFT

 **LancethePike** : oh what’s that? It’s time to leave? Oh and I get to drive so I can’t text my friends anymore? Oh what a shaaame.

 **kogayne** : [confused screaming]

 

**Hunkules > LancethePike**

 

 **Hunkules** : I know you haven’t left yet so I just want to ask

 **Hunkules** : when the fuck did you take those pictures and why

 **LancethePike** : because i wanted him to know that he has a mullet,,, and I took them yesterday at the pool before he got in

 **Hunkules** : mhm

 **LancethePike** : okay sorry for wanting to take a picture of a muscular ass man with soft looking hair

 **Hunkules** : O.O

 **LancethePike** : shit shit shit

 **LancethePike** : no stop

**[Hunkules Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**LancethePike** : Dead to me

 

**Hunkules > Pidgeot**

 

**[Photo from Hunkules]  
**

**Hunkules** : bitch we been knew

 **Pidgeot** : oh this is going to be one fun trip

 

**kogayne > Pidgeot**

 

 **kogayne** : so uh

 **kogayne** : any idea why Lance took a picture of my hair?

 **Pidgeot** : wow you’re so awkward

 **Pidgeot** : no, I have no idea. I’m not his babysitter

 **kogayne** : okay sorry, I thought maybe he might’ve messaged you or something

 **Pidgeot** : does it really bother you that much?

 **kogayne** : no, I just want to know why

 **Pidgeot** : Inch Resting

**[Pidgeot Screenshotted the Chat!]**

 

**Pidgeot > Hunkules**

 

**[Photo from Pidgeot]  
**

**Pidgeot** : i have a feeling they’re gonna thank us for this.

 

**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

 

 **LancethePike** : GUYS IM LEAVING NOW I’LL SEE YOU SOON

 **Hunkules** : I LOVE YOU SEE YOU SOON

 **LancethePike** : I LOVE YOU TOO

 **LancethePike** : Update: I’m in love with the guys working at T-Mobile today. They’re so nice

 **Hunkules** : I’m offended

 **LancethePike** : sorry Hunk, you’ve been replaced.

**[kogayne Screenshotted the Chat!]  
**

**LancethePike** : Keith you know that we see you lurking, right?

 **kogayne** : yep

 **LancethePike** : okay cool then

 **Allure** : Everyone! We’re leaving in 5, make sure you’re here!!

 **Mathematics** : I’m sorryyyy Pidge and I are on our way

 **takashit** : why are we dating you again?

 **takashit** : wait why are you texting me if you’re on your way

 **Pidgeot** : our parents are seeing us off

 **takashit** : Matt you gave me a FUCKING heart attack

 **Pidgeot:** watch you FUCKING language around the goddamn KIDS SHIRO

 **takashit** : you’re the reason I’m going gray

 **LancethePike** : pls don’t forget about me

 **Allure** : Matt and Pidge if you’re not here in 1 minute we’re leaving without you

 **Mathematics** : But my love

 **Allure** : Matthew

 **Mathematics** : 20 seconds, Darling

 **Pidgeot** : why are you only like this in the group chat

 **kogayne** : yeah seriously I don’t wanna see what my brother gets up to with his boyfriend and girlfriend

 **Pidgeot** : ^^^

 **Mathematics** : pulling in

 **Allure** : Lance we’re on our way to grab you!

 **LancethePike** : I’ll be ready

 

**kogayne > LancethePike**

 

 **kogayne** : what the fuck are you wearing

 **LancethePike** : don’t hate on my shorts

 **kogayne** : why are you wearing them??? Airports are always cold??

 **LancethePike** : okay can I not look good for the air hostess? I’ll woo her with my hot legs

 **kogayne** : whatever you say

 **LancethePike** : why are you texting me anyway? We’re in the same car

 **kogayne** : i don’t want to interrupt the silence

 **LancethePike** : fair enough

 **kogayne** : oh also,,,, why do you have pictures of my hair?

 **LancethePike** : uhhhhhh

 **LancethePike** : my internet friend didn’t believe that I met someone with a mullet

 **kogayne** : oh okay

 **LancethePike** : sorry I seem so weird omg I just realized

 **LancethePike** : we’ve only hung out irl twice and once I took pictures of your hair and now I’m wearing fucking booty shorts

 **kogayne** : nah it’s cool

 

**kogayne > Pidgeot**

 

 **kogayne** : AHHHHH????

 **Pidgeot** : ?

 **kogayne** : Lance has really nice legs??????

 **Pidgeot** : !

 **kogayne** : h e l p

 **Pidgeot** : !?

**[Pidgeot Screenshotted the Chat!]**

 

**Pidgeot > Hunkules**

 

**[Photo from Pidgeot]  
**

**Hunkules** : O.O

 **Pidgeot** : why is he wearing those shorts anyway

 **Hunkules** : I have no idea

 

**takashit > eur-in for a treat**

 

 **takashit** : Lance

 **LancethePike** : you called?

 **takashit** : what the hell are you wearing and why

 **LancethePike** : is it a crime for wanting to look cute?

 **takashit** : Hunk come get your mans

 **LancethePike** : I’m a strong independent man. I don’t need a man to corral me.

 **takashit** : Lance the last time we took a bathroom break you got out of the car and I saw half of your entire ass

**[kogayne Screenshotted the Chat!]  
**

**LancethePike** : why are we all attacking ME? I’m just a boy trying to be cute

 **Hunkules** : you do realize the airports are cold, right?

 **LancethePike** : you act as if you don’t know i come prepared. I have sweatpants in my bag

 **Pidgeot** : then why aren’t you wearing them now?

 **LancethePike** : HEY IM CUTE CAN YOU STOP

 **Hunkules** : okay okay okay sure jeez

 **Hunkules:** can we pls play never have I ever, I'm bored and we still have yet to do that

 **Pidgeot** : Whatever you do, don't let Lance ask the questions.

 **LancethePike** : okay well if we talk about what normal teenagers say, I'm spot on. I say we let it go whichever way it wants to.

 **takashit:** I can already tell this is gonna be a huge mistake but I'm here for it

 **Mathematics:** Allura's not playing, but anyway,,, ONWARD!

 **Hunkules:** I'll start. (we're starting with 10 btw)

 **Hunkules:** Never have I ever listened to Hamilton all the way through.

 **takashit:** 10

 **Mathematics:** 9

 **Pidgeot:**....9

 **kogayne:** 10

 **LancethePike:** 9

 **takashit:** never have I ever smoked weed

 **Mathematics:** 8

 **Pidgeot** : 8

 **Hunkules:** 10

 **LancethePike:** 8

 **kogayne:** 10

 **Pidgeot:** never have I ever liked guys

 **LancethePike:** oh COME ON PIDGE

 **kogayne:** this is HOMOPHOBIC

 **Hunkules:** ugh, 9

 **kogayne:** 9

 **takashit:** 9

 **LancethePike:** 7

 **Mathematics:** 7

 **kogayne:** never have I ever kissed anyone

 **LancethePike** : now I feel like everyone's targeting me

 **LancethePike:** 6

 **Pidgeot:** 7

 **Mathematics:** 6

 **takashit:** 8

 **Hunkules:** 9

 **Mathematics:** never have I ever been in handcuffs

 **takashit:**......7

 **kogayne:** S H I R O

 **Pidgeot:** MATT

 **LancethePike:** 6, like a good christian child

 **Pidgeot:** 7

 **Hunkules:** ajveaekjh 9

 **kogayne:** 9

 **LancethePike:** never have I ever given a blowjob

 **Pidgeot:** lance really

 **Pidgeot:** 7

 **Mathematics:** 5

 **takashit:** 6

 **Hunkules:** gross, Lance. 9

 **kogayne:** 9

 **Hunkules:** never have I ever gotten drunk

 **kogayne:** 8

 **takashit:** KEITH

 **kogayne:** youre not my real dad

 **takashit:** 5

 **Mathematics:** 4

 **LancethePike:** 5

 **Pidgeot:** does tipsy count

 **Mathematics:** I'm not surprised. yes it counts.

 **Pidgeot:** 6

 **takashit:** never have I ever wanted to be called/call someone else daddy

 **Pidgeot:** matt I s2g if you lower your number... 6

 **LancethePike:** 5

 **kogayne:** 8, ew

 **Hunkules:** 9

 **Mathematics:**.....3

 **Pidgeot:** MATTHEW HOLT YOU'RE GETTING KICKED OUT

 **Mathematics:** no pls, let me stay

 **Pidgeot:** never have I ever broken a bone

 **kogayne:** 7

 **LancethePike:** 4

 **takashit:** technically my arm isn't broken,,,,

 **Pidgeot:** it counts, handcuff boy

 **takashit:** 4

 **Mathematics:** 3

 **Hunkules:** 8

 **LancethePike:** how do you still have 8????

 **kogayne:** never have I ever accidentally said "i love you" to someone

 **Mathematics:** 2

 **takashit:** 3

 **LancethePike:** 3

 **Hunkules:** 8

 **Pidgeot:** 6

 **LancethePike:** never have I ever pressed send and then immediately regretted it

 **Hunkules:** 8, I think

 **kogayne:** 7?

 **takashit:** 2

 **Mathematics:** 2

 **Pidgeot:** 5

 **Hunkules:** never have I ever been to a country in Asia

 **kogayne:** wow target the korean man... 6

 **takashit:** 1

 **Mathematics:** 2

 **Pidgeot:** 5

 **LancethePike:** 3

 **takashit:** never have I ever been without AC in the summer

 **Pidgeot:** 5

 **Mathematics:** 1

 **LancethePike:** 2

 **Hunkules:** 8

 **kogayne:** 6

 **Pidgeot:** never have I ever made out with someone when parents were home

 **LancethePike:** 1

 **Hunkules:** 8

 **kogayne:** 6

 **takashit:** 1

 **Mathematics:** shit I'm out.

 **Pidgeot:** what a great conclusion to the game.

 **kogayne:** i know so much more about my brother than I ever wanted to.

 **Pidgeot:** ^^

 

**kogayne > takashit**

 

**[Two Photos from kogayne]  
**

**kogayne** : are Lance and Hunk a thing?

 **takashit** : not that I know of. I think they’re both straight.

 **kogane** : didn’t he hit on you and Matt

 **takashit** : he could be kidding? besides, why are you asking me this, why not ask them yourself or even Pidge?

 **kogayne** : hhhhhhh

 **takashit** : why do you even want to know?

 **kogayne** : is it a crime to want to know more about people you’re traveling with?

 **takashit** : hmmm okay

[ **takashit Screenshotted the Chat!]**

 

**takashit > Pidgeot**

 

**[Photo from takashit]**

**takashit** : I can tell you’re plotting something so have this

 **Pidgeot** : you’re my favorite brogane

 **takashit** : i’m telling keith

 **Pidgeot** : and how are you going to explain how you found that out

 **takashit** : damn

**[Pidgeot Saved a Photo]**

 

 **Pidgeot** created a group with **Hunkules** and **takashit**

 

**[3 Photos from Pidgeot]**

**Pidgeot** : I’m not gonna say anything but I think we are all thinking the same thing

 

**kogayne > eur-in for a treat**

 

 **kogayne** : @Pidge, Hunk, and Shiro why are you staring at me

 **LancethePike** : why are you also staring at me

 **Pidgeot** : sorry, spaced out

 **Hunkules** : thought about something that made me think of you

 **takashi** : why can’t I look at my brother

 **kogayne** : hm okay then

 **Allure** : hey guys since our flight isn’t till 6:00 tomorrow, we’re gonna go crash at my college friend’s house. His name is Stuart and we had intro to musical theater together freshman year. We’ve gotta be up by 2:30 so that we can leave by 3. It takes an hour to get from his house to the airport and I like having a whole two hours to get through security and stuff.

 **Pidgeot** : sounds good

 **Allure** : Hunk wake up Lance, we’re here

 **Hunkules** : hnnnng

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for reading this!! I’m putting this chapter out at 5:00 AM so I have to quickly start writing the next :P
> 
> Yell at me:  
> tumblr: @klanceisunoriginal


	4. Don’t Sit in Pizza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kogayne: I’M SORRY I HAVE A DEFECTIVE GAYDAR
> 
> LancethePike: I THOUGHT MY BISEXUALITY WAS SO OBVIOUS
> 
> kogayne: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW
> 
> Flying, anxiety, Keith in a crop top, Keith being oblivious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING  
> -Panic attack  
> -“dead to me”
> 
> EDIT: uhhhhh I was on a plane to Paris for 8 hours and I come back to 200 more hits??? Ahhhh?? Thank you?????

**Allure > eur-in for a treat**

**Allure** : wake up motherfuckers it’s go time

 **Mathematics** : kashi, isn’t our girlfriend so eloquent?

 **takashit** : god I’m in love

 **LancethePike** : five more minutes

 **kogayne** : jokes on you I didn’t sleep

 **Pidgeot** : Keith we’re not gonna sleep for the next day and a half what are you doing

 **kogayne** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Allure** : guys we’re getting in the car NOW let’s MOVE

 **Pidgeot** : is Hunk awake?

 **Mathematics** : Lance was supposed to be on Hunk detail

 **takashit** : Lance is asleep

 **Pidgeot** : shit

 **Allure** : let’s GO

 **Allure** : I s2g if any of you fall asleep in the car I will personally deck you

 **LancethePike** : you heard the pretty lady, MOVE IT

 **takashit** : and I will personally deck lance

 **LancethePike** : fair enough

  
**Hunkules > eur-in for a treat**

 **  
Hunkules** : does anyone want anything from the food kiosk?

 **Allure** : a bagel pleaseeee

 **Hunkules** : cinnamon and sugar?

 **Allure** : you’re a fucking angel

 **LancethePike** : can i get a fuckin uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh coffee?

 **Hunkules** : coffee machine broke

 **Hunkules** : but yeah i’ll get you one. 3 creamer 6 sugar?

 **LancethePike** : you know me so well

 **kogayne** : what the fuck

 **LancethePike** : what

 **kogayne** : how do you not have heart disease

 **LancethePike** : oh so first you insult my shorts and now my coffee?

 **kogayne** : I wouldn’t call that coffee,,,,,,,

 **LancethePike** : wow lets just make fun of everything I do, shall we? I’ll start,,, a week ago I fell into a ball pit, and then the next day i got stuck in between gymnastics mats.

 **Pidgeot** : JSHXHWUX

 **takashit** : salty much?

 **LancethePike** : nope, I’m chill

 **Mathematics** : hey Hunk we’re boarding hurry pls

 **Hunkules** : commence the “soccer mom on black friday” walk

 **LancethePike** : this is why I love you

  
**LancethePike > kogayne**

 **  
LancethePike** : hey are you okay? you look a little off

 **kogayne** : I’ll be fine, I’m just not a fan of flying

 **LancethePike** : do you wanna talk about it?

 **LancethePike** : you don’t have to by any means, but if you want to, don’t hold back. You can ask Hunk, I’m a good listener

 **kogayne** : I think I’ll be okay.

 **LancethePike** : if you start panicking, don’t hesitate to message me. I’ve got a bunch of siblings that have panic attacks a lot. Not to mention I have them too. I can help you out.

 **kogayne** : thanks, Lance

 **LancethePike** : no problem, dude

  
**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

 **  
LancethePike** : is it weird that this is my first time in NYC

 **kogayne** : nah, I haven’t been either

 **Allure** : I have!

 **LancethePike** : shut up Allura we know, you’re rich

 **Allure** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **kogayne** : it’s so big

 **LancethePike** : my friend says it takes like 4 hours to get across the whole city, though i bet she was exaggerating

 **Allure** : so we have 3 hours until I meet with my boss for lunch, what do you want to do?

 **Pidgeot** : bounce house.

 **Mathematics** : what

 **Pidgeot** : i looked it up and there’s an indoor bounce park around here. we should call a Lyft and go

 **LancethePike** : BOUNCE HOUSE

 **takashit** : Lance you’re a SENIOR

 **LancethePike** : and Pidge is a Junior, what do you want from me?

 **takashit** : well i guess we’re going to the bounce house

 **Pidgeot** : YES

 **LancethePike** : FUCK YEA

  
**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

 

 **LancethePike** : what are Allura’s bosses names again?

 **takashit** : Crystal, Lauren, and Robyn I think

 **LancethePike** : oh okay.

 **kogayne** : OW SHIT

 **kogayne** : LANCE YOU ASSHOLE

 **LancethePike** : I’M SORRY

 **takashit** : what

 **kogayne** : I FUCKING SAT IN LANCE’S PIZZA

 **kogayne** : THAT HURTS

 **LancethePike** : I’ll go with you to get you cleaned up. I’m bringing my backpack. It’s got easily accessible clothes. Go ahead into the bathroom.

 **kogayne** : okay, fine.

**[Photo from LancethePike]**

**LancethePike** : LOOK AT HIM

 **LancethePike** : THIS IS THE BEST DECISION IVE EVER MADE

 **kogayne** : this is the only thing you have in your bag are you kidding

**[takashit Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**[takashit Saved a Photo]**

**Pidgeot** : KEITH Y E S

 **kogayne** : WHY DO YOU OWN THESE

 **LancethePike** : How else am I gonna sway cute guys?

 **kogayne** : ………..

 **LancethePike** : did you think I was straight

 **kogayne** : ………..

 **LancethePike** : BAHAHAHA

 **Hunkules** : HAHAHAHAAAA

 **Pidgeot** : PFFFFFFFT

 **kogayne** : I’M SORRY I HAVE A DEFECTIVE GAYDAR

 **LancethePike** : I THOUGHT MY BISEXUALITY WAS SO OBVIOUS

 **kogayne** : HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW

 **Pidgeot** : Keith,,,,, you’re not the most observant of people

 **Hunkules** : Let me guess, you didn’t know I was pan either?

 **kogayne** : n o

 **Pidgeot** : I need to tell you something. I’m homoromantic asexual.

 **kogayne** : stfu gremlin we all knew this

 **Pidgeot** : well I mean we all knew that Lance is bi and Hunk is pan but that’s news to you i guess.

 **Mathematics** : Keith, I think it’s time you know that I’m bisexual and in a relationship with your brother and Allura

 **kogayne** : you all? dead to me.

  
**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

 

 **LancethePike** : It’s official, our Lyft driver is the most interesting person I’ve ever met.

 **kogayne** : you know Pidge,,,,,

 **LancethePike** : did i fuckin stutter???

 **Pidgeot** : you know HUNK

 **LancethePike** : Hunk is second by default

 **Hunkules** : wow thanks buddy

 **LancethePike** : you got it

 **LancethePike** : my skin is suffering,,, I didn’t get enough sleep last night

 **kogayne** : I still can’t believe you slept

 **LancethePike** : THATS why your pores are,,,,,, they way that they are

 **kogayne** : fuckin rude

 **LancethePike** : I’m not sorry, your skin is terrible

 **kogayne** : hm okay sure

  
**Pidgeot > eur-in for a treat**

 **  
Pidgeot** : I’m BORED

 **LancethePike** : what am I supposed to do about it

 **Pidgeot** : come onnnnnnn

 **Pidgeot** : you’re supposed to be my partner in CRIME

 **LancethePike** : but YOUTUBE

 **Pidgeot** : ughhhhhhh

 **Allure** : hey guys you’d better sleep on this next flight or I will be very angry. It’s a 7 hour flight and when we land it’ll be noon in Paris.

 **Allure** : and then we’ll probably hightail it to our Air B&B ASAP

 **Hunkules** : I’m not usually one to complain but we have been sitting in this airport for 8 hours and I think I’m going insane

 **Pidgeot** : ^^^

 **takashit** : guys i don’t even wanna hear it we’re gonna be in Paris France in like 8 hours

 **Mathematics** : but like,,,,, that’s a whole 8 hours away

 **Allure** : stfu we’re boarding in like 5 minutes and then y’all must SLEEP

 **kogayne** : Lance I’ve gotten so many weird looks and it’s your fault

 **Pidgeot** : To be fair you look great in a crop top and short shorts

 **kogayne** : okay but have you considered that i don’t care

 **kogayne** : now everyone KNOWS that I’m gay

 **takashit** : look at your username

 **takashit** : now look at what you just said

 **kogayne** : you’re not my real dad

 **Allure** : Lance Pidge they’re calling us to board

 **LancethePike** : shit we’re coming

 

  
**kogayne > LancethePike**

 

 **  
kogayne** : I’m taking you up on the offer because I’m freaking out.

 **LancethePike** : are you okay?

 **kogayne** : i would text shiro but he’s asleep and so is literally everyone else but i

 **LancethePike** : hey, you gotta breathe Keith. Focus on each of your senses for ten seconds. find 3 things you can hear, smell, taste, touch, and see.

 **kogayne** : hhhhhhhh

 **LancethePike** : breathe in for 4 seconds and out for 4

 **LancethePike** : do you need to talk about it?

 **kogayne** : maybe, just, i need a sec

 **LancethePike** : You’re not alone, okay? I’m just gonna keep talking to see if it’ll take your mind off. Is that okay?

 **kogayne** : mhm

 **LancethePike** : I’m gonna tell you about my family. Is that okay?

 **kogayne** : uh sure

 **LancethePike** : okay. My mamá and papá met on Varadero Beach in Cuba. Mamá was about 20 years old and papá was 24. They fell in love and mi papá proposed to her on that very beach. The day before their wedding they found out that they were pregnant. They had a girl, Juliana. Juliana is honestly a bit snobbish because she’s the oldest, but she’s very smart. She married an Italian man and they live in Colorado with their two sons.

 **kogayne** : i’m sorry this isn’t helping

 **LancethePike** : okay, that’s okay!

 **kogayne** : it’s making it worse i’m sorry hhhhh

 **LancethePike** : remember, breathe in for 4, out for 4

 **kogayne** : i’m calm, i’m calm

 **LancethePike** : you’re welcome to talk about it if you need to, but I won’t pressure you into it.

 **kogayne** : i’m sorry i just can’t

 **LancethePike** : that’s totally okay, man.

 **LancethePike** : try to get some rest if you can. Message me if you need anything else, alright?

 **kogane** : thank you, Lance.

 **LancethePike** : no problem, Keith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is so short omg I’m trying ahhhhhh
> 
> Yell at me:  
> tumblr: @klanceisunoriginal


	5. Who designed the inside of a plane?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hunkules: wait. Who here knows like any French at all?
> 
> Mathematics: I took it for three years
> 
> Hunkules: oh good, you can be our translator
> 
> Mathematics: I said I took the class I didn’t say I retained anything
> 
> There’s a lot of complaining and also bullying of Allura

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS:  
> -Talk of medieval torture and execution
> 
> I’m sorry it’s so short,,, I’m exhausted

**Hunkules > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Hunkules** : I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired

 **Allure** : did you sleep?

 **Hunkules** : hardly. There was no way to get comfortable

 **Hunkules** : I slept for 3 hours yesterday of Stuart’s floor, then 4 hours today on the plane

 **Hunkules** : and as a man that usually gets at least 8 hours, I’ve never been this tired

 **LancethePike** : I think i popped a rib those seats are so uncomfortable

 **Pidgeot** : my neck is broken forever

 **kogayne** : yeah it was pretty bad

 **Pidgeot** : you were asleep for like 85% of the whole flight???

 **kogayne** : that doesn’t mean it wasn’t bad

 **takashit** : I am TIRED™

 **Mathematics** : just let me REST

 **LancethePike** : they spent their whole budget on those stupid tablet things on the back of the seats when what they really need is something that doesn’t feel like a medieval torture device.

 **Hunkules** : ^^^

 **takashit** : where’d everyone else go

 **LancethePike** : burned at the stake probably

 **Hunkules** : hung and quartered

 **Mathematics** : no they’re asleep again

 **LancethePike** : nice job keeping the analogy alive Matthew

 **takashit** : okay hang on can we stop complaining for a few seconds just to realize that we are standing in Paris, France?

 **Pidgeot** : shit man

 **kogane** : you right

 **hunkules** : wait. Who here knows like any French at all?

 **Mathematics** : I took it for three years

 **Hunkules** : oh good, you can be our translator

 **Mathematics** : I said I took the class I didn’t say I retained anything

 **Hunkules** : dead to me

 **LancethePike** : sorry man I’m taking spanish, it’s an easy A

**[Pidgeot Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**Pidgeot** : I can’t believe we didn’t know that none of us speak French until we GOT TO FRANCE

 **LancethePike** : wait i do know a little

 **kogayne** : I don’t believe you

 **LancethePike** : oui oui mon ami, je m’appel Lafayette. The LANCElot of the revolutionary set. I came from afar just to say bonsoir fell the king casè toi who is the best? C’est moi.

 **kogayne** : This Is Not What I Asked For

 **LancethePike** : well then figure it out Alexander. That’s an order from your commander

 **LancethePike** : and then i can count to 9 but idk how to spell them

 **Allure** : are you forgetting that French is my first language

 **Mathematics** : of cOURSE NOT I WAS JUST PLAYING ALONG

 **Hunkules** : oh there that makes it easier

 **LancethePike** : y’all my skin is SUFFERING. I haven’t been able to wash it for like 2 days

 **LancethePike** : I can FEEL my clogged pores. If this goes on for much longer I’ll break out

 **Pidgeot** : I’m ignoring you Lance because there is no visual difference

 **LancethPike** : ahhhhh i neeeeed my soaaaap

 **Hunkules** : i’m other news, the lady sitting next to me on the flight had no idea what personal space is.

 **Pidgeot** : oh no

 **LancethePike** : not one of THOSE people

 **Hunkules** : mhm

 **takashit** : I saw her being all up in your space and I thought about saying something but I fell asleep

 **kogayne** : Shiro the Hero

 **LancethePike** : Zero to Shiro just like that

 **Hunkules** : my username

 **Allure** : Oh Hercules is my favorite disney movie!

 **Mathematics** : does that surprise me? not really, am I dissapointed? I don’t think so?

 **Pidgeot** : ohmygod did you guys see that air host? He was like the only guy and he looked like a french version of Zach Kornfeld.

 **LancethePike** : The Try Guys Fly A Plane

 **LancethePike** : Eugene would be at the helm pretending to know how to do things. Ned would be next to him trying to do the things faster. Keith would be the one that tries to help at first but doesn’t hear the “staff seated for takeoff” announcement and he’s just fall everywhere. And Zach would be the one that tries so damn hard and he’s everyone’s favorite.

 **Pidgeot** : that’s good

 **Hunkules** : sounds pretty right, yeah

 **Keith** : Where Is The Lie

 **Mathematics** : you kids and your new-fangled youtubes and googles

 **takashit** : back in my day, we had libraries

 **Pidgeot** : what do you want??? a medal???

 **Mathematics** : yes

 **Pidgeot** : too bad

 **Mathematics** : DX

 **Allure** : I’m going to the bathroom. After that, we’re going to get our car and then we’ll go get something to eat

 **takashit** : do you want me to drive?

 **Allure** : it doesn’t matter to me. We’ll be fast enough that we’ll get to our apartment in no time.

 **Mathematics** : I just talked to the informations desk and she called us a taxi to get to the car rental place

 **LancethePike** : Matthew Holt? Being helpful for once? Are we in a foreign country or an alternate reality

 **Mathematics** : stfu McClain

 **Allure** : this is why I love you, Matt.

 **kogayne** : I’m gonna go change

 **Pidgeot** : I am too

 **Hunkules** : Let’s just all go change

 **Pidgeot** : ^^^

 **Allure** : the car is here come onnnn

 **LancethePike** : Google Translate here I come

 **Pidgeot** : why is Allura trying to teach us French

 **kogayne** : bitch we just got off a plane and we’ve only slept for a max of 8 hours in 2 days

 **kogane** : I’m not in the mood for learning rn thanks

 **takashit** : you do realize this is the group chat, right?

 **kogayne** : did I fuckin stutter?

 **Mathematics** : I’m gonna sleep

 **LancethePike** : all in favor of ignoring Allura and sleeping?

 **Mathematics** : i

 **kogayne** : i

 **Pidgeot** : i

 **Hunkules** : i

 **LancethePike** : okay goodnight

 **takashit** : so Allura is taking us to our Air B&B now

 **koygane** : why are you texting us then

 **takashit** : it’s quiet.

 **kogayne** : okay, cool. I’ll make sure the others are ready.

 **Allure** : now that we’re parked, I should tell you something. The best Air B&B I could find was a two bed one bath. Our host is an older lady named Liza. We’ll have to figure out sleeping arrangements, though.

 **LancethePike** : w h a t

 **LancethePike** : there are 7 of us. Two bedrooms?

 **Allure** : and a pull out couch

 **takashit** : well it’s obvious that Matt, Allura, and I are taking a room.

 **LancethePike** : Hunk and I call the other room!

 **Pidgeot** : I call the ot-fuck you

 **LancethePike** : :P

 **Pidgeot** : Keith we’re sharing the couch

 **Keith** : K

 **Mathematics** : Lizza is the cutest woman I’ve ever seen she’s such a sweetheart

 **takashit** : ^

 **Allure** : guys we gotta go grocery shopping and get some food

 **Keith** : thank god, the last thing I ate was Subway at 7:00 last night

 **Allure** : pile in, we’re going to this market thing that Lizza told me about

 **Mathematics** : coming, Princess

  
**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

**  
LancethePike** : I forgot that I don’t speak French and have no idea what anyone is saying

 **LancethePike** : I just went into the store because i wanted some bananas and I had to be all “Parlez-vous français?” and the cashier was like “You can’t bring the cart out of the store” and I was like “oh okay thanks”

 **LancethePike** : talking to people is HARD

 **LancethePike** : I’m so tired

 **Hunkules** : I call top bunk

 **LancethePike** : dammit

 **Hunkules** : hahahahhaaaaaaaa

 **Allure** : guys let’s go home

 **Pidgeot** : y e s p l e a s e

 **kogayne** : I’m so ready to sleep

 **LancethePike** : everyone is showering first, though. No ifs ands or buts. I’m not living with a bunch of smelly people.

 **takashit** : yes mom

 **kogayne** : sleepytown, here I come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading ahhhhh
> 
> Yell at me:  
> tumblr: @klanceisunoriginal


	6. Awkward Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kogayne: why did he want to know?
> 
> Pidgeot: maybe because staring at your new friend’s crotch isn’t the best idea because they could get offended.
> 
> kogayne: hhhhhhhh
> 
> Lance accidentally stares at Keith’s dick and it’s awkward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I forgot how time consuming prose is so don’t be expecting much of it, sorry!
> 
> Also uh there’s talk of dick in this chapter so be warned!

**Allure** **> takashit**

  
**Allure** : Kashi, can you make sure everyone is up? I ran out to get gas and I know that you’re awake.

 **takashit** : sure. when will you be home?

 **Allure** : it won’t be long… maybe. I’m having trouble finding the gas station. I pulled over to google it but the nearest one is closed so I’m just gonna drive around and find one.

 **takashit** : okay! i’ll go ahead and make you some toast while I’m at it.

 **Allure** : thank youuu, love you kashi <3

 **takashit** : <3

 

  
“Keith, Pidge, it’s time.” Shiro strides into the living room, shirtless. He’s freshly showered, his white tuft of hair sticking to his forehead and a gray towel around his neck. “Guys, come o- oh shit!” Tripping on the leg of the pull out couch, the muscular man lands on top of the sleeping people. “Fuck,” Pidge shouts, trying to push herself up on all fours. “Goddammit Shiro. What the hell?” Keith turns to glare at his brother, still laying on top of him. “Ow, it’s not my fault, I stubbed my toe on the bed,” Shiro sits up, in between the two teens, to examine his stubbed toe. “Well at least you’re awake. Get up and dressed. We’re leaving in about two hours to go see the sights.” With that, Keith rolls, very literally, out of the bed, onto the pale wooden floor. He pulls himself up into a standing position and walks tiredly into the kitchen, presumably to make some coffee. Pidge groans, yawns, then rolls over and goes back to sleep.

After recovering from his toe-stubbing, Shiro stands and walks into the second bedroom, where Hunk is asleep on the top bunk and Lance is laying halfway off the bed asleep on the bottom bunk. There’s light snoring coming from the top. “Rise and shine, kids. You gotta get moving!” Shiro shouts playfully. “Five more minutes,” Lance groans, rolling over. “Uh uh, I don’t think so.” The bigger man slides his arm underneath the teen and throws him over his shoulder. “Wha- Shiro what the fuck!?” Lance yells, waking Hunk. “What’s goin- OW!” The man on the top bunk yells, hitting his head on the ceiling. “What the fuck is the loudness for? What? Shirooooo!” Matt storms into the bedroom, whining, “Allura and I are the only ones you’re supposed to carry like that!” “DISGUSTING”  
“Well Pidge is awake.”  
“Shiro oh my god put me DOWN”  
“Yeah Shiro put him down.”

Hunk carefully climbs down the ladder and retrieves Lance from Shiro’s grasp. “I’ll be taking this,” he says calmly before carrying him into the living room and depositing him on the couch. “Thanks Hunky,” Lance says, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. There’s a brief smacking of lips from the bedroom, then Matt and Shiro walk into the kitchen to start breakfast. “So all we have for breakfast is toast and cream cheese, because no one wanted to stay at the grocery store for very long,” Shiro calls through the wall. Keith groans, walking out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee. “Are they being affectionate again?” Pidge asks. Keith answers with a simple nod and a “Also I’m lactose intolerant so no breakfast for me, I guess.”

“Oh I need me some of that coffee. Anyone else?” “Oh god, yes” Pidge all but moans. “Pidge, okay. Hunk?” Lance nearly “Nah, I’m good.” Hunk turns his head towards the kitchen. “Shatt, I’m gonna have to ask you to stop making out in the kitchen.” Lance’s voice is heard from the hallway. “We’re not?” Matt answers, “seriously, who do you think we are? Horny teenagers?” “I didn’t want to walk into something that would ruin my perception of you.”

With that, Allura walks into the kitchen, kissing her boyfriends on the cheek. “Ruin the perception of who?” she asks, turning to the coffee pot. “I was just making sure that I didn’t walk into Matt and Shiro sucking face,” Lance says defensively. “You’d better not,” Allura says, glaring at the two men, “at least, not without me.” “Allura!” Shiro shouts, nearly dropping a plate. Matt turns her around from where he’s been hugging her. “Lura, here’s the thing, okay? You can’t just SAY STUFF LIKE THAT!” “That’s my cue to skadoo,” Lance nearly sprints out of the kitchen. “I am so sorry you had to witness that,” Keith smiles apologetically. “How do you live with that?” Lance asks, holding Pidge’s coffee out to her.

“Okay, so we’re leaving in 20 minutes, if you’re not ready, you have to walk.” Allura shouts almost shrilly through the small apartment. “Where are we even going?” Matt asks from the kitchen, where he’s washing the dishes. “I’m not sure, honestly. We’re planning on going to the Eiffel Tower, but that’s just about it. We’re gonna go and park and just see where we go.” “That’s a sound plan,” Pidge comments sarcastically. “Hey, don’t sass your mother. Now go. Get dressed!” Shiro hightails it into the bedroom, closely followed by Matt. Hunk stands up, grunting all the way. Keith grabs his backpack and walks into the washroom, where Lance is already washing his face. “Yo, is it cool if I change in here?” He asks, not really caring what Lance says. “Uh sure, man,” Lance feels his face heat up. He’d only seen Keith shirtless once, while they were swimming, and it wasn’t in this close of quarters. He hopes that he’ll make it through it.

The tan boy throws himself into his skincare, trying not to pay attention to the attractive man changing his clothes, and failing. He only allows himself quick glances, but they turn into 3 second long looks, which then evolve into just staring. His skincare regimen forgotten, he focuses hungrily on Keith’s abs. They’re there, but only noticeable if you look for a few seconds. His pecs look nearly nonexistent. Keith noticed his stare, but didn’t say anything. Maybe Lance was just zoning out, yeah, that’s probably it.

Keith starts taking off his pants and Lance nearly has a heart attack. If you could go into cardiac arrest by watching an attractive man take his pants off, well, it was happening. The cuban boy had to make sure to keep his eyes closed, or else things could happen. Things he doesn’t want to happen. If he could just put this mask on, he could leave, and wouldn’t have to deal with thinking about Keith. Keith. KeiTH. KEITH. Dammit. Lance risks opening his eyes to make sure his soap was off. His eyes stray too far and lock onto Keith’s bulge. Oh no. This was a bad thing. The baddest of bad things.

Keith looked at Lance, whose eyes were closed. He couldn’t tell what was happening in his head. Just put your damn pants on and this will all be over, the voice in his head was telling him. He grabbed his jeans, shoving his leg in. Just one more leg. He quickly thrusts his other leg in, but it gets caught on the rip. God, why does the universe hate him? He looks up, and Lance is staring directly at his dick. Dammit. Keith don’t think about Lance right now. Don’t. Do not. His pants are up, go. Leave. Get out of the awkward zone.

When Lance enters the bedroom, face redder than the reddest thing, Hunk knows that something’s up. “Lance are you okay?” He asks. “Keith’s dick was just in my FACE,” Lance whispered. “WHAT?” The bigger boy yelled. “Shhhhhhh, I was washing my face and Keith came in to change and I couldn’t stop looking at him and I accidentally stared right at his fucking crotch, Hunk.” The man just stared at Lance. Only staring. “I gotta change. God, this is gonna be so awkward,” Lance hides his head in his hands. “It’s okay dude, It happens. I won’t talk about it, promise.”

The car ride is quiet and awkward, or at least for Lance and Keith. Shiro and Allura are up front, getting directions. Hunk and Pidge are sitting in the middle, talking to Matt about nerd stuff. Matt is sitting in between Keith and Lance, who are looking out of their respective windows. “Hey Lance, are you okay? You’re usually like, the loudest talker in the whole car. What’s going on?” Pidge asks. When he looks up at her, she’s wearing the biggest smirk he’s ever seen. His eyes widen.

 

**LancethePike > Hunkules**

 

 **LancethePike** : You said you wouldn’t talk about it

 **Hunkules** : I didn’t say I wouldn’t tell anyone

 **Hunkules** : And besides, it wasn’t me. Keith talked to her about it

 **LancethePike** : WHAT

 **Hunkules** : Idk man

 **LancethePike** : hang on a sec

**[LancethePike Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**  
LancethePike > Pidgeot**

**  
[Photo from LancethePike]**

**LancethePike** : What did he say, what did you say, spillll.

 **Pidgeot** : and why should I tell you?

 **LancethePike** : because I Need To Know

 **Pidgeot** : and what do I get in return?

 **LancethePike** : I don’t fucking know? Uhhhh

 **Pidgeot** : hmmmm

 **Pidgeot** : I’ll let you off easy this time.

 **LancethePike** : you’re such a fucking gremlin

 **Pidgeot** : hey, do you want to know what he said or not?

 **LancethePike** : yes,,,,,

 **Pidgeot** : okay

 **Pidgeot** : So, he came into the living room, his face completely red. I asked what was wrong. He said that maybe it was a bad idea to change in the bathroom with you.

 **LancethePike** : r00d

 **Pidgeot** : I asked why, and he said that he didn’t want to talk about it, but I know how to make him cave, so he told me that you were washing your face and ended up staring at his fucking dick.

 **LancethePike** : were those his exact words?

 **Pidgeot** : pretty much

 **LancethePike** : does he hate me now?

 **Pidgeot** : one moment please

**[Pidgeot Screenshotted the Chat! X3]**

**  
Pidgeot > kogayne**

**  
[3 Photos from Pidgeot]**

**Pidgeot** : do you hate him now?

 **kogayne** : what the fuuuuck

 **kogayne** : why did he want to know?

 **Pidgeot** : maybe because staring at your new friend’s crotch isn’t the best idea because they could get offended.

 **kogayne** : hhhhhhhh

 **kogayne** : no, I dont hate him.

 **Pidgeot** : okay. Thank you.

**[Pidgeot Screenshotted the Chat! X2]**

**  
Pidgeot > LancethePike**

**  
[2 Photos from Pidgeot]**

**LancethePike** : oh thank god

 **Pidgeot** : god, will you please leave me out of your gay escapades next time?

 **LancethePike** : its not my fault, Keith’s the one who told you.

 **Pidgeot** : ugh

 **LancethePike** : okay thank you anyway,,

 **Pidgeot** : don’t mention it, McClain

  
Lance looks up from his phone, a smile on his face. He quickly joins in the conversation surrounding France, and is soon swept away by the beauty of the city of Paris. “Lets go to this market and walk towards Notre Dame, what do you guys think?” Allura calls from the front seat. “I don’t care what everyone else thinks, I’m saying that it’s perfect, just like you,” Matt answers her. She turns back to the map with a light blush on her face. “DISGUSTING,” Pidge shouts, alarming everyone in the car. “Goddamn Pidge, calm yourself.”

The marketplace is so beautiful. There is a narrow street with wide sidewalks on either side. Along the sidewalks are shops, with anything from produce to bags to restaurants. There's always something to catch your eye. Motor scooters drive past on the cobbled streets, and people walk to and fro.

The street widens into a roundabout courtyard, where people are eating, people are talking, people are laughing. There’s a man with an accordion playing the loveliest tune. “Can we get some cherries?” Hunk asks innocently. Matt nods so hard his head might fall off. The 7 friends walk slowly to the cherry stand. “Bonjour! Kilo?” The cherry man asks. “Oui.” Allura answers for us, opening her purse to grab her money. “Et sept pommes,” she adds, turning to her group to translate. “Go get seven apples.”

The walk to Notre Dame is pretty long, though it seems shorter because of the conversations. Lance is talking, everyone else is laughing, and the whole group just radiates happiness.

Once at the huge cathedral, selfies are taken with EVERYONE. Shiro uses his good camera to get a group photo, and Pidge runs over to see the pigeons. The massive building has a line nearly a kilometer long to get inside, so Keith decides that they should opt out of that experience. On the walk back to the market, Matt insists that Shiro, Allura, and himself should get a caricature. The rest of the group waits and takes pictures, laughing at jokes and sitting on the staircase next to the cathedral.

Matt carries their caricature as they walk past a Shakespeare and Company bookstore with a line out the door. Everyone has complained about their hunger at least once, and Hunk has talked about how his feet hurt, “I have tendinitis guys, it’s bad.” “In that case, let’s head back to the car, stop by the Pantheon on the way, and also try to find a supermarket for some turkey,” Keith suggests.  
“Sound plan, Mullet, maybe you are good for something after all,” Lance teases him. That’s happened all day. They’ve teased each other back and forth to the point that Pidge, that’s right, Pidge has to step in.

The supermarket doesn’t have turkey slices like America does. They’re sold in packs of 4 slices for 2 euro, so the group opts for salami sandwiches with feta cheese and cheese flavored chips. They sit along a building’s steps to make sandwiches for lunch, and eat. “Allura! Allura, look! There’s a macaroon store!” Hunk nearly jumps for joy like a little kid when he spots the store. Allura goes in, and the rest of the group stays out.

“Bonjour! Comment çava?” an old lady approaches the group. Instead of saying “oh sorry we don’t speak French,” the group just stares confusedly at her. “Do you need help?” she asks, her accent thick, “are you waiting for something?” Matt nods, “My girlfriend is inside buying macaroons.” The lady thinks for a moment, then asks “Where are you from?” “The U.S.,” Shiro speaks slowly. “But where?” She asks again. “Indiana,” Lance says. “Oh. I have a home in Philadelphia,” Old Lady points out. “Oh Philly!” Shiro says politely. “I have to go. Goodbye!” Old Lady says, rushing off. “What a nice lady,” Keith says. “I’m glad she spoke English,” Pidge adds.

“I have to pee,” Lance so eloquently says, “We should find one of those street toilet things.” No one else says anything, but they all have their eyes peeled for a big gray room on the street. “There’s one,” Hunk shouts, pointing up the sidewalk. Lance runs ahead, yelling “Ladies first!” Allura and Pidge begrudgingly enter together. “It’s so dirty in here,” Pidge complains. “You’ll be fine. Just be fast.” The door closes, and the men wait outside.

“Hey, what do you think these lights are for?” Keith asks. The other three men look over where the pale man is pointing. There are four lights in a row on the side of the room, reading “open,” “in use,” “wash cycle,” and “out of order.” The four men watch as the lights go from “in use,” to “wash cycle,” to “out of order,” and the door opens, the girls storming out.

“So I was about to sit down to pee, right? And the toilet folds into the wall and water gushes out from the side of the room, getting our shoes all wet.” Allura says angrily. Pidge looks close to tears with how angry she is. “So that’s what those lights mean.” “I don’t understand what you just said and I don’t care. We’re not going to the Pantheon. I don’t care if you want to see it so badly, I’m not walking around with wet feet.”

The walk back to the car is silent. The drive home is nearly silent.

“Pidge, you’re on dinner duty, Shiro, Matt, you’re coming to get more groceries with me since no one wanted to stay for longer yesterday,” Allura announces, grabbing her keys, “Everyone else, don’t leave the apartment.” Pidge starts the oven, Hunk, Lance, and Keith are all on their respective laptops. “Hey guys, mi mamá is going to call soon, if you want to talk to her, get over here,” Lance commands from the leather couch. “Mamá McClain? Hells yeah!” Pidge shouts, running over to sit next to Lance. She’s closely followed by Hunk. Keith walks over and squats next to Pidge.

Within seconds of the Skype call ringtone, Rosalina McClain’s face appears on Lance’s screen. “¡Hola, Lance! ¿Como estas? ¿Estas bien? ¿Tienes hambre?”  
“Mamá, mamá, estoy bien. ¿Es Keith, recuerda?”  
“¡Hola Hunk, Pidge!”  
“¡Hola Mamá McClain!”  
“Hello Keith, I’m Rosalina, Lance’s mother. Remember me?”  
“Oh, uh, yes! It’s nice seeing you again, Rosalina.”  
“And you as well, Keith.”  
“So Lance, mijo, how is it going?”  
“It’s amazing, mamá. I still can’t believe that we’re here.”  
“We miss you so much, but I’m glad we can video call.”  
“I know. I miss you guys too.”

-

“Dinner’s ready!” Pidge calls from the kitchen. unsurprisingly, she’s made the precooked lasagna. “We got ice cream for dessert by the way,” Matt says, entering the kitchen. Dinner flies by as a huge conversation of the day’s events, which is continued over dessert. “I’m gonna hit the hay. I didn’t realize how late it was.”  
“Goodnight, guys!”  
“Hunk, I call top bunk!”  
“dammit!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading sjxhsdjdj
> 
> goodnight though it’s 3 AM
> 
> Yell at me:  
> tumblr: @klanceisunoriginal


	7. The Plot Thickens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunkules: we’re gonna fucking die
> 
> LancethePike: okay well would you rather sit here bored to death watching Allura paint or feel ALIVE while Keith drives?
> 
> Hunkules: hhhhhhhh-
> 
> Mall adventures, Eiffel tower shenanigans, the chapter title has a double meaning. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am Sorry for missing yesterdsy’s chapter; I doubled up (kinda, i mixed two days worth of stuff into one chapter) today.
> 
> Trigger warnings:  
> -driving a car off a cliff  
> -talk of car crashes

**Pidgeot > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Pidgeot** : Allura

 **Pidgeot** : why the fuck do we have to be up so early

 **Allure** : it is 11:30 in the morning, gremlin

 **Pidgeot** : and?

 **Allure** : so we DIDNT go to the eiffel tower yesterday. We’re going to today instead, and we’re gonna stop by the Arc of Triumph.

 **LancethePike** : okay but like why this early

 **Allure** : because everything closes in the middle of the day for naptime. Not the landmarks themselves, but if we want to get some food…

 **takashit** : besides, you kids shouldn’t sleep the day away anyway.

 **Mathematics** : breakfast is ready

 **Hunkules** : what’re we having

 **Mathematics** : eggs and toast. We have nutella.

 **kogayne** : FUCK YEAH

 **LancethePike** : Keith, buddy, my man, i appreciate the enthusiasm but it is too early in the morning for that.

 **Allure** : again, like 11:45.

 **Pidgeot** : shhhhhhhhhh

 **Hunkules** : who’s on dish duty?

 **takashit** : not it

 **Allure** : not it

 **kogayne** : not it

 **Mathematics** : not it

 **Hunkules** : not it

 **LancethePike** : not it

 **Pidgeot** : not i- god fucking dammit

 **LancethePike** : (☞^o^) ☞

 **kogayne** : sorry Pidge, you can’t be apart of the No Chore Club

 **takashit** : Keith, you’re on laundry duty today

 **kogayne** : FUCK

 **LancethePike** : HAHAHAAAAA

 **Allure** : Lance, you’re cleaning the bathroom

 **LancethePike** : Allura don’t do this

 **Mathematics** : Hunk, you get to clean the living room

 **Hunkules** : so we all have chores and you guys don’t??

 **Mathematics** : we’re cooking. I made breakfast, Shiro’s making lunch, and Allura’s making dinner.

 **Hunkules** : speaking of lunch, what are we planning on for lunch

 **takashit** : we have some leftover salami from sandwiches yesterday, so we’re having sandwiches TODAY

 **Pidgeot** : wow I love diversity

 **kogane** : ^^^

 **Mathematics** : everyone Do Your Chores

 **kogayne** : you’re not my real dad

 **takashit** : Keith

 **LancethePike** : who else read that in The Dad Voice™

 **Hunkules** : me

 **Pidgeot** : me

 **Keith** : I did

 **takashit** : dad voice?

 **Pidgeot** : you know, the voice that you get when you’re being protective of Keith,,, or literally any of us.

 **takashit** : you people are the reason I’m graying.

 **Mathematics** : just do your jobs and come eat pls

 **Hunkules** : coming dad, jeez

  
**Pidgeot > Hunkules and takashit**

**  
Pidgeot** named the chat **Klance**

 **takashit** : what’s a klance

 **Hunkules** : Keith and Lance, obviously

 **Hunkules** : just like how you, Matt, and Allura are Shalluratt

 **Pidgeot** : don’t you know literally anything?

 **Pidgeot** : anyway, here’s some… data I’ve collected over the past few days.

**[8 Photos from Pidgeot]**

**Pidgeot** : we’ve gotta find a way to get those two together

 **takashit** : I promised I wouldn’t pry into Keith’s personal life (more than i already have) though.

 **Pidgeot** : sucks for you, I guess, we’re setting them up.

 **Hunkules** added **Allure** and **Mathematics** to **Klance**

 **Allure** : what’s this one for

 **Mathematics** : …….

 **Mathematics** : From the brief amount of information I get from the chat name, I’m intrigued. Explain.

**[8 Photos from Pidgeot]**

**Pidgeot** : we wanna set them up.

 **Allure** : I’m on board, but how?

 **Hunkules** : I have an idea.

  
**LancethePike > kogayne**

**  
LancethePike** : who do you think they’re texting?

 **kogayne** : well shiro only ever makes that face when he’s texting Allura and matt, and Pidge only ever looks like that when she’s plotting something.

 **LancethePike** : I’m gonna ask Hunk. He is really bad at secrets.

  
**LancethePike > Hunkules**

**  
LancethePike** : is pidge texting you?

 **Hunkules** : why?

 **LancethePike** : no reason, just wondering

 **Hunkules** : no, she’s not.

 **LancethePike** : then what’re you doing on your phone

 **Hunkules** : can a man not scroll through his instagram feed?

 **LancethePike** : hmm, okay.

**[LancethePike Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**  
LancethePike > kogayne**

**  
[Photo from LancethePike]**

**LancethePike** : something’s going on

 **LancethePike** : Hunk only ever checks his instagram for three reasons:  
-he’s just posted something  
-he’s shitting  
-he can’t sleep

 **kogayne** : how long have you known him again?

 **LancethePike** : 11 years, not important

 **kogayne** : okay, that’s an acceptable amount of time to know that

 **LancethePike** : ANYWAY

 **LancethePike** : they’re plotting something and I need to know what it is

 **LancethePike** : the anticipation is eating my face

 **kogayne** : maybe it’s not about us?

 **LancethePike** : it’s obviously about us, we’re the only two not in the chat

 **LancethePike** : i heard something about codeword Armadillos. Idk what that means though

 **kogayne** : shit.

  
**Pidgeot > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Pidgeot** : i’m BOOOOREEED

 **LancethePike** : me TOOOOO

 **kogayne** : why are we just sitting here watching Allura paint

 **Allure** : oh! You guys can take the car and do something, by no means do you have to say here and wait for me. I’ll text when I’m done.

 **Pidgeot** : Armadillos?

 **Takashit** : that’s okay, you don’t have to do that, I’m fine just watching you paint

 **LancethePike** : okay whipped boy, we’re bored out of our fucking minds so we’re gonna take the car. Who’s coming?

 **Pidgeot** : me

 **Hunkules** : please me

 **kogayne** : me

 **Mathematics** : oh no

 **Mathematics** : boyfriend and girlfriend or possible shenanigans?

 **Mathematics** : this is the hardest choice of a lifetime

 **takashit** : they’re gonna need some supervision. Care to go with them?

 **Mathematics** : I PROMISE I WILL GIVE YOU ALL THE CUDDLES I HAVE WHEN WE GET HOME I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH AHH

 **LancethePike** : you both are so whipped

 **Mathematics** : stfu McClain

 **Mathematics** : who all has their international licenses?

 **kogayne** : me

 **Mathematics** : anyone else?

 **LancethePike** : I would if I’d gotten a longer notice

 **Hunkules** : ^

 **Pidgeot** : I deserve death for that, is that what you people think?

 **kogayne** : I mean,,,,,,

 **Mathematics** : I don’t even have my license in the U.S., so Keith you’re driving

 **Pidgeot** : NO

 **Hunkules** : um why not

 **Pidgeot** : N O

 **LancethePike** : what’s wrong with Keith driving

 **Pidgeot** : the last time he drove me somewhere, he thought we were being followed by this car, so he DROVE OFF A FUCKING CLIFF to find out

 **LancethePike** : WHAT THE FUCK

 **kogayne** : the car was fine, there wasn’t a scratch. The Holts didn’t even know. Besides, it wasn’t a big cliff

 **Hunkules** : HOW BIG /WAS/ IT

 **Kogayne** : idk? Like 40 feet maybe?

 **Hunkules** : CAN KEITH PLEASE NOT DRIVE

 **Hunkules** : I HAVE A WEIRD STOMACH

 **LancethePike** : WHO THE FUCK EVEN ARE YOU KEITH?

 **LancethePike** : YOU’RE METAL AS FUCK

 **kogayne** : I have my perks

 **Pidgeot** : I almost DIED

 **takashit** : you fucking WHAT

 **Hunkules** : ooooo you’re in trouubleeee

 **Mathematics** : is THAT what you were screaming about that day?

 **LancethePike** : how long ago was this?

 **kogayne** : uh like a week and a half ago?

 **Hunkules** : we’re gonna fucking die

 **LancethePike** : okay well would you rather sit here bored to death watching Allura paint or feel ALIVE while Keith drives?

 **Hunkules** : hhhhhhhh-

 **Mathematics** : i’m surprised Shiro hasnt said anything else

 **takashit** : keith YORAK kogayne, how COULD you put your best friend’s life in danger? What if she had gotten hurt? WHAT IF SHE HAD DIED? If you crashed that car, you would’ve been paying for all of it out of pocket, buddy. That was so reckless and I cannot BELIEVE that you did that. As soon as we get home, you’re not driving for 6 months. This is ABSOLUTELY UNBELIEVABLE.

 **Mathematics** : there it is

 **LancethePike** : …..

 **LancethePike** : YORAK?

 **Hunkules** : PFFT HAHAHAHAAAA

 **kogayne** : fuck

 **Pidgeot** : oh look, its The Dad Voice™

 **Takashit** : Keith, you’re grounded.

 **LancethePike** : keith ~ -10,000 HP  
Takashi Shirogane is Victorious!

 **Mathematics** : aaanyway, losers, get in the car, we’re going out

 **Pidgeot** : you’re coming out??

 **Hunkules** : make sure Keith’s here, he’ll be clueless otherwise

 **kogayne** : can’t you LET THAT GO

 **LancethePike** : ahem

 **Pidgeot** : no

 **Hunkules** : oh no

 **LancethePike** : LET IT GOOOO LET IT GOOOOO CANT HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE

 **Mathematics** : Keith what have you done

 **Pidgeot** : you got him started

 **Hunkules** : look what you made him do

 **LancethePike** : AHEM

 **Pidgeot** : HUNK

 **Hunkules** : I FUCKED UP

 **Kogayne** : S T O P

 **LancethePike** : OOOH LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO, LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO, LOOK WHAT YOU JUST MADE ME DO LOOK WHAT YOU JUST MADE ME DO

 **kogayne** : LANCE

 **Pidgeot** : on second thought, Keith, go ahead and crash that car.

 **Hunkules** : ^

 **Mathematics** : I leave to go to the bathroom for 2 minutes

 **Mathematics** : AND I MISS THE SONGS

 **LancethePike** : I’ll start just for you

 **Mathematics** : I’m so fucking honored

 **LancethePike** : I dont like your little games

 **Mathematics** : dont like your tilted stage

 **Pidgeot** : fucking stop

 **LancethePike** : Pidge you’re no fuuun.

 **Hunkules** : are we gonna split up when we get there?

 **Pidgeot** : Armadillos

 **Hunkules** : because if so I’m going with Pidge to the nearest nerd store

 **Mathematics** : I’m going with them

 **LancethePike** : uh okay? Keith i guess we’re together

 **kogayne** : cool w me

 **LancethePike** : idk what you have to say, I’m going in the Ulta bc i need some more masks

 **kogane** : doesn’t matter to me, i’m good with whatever

  
**LancethePike > kogayne**

**  
LancethePike** : i have a long convoluted idea

 **kogayne** : ?

 **LancethePike** : so I finally got it out of Hunk that they think we’d make a good couple

 **LancethePike** : so for the next week or so, we low key flirt and talk about each other to Hunk and Pidge respectively

 **LancethePike** : and see how long it takes them to realize.

 **kogayne** : …..

 **kogayne** : i love it except for the fact that i don’t know how to flirt

 **LancethePike** : leave it to me.

  
**Hunkules > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Hunkules** : let’s meet up in two hours at the staircase outside Ulta.

 **LancethePike** : K

  
**LancethePike > Hunkules**

**  
LancethePike** : Hunk I have something important to tell you

 **Hunkules** : are you okay?

 **LancethePike** : so when we got to the eiffel tower, I was looking at the landscape and Keith and my eyes met and???????

 **LancethePike** : I never realized how actually pretty he is????

**[Hunkukes Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**Hunkules** : why are you telling me this?

 **LancethePike** : because i need consolation

 **LancethePike** : his hair looks so soft and fluffy and I wanna feel his muscles and ahhhhhhhhh

 **Hunkules** : ajxhshhxeejcjd

 **Hunkules** : idk what to tell you man, sorry

 **Hunkules** : you’re well on your way to being whipped af -Pidge

 **LancethePike** : no i am not

 **Hunkules** : mhmmmmm -Pidge

**[LancethePike Screenshotted the Chat! x3]**

**  
LancethePike > kogayne**

**  
[3 Photos from LancethePike]**

**LancethePike** : here’s the conversation, ik you’ve already read it but just in case you wanna keep tabs

  
**Hunkules > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Hunkules** : where are you guys

 **Hunkules** : you’re like 10 minutes late

 **kogayne** : Lance is having trouble finding the right mask for me

 **Pidgeot** : YOURE DOING A MASK?

 **kogane** : mhm

 **Pidgeot** : i would’ve thought you would’ve turned that down on the spot

 **kogayne** : “Self care is not a joke, Pidge.” -Lance

 **Pidgeot** : okay then

 **kogane** : we’ll be out soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the train wreck that was last chapter....
> 
> Anyway it’s 4 AM gn yall


	8. The Shortest Chapter Known to Man - By Fall Out Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> takashit: this is an unexpected development
> 
> kogayne: are you going to help me or no
> 
> takashit: this is something you have to figure out on your own, buddy
> 
> Klance shenanigans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it’s so short,,,,,, i’m so tired,,,,,, there will be a long chapter tomorrow i promise

**takashit > eur-in for a treat**

**  
takashit** : hey guys breakfast.

 **kogayne** : Shiro it’s too earlyyy

 **LancethePike** : that’s what you get for finally going to bed at 4 AM

 **LancethePike** : I, unlike you, am fully rested and ready for the day’s activities

 **Hunkules** : you’re literally

 **Hunkules** : the only one

 **Pidgeot** : ^^

 **Mathematics** : regardless, we still need to be up. this is our last full day in France, so we need a plan

 **Allure** : lucky for you, I have one

 **takashit** : you always have a plan

 **takashit** : that’s why i love you

 **Mathematics** : ^^^ <3

 **Allure** : i love you too

 **Allure** : anyway, here’s what we’re doing

 **Allure** : we drive back into Paris today to see the Louvre and then we’ll stop by the Palace of Versailles for a few minutes because Pidge wanted to see that

 **Pidgeot** : I’m interested in history

 **LancethePike** : nerd

 **Pidgeot** : fuck u

 **LancethePike** : aren’t you ace tho

 **Pidgeot** : semantics

 **Hunkules** : that sounds good to me

 **kogayne** : I’ll go anywhere as long as i have coffee this morning.

 **Pidgeot** : ^^^

 **Mathematics** : ^^^^^

 **takashit** : that sounds wonderful, Llura

 **Allure** : thanks, Kashi

 **Mathematics** : why don’t i get a cute nickname

 **Allure** : well,,,,, Matthew? it’s like the only option is matt

 **Mathematics**. hrm

 **LancethePike** : what’s for breakfast?

 **takashit** : eggs and toast, as per usual

 **Hunkules** : woah i never would’ve guessed

 **Pidgeot** : I’m getting dressed. I don’t want to be left behind like I almost was yesterday.

 **Allure** : i suggest you all follow in Pidge’s footsteps

 **Allure** : if you hurry, we can be gone soon and spend more time looking at cool things

 **takashit** : unbeatable logic, dearest

 **Allure** : anyway, come eat. eggs are getting cold

 **LancethePike** : coming MOM

  
**kogayne > LancethePike**

**  
kogayne** : okay so i’m confused

 **LancethePike** : explain

 **kogayne** : well,

 **kogayne** : your plan from yesterday?

 **kogayne** : i don’t understand

 **LancethePike** : ohh okay so

 **LancethePike** : I found out that the rest of the group was trying to get us together, so how about we pretend it works, just to get back at them. we just have to act like pining fools for a week or two and then if they don’t pick up on it, we’ll tell them

 **kogayne** : ohhhhh

 **kogayne** : okay, then!

 **kogayne** : in that case, i’m gonna text shiro really quick

  
**kogayne > takashit**

**  
kogayne** : help

 **takashit** : we are in the same room what is it that you could need that you can’t say out loud?

 **kogayne** : Lance

 **takashit** : okay??

 **kogayne** : so at the mall he was so excited about his masks and stuff and honestly,,,,,

 **takashit** : i’m on the edge of my seat keith

 **kogane** : i might like him.

**[takashit Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**takashit** : how interesting

 **kogayne** : but i know that he probably hates me so i can’t like him

 **takashit** : this is an unexpected development

 **kogayne** : are you going to help me or no

 **takashit** : this is something you have to figure out on your own, buddy

 **kogayne** : uuugh

**[takashit Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**[kogayne Screenshotted the Chat! x2]**

**  
takashit > Klance**

**  
[2 Photos from takashit]**

**takashit** : Keith just texted me this

 **Pidgeot** : O.O

 **Hunkules** : this is going smoother than I thought

 **Mathematics** : ^^

 **Pidgeot** : so Shiro, are you joining us or no?

 **takashit** : hhhhhhhhh-

 **takashit** : yes.

 **Allure** : FANTASTIC!

  
**kogayne > LancethePike**

**  
[2 Photos from kogayne]**

**kogayne** : how’s this?

 **LancethePike** : absolutely perfect

 **LancethePike** : we’re gonna have them wrapped around our fingers

 **kogane** : oh this is gonna be fun.

 

**Mathematics > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Mathematics** : Pidge wake Lance up

 **Pidgeot** : why don’t you ask Keith to

 **kogayne** : Shiro?

 **takashit** : *whistling*

 **kogayne** : SHIRO

 **takashit** : i couldn’t help myself

 **kogayne** : betrayed by my own brother

 **LancethePike** : can y’all keep it down in the chat

 **LancethePike** : I’m trying to sleep

 **Mathematics** : look Keith, he speaks fluent Texan

 **kogayne** : i hate all of you

 **Pidgeot** : even Lance?

 **kogayne** : okay uh bye

 **LancethePike** : what’s your guys’ problem?

 **Hunkules** : it’s not our problem, it’s Keith

 **LancethePike** : oh okay.

 

**LancethePike > kogayne**

 

 **LancethePike** : nice one

 **kogane** : huehuehue

 **LancethePike** : did you just fucking meme at me

 **kogayne** : maybeeee

**[LancethePike Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**  
LancethePike > Hunkules**

**  
[Photo from LancethePike]**

**LancethePike** : HE ISNT COMPLETELY HUMORLESS

 **LancethePike** : THIS IS TRUE LOVE

 **Hunkules** : woah slow down there buddy

 **LancethePike** : Hunk you don’t understand

 **LancethePike** : he MEMED at me

**[Hunkules Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**  
Hunkules > Klance**

**  
[Photo from Hunkules]**

**Hunkukes** : hmmmmmm

 **Pidgeot** : this is gonna be interesting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suggest you follow me on tumblr and send me a bunch of asks because I absolutely love answering your questions and comments!
> 
> Also thank you so much for reading i’m so happy that this is the most successful fic i’ve ever had :P


	9. Keith Gets A Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kogane: PULL OVER TO THE SIDE IF THE ROAD N O W
> 
> takashit: what the fuck are you okay
> 
> kogayne: ILL FUCKING JUMP OUT OF THE CAR IF YOU DONT PULL OVER NOW
> 
> Keith almost jumps out of a moving vehicle, they save a dog, Keith’s internet friend is introduced, and Mama McClain is BACK.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So just for reference, Ashton (TrashleeAsh) is Keith’s internet friend.
> 
> Also!! Comment whether Keith’s dog’s name should be Yorak or Akira!

**Allure > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Allure** : if Matt woke you up like he was supposed to, you SHOULD be awake, so

 **Allure** : it is 8:37 AM, and we’re leaving here at 10. Make sure you’ve had breakfast and have absolutely everything packed up.

 **Pidgeot** : NOW can I complain about how it’s early?

 **Allure** : would anything I say stop you

 **Pidgeot** : no.

 **Pidgeot** : it’s early as fuck why did you have to wake us up this early

 **Allure** : would you rather have a 7 hour drive later?

 **kogayne** : yes?????

 **Allure** : okay, too bad, you’re not the one driving

 **kogayne** : i could be

 **takashit** : no

 **LancethePike** : no

 **Pidgeot** : no

 **Allure** : there you have it folks, the majority says no!

 **kogayne** : this is why i hate you guys

 **Pidgeot** : hmmmm

  
**LancethePike > Hunkules**

**  
LancethePike** : do you think he actually hates me?

 **Hunkules** : no, Lance

 **LancethePike** : but i always pick fights with him

 **LancethePike** : oh no and that one time when i stared right at his dick

 **LancethePike** : fuck, he hates me doesn’t he

 **Hunkules** : no??

 **Hunkules** : I know for absolutely sure that he does not hate you

 **LancethePike** : okay but how

 **Hunkules** : call it a hunch

 **LancethePike** : well then how are you absolutely sure?

 **Hunkules** : uhhhh

 **LancethePike** : anyway,, even if he doesn’t hate me there’s no way he’d LIKE me

 **LancethePike** : he probably just,,, tolerates my presence

 **Hunkules** : you’re killing me

 **LancethePike** : why won’t you help me everrrrrr

 **Hunkules** : becaaause

 **LancethePike** : I thought you were trying to get us togetherrrrrr

 **Hunkules** : i thought we weren’t gonna talk about it

 **LancethePike** : yeah but i need HELP

 **LancethePike** : i have to live with his soft looking hair and nice face and pretty eyes and muscly body for 4 whole months Hunk

 **LancethePike** : I’ll go fucking insane

 **Hunkules** : hhhhhhh you’ve got it bad

 **LancethePike** : I will if you don’t HELP ME

 **Hunkules** : what am I supposed to do?

 **LancethePike** : idk?? Tell me it’s all in my head????

 **LancethePike** : wait no, tell me he likes me too.

 **Hunkules** : what if I’m lying

 **LancethePike** : you’re not helping

 **Hunkules** : well i don’t know what i’m supposed to do

 **LancethePike** : ahhhhhhhhHHHHH

 **Hunkules** : i’m sorry man????

 **LancethePike** : ugh you’re no help

**[Hunkukes Screenshotted the Chat! x3]**

**[LancethePike Screenshotted the Chat! x3]**

**  
kogayne > eur-in for a treat**

**  
kogane** : GET ALLURA TO STOP

 **kogayne** : NOW NOW NOW

 **kogane** : PULL OVER TO THE SIDE IF THE ROAD N O W

 **takashit** : what the fuck are you okay

 **kogayne** : ILL FUCKING JUMP OUT OF THE CAR IF YOU DONT PULL OVER NOW.

 **Hunkules** : OH MY GOD

 **Hunkules** : YES SHIRO MAKE ALLURA STOP

 **takashit** : KEITH WHAT ARE YOU DOING

 **kogayne** : DO WE HAVE ROOM IN THE TRUNK?

 **takashit** : FOR whAt

 **LancethePike** : I’LL HELP YOU MOVE STUFF

 **Pidgeot** : I’ll grab water

 **Hunkules** : do you need my blanket?

 **kogayne** : yes. Lance help me lift him into the car.

 **Mathematics** : OH MY GOD IS HE OKAY?!

 **kogayne** : I don’t know. I’m gonna sit in the back and take care of him

 **takashit** : WHAT THE FUCK IS IT OH MY GOD

 **kogayne** : there was a dog that got hit on the side of the road

 **Pidgeot** : shiro where are the tupperware containers?

 **takashit** : I’m helping you what the hell

 **takashit** : in the cooler

 **Pidgeot** : k

  
**LancethePike > Hunkules**

**  
LancethePike** : DID YOU SEE THAT

 **LancethePike** : LOOK AT HOW SELFLESS HE IS

 **LancethePike** : HES SO CARING

 **Hunkules** : not again

 **LancethePike** : HE THREATENED TO JUMP OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR TO SAVE THAT DOG

 **LancethePike** : FUCK

 **LancethePike** : LOOK AT HIM, CARING FOR THE LITTLE GUY AJXUSBXISJDIDHD

 **Hunkules** : why am i not surprised that this is happening

 **LancethePike** : sjxhsixhwuxjwjdi

 

**LancethePike > MamaMcClain**

**  
LancethePike** : Hi Mamá!

 **MamaMcClain** : Hola, Lance. How is France?

 **LancethePike** : it’s so amazing! The culture shock wasn’t that bad, though the jet lag is awful.

 **MamaMcClain** : Are you having fun? You’re not doing drugs or drinking or anything, right?

 **LancethePike** : no, Mamá.

 **LancethePike** : you can trust me, and you can trust my friends. They’re good people. Oh! like today, Keith threatened to jump out of the car to save a dog that got hit by a car.

 **MamaMcClain** : HE WHAT

 **LancethePike** : he didn’t ACTUALLY jump out of the car. We all helped him put the dog in the trunk, and now he’s sitting in the backseat making sure he’s okay.

 **MamaMcClain** : what’re you gonna do with it?

 **LancethePike** : I dunno, but Keith’s taking an instant liking to him, so I have a feeling our trip of 7 is about to become a trip of 8.

 **MamaMcClain** : just promise me you’ll take him to the vet. We don’t want you getting any diseases or anything

 **LancethePike** : yes mamá.

 **LancethePike** : Oh! also, Hunk told me that there’s a plot to get me and Keith together, so we’re pretending to like each other to trick them

 **LancethePike** : we act all whipped to them, when in reality, we’re just bros bein bros.

 **MamaMcClain** : mhmmmm

 **LancethePike** : what?

 **MamaMcClain** : I’m just suddenly aware that this whole conversation has been about Keith.

 **LancethePike** : and Hunk too

 **MamaMcClain** : hmm, okay then. You’re in the car, so where are you headed to now?

 **LancethePike** : Italy.

 **MamaMcClain** : oh! you’re done in France?

 **LancethePike** : for now, yeah. We’re flying out of Paris, but until then, yes.

 **MamaMcClain** : well okay then! We really miss you back home! Javier and Cloé are wondering where you’re at.

 **LancethePike** : Tell them I miss them and love them too!

 **LancethePike** : what’re you up to over there anyway?

 **MamaMcClain** : well, since you helped us clean before you left, the house has been trashed at least twice, Cloé is always having friends over, Javier is running around in his swim trunks all the time. Mori visited with Lexi yesterday, and I’m just working.

 **LancethePike** : sounds like it’s a busy house

 **MamaMcClain** : oh yeah, but when is it not?

 **LancethePike** : true true

 **MamaMcClain** : I have to go, mijo. I have work in 15.

 **LancethePike** : okay, mamá. It was nice to talk to you! I love you!

 **MamaMcClain** : xoxo

  
**kogayne > eur-in for a treat**

**  
[6 Photos from kogayne]**

**kogayne** : look at this sweet boy

 **Hunkules** : AWWWWW

 **LancethePike** : AWWWWWWWWE

 **Pidgeot** : what’re you naming him?

 **kogayne** : I think Akira.

 **LancethePike** : or you could name him Yorak after his daddy

 **kogayne** : ……

 **Pidgeot** : please tell me those are ‘im considering this’ dots and not ‘fuck Lance just found a kink’ dots

 **kogayne** : it’s the first one

 **Pidgeot** : oh thank god

 **Hunkules** : *exhales heavily with relief*

 **LancethePike** : let him choose!

 **LancethePike** : when he wakes up, see which one he seems more excited about!

 **kogayne** : not a bad idea, McClain

 **LancethePike** : ;D

  
**kogayne > TrashleeAsh**

**  
kogayne** : hey Ashton!

 **TrashleeAsh** : oh hey Keith! I heard that you’re in europe!

 **kogayne** : yeah! I’m on my way to Pisa right now actually

 **TrashleeAsh** : that’s so cool, good for you man! How’s it going? tell me all about it.

 **kogayne** : well, I’m here with some irl friends. Allura decided to bring Matt and Shiro, and so they brought me and Pidge by extension. Pidge asked if she could bring two of her other friends, Lance and Hunk, so they’re here too. We flew into Paris and we spent a few days there, seeing the sights and such. Now we’re on our way to an Air Bnb (B&B?) halfway between Pisa and Paris.

 **TrashleeAsh** : wow, it sounds like you’re having fun! how long are you staying in Pisa?

 **kogayne** : I think Allura said a month? But I’m not sure.

 **kogayne** : OH YEAH! I have two stories.

 **TrashleeAsh** : do tell

 **kogayne** : so first of all, Lance found out that our whole group ships him and me, so we’re pretending to be completely smitten to throw them off and make them suffer.

 **TrashleeAsh** : that’s so bad, and yet I can totally see you doing that

 **kogayne** : ASLO: today, we were driving, and I saw something on the side of the road, so I literally yelled at Shiro to pull over or else I’d jump out of the car, so we pulled over. There was a dog that got hit by a car, so Hunk got a blanket, Lance cleared space in the trunk and helped me get him in the car, and Pidge got him some water. He looks super sad, but here’s some pictures of him

**[6 Photos from kogayne]**

**TrashleeAsh** : THATS SO SAD ;( IM SO GLAD YOU SAVED HIM

 **TrashleeAsh** : what are you gonna call him?

 **kogayne** : it’s a tie between Akira and Yorak

 **kogayne** : we’re gonna see which one he likes when he wakes up.

 **TrashleeAsh** : is he okay though? like he isn’t gonna die or anything?

 **kogayne** : from what I can tell, he just has a broken leg, though his tail looks a bit pathetic. We’re gonna see if we can take him to the vet tomorrow.

 **TrashleeAsh** : ;(

 **kogayne** : he should be fine, though. And I’m keeping him. I’ll buy my own crate and bring him back to the states, I don’t care, I love him

 **TrashleeAsh** : he’s such a cutie oh my god

 **kogayne** : i agree ahhhh

 **kogayne** : so what’re you up to?

 **TrashleeAsh** : nothing much, I’m spending the week in New Jersey with my cousins

 **kogayne** : that’s fun!!

 **TrashleeAsh** : well yeah, but my cousins bully me and make me feel awful about myself

 **kogayne** : that’s NOT fun

 **TrashleeAsh** : yeah, no, it’s not

 **TrashleeAsh** : but I’m used to it by now, so it’s fine

 **kogayne** : I’m sad for you now

 **TrashleeAsh** : gotta blast, sorry, Keith!

 **kogayne** : hey it’s no problem! message me when you can!

  
**takashit > eur-in for a treat**

**  
takashit** : so we’re a little lost, but it’s okay. I see a sign for a cool sled ride thing going down the mountain, so we’re gonna stop and do that.

 **LancethePike** : ooo that sounds fun! I’m definitely doing that!

 **takashit** : I suggest we all do it, but its partner rides

 **Pidgeot** : Armadillos

 **Mathematics** : Shiro

 **Pidgeot** : Allura

 **Hunkules** : and i guess that leaves me alone

 **LancethePike** : I could go with you???

 **Hunkules** : wouldnt you rather go with keith?

 **LancethePike** : are you sure?

 **Hunkules** : 100%

**[Video from kogayne]**

**kogayne** : here’s the video from our ride!

 **Allure** : pile in, we’ll be at our place in 20

 **Mathematics** : O.O

 **takashit** : damn this place is nice af

 **kogayne** : someone help me carry the pupper and his stuff inside. He’s still completely knocked out.

 **Hunkules** : gotcha

 **LancethePike** : I’m skipping out on dinner, I need sleep now.

 **Hunkules** : ^^

 **Pidgeot** : we didn’t have lunch too long ago, I’m gonna head on out.

 **Mathematics** : gn guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!!
> 
> Be sure to comment what Keith’s dog’s name should be!
> 
> Also pls follow me on tumblr and sent me lots of asks! i love answering them!
> 
> tumblr: klanceisunoriginal


	10. The Dog Has A Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kogayne: HE CALLED ME PRETTY BOY
> 
> kogayne: IN S P A N I S H
> 
> takashit: i don’t know if you remember but I lost my ARM not my EYES
> 
> takashit: silly guy
> 
> keith names his dog, Hunk makes dinner, Klance flirts, they watch Brave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading my garbage guys!
> 
> I chose the puppo’s name by the tally in the comments, so keep reading to find out what it is!
> 
> Edit: there’s a lot of drama in the next chapter so be ready ;P

**Mathematics > eur-in for a treat**

 

 **Mathematics** : guess what we are having for breakfast!

 **Pidgeot** : ugh what

 **Mathematics** : the same thing we’ve had for the past week

 **Hunkules** : I dont understand why you guys dont just let me cook for you

 **Mathematics** : yeah, Allura why don’t we do that?

 **Allure** : okay, fine. Hunk, would you like to make dinner tonight?

 **Hunkules** : gladly. I’ll have to go to the store today, though. I’ve got many ideas…. Hmmmm

 **Hunkules** : Lance, Triangle or Square?

 **LancethePike** : Square

 **Hunkules** : gotcha

 **kogayne** : what did I just witness

 **Pidgeot** : its how Hunk makes decisions. He assigns random objects to his choices and asks Lance. Lance then chooses randomly and he goes with that

 **kogayne** : interesting…

 **Hunkules** : it always works, for some reason. Like its always the better choice

 **LancethePike** : i keep trying to tell yall I’m psychic

 **kogayne** : I don’t believe that for two seconds

 **LancethePike** : yeah well you have a gross mullet so your opinion is automatically invalid

 **Mathematics** : ooo nice one Lance

 **Hunkules** : Lance McClain, king of comebacks

 **LancethePike** : hold your applause, really, oh you’re too kind

 **Mathematics** : soo are we all just gonna sit here and let breakfast get cold orrrrr

 **takashit** : get in here or you’re all grounded.

 **LancethePike** : ugh DAD

 **Pidgeot** : dont be LAME dad

 **takashit** : I can’t believe I have to be the dad in this group

 **LancethePike** : Allura is obviously the mom, but when she’s not here, Hunk is stand-in.

 **kogayne** : and Matt is the cool uncle that lets the kids do whatever the fuck they want

 **Mathematics** : (⌐■_■)

 **kogayne** : Pidge is like,,, the cousin that everyone likes to hang out with but she thinks she’s too cool to be around them

 **LancethePike** : uh wait thats me

 **Hunkules** : who likes hanging out with you though

 **Pidgeot** : armadillos

 **Hunkules** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Kogayne** : wh

 **Pidgeot** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Mathematics** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **takashit** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **LancethePike** : what the fuck is happening

 **Allure** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **kogayne** : ALLURA NOT YOU TOO

 **LancethePike** : so uh question

 **LancethePike** : what the fuck

 **kogayne** : what does Armadillos mean anyway

 **LancethePike** : its an animal dumbass

 **kogayne** : I know that, sack of shit, but its obviously code for something

 **LancethePike** : I’m no sack of shit you piece of ass

 **Pidgeot** : LERGVALWET

 **Hunkules** : O.O

 **takashit** : I’M CHOKING

 **Mathematics** : pfffFFF

 **Allure** : oh shit lmaoooo

 **LancethePike** : i mean

 **LancethePike** : uh

 **Pidgeot** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **kogayne** : you know Pidge it would be really helpful if you stopped making the lenny face and instead explained

 **Hunkules** : ignorance isn’t always bliss, let me just say

 **LancethePike** : great, they’re gonna be speaking in riddles now

 **kogane** : id rather have lenny. he doesn’t do me dirty like this

 **takashit** : would you really have lenny as opposed to……. someone else?

 **kogayne** : i don’t know what you’re talking about

 **Hunkules** : what about you Lance?

 **Hunkules** : lenny or, you know….

 **LancethePike** : oH LOOK THE DOG IS BEING CUTE LETS FOCUS EVERYTHING ON HIM

 **Mathematics** : hes asleep Lance

 **LancethePike** : damn. he’s still cute though

 **Allure** : who are we talking about now?

 **LancethePike** : the dog??

 **LancethePike** : Keith have you chosen his name yet?

 **kogayne** : mmmmm no

 **kogayne** : will you help me decide with the thing you and Hunk do?

 **LancethePike** : gladly, chico lindo

 **Hunkules** : I JUST CHOKED

 **kogayne** : lance you know i don’t speak spanish

 **LancethePike** : oh I know

 **Pidgeot** : [screaming]

**[Photo from Mathematics]**

**Mathematics** : FIRST OF ALL LOOK AT HOW RED KEITH’S FACE IS

**[Photo from Mathematics]**

**Mathematics** : here, Keith, to save you to trouble of google translate

 **kogayne** : ……..

 **LancethePike** : shit

 **Pidgeot** : [loudly munches popcorn]

 **Hunkules** : [stares intensely]

 **LancethePike** : uhhhhhh gotta blast

  
**kogayne > takashit**

**  
kogayne** : DID YOU-

 **kogayne** : DID HE-

 **kogayne** : DOES HE-

 **takashit** : that’s okay, take your time

 **kogayne** : DID YOU SEE WHAT JUST

 **takashit** : yeah

 **kogayne** : HE CALLED ME PRETTY BOY

 **kogayne** : IN S P A N I S H

 **takashit** : i don’t know if you remember but I lost my ARM not my EYES

 **takashit** : silly guy

 **kogayne** : i can’t process this

 **kogayne** : i think i’m dying

 **takashit** : you’re not dying Keith jesus christ

 **kogayne** : are you sure because my pulse is going CRAZY

 **takashit** : lay down

 **kogayne** : why

 **takashit** : because i don’t want you having an actual heart attack while we’re in italy

 **kogayne** : oh but anytime else is fine

 **takashit** : fuk u

 **kogayne:**  you’re so eloquent

 **kogayne** : back to the matter at hand

 **kogayne** : HE THINKS IM PRETTY????

 **takashit** : i’m saying this in the most brotherly way possible, but you’re not unattractive Keith

 **takashit** : give yourself more credit

 **kogayne** : I??? can’t???? breathe????

**[takashit Screenshotted the Chat! x 4]**

**kogayne** : don’t screenshot and run away

 **kogayne** : i need ANSWERS

 **takashit** : then go ask him yourself

 **kogayne** : I CANT DO THAT

 **takashit** : [stares into the camera like i’m Jim from the office]

 **kogayne** : STOP STARING ST THE CAMERA AND GIVE ME ANSWERS

 **kogayne** : AT*

 **takashit** : i’m not gonna ask him for you. this is something you have to do on your own

 **kogayne** : AHHHHHHHH

  
**Hunkules > LancethePike**

**  
Hunkukes** : holy shit dude i can’t believe you did that

 **LancethePike** : is this what cardiac arrest feels like

 **Hunkules** : woah chill out there buddy

 **LancethePike** : I can’t believe i did that

 **Hunkukes** : you’re very calm and that’s scaring me

 **LancethePike** : I mean he was gonna find out one way or another, right? At least I can hide in the bedroom until the sun dies

 **Hunkules** : well you’d better let us in to sleep or i will not be happy

 **LancethePike** : I can’t do this

 **LancethePike** : Hunk what if I just ruined our friendship

 **LancethePike** : I have to live with him

 **Hunkukes** : hey I promise you didn’t ruin your friendship

 **LancethePike** : dinner’s gonna be so awkward tonight, and we have to drive tomorrow, and i have to sit next to him in the car, and ahhhhhhh

 **Hunkules** : take some deep breaths there bud

 **LancethePike** : why did I have to open my damn mouth

 **Hunkules** : technically you didn’t

 **LancethePike** : that is the opposite of helpful

 **Hunkules** : okay well your friendship isn’t ruined and you’ll be laughing about i with your grandkids someday, okay?

 **LancethePike** : w h a t

 **Hunkukes** : shit, never mind

 **LancethePike** : hm

  
**LancethePike > kogayne**

**  
LancethePike** : ;)

 **LancethePike** : this is so fun honestly

 **kogayne** : damn i feel like they’re gonna hate us when they find out but it’ll be all good cause we’re gonna laugh our asses off

 **LancethePike** : wanna test your acting skills?

 **kogayne** : …..continue

 **LancethePike** : I need you to flirt with me tonight at dinner

 **LancethePike** : make it blatantly obvious, but still kinda lowkey so that I can pretend to not know what the fuck is going on

 **kogayne** : this is fucking gold

 **LancethePike** : I agree

 **LancethePike** : oh yeah also do you wanna do the decision thing for the dog?

 **kogayne** : oh yeah! uhhhh

 **kogayne** : skeleton or zombie?

 **LancethePike** : skeleton

 **kogayne** : i’m gonna announce it to the group, don’t respond for a while tho cause we’re supposed to be awkward

 **LancethePike** : okayyyy

  
**kogayne > eur-in for a treat**

**  
kogayne** : the dog’s name is, drumroll please

 **Pidgeot** : [bangin on the table]

 **kogayne** : thanks Pidge, his name is

 **kogayne** : AKIRA!

 **Mathematics** : THATS SUCH A GOOD NAME

 **Pidgeot** : 10/10

 **takashit** : b e a u t i f u l

 **Allure** : a cute name for a cute boy

 **Hunkules** : what a perfect name

 **LancethePike** : yeah, that’s good!

 **kogayne** : i think he likes it too

**[Video from kogayne]**

**Hunkules** : AWWWW

 **Allure** : AHHHH

 **Mathematics** : CUTE

 **Pidgeot** : YESSSS

  
**kogayne > takashit**

**  
kogayne** : i’m gonna make it so obvious that i like Lance at dinner

 **takashit** : inch resting

 **takashit** : how so

 **kogayne** : I’m gonna flirt

 **takashit** : keith no

 **takashit** : you’re so bad at flirting

 **kogayne** : has that stopped me before

**[takashit Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**  
takashit > Klance**

**  
takashit** : Huston, we have a problem

**[Photo from takashit]**

**Pidgeot** : oh no

 **Mathematics** : you know how Keith gets when he’s flirting

 **Hunkules** : i don’t, but I’m ready to watch

 **Allure** : oh no. Keith’s gonna make a complete fool of himself

 **Pidgeot** : 20 bucks says Lance doesn’t realize he’s flirting

 **Hunkules** : hmmmm

 **Mathematics** : I’m willing to take that bet

 **takashit** : me too

 **Hunkules** : Pidge am I allowed to join your side

 **Pidgeot** : gladly, Hunky

 **Allure** : Best friends vs significant others

 **takashit** : welcome to the winners side, babe

 **Hunkules** : you forget that we’ve known Lance longest

 **Pidgeot** : no changing sides

 **Pidgeot** : guess who’s about to be 60€ richer

 **Hunkules** : it’s us

  
**Pidgeot > Klance**

**  
Pidgeot** : that was the most painful thing i’ve ever had to watch

 **takashit** : how was he so clueless the whole. damn. time.

 **Hunkukes** : pay up hoes

 **Mathematics** : this is why i have the “dont get into Pidge’s betting pools” rule

 **Allure** : you were just in the betting pool

 **Mathematics** : and? rules were made to be broken

 **takashit** : uh yeah okay

  
**kogayne > LancethePike**

**  
kogayne** : how’d I do?

 **LancethePike** : It took literally all of my self control not to explode into laughter

 **kogayne** : that bad, huh?

 **LancethePike** : it was so bad

 **kogayne** : you’re gonna have to teach me how to be smooth

 **LancethePike** : maybe I will :)

  
**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

**  
LancethePike** : Brave is on Netflix

 **LancethePike** : everyone get in here we’re watching it

 **Mathematics** : if you had a chance to change your fate

 **LancethePike** : WOULDJA

 **Pidgeot** : WOULDJA

 **Mathematics** : WOULDJA

 **takashit** : i long for death

 **LancethePike** : comeoncomeoncomeon

 **Allure** : armadillos

 **Pidgeot** : Lance it’s almost midnight

 **Mathematics** : so???

 **Pidgeot** : fine

  
**LancethePike > Hunkukes**

**  
LancethePike** : he sat right next to me why i thought i ruined our friendship

 **Hunkules** : watch the damn movie

 **LancethePike** : HELP

 **Hunkukes** : what this time

 **LancethePike** : he fell ASLEEP ON MY SHOULDER

 **LancethePike** : what are yo- DONT TAKE A PICTURE

 **LancethePike** : AT LEAST DONT USE FLASH

 **Hunkukes** : oops

 **LancethePike** : dammit

  
**Allure > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Allure** : gn gang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!!
> 
> pls comment your thoughts! I love reading and answering them!
> 
> also follow me on tumblr and send me lots of asks! I love hearing feedback so don’t hesitate!!
> 
> tumblr: klanceisunoriginal


	11. The First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an extra long chapter (4,209 words, to be exact) and it actually has prose this time! I think you’ll enjoy it ;)
> 
> I'm not updating tomorrow, instead I'm editing the past chapters! Be ready for one on Sunday though! I'll be travelling so there'll be another long-ish chapter!

**LancethePike > kogayne**

**  
LancethePike** : yo I need some proof for Hunk that I talked to you about what happened yesterday so I’m gonna delete this message and, well, roll with this

 **kogayne** : i’m gonna do the same

  
**LancethePike > kogayne**

**  
LancethePike** : can we talk?

 **kogayne** : uh, sure

 **LancethePike** : I wanna apologize about yesterday

 **kogayne** : oh! it’s okay, you don’t have to apologize

 **LancethePike** : really? cause i feel like i ruined our friendship and stuff and i’m really sorry

 **LancethePike** : sometimes i don’t think before i speak

 **LancethePike** : text*

 **kogayne** : it’s okay. It happens to the best of us.

 **LancethePike** : are you sure we’re cool? If you wanna yell at me, you can go right ahead, I deserve it.

 **kogayne** : hey, no. You don’t deserve to be yelled at. You’re such a great guy. You’re really funny and always there for everyone when they need it. You give really good hugs and your smile is really pretty and your eyes are so bright and sparkly and your skin looks really soft and clear and you look really good in everything you wear and you smell so good and

 **kogayne** : wait

 **kogayne** : shit

 **LancethePike** : oh

 **LancethePike** : oH

**[LancethePike Screenshotted the Chat! x2]**

**[kogayne Screenshotted the Chat! x2]**

 

**kogayne > takashit**

 

 **kogayne** : I HECKED UP

 **kogayne** : I HECKED UP SO BAD

 **takashit** : you only say hecked when you’re really fucked or drunk

 **takashit** : and seeing as it’s 8 AM I’m guessing it’s the first one

 **takashit** : explain

**[2 Photos from kogayne]**

**kogayne** : I HECKED EVERYTHING UP SO BAD

 **takashit** : Keith calm down

 **takashit** : maybe he took it in a friendly way

 **kogayne** : “and you look great in everything you wear and you smell so good” WHO WOULD TAKE THAT IN A FRIENDLY WAY

 **takashit** : well i mean he didn’t realize you were flirting yesterday

 **kogayne** : okay he may be a little slow but he’s not completely stupid, Shiro

 **takashit** : right,,,, uhhhhh….

 **kogayne** : didn’t you ever do this to Allura or Matt when you were crushing on them

 **kogayne** : what did you do

 **takashit** : i literally just combusted so that’s no help

 **kogayne** : fuuuuuck

 **kogayne** : i’m gonna text pidge, she knows him well.

 **takashit** : good luck

 **kogayne** : hhhhhhhh

**[takashit Screenshotted the Chat! x2]**

**  
LancethePike > Hunkules**

**  
LancethePike** : HUNK

 **LancethePike** : ITS AN E M E R G E N C Y

 **Hunkules** : what the fuck Lance

 **Hunkules** : It’s 8 AM what

**[2 Photos from LancethePike]**

**LancethePike** : AHHHHH????

 **Hunkules** : suddenly I’m wide awake

 **LancethePike** : He????

 **Hunkules** : this is very interesting

 **LancethePike** : I???

 **LancethePike** : How?????

 **LancethePike** : WHAT???

 **Hunkules** : okay, I’m gonna put this in terms that you can understand. He said that you’re hot and that he wants to make out

 **LancethePike** : aixhshxhebdu no he absolutely did not

 **Hunkules** : that’s what it looks like to me

 **LancethePike** : what if he meant it in like a friendly way

 **Hunkules** : nothing about that was friendly Lance

 **LancethePike** : WHAT IF HES MOCKING ME

 **Hunkules** : you’re gonna be the reason I start graying at 19

 **LancethePike** : sixhsuxhwhxjwjdiidnd

 **LancethePike** : if you need me I’ll be in the bathroom for the rest of my life

 **Hunkules** : wait I gotta shower though

 **LancethePike** : too bad m8

 **LancethePike** : this is my territory now

 **Hunkules** : Lance you’re overreacting

 **LancethePike** : you know just as well as I that that isn’t something you should tell someone with anxiety

 **Hunkules** : you’re right. I’m sorry

 **LancethePike** : I’m sorry.. I’m just having trouble processing this

 **Hunkules** : it’s a possibility that he likes you, dude

 **LancethePike** : there’s no way

 **Hunkules** : look at the texts and then reread what you just said.

 **LancethePike** : do you think?

 **Hunkules** : I do.

 **LancethePike** : hhhhh thanks Hunk. I’m gonna go lay down.

 **Hunkules** : remember to breathe

**[Hunkules Screenshotted the Chat! x4]**

 

**kogayne > Pidgeot  
**

**  
kogayne** : I’m gonna cut right to the chase

 **kogayne** : I hecked up real bad and need help

 **Pidgeot** : Keith it’s 8 in the motherfucking morning how have you already fucked something up

 **kogane** : shut up and read the screenshots

**[2 Photos from kogayne]**

**Pidgeot** : DAMN KEITH

 **kogayne** : i started rambling and i forgot that i was texting him

 **kogayne** : so then after i sent it i remembered

 **kogayne** : and had a fucking heart attack

 **Pidgeot** : I can’t believe

 **Pidgeot** : how is this better than your flirting

 **kogayne** : if I were here to get made fun of I’d have asked

 **Pidgeot** : right, sorry

 **kogayne** : do you know what he’s saying

 **Pidgeot** : he texts Hunk, not me

 **kogayne** : damn

 **Pidgeot** : I can’t help you, sorry

 **kogayne** : ugh fine

**[Pidgeot Saved 2 Photos]**

**[Pidgeot Screenshotted the Chat! x2]**

**  
Pidgeot > Klance**

**  
Pidgeot** : HAVE YOU HEARD THE TEA

 **Allure** : no?

 **Mathematics** : SPILL IT PIGEON

 **Pidgeot** : here’s the screenshots

**[2 Photos from Pidgeot]**

**Pidgeot** : and his conversation with me

**[2 Photos from Pidgeot]**

**Mathematics** : IXB USHXYSUSHD

 **Allure** : W H I P P E D

 **takashit** : here’s Keith’s conversation with me

**[2 Photos from takashit]**

**Pidgeot** : oh my gooood

 **Hunkules** : holy shit

 **Hunkules** : here’s how Lance reacted

**[4 Photos from Hunkules]**

**Pidgeot** : oh my god did he have a full on panic attack

 **Hunkules** : not quite.

 **takashit** : jesus christ

 **Allure** : holy shiiiiit

 **Mathematics** : I can’t believe

 **Pidgeot** : that poor anxious boy

 **takashit** : all he wanted was to apologize for flirting yesterday and this is what he gets

 **Pidgeot** : poor Keith, too

 **Mathematics** : yeah, he thinks he completely ruined things with Lance

 **Hunkukes** : should I send him my screenshots or would that be an invasion of privacy?

 **Pidgeot** : do it, and I’ll send Lance mine.

 **takashit** : are you sure about this

 **Pidgeot** : 100%

 **takashit** : ….okay

  
**Hunkules > kogayne**

**  
Hunkules** : hey, Pidge told me you wanted to know what Lance said.

 **kogayne** : holy shit does he hate me?

 **Hunkules** : here.

**[4 Photos from Hunkules]**

**kogayne** : I don’t understand

 **kogayne** : why did he panic

 **Hunkules** : oh my god

 **Hunkules** : are you that clueless

 **kogayne** : no. I’m just trying not to get my hopes up

 **Hunkules** : well you can now, buddy. I just confirmed things.

 **kogayne** : hhhhhhhhhh

 **Hunkules** : you’re welcome

  
**Pidgeot > LancethePike**

**  
Pidgeot** : here’s screenshots

**[2 Photos from Pidgeot]**

**LancethePike** : was he really worried about me?

 **Pidgeot** : obviously

 **LancethePike** : but why

 **Pidgeot** : oh my god i don’t have patience for this

 **Pidgeot** : he clearly likes you, you idiot.

 **LancethePike** : do you really think so?

 **Pidgeot** : yes

 **Pidgeot** : so what are you gonna do about it?

 **LancethePike** : uh

 **Pidgeot** : repeat after me:

 **Pidgeot** : ask him out

 **LancethePike** : ask him o-WAIT

 **LancethePike** : I CANT DO THAT

 **Pidgeot** : yes you can, Lance. just text him and then throw your phone across the room so that you don’t look at it and then watch something on Netflix

 **Pidgeot** : I’ll call you when I know when he texts back, okay?

 **LancethePike** : okay.

 **Pidgeot** : just breathe, got it?

 **LancethePike** : okay.

  
**LancethePike > kogayne**

**  
LancethePike** : uh hey

 **kogayne** : oh! hi

 **LancethePike** : so i was wondering

 **LancethePike** : do you wanna go get dinner or something?

 **kogayne** : just you and me?

 **LancethePike** : yeah, that’s what I was thinking.

 **kogayne** : …..

  
**Pidgeot > LancethePike**

**  
[Call from Pidgeot 0:1:16]**

**  
kogayne > LancethePike**

**  
kogayne** : I’m gonna delete this as soon as you see it but question. Is this part of the act?

 **LancethePike** : if you want it to be, yes. We don’t even have to go do anything. We could just go for a drive or something. Or we could go get dinner, it’s about that time.

 **kogayne** : k. Delete the messages.

  
**kogayne > LancethePike**

**  
kogayne** : I’d like that.

 **LancethePike** : really? you’re not just saying that?

 **kogayne** : no! I do. I want to go with you.

 **LancethePike** : tonight? like 6 ish?

 **kogayne** : I’ll drive ;)

 **LancethePike** : don’t make me regret asking you

 **kogayne** : you love my driving

 **LancethePike** : mhmmmm

**[LancethePike Screenshotted the Chat! x2]**

**[kogayne Screenshotted the Chat! x2]**

**LancethePike** : okay but in all seriousness if you’re uncomfortable at any time with anything I’m doing, saying, or asking of you, tell me and I’ll stop. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable just because of a trick we’re playing on our friends.

 **kogayne** : and the same goes for you. Thanks, Lance.

 **LancethePike** : so what do you wanna do tonight on our date? ;P

 **kogayne** : I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that…

 **kogayne** : dinner sounds nice once we get to our new house.

 **LancethePike** : Okay! I’ll find a nice Italian restaurant and treat you to the best dinner you’ve ever had. You’ll be REALLY falling for me in no time hahaha

 **kogayne** : pfffff

 **kogayne** : thanks, though. I bet I’ll enjoy it.

 **LancethePike** : you’re about to get the whole Lancy Lance package. It’ll be the best date you’ve ever gone on

 **kogayne** : well that’ll be easy

 **kogayne** : I’ve never been on a date

 **LancethePike** : WHAT

 **LancethePike** : YOUR FIRST DATE IS GONNA BE A FAKE DATE

 **LancethePike** : I FEEL BAD NOW

 **kogayne** : no it’s okay!!

 **kogayne** : It’d be better to be on a “date” with someone I know anyway

 **kogayne** : at least conversation is easy for us. I wouldn’t be able to make conversation with any random guy.

 **LancethePike** : just the perks of dating a friend

 **LancethePike** “dating”

 **LancethePike** : ;)

 **kogayne** : is this how you’re gonna act from now on?

 **LancethePike** : until we die

 **kogayne** : well I’m looking forward to it lmao

 **LancethePike** : go get yourself all prettied up for our date, chico lindo

 **kogayne** : hmmm okay

 **LancethePike** : I’m gonna teach you how to be the best dater ever

  
**Mathematics > Klance**

**  
Mathematics** : so we’re tailing them, right?

 **Hunkules** : obviously

 **Allure** : how are we going to follow them???

 **Allure** : they’re planning on taking the car

 **Pidgeot** : tell them that we might plan to do something later today and that we’ll need the car. Then they’ll uber.

 **Mathematics** : that’s my genius sister

 **Pidgeot** : (⌐■_■)

 **Allure** : I’ll go tell Lance now.

  
** _~_ **

Keith waits for Lance outside the bedroom, relieved that they’d only have to act for the time that they’re still in the house. “Hey Lance, Keith, I have something to ask!” Allura comes bounding into the room, a grin that Keith can’t quite place on her face. Lance pops his head out of the bathroom, toothbrush in his mouth. “Yeah?” He glances at Keith, turning momentarily red, before his head reenters the room. “So I was talking with the others, and they wanna do something later, so we’ll need the car. Can you Uber? I can give you money if you need it.” Her grin morphs into a hopeful look. Lance comes back out of the bedroom, dressed in a nice baseball tee and expensive-looking jeans. “Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it. Thanks for letting us know,” he says, pulling his bomber jacket on over his shirt. Allura nods eagerly, trotting happily off in the opposite direction.

“Hey there, chico lindo. You ready?” Lance looks at Keith with a sparkle in his eye. Keith blushes slightly, ducking his head to prepare himself for the night. “Let’s go wait outside, I’ll call the Uber.” The pair see Pidge and Hunk watching them from the living room. Lance turns around to see Shiro casually walking towards the living room, followed closely by Matt. All eyes are on the pair. “Have a good time, you two! Be safe!” Shiro calls, waving his prosthetic hand. “Use protection,” Pidge adds, snickering behind her hands. Keith turns immediately red at the thought, and Lance turns to face the group of people that had suddenly appeared in the living room. “Wow Pidge, thank you so much for that very vital reminder, we’ll remember,” he sneers, hand on his hip. Hunk looks as though he’s going to explode, and Matt has a wicked grin on his face. “Come on, Keith, let’s go,” the Cuban boy turns back to Keith.

The Uber is called not too long after the pair goes outside. They sit on the porch to wait and make casual conversation, all too aware of the 5 pairs of eyes watching them from the windows. “I have a feeling you’re gonna love this restaurant. It’s obviously Italian, but all the reviews on Yelp were really high. Also I’ve heard that the wine there is outstanding,” Lance states, adding a posh sound at the part about the wine, making Keith giggle. They heard a camera sound from inside, and Lance’s flirty grin turned into a grimace for only a moment before morphing back into his easy smirk.

Keith audibly sighs with relief when the Uber arrives. Lance stands up a little too quickly, too quickly, in fact, for his joints to catch up. He stumbles sideways, and falls, only to fall into Keith’s arms. There’s a camera click behind them. “Heh, nice catch,” Lance tries to regain his easygoing nature, whereas Keith, actor extraordinaire, blushes again and loosens his grip. The whole time, their Uber driver and their friends watch.

“Caio! My name is Ezor, and I’ll be driving you today. Let me just enter your address into my GPS and we’ll be on our way!” The boys’ driver is a girl around their age with peach-colored skin and long pink hair. She chews quietly on her gum as she enters the coordinates, then looks up at the pair with her beaming blue eyes. “Oh thank god,” Lance starts the conversation, “You’re the first person we’ve met who speaks fluent English. Makes it easier on us.” Keith didn’t realize he was holding his breath until he heard Ezor start talking. “Yeah, it wouldn’t be very fun riding in a car with someone who doesn’t speak a lick of English,” Keith offers, not really one for conversation. “So what brings you boys to Luca?” Ezor asks, pulling out of the drive. Keith thinks he sees the door move, but he’s not sure.

The restaurant that Lance chose is absolutely beautiful. There’s outdoor seating under a canopy of grapevines. There are fairy lights around the tables, which are decorated with hand-painted plates and glasses with a single candle in between them. “Woah. Lance, this is beautiful,” Keith gazes longingly at the restaurant. “How are we going to afford this?” “We? No, chico lindo, I. I’m paying,” Lance looks at Keith, something indescribable in his eyes. “What? No, I’m not about to let you drop a hundred euro on dinner!” Keith staggers backwards, eyes widening. “Babe, calm down. I checked the prices, and you forget, Italy is a really affordable country. Even if we get the most expensive things on the menu, the maximum total is like fifty euro,” Keith’s face reddens at Lance’s usage of pet names. “If you say so,” he says uneasily. “Its okay, Keith. I wouldn’t lie to you,” The tan boy looks at the paler with complete seriousness written on his face.

Lance puts his arm around Keith’s waist, then leans into him, brushing his hair away from his face. “Lance?” Keith whispers, eyes wide. “Yes?” Lance answers. “What the fuck are you doing?” The shorter boy doesn’t look offended, but his face is full of surprise. “We have company. I watched the gang pull in here. They’re tailing us.” Lance pulls away from Keith’s face, which is completely red at this point. “Are you kidding me? We have to keep up this charade all night? This is gonna be exhausting,” Keith says, blowing his bangs back out of his face. “Really, babe? I’m right here, you know. Besides, this is a great way to practice your dating skills,” Lance looks as though he’s almost pleading with the shorter boy as they make their way to the table.

They’re seated in a corner, where they can’t be seen by anyone except for one other table. Of course, five people that look suspiciously like their friends take the table. Great. Lance speaks low, face flirty, “Of course, they took the table over there. Don’t look too obviously, though, they’ll know we’re onto them.” Keith pulls his flirtiest face, even though they couldn’t see him. He has to get into character. “Okay, sounds good. So, how does this date thing work?” Lance pops a smirk, glancing in the direction of the other table. He rests his elbows on the table, placing his head on his knuckles. Keith laughs, “you look like a lovesick bastard.” “Well good, I’m doing all the right things, then. You’re not such a bad actor yourself.” Keith’s face falls for a split second, short enough for it to be easy to miss unless you’re staring right at him, which Lance is. He decides to file that away for later, and instead focusing on teaching Keith the basics of dating.

Meanwhile, at the other table, the conspirators are engaged in intense discussion. “What do you think they’re talking about?” Hunk asks, glancing over. He thinks he catches Lance’s eye, but he doesn’t say anything. “I don’t know, but holy shit, look at Lance’s face,” Pidge chortles, taking a peek at said boy’s face. “He looks like a lovesick puppy!” Matt snickers into his hand. “I think this is the most lovey face I’ve ever seen Lance pull… that’s saying something,” Hunk leans into the center of the table. “Wait. Do you think they know we’re here?” “Probably not.”

The dating duo finish their meal and Lance forks over his money. Keith ended up getting a basic chicken alfredo, and Lance got something with shrimp. There had been so much food, they both had to get to-go containers. Lance called their Uber and they hightailed it out of there in hopes that they’d shake the others off. It didn’t work. The Cuban boy glanced out of the rear windshield to see their car, following close behind. Wonderful.

“Where are we going?” Keith asked, tugging on Lance’s sleeve. “You’ll find out soon, babe. I grabbed something for you before we left the house,” The taller boy smiles sweetly at the man beside him, nearly forgetting about the act. He was having a genuinely good time. “So Ezor, you’ll never guess what we’re doing to trick our friends..” Lance starts telling the story, not letting himself go off on his previous train of thought. Keith smiles lightly, looking up at the tanned boy, telling his story with such enthusiasm. No. Stop it, Keith. He did this just for the prank, you can’t go and catch feelings. “Here’s your stop, good luck with the prank!” Ezor calls out before pulling away. Keith catches a glimpse of their car behind them, but pretends not to notice.

“Lance, take my hand. They’re here,” Keith whispers to him. The sun is just beginning to set over the horizon on the beach. There are people milling about, watching the sunset, and kids playing in the ocean. “Thanks for the best first date ever, Lance. You’re the best,” Keith says sheepishly. It makes Lance’s heart skip a beat until he remembers the prank. Keith is probably just talking about that, right? “It’s no problem. I’m having a great time. It’s a good way to get to know each other, y’know?” Keith nods, pulling himself closer to Lance. It was getting chilly near the water, and Keith had unfortunately forgotten to bring his jacket. Lance catches on quickly and stops them, pulling his hand away. “Lance? What are you-“ Keith is interrupted by his date throwing the bomber jacket over his shoulders. He smiles lightly, and Lance looks at him. He can’t take his eyes off. Keith looks so good in his jacket, with the sunset behind him and his stupid pretty hair blowing in the wind.

“Keith, I’m gonna do something. Tell me no if you’re not comfortable. Tell me no and I’ll stop, okay?” Lance’s face is dusted with pink, though whether from the sunset or his own blush, Keith will never know. He’s aware of their group of friends walking along the water beside them, but he doesn’t care. He can’t take his eyes off Lance, who keeps getting closer, and for some reason, Keith is getting closer too. “Tell me no, Keith,” Lance whispers, though his eyes are pleading him not to. “How about I say yes instead?” Keith’s breath ghosts along Lance’s face. Lance presses their foreheads together. “Are you sure?” His blue eyes scan Keith’s face for any sign of rejection. There’s none to be found. Keith watches his eyes, and how the sunset is reflected off of them. His eyes migrate down, to Lance’s pink lips. He closes the distance.

Keith knows that he’s made a huge mistake. His mind is changing Lance Lance Lance. He can’t get enough. He needs more. Just a brief pressing of their lips makes Keith swoon. Lance’s scent, Lance’s soft lips, Lance’s eyes, just Lance. Keith knows he shouldn’t be falling for him but he can’t stop himself any more. His eyes flutter closed and Lance shifts to keep their noses from bumping. Keith presses into him, hands roaming. Lance keeps one hand around the shorter man’s waist and brings the other up to his hair.

Lance is usually a man of precaution. Though he may not seem like it, he always makes sure everything is okay with everyone before continuing. He wasn’t even sure with himself before Keith closed the distance. Now he’s obsessed. He needs Keith’s lips, he needs his mouth. Lance takes control, swiping his tongue against Keith’s bottom lip. Keith gasps, whimpering as he widens his mouth, allowing Lance access. Lance moans quietly. He can’t stop. He can’t get enough. He really shouldn’t be doing this, but Keith is so damn delicious. He’d have to deal with the repercussions later, right now, he wants Keith and only Keith. He pulls away with a gasp, Keith’s eyes snapping open. “Fuck, you’re beautiful,” Lance blurts it out, turning instantly red. He hadn’t meant to say that. Keith’s hand finds his and he intertwines their fingers.

Keith hears footsteps behind him, followed by a loud “PIDGE NO!” and he already knows that he’s fucked up badly. Within moments, Pidge has attached herself to Lance’s back like a leech. Lance, now screaming, drops Keith’s hand to try to remove the gremlin clawing at his back. “Pidge, you blew our cover!” Matt storms over, whining. “How long have you guys been following us?” Keith huffs offendedly. There’s several moments of silence. “Well?” Keith asks, hands on his hips, tapping his toe. “Uh, all night…” Hunk admits quietly. “WHAT?” Lance screams, alarming a nearby woman. “Do you know what kind of invasion of privacy that is? What next, sending screenshots of private conversations?” Keith stomps his foot on the ground, face contorted in mock rage. There’s silence. “Oh my god, you’re kidding.”

All it takes is one look. The dating duo look at each other for two seconds and burst into uncontrollable laughter. The woman beside them stands up and walks away, muttering something about weirdos in Italian. “Wait… what?” Shiro looks confused, as does everyone else. “You- You should’ve seen your faces!- You were terrified!” Keith chokes out between waves of laughter, his head thrown back. “You thought Keith was gonna do bodily harm or something ohhhhh my god!” Lance is doubled over, arms wrapped around his stomach. Allura steps forward, hand in her hip, “Hi, yeah, ‘scuse me, but what the fuck?” “We knew you were following us the whole time,” Lance explains, wiping tears from his eyes. “You’re not sneaky,” Keith adds, still chuckling. “We didn’t care, though. This was our date, not yours, and we didn’t care if you followed us. For all we care, you could’ve come WITH us. Now take us home?”

Lance stands back up, arms still wrapped around his arms. “Lance, take your jacket ba-“ Keith starts to offer Lance his jacket back, but is interrupted with a finger on his lips. “uh uh, I don’t think so. I gave that to YOU, chico lindo, not for me.” “But it’s yours?” Keith looks innocent as all heck standing there in Lance’s jacket with sweater paws and wide, confused eyes. “Nope, that’s not how dates work. When given a jacket, you keep it forever until you die.” Pidge rolls her eyes. “Are y’all gonna become Shalluratt because I’m leaving if so.” “Party pooper,” teases Keith, lacing his fingers with Lance’s again.

The car ride is full of chatter, though no one is really sure who is talking to whom. When the group arrives back at the house, they call dibs on the beds. There’s a double bed for Shalluratt, three single beds, and a couch. “I call the couch,” Pidge yells upon entry, “That way I don’t have to deal with Klance’s gross gay.” The girl marches into the kitchen and opens the fridge, grabbing the liter of water and chugging the whole thing. “There’d better not be any Klance grossness happening in there, or else I’ll ground you all,” Shiro threatens, holding the hands of his partners and collapsing on the bed. “Pidge, first of all, you’re gayce so I don’t wanna hear anything, and second, that just sucks for you because you’ll have to be up when Allura starts cooking,” Keith calls after her, walking into the bedroom with Lance in tow.

“G’night Lance,” Keith places a kiss on his brow, then pulls him in for a real kiss. They keep it PG for poor Hunk. “Goodnight, chico lindo. I had fun tonight,” Lance answers, rolling over to his side. Keith crosses the room to his bed, pulling the blanket down and looking back at Lance. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading I cannot believe,,,,,,,, ahhhhh
> 
> Please comment and tell me how I did on the prose this time! I really wanna improve so feedback is great, thank you!
> 
> Anyway, I’m drawing a few things from this fic, so be sure to check them out on tumblr when I do post them, and while you’re at it, shoot me an ask, I love answering them!
> 
> tumblr: klanceisunoriginal


	12. He Hecked Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TrashleeAsh: this is going to be 0 help but dude you hecked up
> 
> kogayne: i hecked up so bad
> 
> Lance feels guilty about taking Keith’s first kiss, Keith rants to Ashton, Hunk and Pidge play on a Nintendo Switch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to send out a huge thank you to everyone for getting me to 1000 hits. It may not seem like much, but it’s a lot for me, and I just want to thank everyone for supporting this story!
> 
> This chapter marks the return of Ashton, Keith’s internet friend!
> 
> Also along with this chapter I have a 110 page google doc of this fic :P

**LancethePike > Hunkules**

**  
LancethePike** : so

 **LancethePike** : I have a huge problem

 **Hunkules** : is this about Keith again?

 **LancethePike** : when is it not?

 **Hunkules** : you know you could text me just to say hi sometimes

 **LancethePike** : Hunk we’re living together

 **Hunkules** : your point being?

 **LancethePike** : whatever

 **LancethePike** : anyway, I did something and now I cant stop thinking about it

 **Hunkules** : what is it? You didn’t do anything last night, did you? Come on dude, with me in the room??

 **LancethePike** : WHAT? NO

 **Hunkules** : oh thank god

 **LancethePike** : so you were following me and Keith around, right?

 **Hunkules** : yes.

 **LancethePike** : and you saw everything we did?

 **Hunkules** : …..yes?

 **LancethePike** : so you saw what happened

 **Hunkules** : Oh yeah! Pidge got a pic of it

 **LancethePike** : WHAT

 **LancethePike** : s e n d

**[Photo from Hunkules]**

**LancethePike** : bitch if it wasn’t nine in the morning I’d be driven to tears

 **LancethePike** : that is the single most beautiful picture I’ve ever seen.

 **Hunkules** : so uh what did you do

 **LancethePike** : well is was technically his fault for being so fucking beautiful. He was cold so I put my jacket on him and he was all blushy. The sun was setting and the sky was pink and he had SWEATER PAWS HUNK

 **LancethePike** : I couldn’t control myself

 **Hunkules** : you didn’t do it without consent, did you?

 **Hunkules** : because if he didn’t consent I’ll be very angry with you

 **LancethePike** : No! Of course not!

 **LancethePike** : I told him to tell me no. The only way I could’ve stopped myself is if he were to tell me to stop. But he didnt. That motherfucker said “what if I say yes instead?” and then he kissed me and now I’m hooked

 **LancethePike** : I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop thinking about HIM

 **Hunkules** : oh my god I just realized…

 **LancethePike** : what

 **Hunkules** : you were his first kiss

 **LancethePike** : what? No way in hell is that possible

 **Hunkules** : let me fish up the screenshot. This’ll take a while

 **LancethePike** : hhhhhhhhh

 **LancethePike** : how about I just ask him

**[Photo from Hunkules]**

**LancethePike** : oh my god oh my god oh my god

 **LancethePike** : I was…. Oh shit

 **Hunkules** : you all right buddy?

 **LancethePike** : uno momento por favor

  
**LancethePike > kogayne**

**  
LancethePike** : what the fuck keith

 **kogayne** : what?

 **LancethePike** : why didn’t you tell me I was your first kiss?

 **LancethePike** : and for a fake date, nonetheless!

 **kogayne** : it wasn’t vital information at the time

 **LancethePike** : why did you let me kiss you? I can’t believe you let me take your first kiss

 **kogayne** : calm down, Lance. You didn’t take anything from me, and don’t flatter yourself, I was the one that kissed you.

 **LancethePike** : its all my fault

 **LancethePike** : If I could learn how to control myself… goddammit

 **kogayne** : Lance, listen, it’s okay. I swear, I don’t resent you for it.

 **LancethePike** : but it was your FIRST KISS  
****

**LancethePike** : and it wasn’t even a real date

 **kogayne** : you were the one making sure it looked and felt exactly like a real date

 **LancethePike** : it was my own shitty fault for getting the idea to trick everyone

 **kogayne** : Lance, listen. It was consensual. We both consented. That means that it’s okay. If one of us hadn’t consented, it wouldn’t have been okay. Besides, at least I gave my first kiss to you, instead of some rando dude. I know that we’re friends and I plan to stay that way. It’s not guaranteed that I’ll be in a long lasting relationship with my first kiss or the person who I give my virginity to.

 **kogayne** : I trust you, that’s why I let you kiss me. That’s why I kissed you.

 **LancethePike** : how are you so okay with this?

 **kogayne** : look at everything I said above

 **LancethePike** : are you sure?

 **kogayne** : i’ve never been more sure.

 **kogayne** : and also, since we’re doing this whole charade, you can teach me how to kiss.

 **LancethePike** : well, not to brag, but I /have/ been told that I’m a damn good kisser

 **kogayne** : see? I promise that it’s okay and I’m not mad at you.

 **LancethePike** : okay. Thanks Keith.

 **kogayne** : no problem, Lance.

  
**Hunkules > LancethePike**

**  
Hunkules** : how’s it going?

 **LancethePike** : he doesn’t hate me

 **LancethePike** : this is the most relieved I’ve ever been

 **LancethePike** : he was so sweet about it? He made sure that I knew that he consented and was okay with it.

 **Hunkules** : i told you it was okay

 **LancethePike** : I’m a boy with crippling anxiety I need reassurance.

 **Hunkules** : I’m glad everything’s okay with you two. I’ve got to shower, but I’ll see you guys in the car.

 **LancethePike** : see you then, thanks for everything Hunk! <3

  
**Pidgeot > kogayne**

**  
[Photo from Pidgeot]**

**Pidgeot** : I see you had a good time on your date last night

 **kogayne** : obviously you saw, you were following us all evening

 **kogayne** : the only way you could’ve been more obvious is if you had binoculars.

 **Pidgeot** : rood af

 **kogayne** : oh yes, I Am The Rude One

 **Pidgeot** : stfu I was just sending you the picture of your gay

 **Pidgeot** : I bet he’s a sucky kisser

 **kogayne** : well according to google my heart is only supposed to stop beating if he’s The One so I think I’m in it for the long haul

 **kogayne** : or it’s just because he’s my first kiss and that’s just how it feels.

 **Pidgeot** : wow you’re really looking into this

 **kogayne** : you know, he texted me earlier. He was freaking out

 **Pidgeot** : when is he not

 **kogayne** : he felt awful because he “took” my first kiss, and he looked like he was gonna panic if I didn’t say something

 **Pidgeot** : so what did you say

 **kogayne** : I told him that I gave it to him because I trust him and it was 100% consensual so it’s okay.

 **Pidgeot** : hmm, and he’s really okay now?

 **kogayne** : that’s what it seemed like.

 **Pidgeot** : I’ll take your word for it

 **kogayne** : he looks fine

**[3 Photos from kogayne]**

**Pidgeot** : am I gonna have to deal with this for the next forever?

 **kogayne** : you sacrificed yourself so that I can be a happy gay

 **kogayne** : if you’re lucky, I’ll talk to Shiro more than you

 **Pidgeot** : please

 **Pidgeot** : I already have to deal with Matt’s ramblings, I don’t need you on top of that

 **kogayne** : we’ll scream at each other about how much we care about our significant others

 **Pidgeot** : oh thank god

 **kogayne** : but I do expect you, as my best friend, to send me every picture and video you take of us

 **Pidgeot** : in exchange for you not screaming to me as much?

 **kogayne** : i guess so

 **Pidgeot** : you’ve got yourself a deal

  
**Allure > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Allure** : everyone, we’re leaving in 5 minutes. Make sure you’ve got everything.

 **Allure** : start putting things in the car, we’re leaving in 3

 **Allure** : last check, make sure there’s nothing else in the house. We’re leaving now.

 **Pidgeot** : Daaaad, tell klance to stop cuddling in the backseat

 **Hunkules** : okay wait should it be klance or leith?

 **LancethePike** : klance obviously

 **kogayne** : also uh we’re technically not a couple yet soooo

 **LancethePike** : that’s true. When we get to Rome, I’m taking you on another date.

 **kogayne** : why wont you let me take YOU on a date? I don’t want you spending all your money on me

 **LancethePike** : because, chico lindo, I want to treat you.

 **kogayne** : fine, but I’m taking you on the date after that one.

 **LancethePike** : its a deal.

 **Pidgeot** : yall pass me the aux cord

 **LancethePike** : i don’t trust you

 **Pidgeot** : stfu McClain at least I’m not gonna play memes

 **LancethePike** : okay, bass boosted voice crack ocean man is a piece of art

 **Hunkules** : [stares into the camera like I’m Jim from the Office]

 **LancethePike** : fine, then how about some good old Beyonce?

 **kogayne** : Beyonce is the leader of the illuminati, why would we listen to her?

 **LancethePike** : YALL NEED TO GET A BETTER MUSIC TASTE

 **LancethePike** : also how is Bey the leader of the illuminati?

 **kogayne** : have you SEEN her fanbase? Also some of her lyrics?

 **LancethePike** : give me one set of lyrics that points to her being the leader of the illuminati

 **kogayne** : “My persuasion can build a nation, endless power, the love we can devour, you’ll do anything for me.” -Run the World (Girls)

 **LancethePike** : holy shit

 **LancethePike** : put that satisfied smirk away, mullet

 **kogayne** : its not- its not a mullet

 **LancethePike** : do you want me to bust out the photos again

 **kogayne** : why did you take those anyway?

 **LancethePike** : can a boy not take pictures of a hot guy?

 **Pidgeot** : look at him, you broke him

 **LancethePike** : oh nooooo  
Hunkules: why would you do this, Lance

 **LancethePike** : D:

 **takashit** : guys have you heard about tanacon?

 **LancethePike** : YES OMG

 **Hunkules** : I feel so bad for everyone who went

 **Pidgeot** : who /hasn’t/ heard about it

 **kogayne** : what the fuck is tanacon

 **Pidgeot** : and we have our answer

 **LancethePike** : so you know Tana Mongoose from YouTube right

 **kogayne** : the ‘he fucked me with a toothbrush’ girl?

 **takashit** : the very same

 **Hunkules** : so she got kicked out of Vidcon and she was super salty about it so she was like “I’m gonna make a convention thats bigger and better than vidcon and its gonna be free and its gonna be legendary.”

 **Hunkules** : so she met up with this guy, Micheal, who is 21 and owns Good Times company that plans conventions and all that good stuff. They’re working together and stuff, but Tana keeps posting things online like “we’re gonna have goodie bags that are worth quadruple the ticket price!” like 3 weeks before the event. She also invites a bunch of different YouTubers to come, but get this, it’s the same days and times as Vidcon, and it’s hosted at a Marriott DOWN THE STREET

 **Hunkules** : so it’s the day of, and people start coming to this Marriott that only fits 1,000 people inside. 1,000 people go inside and are packed in, but there’s no bag checks, no nothing. There are 4,000 more people standing outside for 5-8 H O U R S waiting to get in. They don’t have food or water and theyre getting sunburnt as heck

 **Hunkules** : so then Tana is like “omg there are 20,000 people here (there was only 5,000) and they’re all trying to get inside and it’s chaos” so they have to cancel the event midway through the first day. There are people who paid $1,000 to go see people like Shane Dawson and his friends, but they were turned away without seeing them because someone screwed them over.

 **Hunkukes** : Tana started pointing fingers at Micheal, but Micheal poured literally every cent into the event and it failed. After it was canceled, he was there until 2 AM looking at the venues and breaking down because he’s gonna lose everything, meanwhile, Tana is almost blackout drunk at a birthday party.

 **kogayne** : omg

 **Pidgeot** : yeah. It’s a lot. I’ll send you the link to the Shane Dawson series.

**[Link from Pidgeot]**

**kogayne** : thanks omg

 **Pidgeot** : you got it

  
**Mathematics > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Mathematics** : allura told me to tell all you kids with your fancy earbuds that we’re gonna be there soon.

 **LancethePike** : thanks Matt!

 **Mathematics** : no prob

 **kogayne** : ahhh i gotta shove everything back into my bag

  
**kogayne > LancethePike**

**  
kogayne** : hey, you okay? you look a bit down

 **LancethePike** : who, me? yeah, I’m totally fine.

 **kogayne** : if you say so

  
**kogayne > TrashleeAsh**

**  
kogayne** : so I might have a huuuuge problem

 **TrashleeAsh** : is it like an “i’m in danger” problem or an “i’m anxious as hell” problem

 **kogayne** : the last one

 **TrashleeAsh** : okay spill

 **kogayne** : so you know how Lance and I are pretending to be whipped for each other?

 **TrashleeAsh** : oh no

 **kogayne** : well he “flirted” with me the other day, then the next day he “tried to apologize” but i “flirted” with him so he asked me on a “date” so I said yes thinking that we’d act all whipped while at the house but then we could just relax as bros for the rest of the time but no

 **TrashleeAsh** : oh no

 **kogayne** : the others fucking tailed us so we had to be whipped all night. So he took me to the fanciest restaurant i’ve ever seen in Italy, but it was like cheap af, and he stole food off my plate and told me these ridiculous pickup lines but I laughed anyway because the others were at the table right next to ours (they’re not sneaky). Then he took me to the beach at sunset and biiiitcj

 **TrashleeAsh** : OH NO

 **kogayne** : I told him to hold my hand bc the others were still following us and I shivered like, once, so he put his jacket on me and started staring at me with the most whipped look i’ve ever seen, then he comes closer and is all like “tell me no and I’ll stop” and “tell me no, Keith,” so me, in the moment, puts our foreheads together and says “how about I say yes instead”

 **TrashleeAsh** : KEITH YOU DIDNT

 **kogayne** : so then I fucking kissed him, while wearing his jacket on the beach while the sun was setting behind us and now I’m catching feelings and I don’t know what to do

 **TrashleeAsh** : KEITH

 **kogayne** : I’M A GOOD “ACTOR”

 **kogayne** : OH YEAH

 **kogayne** : so then he texted me this morning, freaking out because he “took” my first kiss and I was like “dude it’s fine cause it’s consensual and i trust you” and he was like “hhhhhh” and i was like “besides, since we’re fake dating, you can teach me how to kiss really well so that all my boyfriends will be like ‘damn that’s a good kisser’” and now we’re in the back seat of the car cuddling and he looks sad and I Don’t Know What To Do

 **TrashleeAsh** : this is going to be 0 help but dude you hecked up

 **kogayne** : i hecked up so bad

 

**LancethePike > kogayne**

**  
LancethePike** : hey there, chico lindo, who’re you texting?

 **kogayne** : my internet friend, Ashton

 **LancethePike** : ooo, tell them I said hi!

 **kogayne** : will do.

**[kogayne Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**  
kogayne > TrashleeAsh**

**  
[Photo from kogayne]**

**kogayne** : he says hi

 **TrashleeAsh** : what does chico lindo mean

 **kogayne** : pretty boy

 **TrashleeAsh** : shit man

 **kogayne** : hhhhhhhh

 **kogayne** : oh I gotta run, our host is here to show us the house

 **TrashleeAsh** : have fun!!

  
**takashit > eur-in for a treat**

**  
takashit** : i like this house

 **Mathematics** : Angelica is so nice too

 **takashit** : ^^^

 **LancethePike** : her son was kinda cute

 **kogayne** : HEY WAIT

 **LancethePike** : merely an observation, chico lindo

 **kogayne** : it’d better be an observation

 **LancethePike** : ;P

 **Allure** : Matt, Shiro, you’re coming with me to get pizza. Angelica said there’s a place not far from here that sells it for 4€ apiece

 **Mathematics** : hells yeah

 **takashit** : don’t burn the house down while we’re gone

 **Pidgeot** : I would never

 **Hunkules** : o.o

 **Hunkules** : Lance stop playing with the LED lights

 **LancethePike** : but they change COLORS

 **kogayne** : babe, but the remote down

 **LancethePike** : ugh fine

 **LancethePike** : Hunk stop sighing exasperatedly. I put down the remote because I wanted to, not just because a cute boy told me to

 **Pidgeot** : whipped

 **Hunkules** : you make me regret existing

 **LancethePike** : wow what a hit at the ol self esteem there

 **Hunkules** : sorry dude, that was a little harsh

 **kogayne** : you think?

 **LancethePike** : Keith come watch Adventure Time in Italian with me

 **kogayne** : why

 **LancethePike** : baaaaaabe

 **kogayne** : coming

 **Pidgeot** : so Hunk

 **Pidgeot** : I brought my Nintendo Switch

 **Hunkules** : BRING

  
**kogayne > LancethePike**

**kogayne** : hey goodnight, thanks again for the great time yesterday. I’ll never forget it

 **LancethePike** : well what was I supposed to do? Go and let the opportunity to trick our friends go to waste?

 **kogayne** : right.

 **kogayne** : goodnight.

 **LancethePike** : goodnight, chico lindo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and tell me what you think!!
> 
> Also send me asks on tumblr because I love answering questions! Thank you so much for reading this and taking time out of your life to read something that I wrote!
> 
> also check out my instagram, I’m gonna be posting some art from this fic there, as well as some other gay things that I draw. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!!
> 
> tumblr: @klanceisunoriginal  
> instagram: @klanceisunoriginal


	13. Keith’s Backstory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunkules: do you hear something?
> 
> LancethePike: yes… it sounds like it’s coming from the bathroom?
> 
> Keith lost his knife...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short, y’all. I’m not having the best time.

  
**Hunkules > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Hunkules** : so I’m up for a snack

 **Hunkules** : I have one question, though, because I know y’all old people sleep with your ringers on

 **Hunkules** : why have you not thought to get anything for breakfast except for bread? I’ve tried every single combination of toast with the ingredients possible. I’ve had Nutella and cream cheese, Nutella and jelly, Nutella and butter, butter and jelly, butter/jelly, and Nutella, butter/jelly and cream cheese, butter/jelly and butter, butter/jelly and jelly, cream cheese and jelly, and cream cheese and butter. I’m SICK of toast

 **LancethePike** : what the fuck how did you remember that

 **Hunkules** : I didn’t, I used props to count how many mixes there’d be and then figured them out.

 **LancethePike** : its like 4:30 AM? how and why? also go back to sleep? it’s basically the middle of the night?

 **Hunkules** : do you hear something?

 **LancethePike** : yes… it sounds like it’s coming from the bathroom?

 **Hunkules** : do you want me to go check it out or do you want to

 **LancethePike** : I’ll do it, I’m closer.

 **Hunkules** : keep me posted.

 **LancethePike** : wait a sec

 **LancethePike** : Keith’s not in his bed

 **Hunkules** : go get your mans Lance

 **LancethePike** : stfu this is an important matter

 **Hunkules** : what’s going on?

 **LancethePike** : gimme a few

 **Hunkules** : k

** ~ **

Lance throws back his covers, adjusting slowly to the feeling of being awake. His bare chest is met with the cool air outside of the blanket. There’s a whimpering, sniffly sound coming from the bathroom just down the hall, and Keith’s bed is unfortunately empty. The Cuban boy creeps down the hallway, his feet making a soft sticking sound on the floor. He reaches the door, and sure enough, there’s a choked sobbing coming from inside. He knocks.

“Keith, is that you?” Lance feels his eyebrows furrow with worry, his hand still in a knocking position, only inches from the door. “Lance?” Keith sniffles, turning his head to the door. He looks at his face in the mirror, eyes red and puffy, with tear marks streaking his cheeks. “Can I come in, Keith? I’m worried about you,” The tan boy doesn’t mean for the last part to slip out, but he can’t find it in himself to think about it. The only thing on his mind is the crying man just inside the door.

Keith considers his options. He could let Lance in and tell him why he’s crying, or he could tell him to go away and suffer by himself. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I want to make sure you’re okay.” The paler boy looks towards to door again, making a decision. It’s about time that Lance should know, especially if they’re fake dating. Shiro would be surprised if Keith doesn’t tell Lance. “C-come in,” Keith cringes at the way his voice cracks, but he doesn’t have time to mentally hate on himself, because Lance has thrown open the door and knelt beside his paler fake date.

Lance watches as Keith is overtaken by grief again and sees the tears that were residing in his eyes stream down his cheeks. “Keith, look at me, buddy. Look at me.” The Korean boy moves his head up, though his eyes are still downcast. “Come on, I need you to look at me, okay? You don’t have to worry about telling me what’s wrong, and you don’t need to worry about being embarrassed that I’m seeing you cry. It’s okay, I’m here to help you calm down, and if you need to talk, I’m here to listen. Please, Keith. Look at me, I’m trying to help you,” Lance can’t help but feel the absolute sorrow that Keith is radiating. The paler boy allows his eyes to gaze up at the kind face next to him.

He sighs, trying so hard to hold back his tears. He doesn’t want Lance seeing him like this. The only people he’s ever cried in front of are Shiro and Pidge, but now Lance is here. He has to mentally reassure himself that it’s okay, it’s just Lance, his friend and the guy that he’s fake dating. Lance walks on his knees so that he’s closer. He’s close enough now to touch Keith lightly on the arm, just to see how he’d react. When he sees that there’s no reaction, he brings his hand to cup Keith’s chin, wiping his tears away with a swipe of his thumb. “Keith, I need you to take two deep breaths with me, okay? Here we go, one-” Lance inhales deeply, the sound followed by a shaky inhale from Keith. They sigh together, Keith shaking slightly. “-two,” the pair repeats the action. “Now you don’t have to, just tell me no if you don’t want to, but do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” Keith nods, taking another shaky breath before opening his mouth.

Keith turns to face Lance and readjusts his sitting position to something a bit more comfortable. Lance follows suit. “I left my knife at the house in Aosta. You know, the mountain village with the sled thing?” Lance nods, staying silent. He lifts one of his arms to reach out and grab Keith’s. “I know it’s weird, so before you’re all like ‘why the fuck is he crying over a knife’ let me explain.” Keith’s voice is less shaky now, though his eyes are still so sorrowful. “My father left before I was born. My mother struggled to raise me alone, and she got sick. She was so depressed and upset because she was ill and couldn’t go into work, so we were hungry for a while, and one day she just died. She knew it was going to happen sooner or later, so she left me a knife. I got put into foster care, but people were scared to foster me because I wouldn’t ever part with my knife. How could I? It was the last thing from my mother that I had, and I left it somewhere and now-“ a choked sob rips its way through Keith’s throat, the tears he’s so desperately been holding back sliding down his cheeks. “Hey hey hey, it’s okay, Keith. We’re gonna get it back, okay? Tomorrow let’s ask Allura to message Andreo to see if he can ship it here, sound good? Come on, Keith, deep breaths,” Lance wraps his arms around the smaller boy’s frame and pulls him in close, letting him rest his head on his chest. Keith sobs, curling up against the bigger man.

They sit like that for a long time, Keith crying so hard he’s shaking while Lance rocks him gently and whispers consolations. They sit for so long, in fact, that Shiro comes in, looking worried as all hell. “Keith? Are you okay? What’s going on?” The man looks tired, though it could just be the worried creases on his forehead. “He left his knife in Aosta,” Lance says, rubbing soothing circles on the crying man’s back. “Oh my god, Keith, I’m so sorry. We’re gonna get it back, I swear. I know how important that knife is to you,” Shiro stands up solemnly, smiling gently at Lance.

“Let’s get you two somewhere more comfortable and clean, sitting in the bathroom floor isn’t very sanitary. Keith, do you want to go to the living room or the bedroom?” The mentioned boy takes a deep, shaky breath and wipes the tears from his face. He stands, carefully, with the help of the two other men, then walks into the living room, where Allura is making herself some breakfast. The others follow far behind, having a short conversation to themselves. “How much did he tell you?” Shiro asks, not breaking eye contact. “He told me all about his mom and the knife, but that’s it besides some of the trouble he had in foster care,” Lance replies, a grievous look upon his face. “Okay. I know you wouldn’t, but please, don’t tease him about it. I know you two do the teasing game or whatever, but don’t take it too far. I won’t be very happy if you hurt him.” Lance nods, arriving in the living room.

“Allura? I have a favor to ask,” Keith says, his voice cracking. “Yeah what’s u-HOLY SHIT!” Allura turns, and upon seeing Keith’s tear streaked, sleep deprived face, blasphemes. “Are you okay, Keith?”  
“I’m fine. I just need you to text Andreo and ask him if he found my knife in the bedroom in Aosta.”  
“You left your knife? Oh my goodness, are you sure you’re okay?”  
“Yes, Lance helped me. I just really want to know it’s okay.”  
“I’ll message him now, but you need to go get some rest. How long have you been up?”  
“What time is it?”  
“8:34”  
“Four hours.”  
“Go get some sleep, Keith. We’ll wake you later, okay?”  
“Okay. Thanks Allura.”

Keith leaves the room with Lance in tow. Both are in dire need of sleep, so they head back to the bedroom. “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?” Lance asks, grabbing his arm. Keith considers his answer for a moment, then blushes. “Uh, would it be okay if you, uh, well-“  
“Do you want me to cuddle you?” Lance thinks to himself about how this would be the perfect time to make fun of him if they were in any other situation. “Yes please?” Keith blushes even further, ducking his head. “Come on, mullet,” The tan boy didn’t mean for it to sound that affectionate, but he thinks it sounds better that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls comment and tell me what you thought, follow me on tumblr and instagram too!
> 
> tumblr: @klanceisunoriginal  
> instagram: @klanceisunoriginal
> 
> Thanks so much for reading


	14. July 18th, Day of Mourning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Photo from Pidgeot]
> 
> Pidgeot: keith wasn’t lying
> 
> Hunkules: LANCE OMG CONTROL YOUR THIRST
> 
> Everyone goes to an art museum, Lance and Allura stay home and spill tea. Lance tells Allura a thing, also he’s becoming a whipped boi. July 18th, a sad day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you’ll notice that i haven’t updated in forever. I wish i could say i was doing something cool and productive but i’m just depressed and i procrastinate a lot.
> 
> SO with that out of the way, enjoy!

  
**Mathematics > eur-in for a treat**

 

 **Mathematics** : yo where’s klance? I haven’t seen them all morning?

 **takashit** : they’ve had a rough night.

 **Mathematics** : are they okay?

 **Allure** : they’ll be fine, just make sure you don’t talk about it too much.

 **Allure** : I’m gonna watch the time and wake them up at noon. Be nice, you guys

 **Pidgeot** : I’m always nice, idk what you’re talking about

 **Hunkules** : weren’t you the one who started scheming

 **Pidgeot** : HUNK

 **Hunkules** : what?

 **Allure** : ahem.

 **Hunkules** : oh,,, OH

 **Hunkules** : oh god that was very stupid of me.

 **Pidgeot** : its okay Hunk, we understand that sometimes you can be a tiny bit slow.

 **Hunkules** : you wound me

  
**Pidgeot > Klance**

**  
Pidgeot** : so I snuck into the room and

**[3 Photos from Pidgeot]**

**Hunkules** : BODY ! PILLOW ! LANCE !

 **Mathematics** : LITTLE ! SPOON ! KEITH !

 **takashit** : this is the answer to a question I never asked

 **Pidgeot** : shiro that’s kinda weird

 **takashit** : okay well haven’t you ever wondered what position your brother would be in

 **Mathematics** : shIRO YOU COULD’VE PHRASED THAT SO MUCH BETTER

 **Pidgeot** : ADFKJAEHFIH

 **Pidgeot** : SHIRO

 **takashit** : I LONG FOR INSTANT DEATH

 **Allure** : KASHI LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID

 **takashit** : AEFNAEFJAKGE

 **Hunkules** : i’m back what’d i miss

 **Hunkules** : TAKASHI SHIROGANE

 **takashit** : hhhhhhhh

 **Allure** : okay okay okay so anyway

  
**Allure > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Allure** : we don’t have anything super exciting planned today so what do you want to do? Suggestions pls

 **kogayne** : isn’t there an art museum somewhere around here?

 **Pidgeot** : really? Art museums?

**[Photo from LancethePike]**

**LancethePike** : someone put a pair of glasses on the floor and everyone thought it was art

 **Pidgeot** : exactly

 **Hunkules** : I think it’d be relaxing, y’know? It’d give us time to process that we’re in Italy.

 **LancethePike** : my ADHD self can’t handle an art museum

 **LancethePike** : art museum = literally sitting and staring at a wall to me

 **kogayne** : oh so as soon as the artist wants to go to an art museum everyone’s against it

 **LancethePike** : artist?

 **LancethePike** : who’s an artist? Hunk, have you been lying to me?

 **Hunkules** : did you not know Keith is an artist?

 **LancethePike** : wh

 **LancethePike** : what

 **kogayne** : I sketch things all the time, have you never seen me contorting my back over my sketchbook?

 **LancethePike** : well I mean

 **LancethePike** : I thought it was like a journal or something

 **LancethePike** : I don’t know what you do in your free time

 **Pidgeot** : well now that we’ve recognized that Keith is an artist, are we going to the museum?

 **LancethePike** : im seriously sorry but I cannot go. Like I can’t physically bring myself to get in the car.

 **LancethePike** : y’all go and I’ll stay here

 **Hunkules** : no dude, I know you hate being left alone, I’ll stay with you

 **LancethePike** : no.

 **LancethePike** : you wanna go, so go. I’ll be fine. I can roam around town, get a cappuccino, go shopping, sit in the park, something like that

 **Hunkules** : are you sure?

 **Allure** : I can stay with you, I’m not very interested in the art museum either.

 **LancethePike** : really?

 **Allure** : sure! We can spend some time getting to know each other better.

 **Allure** : is that cool with everyone else?

 **kogayne** : sure

 **LancethePike** : is that a “im disappointed” sure or a “im busy so i can’t type much” sure

 **kogayne** : last one

 **LancethePike** : oh thank god

 **Hunkules** : yeah, I’m good with that, thanks for offering to stay with him, Allura.

 **Allure:** no problem!

 **Pidgeot** : i call the backseat, then. Keith you’re in the middle

 **kogayne** : hey wait

 **Pidgeot** : ha fuck you

 **kogayne** : HEY WAIT

 **takashit** : a nice relaxing day watching my baby brother stare at art? I’m down

 **Pidgeot** : Shiro you’re just on a creepy roll today

 **takashit** : no I mean because he’s so passionate about it and watching him look at something he loves is so nice for me

 **LancethePike** : less creepy but still, think before you type, dude

 **takashit** : oh fuck you

 **Pidgeot** : GASP

 **Pidgeot** : DAD SAID A BAD WORD

 **Hunkules** : AHHH BAD WORD

 **Mathematics** : TAKASHI WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING THE KIDS

 **Allure** : I’LL WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP

 **LancethePike** : ha fuck you Shiro

 **takashit** : oh what, he doesn’t get in trouble?

 **Allure** : he’s cool

 **LancethePike** : ha

 **takashit** : okay but really we gotta go kiddos, get your breakfast, get dressed, you gotta look nice because art museum people are judgey and snooty.

 **LancethePike** : I get to stay in bed and yall have to get up ha ha haaaaa

 **kogayne** : shut it Lance

 **LancethePike** : I’m just hanging the fact that I’m better than you over your head

 **kogayne** : fuck you

 **LancethePike** : at least buy me dinner first!

 **LancethePike** : seriously though, as much as I’d love to snuggle you forever, Shiro would come kick you out himself.

 **kogayne** : but

 **kogayne** : you’re warm

 **LancethePike** : come on chico lindo, get your cute butt out of bed.

**[Pidgeot Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**LancethePike** : i forgot that we were not in our private messages

 **LancethePike** : GUYS LOOK AT KEITH’S FACE

**[2 Photos from LancethePike]**

**Mathematics** : KEITH YOUR FACE IS SO RED

 **Pidgeot** : AJFLAEAEW HAHAHA

 **takashit** : pffft

 **kogayne** : fuck you lance I’m gonna get up and bring the blanket with me

 **LancethePike** : that’s what you think

 **LancethePike** : hahaaa

 **kogayne** : Lance let me up

 **LancethePike** : mmmmm no

 **kogayne** : LANCE

 **kogayne** : you’re the one who told me to get up in the first place

 **LancethePike** : you lost your chance, you’re here forever now

**[3 Photos and 1 Video from Pidgeot]**

**LancethePike** : PIDGE

 **kogayne** : INVASION OF PRIVACY?

 **LancethePike** : move babe, i gotta get her

 **kogayne** : thank god I can get up now

 **kogayne** : oh shit its cooooold

 **takashit** : it’s like 85 degrees what?

 **kogayne** : Lance is so warm though

 **Pidgeot** : lance no

 **kogayne** : get her, babe

 **Pidgeot** : LANCE GET THE FUCK OFF ME

 **LancethePike** : nope, this is what you get for invading our privacy

 **LancethePike** : what if we were naked? I don’t want my pseudo little sister seeing my dick

 **Pidgeot** : okay well even if you were naked, you were under the blanket. I don’t know how, its hot as balls

 **LancethePike** : we could’ve been fucking and you would’ve watched

 **LancethePike** : creep

 **kogayne** : LANCE

 **Pidgeot** : you were texting.

 **Pidgeot** : how could you be texting and fucking at the same time

 **LancethePike** : dexterous fingers ;)

 **Mathematics** : Hunk and I are ready yall

 **Pidgeot** : EW LANCE

 **kogayne** : WHAT

 **kogayne** : Lance i’m gonna need you to stfu

 **kogayne** : I’m still getting dressed

 **LancethePike** : I’m not going with you guys but I should probably get dressed too

 **Hunkules:** you and I both know why you said that

 **LancethePike** : shhh Hunk don’t blow my cover

 **LancethePike** : keith im coming in

 **Hunkules** : how much you wanna bet he’s not even getting dressed

 **Pidgeot** : my guess is he’s staring at Keith’s ass

 **Hunkules** : prob

 **LancethePike** : uh rude

 **LancethePike** : I am, as a matter of fact, getting dressed

 **kogayne** : nah hes staring at my ass

 **Hunkules** : EXPOSED BY YOUR OWN BOYFRIEND

 **LancethePike** : adgarehFui

 **kogayne** : uhhhhhhh

 **Hunkules** : what’d I say

 **LancethePike** : dude we’re technically not in a relationship yet

 **LancethePike** : just dating

 **Hunkules** : oh my god

 **Pidgeot** : I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING

 **Pidgeot** : THAT SOUNDED SO SERIOUS

 **kogayne** : hes right though

**[Photo from Pidgeot]**

**Pidgeot** : YOU’RE LOOKING AT THE CAMERA LIKE JIM FROM THE OFFICE I CAN’T BREAHET

 **Hunkules** : PPPPFFFFFF

 **takashit** : Keith and Pidge can you hurry the fuck up

 **kogayne** : I’m trying but Pidge is taking pictures of me changing

 **kogayne** : shes being a creeper

 **Pidgeot** : How Could You Have Phrased It Any Weirder

 **takashit** : I don’t care, just move your asses, we’re leaving in 3

**[Photo from Pidgeot]**

**Pidgeot** : “Have a good day, chico lindo. I’ll be thinking about you all day,”

 **Pidgeot** : LANCE OH MY FUCKING GOD

 **LancethePike** : I’LL COME ATTACK YOUR GREMLIN ASS AGAIN IF YOU DON’T GET DRESSED NOW

 **takashit** : I’ll do it for him. Move it kid

 **Pidgeot** : you guys are no fun

 **LancethePike** : I just want a moment of peace where I can talk to Keith

 **Hunkules** : talk to is code for kiss

 **Hunkules** : I’ve been friends with you for almost 12 years, I should know

 **LancethePike** : I’m just not gonna read or answer the chat

 **Pidgeot** : have fun sucking face

 **takashit** : keith lets GO we’re leaving in 30 seconds

 **Hunkules** : I’ll go get him

**[Video from Hunkules]**

**Hunkules** : who was right? I was right.

 **Pidgeot** : okay but who was wrong? We all know that Lance only went in there to stare at Keith’s ass and then suck face

 **LancethePike** : thanks for that vid Hunk

 **kogayne** : I appreciate it

**[kogayne Saved a Video]**

**[LancethePike Saved a Video]**

**Pidgeot** : disGUSTING

 **takashit** : Keith. I swear to GOD i will leave you here

 **LancethePike** : I’d be down for that

 **kogayne** : get your panties out of a twist Shiro, I’m coming, jesus.

  
**Allure > LancethePike**

**  
Allure** : so what do you want to do today?

 **LancethePike** : uhhh

 **LancethePike** : I’m gonna need me a coffee, and then uhhhhh you can pick what to do next

 **Allure** : well I know that there’s like 4 gelatariums on just this street, so we can get some gelato and then go back to the flat or maybe chill in the park

 **LancethePike** : perfect omg

 **Allure** : for now, get dressed, we going to the Husky Cafe cause you know that they have the best cappuccinos in town

 **LancethePike** : yes omgggg

 **LancethePike** : I’ll be ready in 10

  
**kogayne > LancethePike**

**  
kogayne** : so i have a question

 **LancethePike** : yeah?

 **kogayne** : how far do you want to take the fake dating thing?

 **LancethePike** : what do you mean?

 **LancethePike** : like we’ll go until someone figures it out or the end of the trip or something

 **kogayne** : no that’s,,,, not what i meant

 **LancethePike** : ??

 **kogayne** : like physically to keep up the act, how far?

 **LancethePike** : well we’re obviously not gonna fuck

 **kogayne** : duh

 **LancethePike** : i think as far as physical intimacy goes, making out, cuddling, sleeping together (not /sleeping/ together), hand holding, that type of ish

 **kogayne** : so all the soft parts

 **LancethePike** : yeah, if that’s okay with you. Just tell me your boundaries and we’ll go with that

 **kogayne** : no no that’s okay, what you said

 **LancethePike** : are you sure?

 **kogayne** : 100%

 **LancethePike** : okay then ^^ have fun at the art museum!

 **kogayne** : and you have fun with Allura

 **LancethePike** : will do

  
**LancethePike > Allure**

**  
LancethePike** : continue our convo here bc the others are back

 **Allure** : wait okay so let me get this straight

 **LancethePike** : lol

 **Allure** : you and Keith aren’t actually a thing?

 **LancethePike** : technically no. We’re faking it because of your guys’ Armadillo thing (Hunk told me) but the problem is I /think/ i’m falling

 **Allure** : oh my god

 **LancethePike** : but you can’t tell a single soul

 **LancethePike** : don’t even tell Keith that I told you

 **Allure** : oh my god

 **LancethePike** : please please please can i trust you?

 **Allure** : y e s

 **Allure** : you two are good actors omg

 **LancethePike** : i’m not really acting much honestly

 **Allure** : Ahhh it’s so CUTE

 **LancethePike** : STOP SMILING

 **LancethePike** : someone will ask and i’m not up for that

 **Allure** : ahem, okay. okay okay okay no smiles. okay.

  
**Mathematics > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Mathematics** : so I, an Italian, who also SPEAKS Italian found out that today the town is hosting a really cool music festival for the next three days. It starts tonight and we have to go

 **Pidgeot** : it’s like 2 pm and it doesn’t start until 10 pm

 **takashit** : well, our host was telling me about a lake around here somewhere. I bet if Allura messaged her we can get directions.

 **Mathematics** : SUIT UP KIDDOS

 **LancethePike** : oOOOOH YEAH BOI

 **Pidgeot** : Matt did you bring our sunscreen

 **Mathematics** : ……..

 **Pidgeot** : MATTHEW

 **kogayne** : I’ve got some don’t worry

 **Mathematics** : see? I knew that Keith would bring some so I didn’t

 **Hunkules** : you’re supposed to be a responsible adult, Matt

 **Mathematics** : WHAT ARE THESE WORDS YOURE SAYING

 **Pidgeot** : do you all see what i have to deal with

 **takashit** : try dating him

 **Pidgeot** : Id rather not thanks

 **Allure** : pffffft

 **LancethePike** : l m a o

 **kogayne** : why am I the only one ready

 **LancethePike** : AHH IM COMING

 **Pidgeot** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **takashit** : Pidge you’re fucking grounded

 **Pidgeot** : fuk u old man

 **Mathematics** : gladly

 **Hunkules** : I Have Many Regrets

 **Allure** : why did i think this trip was a good idea again?

 **kogayne** : i have no idea but it’s not. It’s a terrible idea.

 **Allure** : agreed.

 **LancethePike** : Lance McClain is beach ready

 **kogayne** : baby, it’s a lake

 **LancethePike** : and? Lakes have beaches too, don’t discriminate

 **kogayne** : s i g h

 **takashit** : asses in the car in 5. move it kids.

 **LancethePike** : what is with Shiro and rushing things today

 **takashit** : i’m tired of waiting on your lazy ass

 **LancethePike** : I’m one of the 5 people ready

 **Hunkules** : uh question…. where are the girls?

 **Pidgeot** : Allura’s having trouble with her bikini. I’m helping her.

 **takashit** : 1 minute

 **Pidgeot** : okay okay chill out

 **LancethePike** : hhhhhhh

 **takashit** : we’re gonna wait in the car.

  
**Allure > The Adults™**

**  
Allure** : kashi, are you okay?

 **takashit** : I’m fine

 **Allure** : you know i don’t believe that for a second.

 **Allure** : oh no.

 **Allure** : it’s the 18th.

 **Mathematics** : that’s why Keith requested we go to an art museum.

 **Allure** : kashi, we don’t have to go the the lake, we can stay here and let you recuperate.

 **takashit** : Guys, seriously, I’ll be fine. Let’s just go have fun.

 **Allure** : okay, but I’m not leaving your side.

 **Mathematics** : ^

 **takashit** : thank you.

 **takashit** : i love you two

 **Allure** : i love you too

 **Mathematics** : i love you too kashi.

  
**Hunkules > Klance**

**  
Hunkules** : look at those two

 **Hunkules** : like honestly they’re kind couple goals

 **Pidgeot** : but they’re “not together” yet, remember?

 **Hunkules** : i don’t give a damn

 **Allure** : hey wait what about us?!. I thought we were couple goals.

 **Pidgeot** : okay yeah but like first of all you’re not a couple, second, they’re playing with the dog in the water and giving each other THAT look

 **Hunkules** : which look?

 **Pidgeot** : the “i’m so gay for you” look

 **Hunkules** : ohhhh

  
**Mathematics > LancethePike**

**  
Mathematics** : so you prob don’t know what this means, but it’s July 18th, so be gentle with Keith and Shiro even though the day’s almost over

 **LancethePike** : okay.

  
**takashit > eur-in for a treat**

**  
takashit** : what do you want for dinner?

 **Pidgeot** : can we get pizza

 **Mathematics** : ^

 **LancethePike** : ^

 **Hunkules** : ^

 **takashit** : Keith we’re getting pizza

 **kogayne** : k.

 **Mathematics** : I’m excited for this festival!

 **LancethePike** : woah, literally the entire town is already out here

 **kogayne** : that’s a lot of people

 **takashit** : Keith, do you wanna come back to the flat when we’re done with pizza?

 **kogayne** : yes please

 **LancethePike** : you’re not coming to the festival?

 **Pidgeot** : Lance

 **Pidgeot** : let them be

 **LancethePike** : uh okay

 **Hunkules** : why?

 **Mathematics** : don’t push it

 **Hunkules** : okayyyy?

 **LancethePike** : okay pizza then party time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m trying to plan some arcs to make this more interesting so I’ll gonna let you guys guess them!
> 
> 1) ______ and _____  
> 2) ______’s ___  
> 3) ______ and _____ are like ________ [NEWLY INTRODUCED]  
> 4) ______ Keith  
> 5) July 18th [NEWLY INTRODUCED]  
> 6) _____’s ________ ______
> 
> uh yeah, i think that’s it. Thanks so much for reading!!


	15. Things get Political

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LancethePike: OH
> 
> LancethePike: I was not expecting the literal first thing I see to be tits tits and more tits
> 
> Mathematics: you didnt know?
> 
> Shay Balmera is introduced, Allura talks about her school years, Lance rants about politics, Shiro and Keith are having a brothers day, Lance starts watching Orange is the New Black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I’m trying super hard to get back on a consistent schedule. Pls bear with me.
> 
> TW:  
> -Talk about current events in the U.S.  
> -Mentioned homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism, and bullying.  
> -Talk of kids in cages  
> -Mentioned nudity and sex
> 
> enjoy!!

**ShayButter > Hunkules**

**  
ShayButter** : Hey Hunk!

 **Hunkules** : Shay! Hey, how’s it going?

 **ShayButter** : not bad! I moved in with my dad, hopefully it’s better than when i lived with my mom

 **Hunkules** : oh I hope so, I know you weren’t really happy there.

 **ShayButter** : it wasn’t the best, but i’m here now and hoping for better.

 **Hunkules** : i’m so glad!

 **ShayButter** : so where are you now? You haven’t posted on instagram much and your snapchat story is always blank. I wanna be kept in the loop!

 **Hunkules** : Of course! We’re in a small town in Italy called Campagnano di Roma. It’s so nice and charming, everyone here is so sweet to each other.

 **ShayButter** : that sounds like so much fun, I’m envious.

 **Hunkules** : If I were you, I’d be envious of me too hahaha

 **Hunkules** : I didn’t mean that in a bad way

 **ShayButter** : hey it’s fine, no sweat!

 **Hunkules** : good, lol!

 **ShayButter** : I gotta run, but message me later, alright?

 **Hunkules** : you got it!

  
**Hunkules > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Hunkules** : Lance, you remember Shay Balmera?

 **LancethePike** : how could I not? The three of us were best buds in 4th grade.

 **Hunkules** : Yeah! She just messaged me asking how it was going

 **Pidgeot** : wait Shay Balmera

 **Pidgeot** : as in THE Shay Balmera?

 **Hunkules** : uh i think so?

 **Pidgeot** : oh my god! She’s like a big sister to me!

 **LancethePike** : Really?! I didn’t know you knew her

 **Pidgeot** : yeah! We’ve been friends since I was in Pre-K. She protected me from bullies and I did the same. It was nice to have a 1st grader watching your back when you’re that young.

 **Allure** : That’s so sweet! I never had many friends through my school years. Everyone thought my accent was weird and my platinum blonde hair was crazy.

 **LancethePike** : what?!?! where did you go to school?! Your accent and hair are amazing, just gonna tell you that right there.

 **Allure** : I went to a primarily black school, so I was the only one who spoke with large words and I was definitely the only one with blonde hair. In grade 8, all of the other girls told me I’d never get a boyfriend because of how weird I am.

 **Mathematics** : jokes on them, you’ve got two now

 **Allure** : exactly. It was a pretty rough few years but I overcame it. And I’m better than them anyway, so……

 **LancethePike** : that’s like a super sad story but like,,, I’m living for this tea.

 **Allure** : I bet a bit more than half of them actually went to university, and probably less that have a solid job right now. I’m honestly surprised I have a solid job, I’m 24.

 **Allure** : I was always kind of an outlier. I never wanted to go to parties and get drunk and smoke weed in high school. I much rathered trying to figure out unsolved cases at the local museum. The employees there were the closest I had to friends at that time. I was obsessed with crime, and not in the way that my peers were, but I wanted to solve crimes and help people.

 **Hunkules** : but I thought you’re a lawyer?

 **Allure** : Yes, I am. I recall one specific case that I couldn’t figure out. That’s honestly what made me drop my dream of being a detective and pick up on law instead. In 1907 There was a girl who was walking with her friend. The girl’s name was Sarah Schafer. She and her friend went to dinner at her doctor’s house (my grandmother lives there now). Afterward, she started walking home. Her friend offered to make sure she got home safe, but she insisted she was fine. So she started walking the 3 blocks to her house. On the corner of a sidewalk next to a small grocery, there was a man in a long trench coat standing there. She called out to him, asking who he was. When he didn’t respond, she took a few steps closer, and with that, he grabbed her, dragged her to an alley, and hit her with a brick 32 times on the temple. He stuffed her inside a shed in one of the nearby houses, where she was found the next day. The police searched for the killer, but he was never found. I could never figure it out, either.

 **Pidgeot** : woah

 **LancethePike** : that’s brutal.

 **Hunkules** : oh my goodness

 **Mathematics** : I can’t believe you tried to solve a crime from 100 years before! That’s pretty cool.

 **Allure** : Yes, it was pretty cool, though none of my peers thought that way. They called me Sarah Schafer and threatened to kill me because I was different, so instead of continuing the search for the killer, I started reading law books. I learned my rights and their rights and everyone’s rights. I’d take notes of the ones that were most important to me specifically. So the next time the others teased me and threatened to kill me, I told them how long their prison sentence would be. I told them that their family would probably disown them and they’d have no way to get commissary money. I told them what I had read prison is like. For some reason I thought that would’ve helped, and surprisingly, it actually did. They threatened to kill me and I threatened a fate worse than death. That’s when I started getting friends.

 **Mathematics** : my fucking badass girlfriend, everyone.

 **LancethePike** : If I didn’t stan already I do now

 **Hunkules** : d a m n

 **LancethePike** : Matt, you’d better marry her as soon as polyamorous marriage is legal

 **Mathematics** : I’m planning on it, but I don’t think that’ll be a thing in our lifetime.

 **Pidgeot** : why not

 **Mathematics** : Takashi has been keeping up with the news in the U.S.

 **Hunkules** : I don’t think I’m gonna like where this is going

 **Mathematics** : Well a supreme court justice is retiring. That means good old cheeto man gets to choose ANOTHER justice. For like 40 years the Supreme Court had 5 liberals and 4 conservatives, but since Tangerine got to choose one already it’s 5:4 to conservatives. Now he gets to choose another, so it’s now 6:3 to conservatives.

 **LancethePike** : wait.

 **Mathematics** : So if Ruth Ginsburg dies, he’ll get to choose 3 Supreme Court Justices in his presidency, tipping it 7:2 to conservatives. This new guy is planning on staying for 45-50 years. They’ve already nearly banned same-sex couples from adopting, and they’re working on banning LGBT marriage and reversing those who are already married. So until we can tip the scale back for liberals, well.. It’s not gonna be good.

 **Hunkules** : you guys know that I don’t usually get very invested in politics, but ever since rotten peach man has been elected I’ve gotten so angry with political things. He can’t do that. Why cant there be LGBT marriage? If you’re gonna ban marriage then ban ALL marriage, see how fast all the hets protest. This can’t happen, this… no.

 **Pidgeot** : okay okay okay so you’re telling me that just because whatever higher power is out there poured some gay in the mixing pot of my life I can’t get married? I sure as hell am not marrying a man, so I have to stay unmarried for the rest of my life because some useless homophobe tells me so?

 **Mathematics** : also, there are kids in fucking cages who don’t recognize their parents when they’re together again. Police are stopping buses and asking everyone on board for their documentation. I read an article about this lady in Cali who was on a bus near the center of the state and they were stopped and asked for documents (there was a lady who didn’t speak any english and she looked so scared) so she stood up and proved how it was illegal for them to stop the bus there, nowhere near a border. Needless to say, the officers got off the bus and everyone on board was so thankful for the lady, but the government is terrorizing citizens for being ALIVE. Also, pregnant women are chained around the stomach in camps where they’re locked up and they miscarry. They bleed for hours to days without getting medical attention.

 **LancethePike** : a message to homophobes/transphobes/racists/sexists: Hi, I’m Lance McClain, a bisexual, Cuban boy. I live in the United States, where I am, believe it or not, legally a citizen. My whole family is, if you’re gonna ask. I’d just like to tell you to kindly go fuck yourself. You should not condemn people just for being alive. I can’t help the fact that my parents are from Cuba, I can’t help that Spanish is my first language. I can’t help the fact that I like boys AND girls. My sisters can’t help the fact that they’re women. My brother can’t help the fact that he’s trans. I can say, though, that we’re proud as hell to be accepting. We’re proud of being different. We get ridiculed like HELL but that doesn’t change anything. Your ridicule won’t make me any less bisexual, won’t make my family any less Cuban, won’t make my sisters any less female, and won’t make my brother any less of a man. What if I ridicule you for being a straight, white, cis, Christian, man? What if I tell you that you’re disgusting for being white? What if I tell you that you just haven’t met the right boy yet? What if I say that cis isn’t real, you’re just looking for attention? What if I tell you that God isn’t real? This is the shit we face every single day from people like you so please, go fuck yourself right in the ass with the stick you’ve got shoved up there.

 **Hunkules** : that’s my fucking best friend. Permission to post with tag?

 **LancethePike** : go for it.

**[Hunkules Screenshotted the Chat! X2]**

**Pidgeot** : this is why we’re friends.

 **LancethePike** : I’m tired of our shit government and it’s loyal followers so…

 **Allure** : I couldn’t have said it better myself.

 **Mathematics** : you fucking go, dude! I’m proud of you.

 **LancethePike** : okay the subject needs to be changed before I rip my hair out.

 **LancethePike** : where are Shiro and Keith? They’re usually in the chat by now.

 **Allure** : They’re having a brothers’ day. They usually do it on the 18th but they wanted to be considerate.

 **Hunkules** : so what’s the deal with the 18th?

 **Mathematics** : its not our place to tell you. Keith and Shiro will tell you when they’re ready.

 **LancethePike** : are they okay? Like they’re not gonna die or anything?

 **Pidgeot** : no.

 **Hunkules** : thank god.

 **Allure** : the 18th is a very important day to them so just be careful.

 **LancethePike** : will do.

 **LancethePike** : I’m gonna call Mama McClain get in here if you wanna talk to her!

 **Pidgeot** : MAKE ROOM FOR ME

 **Hunkules** : MAMA MCCLAIN

  
**LancethePike > MamaMcClain**

**  
LancethePike** : Get ready cause I’m calling you in 30 seconds.

 **MamaMcClain** : ready!

**[Call Ended 1:23:16]**

**LancethePike** : te quiero mamá

 **MamaMcClain** : te quiero mijo

  
**LancethePike > Mathematics**

**  
LancethePike** : am I allowed to offer my cuddling services when Keith gets home?

 **Mathematics** : yes, but please don’t push him to tell you what’s wrong. He’ll tell you if he wants and it’s a really important day for those two.

 **LancethePike** : i guess I just don’t understand. Maybe I will soon enough. Hunk still wants to know too, and i don’t think Keith is gonna want to tell him even if he tells me.

 **Mathematics** : I have a feeling Shiro will

 **LancethePike** : okay.

  
**LancethePike > kogayne**

**  
LancethePike** : hey, I know you’re having really important brother time with Shiro, but I just wanna let you know that my amazing cuddling services are offered when you get home.

 **LancethePike** : have fun, chico lindo.

  
**Pidgeot > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Pidgeot** : I’m BORED

 **LancethePike** : Bitch? Me too? The fuck?

 **Hunkules** : I’m gonna go for a walk, you guys wanna come?

 **Pidgeot** : I normally have a strict no exercise rule (gotta keep the figure) but its better than sitting here for hours

 **LancethePike** : I’ll pass, I’m gonna start watching Orange is the New Black.

 **Mathematics** : oh thats a good show. There's a lot of gay.

 **Pidgeot** : You coming Matt?

 **Mathematics** : sure, why not

 **Hunkules** : where’s Allura? She can come with us.

 **Mathematics** : she’s in the bath.

 **Hunkules** : oh okay cool.

 **LancethePike** : OH

 **LancethePike** : I was not expecting the literal first thing I see to be tits tits and more tits

 **Mathematics** : you didnt know?

 **LancethePike** : I literally only knew that it was a show about a lesbian in jail.

 **Hunkules** : lmaoooo

 **Mathematics** : there’s some nudity and sex… just,,, by the way

 **LancethePike** : i can TELL

 **Pidgeot** : pffft you need to read the descriptions from now on oh my god

 **LancethePike** : shut up and go on your walk

 **Hunkules** : okay crankypants

  
**kogayne > LancethePike**

**  
kogayne** : I’ll definitely take you up on that cuddle offer. We’ll be home in 2.

 **LancethePike** : I’ll be waiting!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Here are the upcoming arcs, guess in the comments!
> 
> -______ and _____  
> -______’s ___  
> -______ and _____ are like ________  
> -_____’s ________ ______  
> -____x____ [Newly Introduced]  
> -July 18th
> 
> Follow me on my tumblr AND instagram, @klanceisunoriginal (i’m on mobile im not gonna link it rn sorry)! Thanks for reading!!


	16. That Is Not Helpful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidgeot: I’m sensing jealousy from Hunk
> 
> Hunkules: what? No. I dont get jealous.
> 
> Pidgeot: okay sure
> 
> a Hunk-centric chapter. The group goes to Rome, Shay and Hunk talk, Hunk has a realization, Mall, Lance’s birthday is tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LANCE’S BIRTHDAY TOMORROW  
> it’s exciting as HELL
> 
> TW:  
> -“i want to die”  
> \- talk of ass

**Mathematics > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Mathematics** : has it occurred to no one else that we've been 45 minutes from Rome for almost a month and we haven’t gone into the city?

 **takashit** : oh my god you’re right

 **Allure** : GUESS WHERE WE’RE GOING TODAY

 **Pidgeot** : Rome?

 **Allure** : CORRECT

 **Allure** : we’ve got a lot of ground to cover in one day, Shiro, you always do directions, please look up the fastest way to get close to the Coliseum

 **takashit** : could you just come in here and we’ll figure it out together?

 **Allure** : sure. Anywhere we should specifically go?

 **kogayne** : there’s an English bookshop super close to the Vatican City. I don’t know anything about it but I know we’ve been looking for one for a while.

 **Allure** : What’s it called?

 **kogayne** : Almost Corner Bookstore.

 **Allure** : Got it, thanks Keith. I just finished my book yesterday, so it’ll be good to go!

 **kogayne** : glad to help.

 **Hunkules** : can we go into Vatican City??

 **Mathematics** : I just googled it. shoulders and knees have to be covered in VC. It’s 90 degrees, idk if we wanna do that.

 **Hunkules** : lol nevermind.

 **Allure** : there’s also a good tattoo shop around there. Ink in Rome. I /have/ been wanting to get a sunflower. Have you guys seen the sunflower fields here? They’re so damn pretty.

 **takashit** : We can drop you at the tattoo place, I can take the kids to the Vatican museum and I want to meet up with some of my clients. They’re from LA but they’re in Rome today.

 **Allure** : my tattoo won’t take longer than 40 minutes. You go to the Vatican museum, pick me up, and we’ll go meet your clients. But first we’re going to that bookstore. Maybe we’ll finish with the Coliseum on the way home. How does that sound?

 **LancethePike** : 10/10 okay w me. The museum might be a bit boring for me, but that’s okay. I need to suck it up anyway.

 **Allure** : You’ll be just fine. Everyone get ready, we’re leaving in 45 min.

 **Pidgeot** : yes ma’am

  
**Hunkules > ShayButter**

**  
Hunkules** : I saw your 11:11 on your snap story. Who is iiiit?

 **ShayButter** : I have an internet friend in Korea. He’s so sweet. I really like him

 **ShayButter** : he told me he likes me too, but he doesn’t do long distance.

 **Hunkules** : That really sucks and i’m rly sorry. Maybe you’ll be together in the future OR maybe you’ll meet someone else.

 **ShayButter** : I hope we get to be together.

 **Hunkules** : I hope so too. I just hope you get to be with someone who makes you happy bc you deserve it.

 **ShayButter** : like I like him so much it’s tearing me apart.

 **Hunkules** : it’s gonna be super duper sucky for a little while or even a long while

 **Hunkules** : but you’re gonna make it. You’re strong.

 **ShayButter** : I hope.

 **ShayButter** : like I legit wanna curl up in a ball and die

 **ShayButter** : if “god” “has a plan” for my life it’s one fucked up plan because who would do this to a human?

 **Hunkules** : It’s makes you stronger.

 **ShayButter** : Make is into each other then fuck us over with an ocean in the way.

 **Hunkules** : it makes you have thicker skin. maybe you just weren’t meant to be together

 **ShayButter** : it’s a fucking psycho pathetic move though

 **Hunkules** : maybe that’s the universe’s way of showing it.

 **Hunkules** : OR

 **ShayButter** : maybe but is it is rn he’s all I want

 **Hunkules** : it could be that the universe is making you wait in agony so that when you can be together its even better.

 **ShayButter** : maybe

 **Hunkules** : the things you think right now might not apply in a year or so

 **ShayButter** : yeah, true

 **Hunkules** : you may have a major falling out with him

 **ShayButter** : i hope not

 **Hunkules** : you may figure out he’s onto some really weird something or other that you don’t want to be a part of.

 **Hunkules** : it’s a possibility. It’s also a possibility (though unlikely) that he’s the one.

 **ShayButter** : maybe. I kinda wish though like I really want him to be.

 **Hunkules** : i’m saying unlikely just because most high school relationships don’t work out, especially if he lives in an entirely different continent. Maybe the ocean is a way to tell you to open your eyes to those closer to you.

 **ShayButter** : maybe, idk though.

 **Hunkules** : I’m not saying that you’ll never be together, but it’s best to look at options.

 **Hunkules** : my grandpa’s old high school teacher used to have a funnel sitting on his desk. Kids would come in and pick it up, and the teacher could see what type of person they were depending on which end they looked through. Those who put the big part up the their face saw only a small picture and had only one focus, whereas those who looked through the smaller end saw a bigger picture. Options are good so that you don’t get stuck with one single minded focus forever.

 **ShayButter** : Yeah, I know. But I can’t get my mind off of him… ever. It’s hard.

 **Hunkules** : yeah, it might be like that for a while.

 **ShayButter** : I know.

 **Hunkules** : just keep in mind the fact that he’s from a place across the world, and there might be people right in front of you. I know you’re super hung up on this guy, but make sure to keep your options open, just in case he turns out to be a total creep or you don’t get to meet irl. I just don’t want you to get hurt.

 **Hunkules** : on a different note, maybe you will be together

 **ShayButter** : maybeee

 **Hunkules** : okay, hang on, quick subject change

 **ShayButter** : hit me

 **Hunkules** : hypothetical question: say I liked someone that everyone around me generally doesn’t like but I’ve always been infatuated but she isn’t looking at me. What should I DO?

 **ShayButter** : make her look at you. Get her attention. Show her you like her and she means something to you.

 **Hunkules** : but how?

 **ShayButter** : just talk to her a lot, kinda gently throw in a bit of flirting

 **Hunkules** : and what should I do if my friends who don’t really like her find out and judge me?

 **ShayButter** : tell them to fuck off

 **Hunkules** : hmmm i can work with that, thanks so much

 **ShayButter** : I mean friends should support you no matter how they feel about the person because the person makes you happy so they should support you.

 **ShayButter** : So if they don’t then I guess you know who your real friends are. That’s all I got

 **Hunkules** : thanks so much

 **ShayButter** : you’re welcome! I hope you get your girl.

 **Hunkules** : haha thanks!

  
**Hunkules > LancethePike**

**  
Hunkules** : Houston, we have a problem.

 **LancethePike** : what’s up?

 **Hunkules** : so you remember how I went to Emily’s party in May?

 **LancethePike** : yeah, why?

 **Hunkules** : and you know how I got a crush on Kaley?

 **LancethePike** : yeah...why??

 **Hunkules** : I didn’t actually have a crush on Kaley and I’m just now figuring it out.

 **LancethePike** : what

 **Hunkules** : oh my god. I like Shay.

 **LancethePike** : WHAT

 **Hunkules** : It’s all so clear now. I always knew there was something a bit different and special about her

 **LancethePike** : didn’t she date Kaley though?

 **Hunkules** : yeah, what’s that got to do with anything?

 **LancethePike** : idk

 **Hunkules** : so what do I do?? You’re the relationship expert in this friendship

 **LancethePike** : okay. Wait give me the 411 how did you figure this out?

 **Hunkules** : well Shay likes her friend from Korea and like??? She has hope that they’re going to get to meet and be together and I keep trying to tell her to her her options open because it’s gonna take a long time for them to meet irl but I’m also trying to be really supportive and stuff so that I don’t seem like a total douche. But I realized I’m JEALOUS

 **LancethePike** : Ugh that’s the worst. There was this one time this guy CONSTANTLY talked about his crush so we were both super open with crushes and then he ended up liking me. So I meaaann??? Hope maybe??

 **Hunkules** : i hope so omg. I’m trying to drop so many hints.

 **LancethePike** : I’ll tell you if I think of any.

 **Hunkules** : bless.

  
 **Hunkules** created a new chat with **Pidgeot, takashit, Allure, kogayne,** and **Mathematics**

 **Hunkules** named the group **“Best Boy’s Birthday”**

  
 **Hunkules** : so. Tomorrow, as Pidge and Matt know, is Lance’s birthday.

 **Pidgeot** : Lance, a middle child of 7, takes his birthday very seriously.

 **Allure** : I’ll be looking out for something to get him when we go into town today. If we make quick work of the things we have planned, maybe we can find a mall to go to?

 **Mathematics** : if we go to a mall that has Lush, I call it, that’s my present to him.

 **Pidgeot** : dammit Matt

 **Hunkules** : oh shit he’s gonna love that.

 **takashit** : don’t get him bath bombs though because we don’t have a bath obviously

 **Mathematics** : no shit

 **kogayne** : oh goddammit

 **kogayne** : I am the literal worst at gift giving

 **Allure** : literally give him a kiss and he’ll be happy

 **kogayne** : That Is Not Helpful

 **Pidgeot** : okay, here are a few of his interests: he fucking loves his skincare routine so any addition to it will make him so happy (it has to be organic though), he loves doing nails, he has a lot of practice bc of his 5 sisters. Though he embraces his femininity with makeup and nails, he still likes looking like a fuckboy sometimes, so snapbacks and sleeveless shirts are good, but he also likes wearing crop tops and booty shorts.

 **Hunkules** : also he may not seem like it but futuristic sci-fi books are the shit for him. Movies too, but mostly books.

 **kogayne** : THAT’S how to be helpful.

 **takashit** : keith? Do you call a certain thing?

 **kogayne** : wait but I want it to be kinda romantic you know?

 **Pidgeot** : oh my god

 **Allure** : like i said earlier

 **Allure** : give him a makeout and a cuddle and you’re set

 **Hunkules** : hang on how do you know that?

 **Allure** : Lance and I talk, besides we literally spent a whole morning together. He lives to spill tea.

 **Pidgeot** : I’m sensing jealousy from Hunk

 **Hunkules** : what? No. I dont get jealous.

 **Pidgeot** : okay sure

 **Hunkules** : anyway, I call getting him nail stuff. Maybe he’ll do mine.

 **takashit** : what

 **Hunkules** : its relaxing don’t judge me

 **takashit** : I just had the greatest fucking idea known to mankind

 **Pidgeot** : Did you invent interdimentional travel because now I’m impressed

 **takashit** : no fuck you. Why don’t we all pitch in and have like,,,a spa night.

**[Allure Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**Mathematics** : did takashi shirogane really just say we should have a spa night?

 **takashit** : okay hear me out. Going to an actual spa is expensive as hell, besides, Lance probably knows how to do all of the things so he teaches us, we all do it together, we all get to spill tea, its perfect

 **Hunkules** : shiro you’re a goddamn genius

 **takashit** : I have my moments

 **Mathematics** : question: what do we need for a spa night

 **Allure** : peel off masks (i suggest charcoal, coffee, or aloe vera), special cucumbers, a good nail kit (I have one already), probably razors, moisturizer, oh! And some sugar scrub.

 **Mathematics** : and one of those blackhead remover things probably.

 **Pidgeot** : how do you know about those?

 **Mathematics** : Katie I own one

 **Pidgeot** : so uh I guess I know absolutely nothing about my brother.

 **Hunkules** : we need a game plan.

 **takashit** : We find a map of the mall, split off into groups and hit every beauty store we can find, keep the group updated with what you’ve bought. Hunk and Pidge, you’re on sugar scrub, moisturizer, and razors. Matt and Allura, face masks, cucumbers, and blackhead removers. I’ll find nail polish. Keith, you get to distract Lance. Take him somewhere, be all lovey dovey and that shit. We’ll use bags from stores we’ve already been to so that we don’t raise suspicion. We store all the stuff and use it tomorrow night, you got me?

 **Mathematics** : sounds good

 **Pidgeot** : Hunk, we got it?

 **Hunkules** : Team Punk is ON IT

 **Allure** : we’ll be done in a snap.

 **kogayne** : how am i supposed to distract him.

 **Pidgeot** : heres a 3 step guide: get something sweet, go into different clothing stores and let him try stuff on, if we’re not done, take him into a bathroom or change room and make out or something.

 **kogayne** : okay, I can do it.

 **takashit** : good. Now everybody, in the car, we’re going to Rome!

  
**Allure > eur-in for a treat**

**  
[2 Photos from Allure]**

**Allure** : the tattoo is done!

 **Hunkules** : it’s so pretty!

 **takashit** : it looks wonderful

 **Mathematics** : amazing, llura.

 **Pidgeot** : nice ink!

 **LancethePike** : it looks just like the sunflowers from the sunflower fields!

 **Allure** : thanks so much, guys! I love it!

 **takashit** : okay, now it’s time to hit up the Coliseum and then we’re going the the mall!

 **LancethePike** : YES

  
**Hunkules > LancethePike**

**  
Hunkules** : yo will you send me all of the selfies we’ve taken so far?

**[22 Photos from LancethePike]**

**Hunkules** : thank youuuuuu

  
**kogayne > LancethePike**

**  
kogayne** : so where do you wanna go?

 **LancethePike** : H&M, somewhere to look at hats, Vans, uh, I think that’s it

 **kogayne** : okay then, but before I’m gonna find a cookie place.

 **LancethePike** : awwwwww

 **kogayne** : okay we’re here, let’s go

  
**takashit > Best Boy Birthday**

**  
takashit** : remember your assignments? good. Go.

  
**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

**  
LancethePike** : WOW everyone scattered quickly

 **LancethePike** : no answer?

 **LancethePike** : okay fine, I’m gonna have some fun with my chico lindo.

  
**Allure > Best Boy‘s Birthday**

**  
Allure** : checking in for Matt and I. We have the blackhead remover.

 **Hunkules** : We got the sugar scrub and I found some exfoliating lip balm too

 **Allure** : cucumbers

 **takashit** : what color nail polish do we want

 **Pidgeot** : Hunk says yellow, I say green

 **Mathematics** : Allura says pink and I don’t care

 **takashit** : i’m getting purple and black too bc fuck you

 **kogayne** : Lance wants blue and I want red

 **takashit** : polish, remover, and nail repair oil have been purchased

 **kogayne** : we’re at the last of the stores he’s chosen

 **kogayne** : Pidge i’m taking you up on that last bit of advice

 **Pidgeot** : what, taking him to make out?

 **kogayne** : mhm

 **Pidgeot** : moisturizer

 **Allure** : face masks

 **Allure** : BOOM we done

 **Pidgeot** : razors.

 **Pidgeot** : we’re done too

 **takashit** : okay, let’s go browse Lush together for an extra gift from Keith but also to give them a bit more time.

 **takashit** : I don’t wanna interrupt them or anything

 **Pidgeot** : shut up old man, we’ll be there in 2.

 **Allure** : meet you there.

  
**LancethePike > kogayne**

**  
LancethePike** : for that being your second time making out, I just gotta say damn

 **LancethePike** : you’re GOOD

 **kogayne** : yeah, well I’m learning from the best.

 **LancethePike** : you’re gonna pass me up soon

 **LancethePike** : you know how to use your tongue

 **kogayne** : what can I say? I used to eat a lot of cherries as a kid.

 **LancethePike** : interesting. I’m not complaining, you’re killing me

 **kogayne** : you changed the s’s to l’s.

 **kogayne** : I’m kissing you, not killing you

 **LancethePike** : it feels the same to me

 **kogayne** : dammit you’re being too smooth

 **LancethePike** : that was the perfect potential for a dirty joke but I’m not gonna go that far because i want to make sure your cute ass is comfortable.

 **kogayne** : my ass is comfortable wherever you put it

 **LancethePike** : oh yeah so i have a question

 **kogayne** : yeah what’s up

 **LancethePike** : how did you get your ass to be that goddamn thicc

 **kogayne** : so you DO stare at my ass

 **LancethePike** : stare is a harsh word. i merely appreciate what looks like a heavenly ass.

 **kogayne** : oh you motherfucker. come kiss me before dinner.

 **LancethePike** : yes sir!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!!  
> guess the arcs in the comments!
> 
> -______ Keith  
> -______ and _____ are like ________  
> -_____’s ________ ______  
> -____x____  
> -July 18th  
> -______’s ___  
> -_____ and ______
> 
> since tomorrow is Lance’s birthday, I will be working super hard on a side oneshot as well as a chapter for GO. I suggest you check it out!


	17. BEST BI BOY’S BIRTHDAY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kogayne: you at least need to put pants on
> 
> LancethePike: don’t tell me what to do, thicc boy
> 
> takashit: Can I Erase This From My Memory
> 
> It’s Lance McClain’s Goddamn Birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the fastest I’ve ever written a chapter it’s been 30 minutes since I published the last one, but here you go. It’s short bc I’ve got like 2 other ones to write, but you get the gist. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LANCE sidjwbdishdish!
> 
> TW:  
> -Alcohol

**Hunkules** changed the group name from **eur-in for a treat** to **BEST BI BOY’S BIRTHDAY**

  
 **Hunkules** : LANCE MCCLAIN

 **Hunkules** : you have been my best friend for 11 years, and we’re nearing 12. I remember we met on the first day of kindergarten. I was playing with a girl I’d met in Pre-K, and you walked in with your mother, shy as a motherfucker. You didn’t speak english, so the other kids made fun of you, but NOT ME. I was your best friend, I helped teach you english and you taught me spanish. I’ve been there for many birthdays, but you at 18 YEARS OLD TODAY! IT’S YOUR DAY, MAN! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

 **LancethePike** : HUNK

 **Hunkules** : I’ve had that ready since 11:28

 **LancethePike** : I LOVE YOU BEST BUDDY

 **Hunkules** : I LOVE YOU TOO

 **Pidgeot** : you’ve aged.

 **LancethePike** : thank you, wise Pigeon.

 **kogayne** : happy birthday Lance. We met pretty recently, but you’re just a fun guy and you’re really great to be around and hang out with. (also you’re really hot but let’s talk about that some other time) You’re 18, baby, and that’s a fucking achievement if I’ve ever seen one. Happy birthday, beautiful boy.

 **LancethePike** : K E I T H

 **LancethePike** : GET OVER HERE AND GIVE ME A KISS GODDAMMIT

 **LancethePike** : YOURE SO SWEET

 **Allure** : Happy Birthday, Lance! You’ve made this trip so fun so far!

 **takashit** : The big 1-8! Happy Birthday man!

 **Mathematics** : HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE BRO! I’ve watched you grow up over the years and man, you turned out great.

 **LancethePike** : you guys are so sweet i swear

 **LancethePike** : i’m tired though so i’m gonna sleep

 **kogayne** : he’s really gonna cuddle me and talk about how much he loves his friends

 **Mathematics** : yeah, have fun with that.

 **Pidgeot** : ^^^

  
**LancethePike > BEST BI BOY’S BIRTHDAY**

**  
LancethePike** : so what exactly are we doing today

 **takashit** : uh i actually have no idea. Hunk?

 **Hunkules** : so. We’re staying in town, but here’s my idea.

 **Hunkules** : we go out and get a shit load of gelato and the popcorn bags from the corner store, we come home, star wars marathon.

 **LancethePike** : YES!

 **Pidgeot** : ahh, the Lance’s Birthday tradition

 **Hunkules** : just because we’re in a different country doesn’t mean we have to abandon tradition!

 **LancethePike** : ITS PERFECT LETS GO

 **kogayne** : Lance

 **kogayne** : you at least need to put pants on

 **LancethePike** : don’t tell me what to do, thicc boy

 **takashit** : Can I Erase This From My Memory

 **LancethePike** : damn my post-cuddle hair looks a lot like post-sex hair

 **takashit** : tmi

 **Mathematics** : tmi

 **Pidgeot** : tmi

 **Hunkules** : TRIPLETS

 **LancethePike** : Hunk are you ready let’s go get like 4 tubs of gelato

 **Hunkules** : woohooooo

 **Pidgeot** : wait for me idiots, i have to put my shoes on

 **LancethePike** : shiro I need the keys to the house

 **LancethePike** : thank you

 **Hunkules** : We’ll be back!

  
 **takashit** changed the group name from **Best Boy’s Birthday** to **Operation Spa Surprise**

  
 **kogayne** : catchy

 **takashit** : okay so Allura I need to to tell me what the fuck these things are so that I can arrange them appropriately. We’re not gonna bring them out until later tonight but I want to make sure we’re ready.

 **kogayne** : what did you get him as the extra gift?

 **takashit** : this exfoliating face wash, i forget what it’s called.

 **Allure** : Let the Good Times Roll

 **takashit** : that.

 **kogayne** : does it have a gift bag?

 **Mathematics** : yep, that’s all done, thanks to me

 **kogayne** : thanks guys, I really want this to be special

 **Allure** : i just realized the legal drinking age in Italy is 18

 **kogayne** : you’re telling me i could’ve been drinking this whole time

 **takashit** : Matt come buy some cheap alcohol with me

 **Mathematics** : on it

 **Allure** : get something nonalcoholic for Pidge

 **kogayne** : also will you take Akira? he needs a walk.

 **takashit** : only because i love you

 **Mathematics** : fuck that I love your dog

 **kogayne** : Matt has his priorities straight.

 **Allure** : Keith come hook up my laptop to this HDMI cable while i download the Star Wars movies.

 **kogayne** : I’m busy making a blanket nest on the couch

 **Allure** : it’s SUMMER

 **kogayne** : and? I can’t watch movies without a blanket nest

 **Allure** : you never fail to amaze me

 **Hunkules** : on our way home. 3 gelatos, 14 popcorns

 **takashit** : also on our way home, 2 different wines, limoncello, vodka, and cranberry juice.

 **Mathematics** : AND stuff for Pidge

 **Pidgeot** : again my age fails me

 **takashit** : stop complaining, youth. You’re still young enough that your joints work

 **Pidgeot** : damn you’re old

 **Hunkules** : back

  
**Mathematics > BEST BI BOY’S BIRTHDAY**

**  
Mathematics** : we come bearing alcohol

 **Mathematics** : also I take great offense to the name of the chat

 **Hunkules** : quit your whining

 **LancethePike** : alcohol?

 **takashit** : legal drinking age here is 18

 **LancethePike** : FUCK YEAH

 **Allure** : but we are responsible drinkers so water between each drink.

 **Hunkules** : f i n e

 **kogayne** : come in and get snacks so we can start the movies

 **LancethePike** : I’m ready as fuck

 **takashit** : oh my god you guys have to try this limoncello

 **takashit** : it’s weird

 **LancethePike** : ahhh

 **LancethePike** : it’s like cheap cough syrup that warms up your throat

 **LancethePike** : I love it

 **kogayne** : turn off your damn phones and watch the movie

 **kogayne** : McClain, get your 18 year old ass over here and cuddle me.

 **Allure** : Holt, Shirogane, get your 27 year old asses over here and cuddle me

 **Pidgeot** : well if you insist, Allura. I didn’t know you were a cheater like this

 **Mathematics** : hi that’s my girlfriend you’re sitting on

 **Pidgeot** : Hunk.

 **Hunkules** : on it.

 **kogayne** : WATCH THE DAMN MOVIE.

 

**LancethePike > BEST BI BOY’S BIRTHDAY**

 

 **LancethePike** : we gotta take a break, Mama McClain is calling.

 **Hunkules** : MAMA MCCLAIN

 **LancethePike** : yo, open another gelato

 **Pidgeot** : you do it

 **LancethePike** : I’m going pee

 **Pidgeot** : fine. but just because it’s your birthday.

 **LancethePike** : Shiro can you teach me how to make a vodka cranberry

 **kogayne** : Lance can you make me a vodka cranberry

 **LancethePike** : of course

 **kogayne** : okay everyone sit so we can watch more.

 **takashit** : wait let me call in a pizza for dinner.

 **takashit** : okay now.

  
**LancethePike > BEST BI BOY’S BIRTHDAY**

**  
LancethePike** : I have to say, this pizza is so damn good

 **Mathematics** : yeah, wait till what comes after.

 **Hunkules** : MATT

 **LancethePike** : ?

 **LancethePike** : OH MY GOD YOU GUYS

 **kogayne** : Happy Birthday, baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING! Guess the arcs in the comments!
> 
> -______ and _____  
> -____x____  
> -______’s ___  
> -______ Keith  
> -_____ and ______ are like ________  
> -_____’s _______ ______
> 
> It’s my fuckin bi boy’s birthday. Happy Birthday Sharpshooter.


	18. The Deal with July 18th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kogayne: it’s okay, it was a long time ago, I’m okay now. Shiro is too.
> 
> LancethePike: do you need a hug?
> 
> kogayne: yes please.
> 
> Allura remembers something very important, the others don’t want to be awake, Matt exposes two kinks, Hunk exposes one of Lance’s, Keith is an innocent bean, Shiro tells the story of July 18th.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a really sad chapter, please be warned.
> 
> TW:  
> -kinky stuff  
> -talk of porn and getting off (not explicit)  
> -mentioned plane crash  
> -minor character death  
> -angst af

**Allure** changed the group name from **BEST BI BOY’S BIRTHDAY** to **eur-in for a treat**

**Allure > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Allure** : FUCK

 **Mathematics** : eloquent

 **Allure** : F U C K

 **Mathematics** : care to explain why you’re yelling obscenities into the group chat at 4 AM?

 **Allure** : I forgot that we have to leave tomorrow. Tomorrow as in today. As in like,,,, the 29th.

 **Mathematics** : FUCK

 **Allure** : I’m waking everyone up we need to pack EVERYTHING

 **Allure** : our host texted me and said she’ll be here at 10 AM to do an inspection and give us our deposit back

 **Mathematics** : I’ll help you wake everyone up.

 **LancethePike** : this is absolute bullshit

 **Pidgeot** : why do i have to wake up at four in the goddamn morning like I’m an elderly person or someone who goes to the gym

 **takashit** : stfu I’m making coffee, get to packing your clothes.

 **kogayne** : Shiro I am not afraid of you. I will go to sleep again and i won’t be woken up until 10.

 **takashit** : Keith Kogane you’d better fucking wake up right now before i have Lance come beat your ass. Pack. Now.

 **kogayne** : fuck you, dammit.

 **Hunkules** : ffffffffffuuuuck i don’t want to be up

 **Allure** : too bad you sons of bitches

 **Pidgeot** : ahem

 **Allure** : and daughter

 **Allure** : we need to make this house fucking spotless or else I lost 400€, do you hear me? Make it better than when we arrived. GO. get to moving.

 **takashit** : Pidge, dishes. Hunk, any laundry, make sure it’s done and hanging outside when the sun comes up. Lance, broom. Keith, tables. Matt, bathrooms, Allura, fridge. Me, packing.

 **takashit** : now let’s MOVE. I’m making coffee right now, so get up.

 **Pidgeot** : god this house is a fucking NIGHTMARE

 **Allure** : guys i am being 110% serious we need to get this done.

 **LancethePike** : fine.

 **Allure** : thank you.

 **Pidgeot** : Lance will you play your playlist pls

 **LancethePike** : which one?

 **Pidgeot** : 20GAYTEEN

 **Hunkules** : 20GAYTEEN

 **LancethePike** : k.

 **Pidgeot** : thx.

  
**AngelicaEliza &Peggy > Allure**

**  
AngelicaEliza &Peggy**: Good morning, Allura! I’m planning on coming over to check the flat out at 10:00, is that okay with you?

 **Allure** : Sure! We’ll be ready for you around then.

 **AngelicaEliza &Peggy**: Okay, see you then!

  
**Allure > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Allure** : I’m sorry for being so harsh earlier, I was very stressed. Angelica is going to be here soon, so Shiro, can you start taking bags out to the car?

 **takashit** : sure, whose bags are ready?

 **LancethePike** : mine’s almost there

 **kogayne** : mine is ready

 **Pidgeot** : mine too

 **Hunkules** : Mine’s been done for a while, I’m helping Lance.

 **Allure** : mine’s still in progress

 **takashit** : okay. Matt, I’m gonna need your strategic thinking to pack everything in. You’re the brains, I’m the brawn. Help pls.

 **Mathematics** : you’ve got it, muscle man.

 **Allure** : for the love of god, Lance please take that off of your face. We’ve got to get ready to leave, not have another spa day.

 **LancethePike** : this is part of my getting ready to leave. Besides, I do this so often that I can put it on and take it off in 0.2 seconds.

 **Allure** : just as long as you’re actively cleaning you’re fine.

 **LancethePike** : thank you.

 **LancethePike** : my bag is done, I’m sweeping.

 **Pidgeot** : you haven’t done that yet? what have you been doing since 4 AM?!

 **LancethePike** : coffee, food, shower, bag. That took like,,, a long time.

 **Hunkules** : i cannot do a big enough eye roll

 **kogayne** : Angelica is here

 **LancethePike** : SHIT

 **Allure** : FUCK

 **Pidgeot** : i’m gonna make sure the recycling is out…

 **Allure** : okay everyone say goodbye to Angelica, we’ve got to get on the road. I told Roberto we’d be there between 2 and 3 and it takes 3 hours to get there.

 **Mathematics** : yes, mommy

 **Pidgeot** : O.o

 **Hunkules** : get out get out get out nooooo

 **kogayne** : s t o p

 **LancethePike** : MATT

 **takashit** : you exposed your own damn self

 **Allure** : Matt…… Oh honey why?

 **Mathematics** : I’m not into DDLG you perverts

 **LancethePike** : i beg to differ

 **Mathematics** : fine then, beg.

 **kogayne** : we’re just uncovering all of Matt’s kinks today aren’t we? Nice one, pretty boy, you’re doing good.

 **Hunkules** : THE NAIL RIGHT ON THE HEAD

 **Pidgeot** : AHH HAHAHAHA

 **LancethePike** : sixhsjxusjd

 **takashit** : Praise?

 **Mathematics** : obviously

 **LancethePike** : stfuuuu

 **kogayne** : uh, confusion…

 **Hunkules** : Lance has an obvious massive praise kink

 **kogayne** : oh

 **LancethePike** : HUNK

 **LancethePike** : IM NEVER TALKING TO YOU AGAIN

 **Pidgeot** : L M A O

 **Mathematics** : Lance is very kinky.

 **LancethePike** : what do you know, Holt?

 **Mathematics** : you forget that my sister is a hacker that can find your private search history in about 10 seconds.

 **LancethePike** : PIDGE

 **LancethePike** : WHY

 **Pidgeot** : do you ever look at someone and wonder “what is going on in their head?”

 **Pidgeot** : I wondered,,,, so i searched,,,, and i found

 **Mathematics** : i was there. She found…… a lot

 **kogayne** : a lot of what

 **LancethePike** : AND THATS THE END OF THE CONVERSATION

 **Hunkules** : if you were a YouTuber i feel like you’d avoid the “exposing my search history” thing like the PLAGUE.

 **kogayne** : ...oh

 **LancethePike** : you know, I’m usually comfortable talking about this kind of thing, but I feel like Shiro and Allura are judging the heck out of me

 **takashit** : i find it amusing and Allura can’t even read the chat, she’s driving.

 **takashit** : besides, we’ve all watched it at one point or another.

 **Pidgeot** : ahem

 **Mathematics** : remember that time when you were twelve when you asked me what it was so i showed you?

 **Pidgeot** : oh yeah, that was the day i realized i’m asexual.

 **takashit** : i used to have an unhealthy obsession with it… then i got a boyfriend,,,then a girlfriend.

 **LancethePike** : ah, the answer to a question i never asked

 **Pidgeot** : ew

 **Hunkules** : Lance and I are best friends, we talk about it all the time, though he’s the one doing most of the talking. I’m not the most comfortable talking about my private time to others.

 **LancethePike** : honestly i’d talk to you like once a week and i kept talking even though i knew how embarrassed you looked. That’s my bad.

 **kogayne** : actually, i’ve never… seen anything like that.

 **LancethePike** : what?! how the hell do you get off then?

 **kogayne** : i’ve never tried

 **Pidgeot** : Really?! Keith Kogane, the literal most innocent boy i know. Even HUNK watches porn.

 **LancethePike** : i’m gonna file that information away for later…

 **Hunkules** : Lance don’t be gross!

**[LancethePike Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**kogayne** : heh, well i guess we all learned a little something.

 **takashit** : I’m not gonna say anything except that I owe Matt $20

 **Pidgeot** : uh me too bitch, don’t forget me

 **Hunkules** : Pidge somehow always wins betting pools

 **Pidgeot** : well i mean, Keith and I talk about literally everything and we tell each other every single secret. He’d never talked about it before, so that’s how i knew.

 **kogayne** : i’m glad to know my sex life has become a bet

 **takashit** : it’s because we love you, lil bro

 

**ShayButter > Hunkules**

 

 **ShayButter** : so how’s it going with the girl?

 **Hunkules** : it’s not really going.

 **ShayButter** : she’s not picking up on it? That’s a shame.

 **Hunkules** : yeah, but it’ll be fine. How is your Korean friend?

 **ShayButter** : Korean friend?

 **ShayButter** : oh yeah, hes really pretty. Idk what to do with myself.

 **Hunkules** : do the same thing you told me

 **ShayButter** : yeah, but like, he already knows I like him. I don’t know if he’s worth it

 **Hunkules** : if it’s hurting you, he’s not the one. He’s not worth it.

 **ShayButter** : yeah, but he stays up and talks to me at night and stuff

 **Hunkules** : he’s sweet. But in the big picture, do you think, not hope, that you’ll be together one day? If we factor in all of the probabilities and circumstances, I’m not sure you have a chance with this guy, as sad as it is.

 **ShayButter** : You’re right, though it doesn’t feel good to admit it. It’s true, though, my family doesn’t have much money, he doesn’t want to come back to America, and after college (if i decide to go), will i still feel this way?

 **ShayButter** : maybe i should drop him and the thought process behind him.

 **Hunkules** : I feel like that’d be a step forward. In order to live your best life, you’ve gotta do things that are good for you. It’s really hard, but you have to learn to put yourself above others sometimes.

 **ShayButter** : you of all people know that I’m terrible at that.

 **Hunkules** : it is really hard, but try this. Take a few hours to yourself. Take a bath, do a face mask, do your nails, meditate, do yoga, something. Self-care is a huge step towards putting yourself first.

 **ShayButter** : thanks, Hunk. I’ll try that, it’s a good idea. I’ve got to run, but thanks for the advice!

 **Hunkules** : anytime.

  
**LancethePike > kogayne**

**  
LancethePike** : when we get to the new place will you show me your art PLEASE

 **kogayne** : uh, maybe, why?

 **LancethePike** : because i like appreciating art and the artists as well

 **kogayne** : but you didn’t come to the art museum with us

 **LancethePike** : i have ADHD man, you can’t blame me.

 **kogayne** : fair enough. I’ll show you a few things. I don’t consider myself an actual artist. I actually thing my stuff sucks, but everyone else seems to like it, so that’s why i keep drawing.

 **LancethePike** : I bet it’s absolutely amazing, don’t doubt yourself

 **kogane** : if you insist

 **LancethePike** : so how did you start drawing in the first place?

 **kogayne** : uh.. i think that’s a question to ask Shiro. I’m… not good at explaining it. Ask in the group, though. It has to do with July 18th.

 **LancethePike** : oh. are you sure you’re okay to talk about it?

 **kogayne** : yes. Yeah, i’m fine.

 **LancethePike** : okay.

  
**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

**  
LancethePike** : so Shiro, I asked Keith how he started drawing and he told me to ask you what the deal is with July 18th.

 **Pidgeot** : wait really? Keith are you okay with it?

 **kogayne** : yep.

 **takashit** : oh. Okay, well…

 **takashit** : The 18th is a bittersweet day for us. As everyone but Hunk knows, Keith’s mother died when he was young, leaving him only his knife… the one he left in Aosta. From then on up until he was 10, he was in foster care, in and out of different homes. People seemed threatened by his violent tendencies, so they gave him back to the system. That is, until my parents.

 **takashit** : my parents met Keith at a foster fair, where people looking to foster meet potential kids. They met Keith and immediately fell in love. They were unswayed by his violent, antisocial nature. They saw the light inside him. After a discussion with me at home, we decided to skip fostering and adopt Keith. He came to live with us while the legalities were settled. At first, he was hesitant to open up to us, thinking that within a matter of weeks he was just going to be back in the system. Little did he know, we were keeping him.

 **takashit** : After a few months of filing papers and court dates, Keith was officially ours. That day was July 18th.

 **Hunkules** : that’s so sweet!

 **Pidgeot** : let him finish

 **takashit** : After he found out we were adopting him, Keith opened up right away, becoming a social butterfly amongst the rest of us. Our parents encouraged him to do whatever his heart pleased, so he started drawing. Our mother, a painter, instantly saw the potential in him, so she gave him some art supplies, the expensive kind, not the cheap ones. She coached him on how to draw certain things, and he learned quickly.

 **takashit** : a year passed, and my father had to leave on a business trip for a week, my mother was required to be there as well. They were going to arrive back on July 18th, just in time to celebrate our first year with Keith. We were planning on going to an art museum. I was in charge of him for the time being.

 **takashit** : we cleaned the house and even tried our hands at baking cupcakes for them when they got home. I was excited to get the words of praise and thanks for keeping the house clean while they were gone. We waited by the door, cupcakes at the ready, for the whole day. I thought it was a possibility that their flight was delayed, so we waited the whole next day, too.

 **takashit** : We were losing all hope. Keith was distraught. As soon as he found a family to love him, they didn’t come back when they said they would. I received a call from my aunt in the evening on July 19th. She said that there was a storm and the plane had crashed the day before. There were no survivors.

 **takashit** : I told Keith, and I was surprised that he understood anything through my uncontrollable sobbing. What was almost worse than finding out that my parents had died was watching Keith’s heart shatter when he found out. We clung to each other and cried for god knows how long. It became the talk of the town. People came knocking on our door, bringing us food, offering money. We gratefully accepted. Then, my aunt came to take us to live with her. She’s our godmother, after all.

 **takashit** : we mourned for months. Keith nearly flunked out of school. I threw myself into my work and became more distant. That’s not what Keith needed, of course, he needed a strong support system, he needed a brother that he could talk to. I started having Matt over all the time. We’d been friends for years, and Keith and Pidge grew together faster than weeds. Pidge was his only friend besides Matt and I, but who’d want to confide in his older brother’s best friend?

 **takashit** : he nearly dropped art altogether, but I told him to keep on it, to be just as good as Mom.  
So he kept drawing. He worked hard, as if the fire inside him was stronger, fueled by sadness. So the next year, on June 18th, we cried, we went to an art museum, and we spent the day together, just him and me. We’ve been doing it ever since.

 **Pidgeot** : I think that every single person in this car except for Allura is in tears right now.

 **kogayne** : you’re good at telling the story, Shiro. Thank you.

 **Hunkules** : my god, i had no idea. I’m so sorry, you guys, that’s terrible

 **LancethePike** : I can’t imagine. So bad. Sorry.

 **Mathematics** : it was really rough watching them deal with the tragedy firsthand. They’re okay now, the only time it really bothers them is when they’re flying or it’s July 18th.

 **LancethePike** : can you pass back a kleenex please

 **Hunkules** : several kleenex’s

 **takashit** : just take the whole box.

  
**LancethePike > kogayne**

**  
LancethePike** : keith, i can’t imagine what that must’ve been like. I’m so sorry.

 **kogayne** : it’s okay, it was a long time ago, I’m okay now. Shiro is too.

 **LancethePike** : do you need a hug?

 **kogayne**. yes please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading this! It really means a lot. Here’s the upcoming arcs to guess in the comments!
> 
> -Artist Keith  
> -_____’s ________ ______  
> -July 18th [COMPLETE]  
> -______ and _____  
> -____x____  
> -______’s ___  
> -______ and _____ are like ________
> 
> I WONT BE POSTING TOMORROW! I’m very sorry!! Be on the lookout on tuesday though!!!


	19. W H I P P E D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidgeot: i will not hesitate to cut your dick off with a rusty spoon
> 
> Mathematics: today on “mental images i don’t want as soon as i open the group chat,”
> 
> Hunkules: ^^^
> 
> Keith is worried(TM), Lance is WHIPPED, Allura is protective, Shay is sad, Hunk is comforting, Pidge is bleeding, Matt is scarred, Shiro is tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i missed a few days i’m sorry hhhh
> 
> **there’s gonna be an important announcement in the notes next chapter so PLS be on the lookout!!! ******
> 
> **TW:  
>  -abusive living situation**

**kogayne > LancethePike**

**  
kogayne** : i just realized i never took you on a date at the last place.

 **LancethePike** : yeah? You didn’t, did you? That’s okay. You don’t have to.

 **kogayne** : no, I want to

 **kogayne** : you know, just to learn the ropes…

 **LancethePike** : really, you don’t have to, but Allura said we’re living in a beach town, so buy me a smoothie when we go to the beach?

 **kogayne** : yeah, that sounds good!!

 **LancethePike** : i wanna thank you again for the birthday present, it’s amazing

 **kogayne** : i’m just doing what a boyfriend should do :)

  
**LancethePike > Allure**

**  
LancethePike** : ALLUA HELP

 **Allure** : what??

 **LancethePike** : IM SO FAR GONE FOR KEITH

 **Allure** : okay for the record it has been SO hard to keep quiet about this

 **Allure** : you’re lucky you’re my favorite

 **LancethePike** : I’m your favorite??

 **Allure** : shhhh no don’t tell anyone

 **LancethePike** : hhhhhhhh but that’s hard

 **Allure** : exactly

 **LancethePike** : well played, Allura

 **LancethePike** : ANYWAY

 **LancethePike** : Keith was worried because he never took me on a date in Campagnano and he said he would i’m hhhhhhh

 **Allure** : you’d better not do anything to hurt him, Lance

 **Allure** : he’s been through a lot and lost so many people close to him and you know that. I don’t want him to go through that again.You know the story but you didn’t have to see it firsthand. It was terrible.

 **LancethePike** : Why would I hurt him??? I’m the one falling for him???

 **Allure** : it’s something i just want you to know. He’s like a little brother to me.

 **LancethePike** : it’s not like we’re in an actual relationship, Allura

 **Allure** : a fake relationship, practice dates, whatever it may be, he’s let you in closer than anyone else in his life. Don’t take that for granted.

 **LancethePike** : if i wanted to get lectured i would’ve gone to shiro

 **Allure** : yes, but that would mean you have to tell him.

 **LancethePike** : hhhhh you’re right.

 **LancethePike** : sorry, i’m just falling and idk what to do, cause i feel like this means a lot to him, the whole fake dating thing… Like he is really happy for practice on dating and stuff but what if he wants to call the whole thing off if he finds out?

 **Allure** : you’re not giving yourself enough credit. Why would he willingly make out with you if he didn’t enjoy this even a little bit?

 **LancethePike** : to make it seem real to everyone else??

 **Allure** : I think you should rethink it. You’re a great guy, Lance. He’d probably be over the moon to find out that you like him

 **LancethePike** : here’s an idea: he’s probably not because I’m loud, annoying, i’m the school’s fuckboy, and like 99% not his type

 **Allure** : well i don’t believe that for a second. Seriously, think about it. But don’t think about it too hard bc i don’t want you panicking.

 **LancethePike** : hhhhh thanks Allura

  
**Hunkules > ShayButter**

**  
Hunkules** : hey!

 **ShayButter** : hi, Hunk! How are you?

 **Hunkules** : I’m great, thanks! We just got to our next house. We’re only staying overnight, but the town is so pretty.

 **ShayButter** : that’s super cool, where is it?

 **Hunkules** : it’s along the southern peninsula in Italy, idk what it’s called. But still a beach town so we’re going to the beach!

 **ShayButter** : ahh i bet that’s nice. I’m still stuck in Brownstown.

 **Hunkules** : oh yeah, how’s it going at your dad’s?

 **ShayButter** : awful. He’s rarely there and my grandma makes me and my brother cook and clean everything because my dad’s son hurt his arm.

 **Hunkules** : that’s not cool, where does he go every day?

 **ShayButter** : who knows? He goes to drill every morning and doesn’t come home until late evening.

 **ShayButter** : we’re not allowed on our phones except for an hour at like 9 pm (i’m sneaking rn) and we’re not allowed to leave the house.

 **Hunkules** : what?! that’s super not cool. He can’t do that!

 **ShayButter** : my mom is suing bc he hasn’t paid child support in years and it’s part of their divorce or something. I wish i never left my mom’s.

 **Hunkules** : see if you can get some info to the lawyer but ask for it to be kept quiet, like the way he’s treating you guys. It could really help your mom win

 **ShayButter** : i can try… I’m dead if the lawyer talks to my dad about it though.

 **Hunkules** : i understand that, but if you ask, maybe he’ll try?

 **ShayButter** : I’m gonna try it. I just really want to move back in with my mom

 **Hunkules** : i want you to as well. I want you to be in the situation that makes you the happiest, considering the circumstances. Besides, if you move back in with your mom, I can see you at school

 **ShayButter** : yeah, but not for the whole first semester!

 **Hunkules** : well, yeah…

 **Hunkules** : my service is really spotty so i’m gonna have to go, but i want you to hang in there, okay? I’ll talk to you later!

 **ShayButter** : okay, bye.

  
**Allure > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Allure** : get ready, we’re going to the beach! But also don’t get your stuff out everywhere, our host is coming to get the keys at 9:00 am tomorrow so we need to have everything clean… which shouldn't be hard, because we’re only going to be in there for like 12 hours

 **LancethePike** : okay well i’m getting my face stuff out cause i’m not going a day without doin the good shit

 **kogayne** : this is a test. Is he washing his face or doing drugs? The answer may shock you.

 **Pidgeot** : lmao

 **takashit** : okay kiddos, we’re leaving in 10

 **Pidgeot** : dammit, it’s so hot outside

 **Pidgeot** : why do i have to be cursed with satan’s sacrificial waterfall every month

 **LancethePike** : i have some aspirin if you need it

 **Pidgeot** : Lance McClain, a god

 **LancethePike** : i gotchu girl!

 **Hunkules** : is it just me or was that very uncharacteristic for Pidge

 **Pidgeot** : listen okay i can’t focus on a single goddamn thing because all i can think about is how hard my head is pounding and my stomach is cramping

 **takashit** : :(

 **Pidgeot** : D’:

 **Allure** : I’ll sit at a beachside restaurant with you, Pidge. We can get you a smoothie and just let you rest

 **Pidgeot** : ALLURA IS A GODDESS CONFIRMED

 **LancethePike** : that was confirmed like a month ago

 **Pidgeot** : i will not hesitate to cut your dick off with a rusty spoon

 **Mathematics** : today on “mental images i don’t want as soon as i open the group chat,”

 **Hunkules** : ^^^

  
**kogayne > LancethePike**

**  
kogayne** : what kind of smoothie do you want

 **LancethePike** : ummmmm

 **LancethePike** : something with pineapple… we’ll see when we get there, chico lindo, it’s okay, calm down. You don’t have to be nervous, it’s just me

 **kogayne** : yeah, i know… i just…….

 **kogayne** : could really use the practice??? idk, you’re just more experienced than i am and i want to catch up with you. I wanna be a smooth ass criminal

 **LancethePike** : as sweet as that is, you are sure as hell not going to prison so let’s not do the criminal part, uhhhh

 **kogayne** : pfff

 **kogayne** : you get what I mean, though? like I want to be able to flirt and know who pays on the date and when it’s okay to say or do certain things. You’re good at that

 **LancethePike** : i don’t know whether to be insulted at your insinuation of me being a slut or heartwarmed.

 **kogayne** : hint: it’s the last one

 **kogayne** : i just don’t wanna fuck it up, is all

 **LancethePike** : that’s so sweeeet

 **kogayne** : :D

  
**LancethePike > Allure**

**  
LancethePike** : YOU’RE DRIVING AND WE ALREADY DID THIS TODAY BUT HES SO FUCKING SWEET AND ADORABLE I C A N T

 **LancethePike** : HE ASKED ME WHAT KIND OF SMOOTHIE I WANT AND THEN HE TOLD ME THAT HE DOESNT WANNA FUCK THIS UP IM -HHHHHHHH

 **LancethePike** : IM SO GONE FOR HIM

 **LancethePike** : THIS IS BAD BUT HE MAKES ME HAPPY SO ITS LESS BAD

 **LancethePike** : HHHHHHHH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize for how short that is lmao i’m tired :P
> 
> thanks so so so much for reading!!! Here are the arcs!
> 
> -______ and _____ are like ________  
> -______ and _____  
> -______’s ___  
> -_____’s ________ ______  
> -____/____  
> -______ keith


	20. Get Poe On The Phone, Raven’s Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TheRaven: OH MAN
> 
> Lancethepike: right?
> 
> TheRaven: he has a mullet, Lance
> 
> Matt is upsetti, Keith is falling, Ashton is STRESSED, Lance is whipped, Raven is back, Pidge is Not a guy, Hunk is carsick, Allura is driving. Shiro is a tease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is just a few hours late and a lot longer than I expected it to be :) Also before you ask, Allura isn’t in this chapter bc she’s driving the whole time.
> 
>  
> 
> **THERE’S AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT IN THE END NOTES! PLEASE READ IT!! ******
> 
> TW:  
>  -mentioned strangling  
> -depression  
> -brief mention of abusive living situation  
> -mentioned transphobia and homophobia (not explicit)  
> -talk of kinks and lesbian sex
> 
>  
> 
> ENJOY!

**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

**  
LancethePike** : WE’RE BACK IN THE VAN, OPEN UP THE SKYLIGHT

 **takashit** : next stop is the salon

 **LancethePike** : Haircut?!

 **takashit** : no, just highlights

 **Mathematics** : if my phone vibrates again i’m gonna have to strangle a bitch. It is 8:30 in the goddamn morning

 **Pidgeot** : don’t you wake up with your boyfriend and girlfriend? And don’t THEY wake up at like 6 AM?

 **Mathematics** : yes, but that means that i don’t have to deal with you crazy teens for four hours. It gives me time to wake up

 **takashit** : oh sorry for making you wake up with the rest of us. It’s so hard for you, honey.

 **Mathematics** : smh

 **LancethePike** : am i reading into this completely wrong or is there some…. tension

 **Hunkules** : Lance McClain, sleuth of the decade

 **LancethePike** : okay, let me rephrase. WHY is there tension?

 **takashit** : it’s nothing, really. I’m just a bit stressed and I’ve been taking it out on Matt a bit. I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t mean to make you mad.

 **kogayne** : they’ve never talked about fights in group chats like this… what’s going on?

 **takashit** : well if one or two of us are in bad moods, everyone else has a right to know why, right?

 **Mathematics** : yes, but you could’ve apologized in a private chat

 **takashit** : hey, i am really sorry. You can mute the chat for a bit and go back to sleep. We’ll talk it out when we get to the next place.

 **Mathematics** : …..okay.

 **LancethePike** : uhhhhhhh

 **LancethePike** : so, Hunk, how’s Shay doing?

 **Hunkules** : well, she’s actually not doing so well. She moved in with her dad, she’s going to Brownstown next year, she won’t be with us anymore.

 **LancethePike** : oh man, that SUCKS. I remember having PE with her freshman year. Man the two of us used to be tight!

 **Hunkules** : yeah, but that’s not even the worst of it… i’m not gonna go into detail cause it’s not my place, but she doesn’t seem to be having a very good time

 **Pidgeot** : what? I’m gonna talk to her. It’s been a while since i talked to her last

 **Hunkules** : okay.

 **kogayne** : shiro, how long is this drive gonna take?

 **takashit** : around 6 hours i think?

 **kogayne** : oh okay, great. How long are we staying at the next place?

 **takashit** : overnight again. It’d be cheaper just to stay in the other place for another day, but Allura is insisting that we start our long trek to Bratislava now. She doesn’t do long car rides, and the one tomorrow is supposed to be like 9 hours long or some shit. Could be 11.

 **kogayne** : damn

 **Hunkules** : oh great. Can i get the middle seat from now on then? I get carsick really easily and i don’t want it to be an issue for anyone.

 **kogane** : sure, man, of course. Quick, switch me seats.

 **Hunkules** : thanks so much, dude.

 **kogayne** : don’t mention it

 **LancethePike** : not that i don’t love you, Hunk, but I get my mans back here now, so thank you for your sacrifice

 **Pidgeot** : lmao fuck you for leaving me with the lovebirds Hunk

 **Hunkules** : would you rather deal with their flirting and goo goo eyes for a few hours or me vomiting on you?

 **Pidgeot** : …… hhhhh i guess

 **LancethePike** : OMG I JUST REMEMBERED

 **Hunkules** : ?

 **LancethePike** : RAVEN IS FINALLY GETTING HER PHONE BACK TODAY

 **Pidgeot** : Raven?! Man, i bet you miss her

 **kogayne** : who tf is Raven

 **LancethePike** : my internet friend. She lives in NY, and she was grounded for 2 months bc her parents found her with a guy in the house

 **kogayne** : d a m n

 **LancethePike** : yeah, what’s funny is that he’s her best friend,,, and he’s gay

 **Pidgeot** : lmfao but her whole family is v Catholic so she’d never be able to see him again if she told them he was gay

 **LancethePike** : let’s see, she usually wakes up at about 9:00, which would be 3:00 pm for us and it is,,,,, 9:00 am. dammit

 **kogayne** : oh that sucks dude. 6 hours? well this car ride just seemed to get a lot longer for you

 **LancethePike** : stfu mullet

 **kogayne** : yes, but i’m YOUR mullet, honey bunch

 **Pidgeot** : PFFFFFFFT

 **Hunkules** : LANCE YOUR FACE I-

 **takashit** : send a picture send a picture

**[Photo from Hunkules]**

**takashit** : BAHAHA

 **Hunkules** : wow look at that, we just uncovered another one of Lance’s kinks. Let’s see, what is that now, at least the ones the gc knows? Praise and…

 **Hunkules** : Pidge what would you classify this as

 **Pidgeot** : pet name kink?

 **Hunkules** : sure, let’s go with that

 **kogayne** : Praise and pet names… huh, well, i’m gonna dangle that over your head

 **Pidgeot** : LANCE NO

 **LancethePike** : you know what you should dangle over my head? your d-dammit pidge

 **kogayne** : lmao

 **Hunkules** : pffff

 **takashit** : that’s a mental image i DEFINITELY don’t need

 **Pidgeot** : me neither, bitch

 **LancethePike** : well if we’re done with our little Lance discovery, I’m gonna take a nap on this cute boy right here.

 **Pidgeot** : Lance, for the last time, I’m not a guy

 **LancethePike** : oh fuck off Pidge

 **Pidgeot** : hehehe

 **Hunkules** : you gonna message Shay?

 **Pidgeot** : yeah, but it’s like 3 AM there soooo

 **Hunkules** : she sneaks her phone at night… I think you’re good.

 **Pidgeot** : uh okay?

 **Pidgeot** : thanks.

 **Hunkules** : np

  
**Pidgeot > ShayButter**

**  
Pidgeot** : Shay! My girl, my homie, my sister, how are you going on this fine evening?

 **ShayButter** : Hey Pidge! How’d you know I’d be up this late?

 **Pidgeot** : oh give me some credit, I’m your best friend for god’s sake

 **Pidgeot** : also Hunk told me

 **ShayButter** : ahh

 **ShayButter** : well, to answer your question, I’m doing, uh, well I’m surviving

 **Pidgeot** : you wanna talk about it?

 **ShayButter** : sure.

 

**takashit > Mathematics**

 

 **takashit** : hey, are you okay?

 **Mathematics** : yeah. I just didn’t sleep very well last night.

 **takashit** : is that all that’s bothering you?

 **Mathematics** : pretty much. I was the last one packed (surprisingly, bc lance has so much shit) so i didn’t get any coffee this morning. Idk, I’ll be fine.

 **takashit** : i can have Allura look for a cafe, babe. You don’t have to suffer in silence. You can talk to me and Allura, you can talk to Pidge and Keith, and rumor has it, Hunk has amazing comforting skills. Lance too. We’re all here for you, Matt, so whatever’s bothering you, you can talk to us.

 **Mathematics** : thanks, takashi. I’m just having a rough day. I’ll be okay.

 **takashit** : you’re sure?

 **Mathematics** : yeah.

 **takashit** : please don’t hesitate to talk to one of us, Matt. We love you and want to see you happy.

 **Mathematics** : okay.

 **takashit** : I love you.

 **Mathematics** : I love you too.

  
**ShayButter > Pidgeot**

**  
ShayButter** : yeah. So that’s what’s going on over here.

 **Pidgeot** : that’s so fucking awful. I’m so sorry, Shay. You can talk to me about it any time, okay?

 **ShayButter** : okay.

 **ShayButter** : Also, I made a huge mistake

 **Pidgeot** : what would that be?

 **ShayButter** : I told Hunk i like this korean dude but… i don’t. I like him, but i wanted to play it off, so i told him that it was this korean guy and then he asked me for relationship advice so i gave it to him and told him “good luck getting your girl” but really I want to be his girl.

 **Pidgeot** : wait wait wait

 **Pidgeot** : you like Hunk

 **ShayButter** : yes

 **Pidgeot** : but you said it was some random guy from Korea

 **ShayButter** : yes

 **Pidgeot** : and then he asked you about another girl

 **ShayButter** : yes

 **Pidgeot** : wow. Okay. So.

 **Pidgeot** : I’m gonna talk to him, get the 411 on this girl he likes, and I’ll keep you in the know, okay?

 **ShayButter** : yes,,, please

 **Pidgeot** : i gotcha, girl. brb.

  
**Pidgeot > Hunkules**

**  
Pidgeot** : you weren’t lying when you said Shay’s situation was far from great

 **Hunkules** : it’s terrible. Her dad is such an awful person, i never liked him. Not only that but she’s having troubles with this Korean guy. I wish things were easier for her.

 **Pidgeot** : yeah, she told me about the guy. He seems really nice, they’d be cute together.

 **Hunkules** : really?! tell me about him

 **Pidgeot** : why?

 **Hunkules** : because i want her to be with someone who makes her happy….. and i want that person to be me.

 **Pidgeot** : o h

 **Pidgeot** : well are you sure you wanna hear about it then?

 **Hunkules** : yes, please.

 **Pidgeot** : okay. Well, he’s a tall cuddly monster with brown eyes and shaggy brown hair. He’s going to be a senior in high school, his favorite color is yellow, and he’s an absolute sweetheart.

 **Pidgeot** : her words, not mine.

 **Hunkules** : how am I gonna compete with that? He sounds amazing

 **Pidgeot** : oh, apparently he’s a really really good cook too.

 **Hunkules** : i bet he’s not as good as me. I want to battle him, chef to chef.

 **Pidgeot** : woah, calm down there, buddy. I suggest you talk to her about it, though probably sometime else because she’s probably asleep right now.

 **Hunkules** : you’re right. I’ve got to start dropping hints that I like her. Do you have any ideas?

 **Pidgeot** : “Shea butter makes my skin so SOFT, it’s almost like i have a crush on Shay.”

 **Hunkules** : that’s the least inconspicuous thing i’ve ever seen

 **Hunkules** : it’s perfect.

 **Pidgeot** : good. Get your girl, Hunk. I’m taking a nap, though. We’ve been driving for like an hour already and i’m tired

 **Hunkules** : I’m gonna try to nap too… maybe it’ll take my mind off things. Besides, she’s asleep anyway.

 **Pidgeot** : just breathe, big guy. You got this.

 **Hunkules** : thanks, Pidge

 **Pidgeot** : dont mention it

  
**TrashleeAsh > kogayne**

**  
TrashleeAsh** : Keith Kogane

 **kogayne** : Ashton Verinote

 **TrashleeAsh** : it has been too long since we last talked

 **kogayne** : ugh, i know, how’s it going?

 **TrashleeAsh** : honestly, not so well. You know Monty, my “best friend”

 **kogayne** : what’d he do this time

 **TrashleeAsh** : so much. I’m so fed up with him. Like I’m a sensitive guy, you can’t make fun of my looks and my personality and then act like it’s fine?

 **kogayne** : wait, he did that?

 **TrashleeAsh** : 3 times. Then blamed it on his least favorite teacher’s death.

 **kogayne** : no way. That son of a bitch…

 **TrashleeAsh** : i asked for some space from him and he was all like “sure!” but he won’t stop messaging me.

**[3 Photos from TrashleeAsh]**

**TrashleeAsh** : that last one is something he posted on his snap story. “I love how you think you have a best friend, until that person turns into a ghosting piece of shit.” WHOMST?!

 **kogayne** : i’m booking a flight right back to you so that i can fucking deck this guy

 **TrashleeAsh** : and like??? I didn’t ghost, okay? I told him that i need space and he’s all up in here acting like I just stopped talking to him for no reason. He called me stupid and toxic, which honestly shouldn’t hurt, right?

 **kogayne** : friendship is about mutual trust and love. If you can’t trust him to say things that make you feel good about yourself, he’s not worth it. It’s okay to feel bad about these things. Being a man means you have to show some emotion. Otherwise you’re a stack of cells.

 **TrashleeAsh** : he went as far as to call me a fake guy. He acts like that shit doesn’t hurt, he’s always only thought about himself. And he says “oh it’s just what friends do, it’s just a joke” but like if a joke hurts the people you love, maybe you should kid around anymore

 **kogayne** : exactly. I think you should block him. It’ll take the stress off.

 **TrashleeAsh** : but I can’t do that. I’d feel too bad. We’ve been friends for 10 years. I don’t want to hurt him.

 **kogayne** : HE hurt YOU and he isn’t giving you time to think about it or recoup even though you ASKED for time. I say block his ass until you’ve got it figured out.

 **TrashleeAsh** : I’m not gonna do that. I can’t explain it, but I just can’t block him, you know?

 **kogayne** : i get it. Listen, it’s okay. Just ignore his messages. Don’t answer them. You deserve better than him.

 **TrashleeAsh** : i know you’re right but it doesn’t make me feel any better about it. I’m not sure if i want him in my life anymore.

 **kogayne** : i wouldn’t want him in my life. I say be done with him, but then again, you know how impulsive I am.

 **TrashleeAsh**. True… I need to get my mind off it. I don’t wanna think about it anymore. What’s going on with you?

 **kogayne** : uhhh we’re on our way to Florence to stay overnight, Lance is sleeping on my shoulder, aaaand we’re listening to Ariana Grande atm

 **TrashleeAsh** : ooo how’re things with Lance?

 **kogayne** : they’re a lot and I’m getting worried

 **TrashleeAsh** : why?

 **kogayne** : because I don’t want to fall for him. He’d be the first and I don’t want to fall and him think it’s still a part of the act.

 **kogayne** : we kiss now even with no one around. And I’m on the verge of diving into his eyes and never leaving. He’s really pretty and though he can be a drama queen, he’s sweet and caring. He likes to think he’s a fuckboy but he’s boyfriend material… that’s what scares me.

 **TrashleeAsh** : have you told him about July 18th?

 **kogayne** : yeah, and everything that happened before. He was really nice about it because I was freaking out. He has a bunch of younger siblings, so i guess he has practice. But he makes me feel like I matter, you know? Like I’m special. I’m not so sure I’m acting anymore and that terrifies me

 **TrashleeAsh** : oh man, you’ve got it bad. Listen, if he’s really like you say, he’s gonna be okay with your feelings. Why wouldn’t you fall for your first kiss? Why shouldn’t you fall for someone who’s super caring and makes you feel good, especially if you’re fake dating. What I’m trying to say is, he sounds like a really good guy, which means that he’s gonna accept your feelings because he’s probably been in your place.

 **kogayne** : feelings are scary.

**[Photo from kogayne]**

**kogayne** : look at him. He’s so… pretty

 **TrashleeAsh** : he’s drooling on your shoulder

 **kogayne** : that’s true, but you act as if he doesn’t swap our spit

 **TrashleeAsh** : tmi

 **kogayne** : sorry lmao

 **TrashleeAsh** : this is one of those things you have to figure out on your own… I can’t make you feel or not feel things. But it’s gonna be cool, okay?

 **kogayne** : okay. I just realized that it’s 3:30 am there, you need to get some sleep

 **TrashleeAsh** : i do, don’t I? I’m gonna do that. Good luck with your boy troubles

 **kogayne** : and good luck with yours.

 **TrashleeAsh** : goodnight!

 **kogayne** : goodnight.

 

**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat  
**

**  
LancethePike** : i have to pee

 **Pidgeot** : congrats

 **LancethePike** : fuck you

 **Pidgeot** : no u

 **takashit** : lucky for you, there’s a rest stop up here. We can pee and get a coffee, all that good stuff.

 **LancethePike** : NOICE

 **takashit** : wake everyone up, we here

 **Hunkules** : i heard coffee

 **Pidgeot** : you’re a bit late, Hunk

 **Hunkules** : shhhh i was sleeping

 **Pidgeot** : i know.

 **Hunkules** : why are we getting coffee at noon

 **takashit** : do you want caffeine or not

 **Hunkules** : okay okay okay i’m not arguing

 **takashit** : that’s what i thought

  
**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

**  
LancethePike** : have you guys noticed how Jeremy Shada sounds a lot like me?

 **LancethePike** : like I was listening to Running Errands with my mom and like…. he sounds like me.

 **kogayne** : that was a sentence

 **Hunkules** : that’s what I said when we watched Incredible Crew together in grade school! I told you he sounds like you

 **LancethePike** : and you were right… that’s so weird.

 **Pidgeot** : discourse alert

 **LancethePike** : OOO PIDGE DISCOURSE i’m ready

 **Pidgeot** : Harry Potter houses. Go.

 **LancethePike** : Gryffindor ;)

 **Hunkules** : Hufflepuff

 **kogayne** : Slytherin

 **takashit** : Gryffindor

 **Mathematics** : Ravenclaw

 **Pidgeot** : Ravenclaw

 **Pidgeot** : but let’s really think about this.

 **Pidgeot** : Lance, you’re not courageous in any way shape or form, not to mention your chivalry isn’t the most impressive

 **LancethePike** : I beg to differ, I’m very chivalrous

 **Pidgeot** : mhm. On the other hand, you are a sneaky bastard when you want to, and you’re obviously very prideful and ambitious, so I think you’re a Slytherin

 **LancethePike** : no way, really? I’m not evil

 **Pidgeot** : not all Slytherins are, smartass. I feel like you should understand generalization.

 **LancethePike** : i guess that makes sense, though.

 **Hunkules** : Keith is probably Gryffindor with Ravenclaw secondary. Because he literally will sprint into danger, but like,,,, strategically

 **kogayne** : makes sense…

 **LancethePike** : what, what’s my secondary?

 **Pidgeot** : probably Hufflepuff, honestly

 **LancethePike** : I am good at finding things.

 **Hunkules** : I’m definitely Hufflepuff with a Ravenclaw secondary

 **Pidgeot** : Ravenclaw with Slytherin secondary

 **Mathematics** : I’m Ravenclaw with Gryffindor secondary probably

 **takashit** : maybe Gryffindor with Hufflepuff secondary?

 **Pidgeot** : maybe? Either Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw. What do you think Hunk?

 **Hunkules** : uhh I’d say Hufflepuff

 **LancethePike** : welcome to the secondary Hufflepuff crew :P

 **Pidgeot** : okay so Houses?

 **LancethePike** : Slytherpuff

 **Pidgeot** : Ravenlin (? is that right?)

 **Hunkules** : Huffleclaw

 **kogayne** : Gryffinclaw

 **Mathematics** : Ravendor

 **Pidgeot** : and that’s today’s discourse! Thanks for joining me, Pidge, on “Daily Discourse with Pidge” we’ll see you next time!

 **LancethePike** : *audience clapping*

 **takashit** : hey guys we’re gonna be there soon. Matt, Allura, and I are gonna go get groceries after we bring all our stuff inside, then we’ll have dinner. Do you wanna come with us to the store or stay home?

 **Pidgeot** : stay home

 **kogayne** : home

 **Hunkules** : home pls

 **takashit** : okay, majority rules.

 **LancethePike** : WAIT WHAT TIME IS IT

 **Hunkules** : 2:47

 **LancethePike** : AHHHH

 **kogayne** : ooo you’re excited as heck… have fun talking to her lmao

  
**TheRaven > LancethePike**

**  
TheRaven** : LANCE

 **LancethePike** : RAVEN

 **TheRaven** : L A N C E

 **LancethePike** : R A V E N

 **LancethePike** : what was it like to have no internet for two whole months?

 **TheRaven** : it was so rough… i never wanna do that again.

 **LancethePike** : yeah your parents are a BIT strict

 **TheRaven** : you don’t say

 **TheRaven** : so what’ve you been up to for these two months?

 **LancethePike** : well, at first I was at home hanging with Hunk, then I was a home chilling by myself, and THEN

 **TheRaven** : ooo then?

 **LancethePike** : Pidge messaged me and Hunk at like 4AM one morning and said that her brother’s girlfriend, Allura, is taking Matt and Shiro (her other bf), Shiro’s brother, Keith, and her to Europe for four months and she asked if we wanted to go

 **TheRaven** : WHAT?!

 **LancethePike** : RIGHT

 **LancethePike** : so I asked when we were leaving and that little hoe waited until the Last Day Before We Left to ask. So Hunk and I had to pack our shit QUICK and meet Allura, Shiro, and Keith and then we left. We flew into NY but i couldn’t message you and say hi :(

 **LancethePike** : so then we flew into Paris and stayed there for a few days, then we moved to a town outside Rome, called Campagnano, and we stayed there for a month, and now we’re on our way to see Allura’s old exchange student in Slovakia. we’re staying here and there, but it’s super cool.

 **TheRaven** : holy shit… I get grounded for two months and suddenly my best friend is in Italy on his way to Slovakia… damn.

 **LancethePike** : yeah, also Hunk told me that everyone else want me and Keith to be together so we’re fake dating and I took his first kiss and took him on his first date and i’m falling for him and AHHH

 **TheRaven** : that’s so much information at once omg

 **TheRaven** : wait so you and Keith are fake dating but you’re catching feels?

 **LancethePike** : yes.

 **TheRaven** : send me a pic of him

**[Photo from LancethePike]**

**TheRaven** : OH MAN

 **Lancethepike** : right?

 **TheRaven** : he has a mullet, Lance

 **LancethePike** : yes, but his mullet is very soft and i like running my hands through it

 **TheRaven** : omg who would’ve thought Lance McClain, king of standards, would be dating a guy with a mullet (fake dating or not)

 **LancethePike** : okay now listen… he’s had a really rough life and i wanna make him happy

 **TheRaven** : huh. Okay…

 **LancethePike** : but i’m afraid I’m gonna scare him off if i catch feels

 **TheRaven** : ohhhh

 **LancethePike** : cause he’s never had a relationship before and if I catch actual feelings, he’s gonna freak and not know what to do

 **TheRaven** : you gotta figure that shit out, dude.

 **LancethePike** : ugh I know.

 **LancethePike** : what’s going on with you?

 **TheRaven** : well i convinced my parents to let me have Logan over again. I told them he has a gf and he’s my best friend, so it’s not like we’re gonna do anything

 **LancethePike** : homophobic parents are the hardest to explain anything to

 **TheRaven** : yeah, man. I’d know.

 **LancethePike** : at least you get to see him again, though

 **TheRaven** : yeah but like what if he hates me? Just suddenly? because we haven’t seen each other in two months, so he could’ve formed many opinions…

 **LancethePike** : Raven, listen to yourself. Logan absolutely loves you, he tells you so. It’s gonna be totally cool.

 **TheRaven** : for my sake I hope you’re right

 **LancethePike** : Of course I’m right

 **TheRaven** : i gotta get ready for him to come over. I’ll message you later

 **LancethePike** : okay, have fun!!

  
**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

**  
LancethePike** : if anyone needs me, don’t. I’m watching OITNB

 **kogayne** : what if I need you?

 **Pidgeot** : care to elaborate in what way you’d need him?

 **kogayne** : uh if i need him to

 **kogayne** : cuddle me

 **Hunkules** : I’d hope to god that’s all

 **kogayne** : guys give me more credit, I’m not a hoe

 **takashit** : yes but you are a hormonal teen, if you know what i mean

 **kogayne** : why are we talking about me and not Lance, the person who’s actually had sex here.

 **Pidgeot** : cause he’s watching his show being harmless

 **kogayne** : that show has lesbian sex in jt all the time and /i’m/ the one you’re worried about?

 **Hunkules** : okay I know everything about my best friend, okay? And he has never gotten off the lesbian porn. He doesn’t do that shit

 **kogayne** : i didn’t say he did, I meant he’s more open to being horny because he’s watching a show that includes explicit sex. I’m not.

 **takashit** : woah woah woah calm down Keith, we’re kidding

 **Hunkules** : yeah… kidding

 **takashit** : go cuddle your boyfriend, Keith.

 **kogayne** : /thank/ you, Shiro.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **IMPORTANT MESSAGE!!!**  
>  I start school in 6 days. It’s online, which hopefully means I can get things done quickly, but I might have to lessen the number of times a week I post... I’ll keep you updated on that.  
> Also, This fic will continue until January. I’m going to take Winter Break off to fix things in this fic and then starting on Jan 1st, I’m going to start a NEW fic (same universe) to continue the story!  
> These are my ideas, and they’re not completely thought out yet, but I’ll keep you in the know!
> 
>  
> 
> **Here’s the arcs to guess in the comments!  
> **  
>  \- Artist Keith  
> -Lance’s Internet Friend [NEWLY INTRODUCED]  
> -______ and _____ are like ________  
> \- ______ and _____  
> -____/____  
> \- July 18th [COMPLETE]  
> \- ______’s ___
> 
>  
> 
> **THANKS FOR READING!!**


	21. 11 Hours In A Car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LancethePike: what’s up, why are you acting sick
> 
> Hunkules: guess what
> 
> LancethePike: uhh you found a discount deli
> 
> They’re stuck in the car for 11 hours. Shiro is driving, Allura is a princess, Matt will fight Lance for #1 memer, Keith was friends with a meme, Lance is proud of his best bud, Pidge is a sneaky gremlin, Hunk.... You’ll see, Raven is cleaning, Ashton is mad at his mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me getting this chappie chap out early!!
> 
> TW:  
> -homophobia  
> -mentioned seziures  
> -mentioned drugs (just advil)   
> -mentioned underage drinking  
> -unsafe living situations

~~~~**kogayne > eur-in for a treat  
**

**  
kogayne** : how long do you think we’ve been in the car throughout the past 3 days?

 **Allure** : kashi, it’s your turn to drive… My arms might snap off if I have to hold the steering wheel again

 **takashit** : gotcha.

 **Pidgeot** : i don’t think i’ve ever been this tired

 **Pidgeot** : and I’ve pulled 3 all nighters in a row

 **Mathematics** : Pidge WHEN

 **Pidgeot** : remember finals week?

 **Mathematics** : THATS THE WEEK WHEN YOURE SUPPOSED TO GET THE MOST SLEEP

 **Pidgeot** : oh well

 **LancethePike** : in all fairness, I also pulled 3 all-nighters that week

 **LancethePike** : the only difference is you’re smart and I’m not.

 **Pidgeot** : true…

 **kogayne** : wait… no you ass, you’re smart as hell

 **LancethePike** : my grades say otherwise

 **Hunkules** : oh bullshit. You had ONE C last year and that’s because the Pre-Cal teacher didn’t teach a single thing

 **kogayne** : that’s impressive as fuck man

 **LancethePike** : yeah yeah sure

 **LancethePike** : the only reason i passed physics is because i pulled those three all-nighters.

 **Pidgeot** : speaking of grades, school starts next Wednesday

 **LancethePike** : fuck

 **Hunkukes** : shit

 **kogayne** : oh fuck no

 **Allure** : Lance will you DJ for us pls

 **LancethePike** : gladly

  
**TrashleeAsh > kogayne**

**  
TrashleeAsh** : ugh my mom is being homophobic again (i think?)

 **kogayne** : what’s going on?

 **TrashleeAsh** : we were in the car and she asked me to play my playlist that my sister and i listen to (it happens to be my lgbt playlist) and then she said “you need to change that station. I have a problem with some of your music.”

 **kogayne** : isn’t your uncle gay?

 **TrashleeAsh** : yep. She says she’s not homophobic but then she pulls this… you asked to hear my playlist and then complain about what’s on it… really.

 **TrashleeAsh** : she just texted and said “I don't appreciate that you have been having Lauren listen to so much girl on girl music!! I can understand a bit but really! You must make another playlist because that is too much for a 10 year old!!”

 **kogayne** : are you kidding me

 **TrashleeAsh** : I’m gonna say: “what’s wrong with it, really? it’s just music, it’s the same as listening to boy/girl music... I’ll just not let Lauren listen anymore. It’s fine.”

 **kogayne** : your mom is being such a bitch. i can’t believe

 **kogayne** : yeah. That sounds good.

 **TrashleeAsh** : “I don't mind a little but like half or more of the playlist is girl on girl stuff. I would just like you to please make another list with very few of those songs because Lauren really likes listening with you and please don't tell her I ask this of you.”

 **kogayne** : are you absolutely kidding me

 **kogayne** : how the fuck?

 **kogayne** : why is it bad for a 10 year old with an openly trans brother to listen to lgbt related music? I mean your sister is pretty mature from what i’ve heard, and she’s proud to have a brother?? so???

 **TrashleeAsh** : wow am I over this? yes, yes i am.

 **kogayne** : bitch i am too. I don’t even understand why it’s bad.

 **TrashleeAsh** : she listens to music about straight sex all the goddamn time and mom doesn’t say a single thing

 **kogayne** : that’s so homophobic right there.

 **TrashleeAsh** : i gotta go. We’re at the mall, but i’m still so pissed.

 **kogayne** : it’s gonna be okay, man. You’ll be able to move out really soon and you’ll be able to live and be proud of the way you live.

 **TrashleeAsh** : thanks, Keith

 **kogayne** : no problem.

  
**Allure > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Allure** : guess who has an immense headache

 **Pidgeot** : me

 **Allure** : woah twins

 **LancethePike** : do you want me to grab my advil?

 **Pidgeot** : yes

 **Allure** : please

 **Pidgeot** : t w i n s

 **LancethePike** : Pidge can you move the sleeping mullet, i gotta reach into the boot

 **kogayne** : wH

 **Pidgeot** : PFFFFHAHA

 **Allure** : what

 **Pidgeot** : KEITH WOKE UP AND LANCE’S ASS WAS IN HIS FACE IM-

 **Allure** : AHH HAHAHA

 **kogayne** : that’s an ass right there

 **Hunkules** : oh my god your FACE

**[Photo from Hunkules]**

**kogayne** : well you’d be red too if you woke up and there was a very pretty boy’s ass in your face

 **Hunkules** : you got me there.

 **LancethePike** : lmao sorry Keith

 **LancethePike** : Allura here’s your drugs

 **Allure** : …...thank you Lance

 **kogayne** : its all chill

 **Pidgeot** : thank GOOOOOD

 **Hunkules** : GUYS

 **LancethePike** : WHAT

 **Hunkules** : YOU KNOW THE “WHEN WILL YOU LEARN THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES” KID?

 **LancethePike** : MY FAVORITE MEME

 **Mathematics** : THE BEST VIDEO ON THE INTERNET?

 **Allure** : i have a story about him after you’re done, Hunk

 **Hunkules** : OKAY WELL GUESS WHAT

 **Pidgeot** : I’m on the edge of my seat here, bud

 **Hunkules** : HE GOES TO IUPUI, IS 19, AND LIVES IN INDIANAPOLIS

 **LancethePike** : WHAT

 **Mathematics** : I JUST GOT WHIPLASH,,, REALLY?!

 **Pidgeot** : SAMMY ZENITH, A LEGEND

 **Hunkules** : WE LIVE AN HOUR AND A HALF AWAY FROM HIM

 **LancethePike** : QOZUQUSIWHDUEKDIDB

 **kogayne** : why is Lance seizuring

 **kogayne** : Sammy? as in Sammy Zenith?

 **LancethePike** : YEAH

 **kogayne** : oh! He and I were friends way back in the day. I was like 6 and he was 7.

 **LancethePike** : NOW I GOT WHIPLASH

 **Mathematics** : YOU WERE /FRIENDS/ WITH SAMMY?!

 **Pidgeot** : WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME THIS

 **Allure** : things just got very quiet and everyone started typing at the speed of light what’s happening

 **Allure** : KEITH

 **Allure** : YOU WERE FRIENDS?!

 **kogayne** : yeah, he follows me on instagram and twitter. Snapchat too.

 **LancethePike** : K EITH

 **kogayne** : I didn’t realize you were such a big fan

 **LancethePike** : Keith Kogane. You didn’t tell ME, the resident MEME that you were friends with a BIG MEME?!

 **kogayne** : it didn’t cross my mind

 **Mathematics** : wait wait wait

 **Mathematics** : /YOU’RE/ the resident meme?!

 **Pidgeot** : oh no

 **LancethePike** : Yeah, the fuck you gonna do about it?

 **Mathematics** : DONT MAKE ME COME BACK THERE

 **LancethePike** : try me, Holt

 **Mathematics** : when we get to Slovakia. You. Me. Challenge to see who can quote the most vines. Loser has to buy the winner ice cream.

 **LancethePike** : oh you’re so on.

 **Allure** : i’m gonna tell my story now

 **Allure** : so I was at a party with one of my friends, Luxia, and we were watching that whole video, then we found one that was more recent (it was 2016) and we clicked it and when his voice changed from “ActIOnS hAve CoNSEquEnSEs” to “Hey guys, today instead of one song, i’m gonna okay two!” we SCREAMED. Literally, high pitched, shrill screaming at his voice.

 **Pidgeot** : MOOD

 **kogayne** : Alluraaaaaaaaaaaa

 **Allure** : yes?

 **kogayne** : how much longerrrrrrrr

 **Allure** : about 2 hours

 **kogayne** : UGHHHHHH

 **LancethePike** : i have to pee again

 **Allure** : Really?! you have a bladder the size of a seseme seed

 **LancethePike** : it’s been like 5 hours since we last went

 **LancethePike** : and i drank a whole cappuccino and a water bottle

 **Allure** : u g h fine

 **Allure** : why are you laughing

 **Pidgeot** : the memes i sav e are so funny

 **Pidgeot** : and for some reason the Duolingo owl with a gun just,,,,, takes the cake

 **Allure** : okay why is everyone ELSE laughing

 **Hunkules** : bc Pidge started laughing

 **Allure** : oh no

 **Mathematics** : we’ve hit the limit for the length of time we can be in the car

 **Mathematics** : we’ve all hit insanity

 **Allure** : and my headphones are now going in…

**[Photo from LancethePike]**

**[Photo from Pidgeot]**

**  
ShayButter > Pidgeot**

**  
ShayButter** : have you gotten any info on this girl?

 **Pidgeot** : yeah. She’s apparently super nice and pretty. According to Hunk, she’s never hurt a fly.

 **ShayButter** : damn. What does she look like?

 **Pidgeot** : idk, he didn’t say. But he’s sad bc she moved away.

 **ShayButter** : wait… no. no way. Could you put in a good word for me?

 **Pidgeot** : of course.

  
**Pidgeot > Hunkules**

**  
Pidgeot** : did you send Shay that thing about the shea butter?

 **Hunkules** : hhhhh no?

 **Pidgeot** : DO IT

 **Hunkules** : w h y

 **Pidgeot** : NOW

 **Hunkules** : okay okay okay

  
**Hunkules > ShayButter**

**  
Hunkules** : hey, how’s it going?

 **ShayButter** : it’s going, how about you?

 **Hunkules** : well WE’RE going to Slovakia. And it’s going pretty well i think.

 **Hunkules** : have you ever tried Shea butter lotion? It’s so good, It’s almost like I have a crush on Shay.

  
**Hunkules > Pidgeot**

**  
Hunkules** : I DID IT BUT I WASNT SMOOTH AND IM S C A R E D

 **Pidgeot** : wait for it

  
**ShayButter > Hunkules**

**  
ShayButter** : did you…. mean to spell it that way?

 **Hunkules** : yes?

 **ShayButter** : do you mean it?

 **Hunkules** : …..yes?

 **ShayButter** : really? you’re not fucking with me?

 **Hunkules** : no, of course not. Why would i fuck with you like this? You don’t have to say anything. I know you’ve got that thing with the Korean guy.

 **ShayButter** : no no no, I was using him as a coverup. I was talking about you.

 **Hunkules** : ….really?

 **ShayButter** : YES. I wanted to be with you but I didn’t know how so I made him up.

 **Hunkules** : wait so… You like me?

 **ShayButter** : a lot. And you like me?

 **Hunkules** : yeah. Yeah, i do.

 **ShayButter** : so…

 **Hunkules** : listen, I really wanna date you, if that’s something you wanna do, but I’m on my way to Slovakia right now. I’m an ocean away.

 **ShayButter** : so? Fuck the ocean. We can make it.

 **Hunkules** : are you sure you’re okay with long distance?

 **ShayButter** : well yeah, it’s not like you live there now. You’ll be back.

 **Hunkules** : so.. Will you be my girlfriend?

 **ShayButter** : of course.

 **Hunkules** : oh my god. hahaha, I can’t believe it.

 **Hunkules** : remember that time at Timmie’s party when you said that if we got drunk we’d make out? I was trying to find every way possible to get alcohol so that we’d get drunk

 **ShayButter** : I’d make out with you sober

 **Hunkules** : aixisixj me too

 **ShayButter** : I just realized at Emily’s party when you were texting Lance about sitting next to your crush you weren’t next to Kaley, you were underneath the pool table with me.

 **Hunkules** : you’re right. omg.

  
**ShayButter > Pidgeot**

**  
ShayButter** : did you tell him?

 **Pidgeot** : no. I gave him a bit of a shove in the right direction, and by the way his face is flushing and he’s fidgeting, I’d say it worked out well?

 **ShayButter** : god, thanks so much Pidge.

 **Pidgeot** : my pleasure.

  
**Hunkules > Pidgeot**

**  
Hunkules** : how did you know

 **Pidgeot** : I texted her the other day, smart one

 **Pidgeot** : I asked her about the Korean dude and she said he was a coverup.

 **Hunkules** : you sneaky little gremlin

 **Hunkules** : thank you, Pidge.

 **Pidgeot** : don’t mention it

  
**LancethePike > Hunkules**

**  
LancethePike** : what’s up, why are you acting sick

 **Hunkules** : guess what

 **LancethePike** : uhh you found a discount deli

 **Hunkules** : Shay and I are together

 **LancethePike** : wait really

 **Hunkules** : yeah

 **LancethePike** : WOO! THATS MY BEST FRIEND!

 **LancethePike** : WELCOME TO THE RELATIONSHIP SQUAD, MY GOOD MAN

 **Hunkules** : so you and Keith are official now?

 **LancethePike** : you could say that.

 **Hunkules** : ???

 **LancethePike** : don’t worry about it :)

 **Hunkules** : okay then.

 **LancethePike** : congrats, man!

 **Hunkules** : thanks dude.

  
**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

**  
LancethePike** : I’d like to introduce two new members of the relationship squad.

 **LancethePike** : Hunk Garrett and Shay Balmera.

 **Mathematics** : YEAH BUDDY! CONGRATS MAN!

 **Hunkules** : :)

 **Pidgeot** : you’re welcome, Hunk

 **kogayne** : nice job, congrats!

 **Allure** : GET SOME

 **Allure** : ahem. sorry about that.

 **Allure** : only about 30 minutes left

 **LancethePike** : THANK GOD

 **Allure** : oh also, the most budget-conforming place i could get is a studio apartment… So there’s a queen-sized bed for the Adults™ and a pullout couch for you guys to switch off on.

 **Allure** : and we’re going on a grocery run next store we see. We need stuff for dinner tonight and tomorrow.

 **Pidgeot** : okay.

 **LancethePike** : wait wait wait we have to swap out who gets the bed?

 **Mathematics** : unfortunately.

 **Pidgeot** : unfortunately?? Unfortunately for you?? no way, you get to share a bed with your s/o’s

 **LancethePike** : okay so my boy Hunk has a jacked up back and it makes it so that he can’t sleep on the floor.

 **Hunkules** : nah it’ll be cool.

 **LancethePike** : nope. The three of us will switch out. You can get the bed all the time. We don’t wanna make your back worse.

 **Hunkules** : are you sure?

 **Pidgeot** : yeah, man.

 **kogayne** : I can sleep anywhere. I can stick to the floor.

 **LancethePike** : Sure, I’m good with whatever!

 **Allure** : I’m glad you’re already working things out. Sorry I couldn’t find anything bigger, Bratislava is pretty expensive.

 **Hunkules** : nah nah nah it’s okay, Allura. We’re mooching off you anyway. We’ll take what we can get.

 **LancethePike** : yeah, I don’t think Hunk and I have formally thanked you for paying for and and stuff. That’s so nice and generous of you. Also thanks for letting us come in the first place?? You’re so great.

 **Allure** : I do what I can :) thanks for coming to hang out with me though, guys.

 **Pidgeot** : “hang out with you” of course! Why wouldn’t we wanna come hang out with you? You’re a great person!

 **Mathematics** : and beautiful too.

 **Hunkules** : yeah, you’re giving us a life experience right here.

 **kogayne** : You’re a great match for Matt and my brother. You keep Matt in check and you make sure Shiro is calm. Also, you’re so GENEROUS.

 **Allure** : awwww you guys!

 **LancethePike** : Princess Allura Altea.

 **Mathematics** : don’t push it, Lance

 **LancethePike** : sorry sorry

 **kogayne** : yeah Lance, don’t push it.

 **LancethePike** : :/

 **Pidgeot** : in other news, it looks like it’s gonna rain.

  
**TheRaven > LancethePike**

**  
TheRaven** : yoooo

 **LancethePike** : Raven! What’s up?

 **TheRaven** : I’m bored tbh, how bout you?

 **LancethePike** : you don’t know bored until you’ve been sitting in a car for 11 hours

 **TheRaven** : oh I did that. Except it was a bus with 50 other girls when my band class went to DC in 7th grade. Yeah, I got lost that trip and almost got left behind at a wax museum.

 **LancethePike** : …..oh

 **TheRaven** : lololol

 **TheRaven** : where’re you headed in the car so long?

 **LancethePike** : Bratislava, Slovakia.

 **TheRaven** : ahh.

 **LancethePike** : you gonna do something with Logan today?

 **TheRaven** : nah, it’s a cleaning day.

 **LancethePike** : ahh i hate cleaning days. Especially if it’s a day before my abuelita comes… my mom is STRESSED when abuelita comes… it’s gives me anxiety.

 **TheRaven** : yeah, your abuelita scares me even from like 800 miles away.

**[2 Photos from LancethePike]**

**LancethePike** : look at all these windmills! I only see this many when I go to Chicago. On the way there we pass so many windmills.

 **TheRaven** : that’s so pretty… Especially with the stormy sky in the background. I’ve found my aesthetic

 **LancethePike** : hey hey hey what’s the windmill’s favorite genre of music?

 **TheRaven** : what is it?

 **LancethePike** : well he’s a big metal fan

 **TheRaven** : oh that was bad… I love it.

 **LancethePike** : *bows* Thank you, I’ll be here all week

 **TheRaven** : psh get out.

 **LancethePike** : WOO we’re officially in Bratislava. We gotta find our apartment, though,

 **TheRaven** : yay!! Congrats on making it this far!

 **LancethePike** : thanks!

 **LancethePike** : oh guess what happened today!

 **TheRaven** : what?

 **LancethePike** : Hunk got himself a gf

 **TheRaven** : oooooo

 **LancethePike** : She’s our friend, Shay. The three of us have been friends since 4th grade.

 **TheRaven** : tell him I said congrats!

 **LancethePike** : I will!

 **TheRaven** : ooof I gotta run, my mom’s gonna kill me if i don’t have my room clean within the hour

 **LancethePike** : good luck omg pls don’t die

 **TheRaven** : I’ll try.

  
**Pidgeot > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Pidgeot** : and that’s how i singlehandedly took down the entire Spanish Armada

 **LancethePike** : what did I walk into

 **Pidgeot** : oh, we’re talking about a dream I had

 **LancethePike** : i leave to talk to Raven for TWO MINUTES and this is what i come back to

 **Pidgeot** : not my fault

 **Allure** : I gotta message the host’s mom so that she can bring the keys out… this is a weird situation.

 **Mathematics** : i’ve never seen this before. going to the host’s mom’s job at the hospital to get the keys… hmm.

 **LancethePike** : I’m just waiting to piss

 **kogayne** : tmi

 **LancethePike** : i give 0 shits

 **Pidgeot** : and yet you seem to give a lot of piss

 **Hunkules** : eyyyyy good one

 **kogayne** : i gotta look in the mirror real quick while shiro’s inside.

 **kogayne** : what the FUCK lance

 **kogayne** : stop laughing you’re shaking my entire body

 **Allure** : what’d he do

 **Pidgeot** : slid into Keith’s seat when he stood up to look in the mirror so Keith sat on his lap

 **LancethePike** : that was a bad idea I have to piss even worse now

 **kogayne** : that’s what you get

 **LancethePike** D,:

 **takashit** : coming back with the keys

 **Mathematics** : NICE

 **takashit** : we’re 12 kilometers away so about 20 mins

 **LancethePike** : thank GOD

 **Mathematics** : Allura, are you excited to see him?

 **Allure** : yes! We only have to survive tomorrow and then I get to see him again!

 **Pidgeot** : I’d be excited too. You guys were like siblings.

 **Allure** : it’s true, we were super close.

 **Hunkules** : wait, why aren’t we seeing him tomorrow?

 **Allure** : he’s been traveling with his friends and he doesn’t get back until early on the 5th.

 **Hunkules** : oohhhh. Well, I’m excited to meet him. From what you’ve told us, he seems super cool.

 **Allure** : yeah, I hope he hasn’t changed. It’s been a year since i’ve seen him.

 **Mathematics** : I’m sure it’ll be just like old times, princess.

 **Allure** : thanks, Matt. I’m excited to introduce you all.

 **LancethePike** : well you’d better be!

 **Allure** : oh, we’re here

 **kogayne** : FINALLY

 **LancethePike** : T H A N K

 **Pidgeot** : time to stop sitting in a car and instead sit in an apartment.

 **Allure** : Pidge, you’re gonna help me make dinner

 **Pidgeot** : is this because we’re both girls because thats some sexist stuff right there.

 **Allure** : ….nevermind Hunk would be more helpful. Pidge, you’re not escaping dishes, though.

 **Hunkules** : yes! what’re we making?

 **Allure** : we found fish sticks

 **kogayne** : FISH STICKS

 **takashit** : oh now you got him started

 **kogayne** : I LOVE FISH STICKS

 **kogayne** : IVE MISSED FISH STICKS

 **kogayne** : I LOVE YOU ALLURA THANK YOU FOR GETTING FISH STICKS

 **Mathematics** : hey wait, back off

 **kogayne** : oh fuck off matt i don’t love my brother’s girlfriend romantically. I’m gay.. also that’s so weird.

 **LancethePike** : f i s h s t i c k s

 **LancethePike** : every poor kid’s favorite food. I’m READY

 **takashit** : carry in your shit guys come on pls.

 **Pidgeot** : shit my phone is gonna die. MOVE IT GUYS LETS GET INSIDE

 **Hunkules** : a true delicacy, fish sticks

 **Mathematics** : shut up about the fish sticks and get inside p l e a s e

 **Pidgeot** : what. the. fuck.

 **takashit** : what

**[Photo from Pidgeot]**

**Pidgeot** : look at this goddamn elevator

 **kogayne** : guess who’s taking the stairs

 **Pidgeot** : i’m gonna try it. Matt?

 **Mathematics** : sure, why not

 **kogayne** : …

 **kogayne** : did it work

 **Pidgeot** : no, we couldn’t open the door on the way out

 **Mathematics** : it was locked from the outside

 **takashit** : why would an elevator lock from the outside?

 **Pidgeot** : beats me, but we’re at the door.

 **Mathematics** : holy. shit.

 **Mathematics** : I’m not pinning this on Allura by any means but i don’t know how we’re gonna fit 7 people in here. This is so small.

 **Pidgeot** : the kitchen is tiny!

 **Mathematics** : oh, and we’re sharing a room too.

 **Hunkules** : wait wait wait the kitchen is what?

 **Hunkules** : w h a t

 **LancethePike** : this is going to be very interesting.

 **Allure** : holy shit are you kidding me

 **Allure** : I knew it was small but I didn’t think it was gonna be THIS small

 **LancethePike** : As soon as we’re done unpacking, however we’re doing that, i’m showering

 **Hunkules** : and I’m making dem fish sticks

 **Pidgeot** : pls have good wifi? pls have that be the redeeming feature?

 **Mathematics** : lmao nope

 **Pidgeot** : gREAT

 **kogayne** : I told you I can sleep anywhere. I stayed in a place this size with 9 other people at one of the foster places. It was awful, but I made it work

 **LancethePike** : oh you poor soul

 **Pidgeot** : who's taking the bed tonight

 **LancethePike** : you can

 **Pidgeot** : okay, cool thanks.

 **LancethePike** : well, *sigh* Good Luck Charlie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch me throwing in a strategically placed Dirty Laundry reference lmaoooo. Also true story, I found out that I live an hour and a half away from Sammy :)
> 
> Arc list!!
> 
> -Hunk/Shay [WOO]  
> -Artist Keith  
> -Lance’s internet friend  
> -______’s ___ [NEWLY INTRODUCED]  
> -______ and _____ are like ________  
> -______ and _____
> 
> Thanks so much for reading this ahh!!


	22. Everyone is Tense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LancethePike: I hate being alive
> 
> Allure: well isn’t this group chat just a bundle of joy today
> 
> Pidgeot: ugh.
> 
> Everyone is very grumpy and tired... Keith is a sad boi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i’m sorry this is so short I was actually falling asleep while writing it
> 
> TW:  
> -mentioned hatred of life

**kogayne > LancethePike**

**  
kogayne** : what are you doing

 **LancethePike** : cuddling with your dog

 **kogayne** : at three AM?

 **kogayne** : why aren’t you cuddling with ME?

 **LancethePike** : everyone else is asleep. We don’t need to keep up the act.

 **kogayne** : …yeah okay. I’m going to sleep though. Night.

 **LancethePike** : night.

**[kogayne Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**  
kogayne > TrashleeAsh**

**  
kogayne** : you free to talk?

 **TrashleeAsh** : yep

 **kogayne** : so lemme send you some screenshots and we’ll analyze

**[Photo from kogayne]**

**kogayne** : there’s nothing to really analyze but like…. for the past few weeks we’ve been totally down with keeping up the act even when there’s no one around. It made me feel good, like I was in an actual relationship.. you know?

 **TrashleeAsh** : maybe he’s dealing with something atm?

 **kogayne** : maybe… I’ll have to ask Hunk. Still, I was under the impression that he actually enjoyed being romantic with me. Maybe he’s a better actor than I thought.

 **TrashleeAsh** : I’m sure there’s nothing to be worried about… and if there is, I’ll throw the fuck down.

 **kogayne** : thanks Ashton. I guess I just don’t know what to think. I should just erase the slimmer of hope of him actually liking me back.

 **TrashleeAsh** : if he hurts you again, we’re going to have to have some words. He shouldn’t lead you on and then ignore you??

 **kogayne** : i mean, he didn’t lead me on. I agreed to do a fake dating thing with him and i ever so stupidly fell for him… i guess he just doesn’t feel that way.

 **TrashleeAsh** : keep your chin up. If he’s hurting you, you’re too good for him. You don’t need his bs.

 **kogayne** : you’re right. i’m gonna watch him for the next few days and see what’s the real tea.

 **TrashleeAsh** : good idea. But you need to rest bc rumor has it you have a big day tomorrow

 **kogayne** : not tomorrow… the next day :/

 **kogayne** : and I cant imagine anyone wanting to stay home tomorrow,,, so we’ll probably go to a mall or something with AC

 **TrashleeAsh** : welp good luck with that

 **kogayne** : thanks… goodnight, Ash

 **TrashleeAsh** : sleep tight, Keith

  
**takashit > eur-in for treat**

**  
takashit** : so what are we doing today

 **Allure** : we sure as hell aren’t staying in this shithole all day

 **takashit** : what’re you in the mood for? I can google nearby places.

 **Allure** : why don’t we go shopping? It sounds fun, right?

 **takashit** : sure! Lemme google…

 **takashit** : there’s a huge mall about 5 mins away from here.

 **Allure** : cool… I hope these guys wake up soon.

 **takashit:** ‘Llura it’s 7:30. Matt’s not even up yet.

 **Allure** : okay, well then I’m gonna go for a drive so that I don’t go insane.

 **takashit** : have fun. I’ll watch the kids. Can you bring me back a coffee?

 **Allure** : yep.

 **takashit** : thanks, princess.

**[Photo from takashit]**

**takashit** : the boys are snuggling with Akira,,, my heart

 **takashit** : oh yeah i forgot I’m the only one in the chat right now

 **takashit** : this is why i wish I had other friends

 **kogayne** : damn Shiro wake us all up with notifications won’t you

 **takashit** : oops… It’s okay to back to sleep im sorry

  
**Pidgeot > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Pidgeot** : coffee

 **takashit** : the machine is broken (unsurprisingly) so there is none

 **Pidgeot** : Allura?

 **Allure** : sorry, Pidge. I already made my morning run.

 **takashit** : we’ll get some at the mall. For now, get up and get ready to leave. The quicker we’re ready, the quicker we get coffee.

 **Pidgeot** : ugh.

 **kogayne** : yeah, what she said.

 **Hunkules** : why does it feel so early

 **takashit** : it’s 9:45

 **Hunkules** : that’s why. I’m usually up before Pidge, though. Odd.

 **takashit** : we DID just spend an entire day travelling. It takes a lot out of you.

 **kogayne** : we were sitting in the same car for 11 hours. I wouldn’t exactly call it exhausting.

 **takashit** : would you mind waking Lance and Matt? I’m getting in the shower

 **Hunkules** : sure.

 **LancethePike** : I hate being alive

 **Allure** : well isn’t this group chat just a bundle of joy today

 **Pidgeot** : ugh.

 

 **Allure** : we’re going to a mall… get ready so we can go and get coffee on the way.

 **kogayne** : I’ve never seen a man leave bed faster than Matthew Holt upon reading this text

 **Allure** : lmao

 **Hunkules** : I need a shower

 **kogayne** : I could use one too, but I can hold off until later.

 **LancethePike** : Keith Kogane, stinky boi

 **Allure** : g e t r e a d y

  
**LancethePike > kogayne**

**  
LancethePike** : yo are you okay? you seem a little out of it

 **kogayne** : I’m fine. I’ll be good when i get my coffee

 **LancethePike** : rt

 

**Hunkukes > eur-in for a treat**

 

 **Hunkules** : I didn’t get to check yesterday, but am I allowed to make a separate chat and add Shay?

 **Allure** : go for it!

 **Hunkules** : NICE

  
 **Hunkules** created a chat with **kogayne** , **Pidgeot** , **ShayButter** , **Mathematics** , **Allure** , **takashit** , and **LancethePike**

 **Hunkules** named the chat **Relationship Squad + Pidge**

 **Hunkules** : i don’t have a better name, so… yeah

 **Hunkules** : everyone, this is Shay Balmera, my girlfriend.

 **LancethePike** : two things, first, Hi Shay, how’s it going? Second, Hunk, you need the name to be something exciting.

 **LancethePike** changed the chat name from **Relationship Squad + Pidge** to **RS and the Bird**

 **LancethePike** : THERE we go

 **Pidgeot** : A+ for originality

 **LancethePike** : thank you, Pidge.

 **Hunkules** : shes obviously still sleeping, so let’s leave this chat alone and go to ours.

 

**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat  
**

**  
LancethePike** : YALL

 **LancethePike** : I got QUITE THE DEAL over here. 2 shirts for 5,99€, that’s really not bad. They’re really cute, too. They’ll look good with my skin

 **Pidgeot** : lmao good for you,,, I’m chilling at the Apple store. The cashier and I are already best buds

 **Allure** : you found someone who speaks English?

 **Pidgeot** : lol no, but we understand each other

 **Allure** : ……...okay.

  
**Mathematics > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Mathematics** : never have I been so bored. We’ve been here for 6 hours. I wanna go somewhere else.

 **Allure** : fine then, you google it.

 **Mathematics** : there’s a cute looking bookstore in Old Town. It’s called “Eleven Books and Coffee” we should go there

 **Allure** : to the car, everyone

 **LancethePike** : books are not my friend, as much as I try to read them… My ADHD gets crazy.

 **Hunkules** : it’s alright, dude. We’re just gonna go chill for a bit. You’ll be cool

 **takashit** : afterward we can pick up pizza

 **Pidgeot** : yeet

 **kogayne** : at the car w Lance and Hunk

 **kogayne** : and Matt and Allura

 **kogayne** : okay cool let’s go

 **Hunkules** : aww this so so charming

 **Allure** : I’m gonna try their Blueberry Lavender lemonade… it sounds heavenly.

 **Pidgeot** : I have found a book

 **Hunkules** : me too

  
**ShayButter > RS and the Bird**

**  
ShayButter** : Hello everyone! Nice name, Lance, and I’m doing well, thanks! How about all of you? What are you up to today?

 **Hunkules** : we went to one of the malls

 **LancethePike** : I got two shirts

 **Pidgeot** : I talked to the Apple guy

 **Allure** : I looked for a new purse

 **Mathematics** : Shiro, Keith, and I walked around the Gucci store.

 **Allure** : oh yeah, we haven’t introduced ourselves.

 **Allure** : I’m Allura Altea.

 **takashit** : Shiro.

 **Mathematics** : hey Shay, it’s me, Matt

 **kogayne** : and I’m Keith. Shiro’s brother.

 **takashit** : oh yeah, I’m dating Allura and Matt. Keith and Lance are dating, Matt and Pidge are siblings, aaand… Yeah.

 **ShayButter** : nice to meet you all!!

 **Allure** : likewise!

  
**L’oreal > Allure**

**  
L’oreal** : Hello, Allura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that cliffhanger... wow. A r c s! The new arcs are shown as “•” and the old ones left to guess are still “-“
> 
> -Artist Keith  
> -Lance’s internet friend  
> -Hunk/Shay  
> -July 18th  
> -______’s ___  
> -______ and _____ [NEWLY INTRODUCED]  
> -______ and _____ are like ________  
> •________ Keith [NEWLY INTRODUCED]
> 
> thanks so so so much for reading!!


	23. Meeting The Slovakians ft Lotor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunkules: am I the only one that’s nervous
> 
> LancethePike: you’re asking a guy with anxiety if he’s nervous….
> 
> Hunkules: I mean about meeting Jakub
> 
> We meet Jakub!! Also Lance is distant and Keith is sad about it... ft. Lotor is a hoe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi it’s another rly short (and late) chapter i APOLOGISE...
> 
> I accidentally skipped two days so i got the last chapter and this one out in one day but I didn’t get today’s our so I’m just....... behind. Don’t worry, I’ll catch it up!

**L’oreal > Allure**

**  
L’oreal** : Hello, Allura.

 **L’oreal** : Oh, you’re not going to answer me? That’s no way to catch up with an old friend.

 **Allure** : Hello, Lotor. How are you?

 **L’oreal** : I’m well, thank you for asking, and you?

 **Allure** : I’m fine.

 **L’oreal** : How are your boyfriends?

 **Allure** : they’re doing fine. What do you want, Lotor?

 **L’oreal** : I heard you’re on a trip with some friends. How’s that going?

 **Allure** : Lotor. Skip the formalities. What do you need?

 **L’oreal** : I’ll cut to the chase, then. Because you are… doing whatever you’re doing in Europe, my father is taking up two of your clients.

 **Allure** : Who?

 **L’oreal** : Ryner Alkari and Te-Osh Relba

 **Allure** : Damn. Why are you telling me this?

 **L’oreal** : To help you out, of course. You won’t be needing to look into their cases anymore.

 **Allure** : I’m sure that’s why you contacted me.

 **L’oreal** : Now Allura, we’ve had our differences in the past, but this is really just to help you. I’m a changed man.

 **Allure** : In that case, thank you for letting me know. Best of luck to your father.

  
**Allure > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Allure** : god fucking dammit

 **Mathematics** : woah woah woah what’s going on, princess?

 **Allure** : It’s that godawful Lotor again. His dad took two of my clients… Two really big cases that I was almost done with. Goddammit.

 **takashit** : Lotor Daibazaal?

 **Allure** : the very one.

 **takashit** : damn. I never liked him at all.

 **Mathematics** : ‘Llura, don’t let him get you down, okay? He’s trying to start trouble. But you’re going to see Jakub today! Ignore that piece of shit and focus on your little bro!

 **Allure** : you’re right.

 **Hunkules** : wait,,, who’s Lotor?

 **Allure** : He went to college with us. We dated for two months before I got with Shiro and Matt. He was and is a manipulative piece of shit that says things just to get under your skin. He claims he’s a changed man after he told me about his father, but I’m not so sure.

 **Pidgeot** : oh what an asshole. I remember on weekends, Matt would come home and complain to our parents about him. From what I heard he was a real douche.

 **Mathematics** : it’s true.

 **LancethePike** : I already hate this guy…

 **takashit** : but like Matt said earlier, let’s focus on meeting Jakub today. Go get ready, we’re gonna meet him soon.

 **Allure** : I’m going to shower.

  
**Allure > JakisBak**

**  
Allure** : hey! Where do you want to meet?

 **JakisBak** : Should we take a bus to your home and then go from there?

 **Allure** : well… our apartment is very small. Would you rather we come to yours and go from there?

 **JakisBak** : That’s fine. We just got back in Bratislava from Egypt, so we need maybe an hour to get shower and ready.

 **Allure** : gotcha. Will you send your address?

**[Address from JakisBak]**

**Allure** : thanks!! Let us know when you’re ready!

 **JakisBak** : okay, we’re good.

 **Allure** : On our way!

  
**Hunkules > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Hunkules** : am I the only one that’s nervous

 **LancethePike** : you’re asking a guy with anxiety if he’s nervous….

 **Hunkules** : I mean about meeting Jakub

 **LancethePike** : ofc i’m nervous. I’ve never met a Slovakian before.

 **Pidgeot** : y’all… it’s alright. I met Jakub twice and he was a cool af dude.

 **Mathematics** : Jakub is a super fun guy. We used to play minecraft together on a shared server with Allura and Shiro. It was crazy

 **kogayne** : yeah, until you “accidentally” burnt down the huge house that you guys made

 **Mathematics** : shhhhhhHHHH

 **LancethePike** : omg this is a minecraft dude??? pls don’t tell me he’s a total nerd… I don’t wanna be seen in public with more than 3 total nerds

 **Mathematics** : hey i take great offense to that

 **takashit** : it seems that my type isn’t appreciated here

 **kogayne** : wait who are the total nerds

 **LancethePike** : Matt Pidge and Allura

 **Allure** : wait why me

 **LancethePike** : you’re a LAWYER

 **Allure** : point taken

 **Allure** : but in all seriousness, where are they? we’ve been standing here for like a minute and a half

 **takashit** : calm down, ‘Llura. He and Lukas will be here soon.

 **Hunkules** : ….Lukas?

 **Mathematics** : Jakub’s twin brother

 **LancethePike** : there’s two of them?

 **Allure** : did we not tell you?

 **LancethePike** : NO??????

 **Allure** : oh. Jakub has a twin brother, Lukas

 **Hunkules** : wow that’s great okay

 **takashit** : I’m gonna get my camera ready.

 **Hunkules** : I’ve never heard Allura scream this much

 **LancethePike** : they’re not complete nerds… or at least they don’t look like it.

 **Hunkules** : pssst how do we tell which one is which

 **LancethePike** : i have no idea… oh shit she’s introducing us…

  
**LancethePike > Hunkules**

**  
LancethePike** : Lukas keeps talking about traditional Slovakian food and i don’t understand

 **Hunkules** : I thought that they got beer but it was really “coke, but better.” Quote, Lukas.

 **LancethePike** : well we gotta be happy bc Allura seems enthralled in their presence

 **Hunkules** : Enthralled… never heard you use that one before

 **LancethePike** : oh can it

  
 **Allure** created a chat with **Lukaso, JakisBak, Pidgeot, takashit, kogayne, LancethePike, Hunkules,** and **Mathematics**

 **Allure** named the chat **The Bros and the Hoes 2k18**

 **LancethePike** : Allura, I have to say I’m impressed with the name. 12/10

 **Allure** : thank you, I try

 **Hunkules** : I’d just like to say thanks again, today was really fun and you guys are cool dudes. I’m looking forward to hanging out some more.

 **Lukaso** : back at you!

 **LancethePike** : also thank you for paying for dinner…. That’s so nice of you

 **JakisBak** : If we’re being honest, We have a deal with our mom. Since Allura and her dad paid for me to live there for a year, we have to pay for everything we do for this week.

 **Pidgeot** : oh damn i like your mom… she’s a smart lady.

 **Lukaso** : yes, she is smart!

 **takashit** : it’s nice to see your two again. I’m glad we could visit and I’m looking forward to the rest of the week.

 **kogayne** : ^

 **Mathematics** : ^^

 **Pidgeot** : ^^^

 **JakisBak** : sleep well, you guys! We’ll see you tomorrow at noon at your place!

 **Pidgeot** : sweet dreams you two

 **LancethePike** : what about the rest of us

 **Pidgeot** : fuk u

 **LancethePike** :O

  
**TrashleeAsh > kogayne**

**  
TrashleeAs** h: so what’s the tea with ur man

 **kogayne** : he’s acting distant but also normal

 **TrashleeAsh** : …

 **TrashleeAsh** : you’re gonna have to give me more than that

 **kogayne** : okay. Usually he gives me a good morning kiss and a good night kiss (and some in between) but all we did today was some hand holding and he put his arm around me and no pet names either. But then he also acted totally normal with the others around… Idk.

 **TrashleeAsh** : keep watching him and maybe ask Hunk…

 **kogayne** : yeah… I’ll do that.

  
 **kogayne** > Hunkules

  
 **kogayne** : hey. Have you noticed anything…. off about Lance?

 **Hunkules** : not really, why? Have you noticed something?

 **kogayne** : ...no. Never mind, it’s all good

 **Hunkules** : are you sure?

 **kogayne** : positive

  
**kogayne > TrashleeAsh**

**  
kogayne** : Hunk doesn’t know anything

 **TrashleeAsh** : damn…

 **kogayne** : I’m just gonna sleep on it. Maybe it’ll be fine tomorrow.

 **TrashleeAsh** : I hope so. Sleep well, Keith

  
**Hunkules > LancethePike**

**  
Hunkules** : hey, are you alright, dude?

 **Hunkules** : Keith pointed out that you’ve been a bit less…. clingy to him today

 **LancethePike** : yeah, I’m okay. Just a bit homesick is all. I’ll be fine.

 **Hunkules** : okay, buddy. I’m here if you ever need to talk about it.

 **LancethePike** : thanks, Hunk. Sweet dreams.

  
**LancethePike > Allure**

**  
LancethePike** : we have a problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so so much for reading this!! Arcs:
> 
> -Zarkon and Lotor [IN PROGRESS]  
> -Artist Keith  
> -Lance’s internet friend  
> -Hunk/Shay  
> -______’s ___  
> -______ and _____ are like ________  
> •________ [IN PROGRESS]


	24. The Bros and the Hoes 2k18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidgeot: dinosdinosdinos
> 
> Hunkules: i wanna see some giraffes
> 
> takashit: is it weird that I want a pet lion
> 
> They go to a zoo with Jakub and Lukas! Lance..... well...... huh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha! I’m all caught up! Woo!!

**Allure > The Bros and the Hoes 2k18**

**  
Allure** : we’re waiting for you! Pidge is outside ready to let you in.

 **JakisBak** : okay! We’re on our way.

 **Hunkules** : what are we gonna do today?

 **JakisBak** : we were thinking the mall for a bit and then the zoo!

 **kogayne** : are there hippos

 **JakisBak** : yes

 **kogayne** : I’m down

 **Allure** : lol

 **LancethePike** : oh yeah, you’re gonna take us to the “better” mall

 **JakisBak** : i swear it’s actually like 1000% better.

 **Hunkules** : well the “better” coke is better so i’ll take your word for it

 **JakisBak** : good :)

 **JakisBak** : we just pulled up, be ready!

  
**Allure > LancethePike**

**  
Allure** : what’s up? Are you okay?

 **LancethePike** : so you know how I’m completely and utterly falling for Keith

 **Allure** : yes

 **LancethePike** : well I fucked up

 **Allure** : pls give me details don’t leave me in the dark like this

 **LancethePike** : the other day I was cuddling with Akira and he said “why aren’t you cuddling ME” and i go “everyone’s asleep, we don’t have to keep up the act”

 **Allure** : LANCE

 **LancethePike** : and he’s been kinda depresso ever since so like???? did i say something wrong???

 **Allure** : i mean kinda…

 **LancethePike** : fuck

 **LancethePike** : i was so scared of him finding out my feelings so I just went with “we don’t have to do the act” and now i pushed him away.

 **Allure** : you can fix this, you know. Just message him and apologize. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Say you were homesick or something.

 **LancethePike** : hhhh okay… Apparently he asked Hunk if i was being weird….. idk how much longer we can keep up the act without the drama bringing everyone into it.

 **Allure** : Just message him. Talk it over. you got this.

 **LancethePike** : I’m not…. I’m not telling him my feelings…

 **Allure** : you don’t have to. Just apologize.

 **LancethePike** : hhhhh okay.

 

**LancethePike > kogayne**

**  
LancethePike** : hey chico lindo!

 **kogayne** : i thought we didn’t have to keep up the act

 **LancethePike** : I want to apologize for that. I… guess I was just homesick and didn’t really wanna talk to anyone. I’m really sorry for saying that, I wasn’t thinking. And I want to keep up the act…

 **kogayne** : I can’t stay mad at you. I was confused at first, but it’s clear now. Thanks for apologizing.

 **LancethePike** : Let’s pull the world’s greatest prank together, huh? You and me?

 **kogayne** : team klance. We’re gonna kill it.

**[LancethePike Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**[kogayne Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**  
LancethePike > Allure**

**  
[Photo from LancethePike]**

**LancethePike** : team klance… he really said that…

 **Allure** : I’m glad you did that. Now you can get back to being your gay self.

 **LancethePike** : bi*

 **Allure** : bi self.

  
**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

**  
LancethePike** : y’all guess who just got some more new shirts

 **Hunkules** : nice, man!!

 **LancethePike** : Keith and I are gonna hit up Starbucks. Want anything?

 **Hunkules** : Chai Latte pls

 **Pidgeot** : dark roast with 5 espresso shots

 **LancethePike** : no way… that’ll kill you

 **Pidgeot** : I’m here for a good time, not a long time

 **LancethePike** : yeah, well as your elder and pseudo-brother, I say no

 **Pidgeot** : fine. A caramel latte then. iced.

 **LancethePike** : there we go.

 **LancethePike** : anyone else?

 **Allure** : ooo can I get an iced green tea, no water, three splenda please?

 **LancethePike** : you got it. Meet us outside H&M to grab your drinks

 **Allure** : okay!

  
**kogayne > The Bros and the Hoes 2k18**

**  
kogayne** : shit. Uh, can you guys come to the west escalator?? we have a problem.

 **Lukaso** : what kind of problem?

 **kogayne** : a Lance’s shoe got stuck in the escalator and now he’s on the floor moaning in pain kind of problem

 **LancethePike** : I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine don’t make a big deal about it. It’s just sprained.

 **Allure** : are you okay???

 **Hunkules** : do you need anything??

 **LancethePike** : no, I know how to take care of it. This is the third time it’s happened in 6 months

 **Pidgeot** : goddamn, Lance. What the fuck have you been doing?

 **LancethePike** : you forget that I’m a dancer.

 **Hunkules** : oh yeah, didn’t you sprain both ankles the day of your recital?

 **LancethePike** : yep, and I still went on and danced all 10 dances that night.

 **JakisBak** : damn, that’s dedication

 **LancethePike** : yeah, it’s happened before. I can deal, I swear

 **kogayne** : it’s swelling and there’s already bruising

 **LancethePike** : i’m FINE

 **takashit** : you know what your teachers would say? you need to strengthen your ankles.

 **LancethePike** : yeah, but like,,,, ain’t nobody got time for that

 **takashit** : Lance

 **LancethePike** : okay okay, I’ll do some exercises when we get home

 **takashit** : thank you.

 **Lukaso** : in that case, shall we head to the zoo?

 **kogayne** : hipposhipposhippos

 **JakisBak** : yeah, they have a dinosaur exhibit too

 **Pidgeot** : dinosdinosdinos

 **Hunkules** : i wanna see some giraffes

 **takashit** : is it weird that I want a pet lion

 **Allure** : no, I want a pet sting ray. At the zoo, though, i wanna see some kangaroos

 **Mathematics** : ooo those are fun. I love me some chimpanzees

 **Pidgeot** : you’re one of them

 **LancethePike** : s h a r k s

 **JakisBak** : let’s go!!

  
**Pidgeot > The Bros and the Hoes 2k18**

**  
Pidgeot** : once again, a great day with the twins.

 **Lukaso** : tomorrow, do you guys want to come and swim? We can do a barbecue and play games and things? Our mom says you should spend the night.

 **LancethePike** : y e s

 **Allure** : sure! It’ll be just like old times!

 **JukisBak** : :D

 

**TrashleeAsh > kogayne**

**  
TrashleeAsh: tea?**

**[Photo from kogayne]**

**kogayne** : so he apologized and everything’s normal now… I guess he was homesick. Honestly that kinda doesn’t make sense bc when he’s homesick he wants to be held and talked to… idk. It’s still kinda sketchy but it’s okay because he apologized.

 **TrashleeAsh** : i live for this tea….

 **TrashleeAsh** : maybe things will get better. I mean, he apologized, so that means that he’s gonna fix things, right?

 **kogayne** : i hope so…

 **kogayne** : anyway, I’m gonna get some rest. Goodnight Ashton!

 **TrashleeAsh** : sleep tight, Keith.

  
**kogayne > LancethePike**

**  
kogayne** : are you okay? You’re kinda just laying there

 **LancethePike** : homesick…

 **kogayne** : wanna talk about it?

 **LancethePike** : not really.. but cuddle me?

 **kogayne** : of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **IMPORTANT MESSAGE  
>  I START SCHOOL TOMORROW! THERE WILL BE FIC UPDATES, BUT IT MAY BE A BIT MORE SPREAD OUT! ONCE I GET IN THE FLOW, I’LL COME UP WITH AN UPDATE SCHEDULE! THANK YOU! **
> 
> So everything with Lance’s ankle that happened this chapter actually is a true story, except not on the escalator. I sprained my ankle on a trampoline outside of the mall today oooooops
> 
> Arcs:
> 
> -_______ Keith [IN PROGRESS]  
> -Hunk/Shay  
> -Zarkon and Lotor [IN PROGRESS]  
> -Artist Keith  
> -______ and _____ are like ________  
> -________  
> -Lance’s internet friend  
> -______’s ___ [IN PROGRESS]
> 
> Thanks so so much for reading and sticking with me through my lateness :P


	25. Shortest Chapter In The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LancethePike: oh so when a millionaire does it it’s cool but when I insist on having a skincare routine it’s “stupid” and “a waste of money”
> 
> Mathematics: nice job, Pidge, you got him started
> 
> Pidgeot: oops
> 
> spending the night at the twins’ house!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. This is so short,,,, i’m sorry i was hanging out with the REAL Jakub and Lukas :P
> 
> Edit: lol sorry i thought i posted this earlier. school is eating my ass lmao

**Pidgeot > RS and the Bird**

**  
Pidgeot** : so school starts tomorrow

 **LancethePike** : shut your whore mouth

 **Pidgeot** : I bet it was hard to say that around the dick in your throat

 **LancethePike** : that hardly made sense,,, especially bc it’s 8:30 am and i’m dead

 **Mathematics** : since I’m supposed to be a mature adult now, I’m gonna take you kids to Starbucks so you can do your orientation and then we can head over the Jakub and Lukas’ place

 **Hunkules** : why are we in this gc

 **Pidgeot** : well it was originally to say that we have school bc Shay is here too but now it’s turning into our plans for the day so let’s pop on over to our chat

 **ShayButter** : lol losers i don’t have school till Thursday

 **kogayne** : that’s…. a day after us

 **ShayButter** : shhhHhHHHH

 **Hunkules** : why are you awake

 **ShayButter** : it’s only 2 AM

 **Hunkules** : S I G H

 **Hunkules** : you sound like Pidge

 **Pidgeot** : ha

 **kogayne** : what happened to popping over to eur-in for a treat

 **ShayButter** : that’s the chat name? omg i love it

 **LancethePike** : it wasn’t me that named it this time, surprisingly

 **Pidgeot** : all credit to me

 **ShayButter** : a round of applause, everyone.

 **ShayButter** : wait, so you’ve met Jakub already?

 **Hunkules** : yeah! We didn’t know, but he has a twin brother too. His name is Lukas. They’re identical… it’s a game of “am i talking to the right twin?” all the time

 **ShayButter** : omg lol surprise, there’s two!

 **Pidgeot** : and their mom is making them pay for everything we do bc Allura paid for Jakub for a whole year so WE GOIN TO GUCCI

 **Pidgeot** : just kidding,, we’re not going to gucci. Though Lance does want that 2,250€ jacket that Jeffery Star has

 **LancethePike** : have you seen Shane Dawson’s series with him?

 **Pidgeot** : yes omg what a queen

 **kogayne** : wait which one

 **Pidgeot** : both

 **Hunkules** : i thought you didn’t like makeup because it makes people look fake

 **LancethePike** : uh r00d

 **Pidgeot** : okay well first of all, I live for his tea, he’s a rich ass man with a custom pink Lamborghini and Tesla, AND his face is always perfect. soooooooooo let me live

 **LancethePike** : oh so when a millionaire does it it’s cool but when I insist on having a skincare routine it’s “stupid” and “a waste of money”

 **Mathematics** : nice job, Pidge, you got him started

 **Pidgeot** : oops

 **LancethePike** : and when a rich guy goes into Sephora it’s a selfie opportunity but when I do it it’s “boring watching me lust over eyeshadow pallets” and “never gonna happen bc i cant afford $75 bronzer”

 **Pidgeot** : does…. does this make sense to anyone else

 **Hunkules** : just let him rant

 **LancethePike** : I’m good I’m good I’m chill

 **kogayne** : calm down, baby. One day you’ll get to buy all the makeup you want

 **LancethePike** : THANK YOU, chico lindo. Finally, someone understands me

 **ShayButter** : chico… lindo?

 **Hunkules** : hes p much calling him pretty boy

 **ShayButter** : ah

 **Mathematics** : sorry to interrupt, but you kids need to come with me so we can get you set for school

 **Pidgeot** : Matt you’re supposed to be the cool uncle

 **Mathematics** : unfortunately, you do have to go to school or else we’ll have the police knocking on our door

 **LancethePike** : but MATT

 **ShayButter** : you guys have to suffer with me. If I have to do school, you do too. Besides, it’s easy for you, you don’t have to deal with the bullshit of other close minded teenagers in a breeding ground of hormones

 **kogayne** : you got me there, Matt let’s go

 **Mathematics** : thanks for your cooperation, Keith. I can’t quite say the same about the others…

 **LancethePike** : Starbucks is on me

 **Pidgeot** : NICE

 **ShayButter** : have fun, guys!

 **Hunkules** : sleep well, Shay! Have a good day tomorrow!

 **ShayButter** : :)

  
**Pidgeot > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Pidgeot** : YALL

 **Pidgeot** : THIS ORIENTATION VIDEO

 **LancethePike** : If you look up “bad animation” in the dictionary, THATS WHAT YOU SEE

 **kogayne** : next to the guy with the robot that did educational videos

 **LancethePike** : wait no

 **Hunkules** : that’s an entire childhood right there,,,, how dare you

 **kogayne** : oops controversy

 **Allure** : remember kids, there’s a “no phones or the twins will kick your ass” rule at their place

 **kogayne** : that’s not a problem for me…. Lance on the other hand,,,, well idk

 **LancethePike** : I’m wounded…. attacked by my own boyfriend

 **Pidgeot** : fucking slaughtered

 **Allure** : it’s time to get over there,,, get your teenaged asses over here

 **Hunkules** : never heard that one before

 **Allure** : oh yeah… get your drinking pants on bc they’re totally going to make us drink

 **LancethePike** : my body is ready

 **Pidgeot** : s i g h

 **Allure** : it’s a private space…. just don’t tell anyone and you’ll be fine

 **Pidgeot** : y e e t

  
**takashit > The Bros and the Hoes 2k18**

**  
takashit** : we’re on our way!

 **Lukaso** : :D

 **JakisBak** : you’re staying the night, right?

 **takashit** : yep!

 **LancethePike** : nICE

 **Lukaso** : good! I hope you brought your swimsuits!

 **Mathematics** : of course we did, lmao who do you take us for, idiots?

 **JakisBak** : rrEEEEAHHH RRAAHHH…. IDIOTS

 **Pidgeot** : lolololol

 **LancethePike** : EMBRACE THE MEMES

 **takashit** : we’re here ;)

 **JakisBak** : okay i’ll come get you

 **Hunkules** : see you soon!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this!!! I start school tomorrow so if my schedule gets a little spotty, pls forgive me.
> 
> Arcs:  
> -Artist Keith  
> -_________ Keith  
> -Hunk/Shay  
> -Zarkon and Lotor  
> -Lance’s Internet Friend  
> -______ and _____ are like ________  
> -________


	26. First Day Of School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allure: ADDITION
> 
> Allure: we’re fighting Zarkon and Lotor. They’re from the alien race Galra that kidnapped Shiro in the first place.
> 
> LancethePike: the plot THICKENS
> 
> it’s the first day of school and i mean BULLSHIT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i THINK i’m getting a schedule figured out... bear with me pls  
> also these ice pops are gonna kill me i swear.
> 
> so uh anyway school is shit uh bye

**Hunkules > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Hunkules** : where’s Lance

 **takashit** : still sleeping

 **Pidgeot** : where’s Keith

 **takashit** : still sleeping

 **Hunkules** : OwO? What’s this?

 **Pidgeot** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Mathematics** : why did my sister just sprint toward the bedroom?

**[3 Photos from Pidgeot]**

**Mathematics** : oh. That’s why.

 **Allure** : for someone who is apparently not interested and even disgusted by their relationship, Pidge, you take a LOT of pictures.

 **Pidgeot** : well it’s okay because it worked

 **Hunkules** : what worked?

 **Pidgeot** : Armadillo… remember?

 **Allure** : oh YEAH

 **Allure** : yeah it worked so well, Pidge you’re a genius.

 **Mathematics** : hey wait what about the rest of us?

 **Pidgeot** : nope, just me

 **Pidgeot** : y’all have you heard of Bex Taylor-Klaus?

 **Mathematics** : isn’t that that girl you’re obsessed with?

 **Pidgeot** : shhhhhhhh

 **Hunkules** : the person who looks kinda like you? Like only a tiny bit?

 **Pidgeot** : yeah. Well I was watching her insta story and she SOUNDS like me too. Like a lot… like CRAZY a lot.

 **takashit** : Bex Taylor-Klaus…. she sounds familiar.

 **Pidgeot** : she’s kinda controversial sometimes but like I stan

 **kogayne** : you know who I stan?

 **Hunkules** : oh look who’s awake

 **kogayne** : Steven Yeun.

 **Pidgeot** : yES

 **kogayne** : he love his characters so much,,,, he’s such a smol man

 **Hunkules** : not to mention he sounds like you as well

 **takashit** : that’s so strange because there’s this guy, Josh Keaton, people call him Space Dad, he is apparently really similar to me… or at least his voice is.

 **LancethePike** : Kimberly Brooks sounds like Allura but with an American accent and Tyler Labine sounds like Hunk

 **Hunkules** : that’s so weird

 **Allure** : omg i don’t ever wanna think about it that’s so weird

 **LancethePike** : and Jeremy Shada sounds like me, of course.

 **Pidgeot** : it’s like in some alternate reality, we’re cartoon characters and they’re our voice actors… or vice versa.

 **kogayne** : wait I love that. What would the cartoon be about?

 **Hunkules** : robots

 **takashit** : space

 **Allure** : lions

 **Mathematics** : aliens

 **LancethePike** : WAIT IVE GOT IT

 **Pidgeot** : do tell

 **LancethePike** : so like Shiro, Matt, and Sam went up to kerberos (the moon) and they got abducted by aliens. So then a year later, Shiro comes BLASTING through the atmosphere in an escape ship and he’s yelling about some weapon called Voltron

 **Hunkules** : Voltron?

 **LancethePike**. Hunk, Pidge, and I are watching from the roof of some space exploration academy and we’re like WOAH WE GOTTA GO SEE WHAT THAT IS but then we see Keith riding a hover bike and I’m like “NO WAY” and so we run and save Shiro

 **Mathematics** : when do Allura and I come in

 **LancethePike** : and so we all work together to save Shiro and we ride on Keith’s hover bike to escape the teachers that are trying to get us

 **LancethePike** : and then Keith shows us this giant robot lion that he found and then somehow we get inside and I’m piloting it and we have to stop the aliens from coming to Earth so we fly into space and beat the aliens and then the lion wormholes us to a galaxy FAAAAR away to a planet where there’s a huge castle. So we go inside and meet Princess Allura of planet Altea and her royal adviser Coran who tell us that we have to find the four OTHER lions so we can pilot them and be the defender of the universe. So we find them and the robot lions combine into this huge mecha robot and we save the universe

 **Mathematics** : I was left out

 **LancethePike** : so Matt is missing and Pidge is trying to find him for like….. 4 seasons, and she thinks he’s dead but then she actually finds him and brings him back to the castle.

 **Mathematics** : much better.

 **takashit** : that is a VIVID imagination you got there, kid.

 **LancethePike** : I tell my little siblings stories so that they can sleep. I’m good at coming up with things.

 **kogayne** : we can tell

 **Hunkules** : that was a bit far fetched though, don’t you think? In what world would WE be the defenders of the universe

 **LancethePike** : in one where you’re not so sassy

 **Pidgeot** : OHHHHHH

 **Mathematics** : FCKING SLAUGHTERED

 **Allure** : ADDITION

 **Allure** : we’re fighting Zarkon and Lotor. They’re from the alien race Galra that kidnapped Shiro in the first place.

 **LancethePike** : the plot THICKENS

 **takashit** : okay so not to burst anyone’s bubble but we need to get out of the twins’ hair and go do your schoolwork

 **kogayne** : fUCK

 **Pidgeot** : god fucking shitballs

 **Hunkules** : shiro don’t be a dick

 **takashit** : ooops too late

 **LancethePike** : DAMMIT SHIRO

 **Allure** : that’s it, kids. Get in the car

 **Pidgeot** : but MOOOM

 **Allure** : no fuck you get in the car

 **Hunkules** : UGH

 **takashit** : starbucks on me

 **LancethePike** : slightly less aggressive ugh

 **Allure** : good luck you guys… you’re gonna need it.

  
 **LancethePike** created a chat with **Hunkules, Pidgeot,** and **kogayne**

 **LancethePike** named the chat **Teenage Dream**

 **kogayne** : Teenage Dream?

 **LancethePike** : like the Katy Perry song

 **kogayne** : oh

 **Hunkules** : so this is absolute bullshit.

 **LancethePike** : i agree

 **Pidgeot** : who do you guys have for English?

 **kogayne** : uhhhhh idk

 **Pidgeot** : cause I have this Emily Carilem lady and holy shit

 **Hunkules** : oh I have her. Is it hard?

 **Pidgeot** : it took me three hours to finish her assignment

 **LancethePike** : wait are you kidding me

 **Pidgeot** : it was a two day assignment, so I don’t have to do english tomorrow, but yeah.

 **Hunkules** : my business lesson lasts for 3 days… i don’t wanna do it if it’s gonna be that long

 **kogayne** : wait how many subjects have you all finished

 **Pidgeot** : one

 **Hunkules** : one and a quarter

 **LancethePike** : 2

 **Pidgeot** : how have you finished two already?

 **LancethePike** : I took Spanish this year so i blazed right through… i might have trouble with english though.

 **kogayne** : Wait I’m already done

 **Pidgeot** : WHAT

 **Hunkules** : HOW

 **LancethePike** : WHY

 **kogayne** : I thought it was kinda easy. This means I only have to do calculus tomorrow and I can even get ahead a few days.

 **LancethePike** : that’s bullshit WHAT

 **Pidgeot** : I hate every second of this

 **Hunkules** : rt

 **kogayne** : shit Shiro’s coming back

 

**MamaMcClain > LancethePike**

**  
MamaMcClain** : hola, mijo

 **LancethePike** : ¡hola, mamá!

 **MamaMcClain** : how are you? You started school today, no?

 **LancethePike** : I’m healthy, but school is already gonna kill me…

 **MamaMcClain** : and you’re dramatic as ever

 **LancethePike** : Pidge said it took her three HOURS to do english

 **LancethePike** : English is her first language AND she’s two grades below me

 **LancethePike** : i’m gonna dieeeeeee

 **MamaMcClain** : Lance. It might be tough for the first few days, but you’re gonna make it.

 **LancethePike** : i don’t think so…

 **MamaMcClain** : Well I do. You’ve been through worse. You started kindergarten without knowing any English, that’s impressive. A high school english course isn’t any scarier that that.

 **LancethePike** : i guess.

 **MamaMcClain** : you’ll be fine, Lance. you always are.

 **MamaMcClain** : so what is this thing going on between you and that boy, Keith?

 **LancethePike** : wodiwnxisndj MOM

 **MamaMcClain** : what? I’m just curious?

 **LancethePike** : okay well let me tell you a story

  
**Hunkules > ShayButter**

**  
Hunkules** : that’s it, I’m dead

 **ShayButter** : wait no stop being dead

 **Hunkules** : we started school today

 **ShayButter** : oh yeah,,, how’s that going?

 **Hunkules** : that’s the reason for my death

 **ShayButter** : ah, i see

 **Hunkules** : this is really confusing and idk what to do

 **Hunkules** : my business course looks like it’s gonna take a million years to finish lesson 1

 **Hunkules** : Pidge’s english took 3 hours

 **Hunkules** : Keith is already done

 **Hunkules** : Lance looks like he’s about to have a panic attack

 **Hunkules** : it’s all good here

 **ShayButter** : damn, that’s rough

 **Hunkules** : at least we get to spend the night at Jakub’s again tomorrow.

 **ShayButter** : true! that’s fun! How was it last night?

 **Hunkules** : his house is so cool! we swam and his mom made this really good goulash. It reminded me of my mamaw’s lamb stew.

 **Hunkules** : and the twins played piano. It was so cool. They never let us have an empty glass,,, it was scary. We drank like 7 bottles of this sparkling wine stuff throughout the day and once the Adults™ went to bed, they brought out the jägermeister (which is really good btw)

 **ShayButter** : how are you not hungover

 **Hunkules** : oh I am. It’s making school THAT much worse

 **ShayButter** : jesus

 **Hunkules** : oh well.

 **ShayButter** : gotta run. My dad’s actually taking me supply shopping this year

 **Hunkules** : good luck!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thx thx thx  
> arcs:  
> -Artist Keith  
> -_______ keith  
> -Lance’s internet friend  
> -______’s ___  
> -______ and _____ are like ________  
> -Hunk/Shay  
> -Zarkon and Lotor


	27. Brace For Impact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ShayButter: oh that REALLY sucks… get ready, you’re in for a treat
> 
> Hunkules: eur-in for a treat lmaooooo
> 
> ShayButter: wow that was unplanned but very convenient
> 
> season 7 of their favorite show comes out... they’re travelling, Lance is doubtful and sad and whipped, but Raven is reassuring. Also they ALL LOVE EACH OTHER!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m very very sorry for missing several days i was trying to figure out how to watch s7 bc it’s not on netflix here.
> 
> So... season 7 huh? it’s been a kicker... i’m gonna come up with some ideas based on it maybe??? idk....
> 
> anyway, here you go

**Hunkules > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Hunkules** : LANCE

 **LancethePike** : HUNK

 **Hunkules** : IT’S BEEN OUT FOR DAYS

 **LancethePike** : YOURE RIGHT… GODDAMN YOU SLOVAKIA FOR NOT HAVING OUR SHOW ON NETFLIX

 **takashit** : but we’re travelling… We gotta make our way to prague.

 **Pidgeot** : NO

 **kogayne** : why would you DO THIS

 **kogayne** : the fandom has been going INSANE! I’m absolutely terrified, I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS

 **takashit** : we’ll have to find it after we get there…

 **Allure** : also, you get to skip school today, but you have to do your work for today tomorrow

 **LancethePike** : okay okay okay but we’re watching season 7 when we get there?

 **Mathematics** : ofc… I’ll fight anyone who says no.

 **Hunkules** : HIT THE ROAD JACK

 **Allure** : …

 **Allure** : we have to say bye to the boys’ first.

 **Hunkules** : oh yeah…

 **LancethePike** : let’s go let’s go let’s go

 **kogayne** : i’m napping so that the time goes faster

 **LancethePike** : imma join you

 **Pidgeot** : i’m gonna avoid the internet until we get there and watch it… I don’t want spoilers at ALL

  
**ShayButter > Hunkules**

**  
ShayButter** : are you watching s7?

 **Hunkules** : no… It’s not available on netflix in Slovakia, plus we’re in the car on the way to Prague now… Hopefully it’ll be available there.

 **ShayButter** : oh that REALLY sucks… get ready, you’re in for a treat

 **Hunkules** : eur-in for a treat lmaooooo

 **ShayButter** : wow that was unplanned but very convenient

 **Hunkules** : I agree

 **Hunkules** : so….what’s happening

 **ShayButter** : i refuse to give spoilers… You’ll hate me for it later.

 **Hunkules** : damn

 **ShayButter** : How long is the car ride?

 **Hunkules** : shiro said about 4 hours.

 **ShayButter** : rip… don’t go on insta, tumblr, or twitter then

 **Hunkules** : yeah, Pidge is struggling to do that at the moment..

 **ShayButter** : damn I gotta run this ep ended on a cliffhanger

 **Hunkules** : hhhh okay

 **ShayButter** : byee

  
**LancethePike > The Raven**

**  
LancethePike** : hes asleep on me help

 **TheRaven** : who?

 **TheRaven** : oh right, mullet man

 **LancethePike** : hhhh hes so pretty

 **LancethePike** : hes got his head on my shoulder and his arms wrapped around me i???

 **LancethePike** : don’t knowhat oxygen is

 **TheRaven** : wait im gonna be not helpful and ask to send me a pic

**[Photo from LancethePike]**

**TheRaven** : damn your face is so red rn

 **LancethePike** : no shit sherlock

 **TheRaven** : so hang on why are you needing help

 **LancethePike** : because I have FEELS and I cant stop having feels and I cant have feels because feels = bad

 **TheRaven** : i mean having unwanted feels is better than not having any emotions at all

 **LancethePike** : i mean,,,,, not really

 **TheRaven** : p much, yeah

 **LancethePike** : hhhhhh

 **LancethePike** : I just really don’t want him to hate me

 **TheRaven** : he’s not gonna hate you, Lance

 **TheRaven** : no one ever could. You’re special, Lance. You are able to cheer people up so fast. That’s a gift in itself. If he hates you, he wasn’t meant to be someone to surround yourself with. That’s just that. It’s not your fault you had to fall for him.

 **LancethePike** : It’s scary, you know?

 **TheRaven** : i get it, Lance. I really do.

 **LancethePike** : what scares me the most is like… what if we aren’t supposed to be together?

 **LancethePike** : what if one of us moves or we have a big falling out or something

 **LancethePike** : what if when god was choosing my future partner he was like…. hmmm yeah this sounds good but then changed his mind right before he clicked the Keith button

 **TheRaven** : hey hey hey it’s alright. I bet you and Keith are gonna be together. It’s practically meant to be

 **LancethePike** : can we ever really know for sure?

 **TheRaven** : i think you should trust me on this one

 **LancethePike** : …..i guess. I’m just not ready for him to know. I don’t want to fuck this one up.

 **TheRaven** : you won’t fuck it up, Lance. You guys’ll be dating in no time

 **TheRaven** : REAL dating

 **LancethePike** : hhh thanks Raven

 **TheRaven** : anytime.

  
**Hunkules > RS and the Bird**

  
**Hunkules** : you guys… i love you

 **LancethePike** : i love you too, big guy.

 **Pidgeot** : after this trip we’re all still gonna be friends, right?

 **Mathematics** : obviously……. the only ones that didn’t know each other were shiro and keith and hunk and lance… Shay too...

 **Pidgeot** : still though. Like this chat is still gonna be lit, right?

 **kogayne** : it will never not be lit

 **Pidgeot** : i love you guys

 **kogayne** : you’re all so sweet

 **Mathematics** : if any one of you is ever sad you’d better march your ass over to this group

 **ShayButter** : i love you guys already. I can’t wait for you to get back

 **Hunkules** : we’ll be back in due time, lovely.

 **LancethePike** : I stan one (1) relationship

 **kogayne** : wait

 **takashit** : hold on a sec

 **LancethePike** : uh oh

 **LancethePike** : gotta run

 **Hunkules** : WE’RE HERE YES

 **Hunkules** : everyone inside i’m searching up s7 right now

 **Hunkules** : SHIT

 **Pidgeot** : that sounds not good what happened

 **Hunkules** : it’s not on netflix here either

 **Pidgeot** : i’ll look for a pirate site when we get inside

 **LancethePike** : bless you, Pidge

 **ShayButter** : you guys need to brace for impact,,, this one hits hard

 **kogayne** : NO SPOILERS ILL KILL YOU I HAVE A KNIFE

 **Pidgeot** : didn’t you lose it

 **kogayne** : SHHHHHH

 **Pidgeot** : okay okay okay

 **Pidgeot** : FOUND ONE

 **Hunkules** : gotta go, cuteness. we boutta binge this whole season

 **ShayButter** : dont forget tissues!! Have fun!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for reading!!! so on my tumblr i dissected a few parts of s7 so pls go check it out!! 
> 
> arcs:  
> -Artist Keith  
> -_______ keith  
> -______ and _____ are like ________  
> -______’s arc  
> -Lance’s internet friend  
> -hunk/shay  
> -Slovakia [COMPLETE](it was rly short i’m sorry)  
> -zarkon and lotor  
> •____’s return  
> •_______  
> •_____ _______  
> more coming soon probably :P
> 
>  
> 
> **THE LAST BIT WITH THE “I LOVE YOU”s IS A TRIBUTE TO THE BEST GROUP CHAT IVE EVER HAD THE HONOR OF BEING IN, GUCCI GAYS. I ABSOLUTELY ADORE EVERYONE IN IT AND IM SO LUCKY TO CALL THEM MY FRIENDS!!!**


	28. A Vent Chapter, Truly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidgeot: I don’t like how that sounds
> 
> takashit: its time for school
> 
> Pidgeot: suddenly I cant read
> 
> uhhh lance is homesick, Ashton is having a crisis, Everyone’s angry over s7, and someone texts shiro......

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is 100% a vent chapter and they spill facts okay
> 
> TW:  
> -existential crisis

**Pidgeot > RS and the Bird**

**  
Pidgeot** : unpopular opinion: this season was complete bullshit

 **kogayne** : according to every social media ever, that’s actually a VERY popular opinion

 **Hunkules** : I actually loved it. The LGBT rep would have been amazing but it was PHENOMENAL even without. The action scenes were thrilling, the drama was chilling, the reunions were heartwarming

 **ShayButter** : it really makes a bitch cry

 **Mathematics** : i think this has been one of the most emotionally taxing seasons, but it was really really good.

 **takashit** : I’m still kinda really upset about the rep tho

 **LancethePike** : the cast and crew BEGGED to be able to have an LGBT character but it wasn’t greenlighted

 **ShayButter** : yeah. Nothing LGBT has been greenlighted.

 **Pidgeot** : that means….

 **kogayne** : it’s… it’s not canon

 **Hunkules** : oh come the fuck on. are you kidding me? There were SO MANY romantically coded scenes and you’re telling me that none of that matters now??

 **ShayButter** : unless it’s greenlighted at the last second, no.

 **LancethePike** : DAMMIT

 **LancethePike** : NO

 **kogayne** : SHIT

 **Pidgeot** : WHY

 **Hunkules** : IVE NEVER BEEN THIS ANGRY

 **ShayButter** : the fandom is rioting

 **kogayne** : someone started a petition to put the rep back and there are over 15,000 signatures

 **kogayne** : it says to “give us the rep we deserve” but like… do we really?  
Pidgeot: honestly no

 **LancethePike** : I would absolutely love to have some major rep but like… everyone in this fandom is kinda really awful and rude

 **LancethePike** : I don’t like the fact that they only allowed so much rep, but that’s absolutely no reason to go threatening people and boycotting the show and stuff

 **Hunkules** : ^^^

 **kogayne** : its really disappointing that we didnt get the rep that we wanted, but like… we still don’t deserve the rep

 **takashit** : Just because a majority of the fandom identifies as LGBT doesn’t make us automatically entitled to rep. People need to understand that.

 **Mathematics** : honestly the ones that really deserve the rep are the cast and crew. They begged to have what we got. They work so hard on the show and everyone takes it for granted.

 **Allure** : its a rough time. It always is when a new season comes out. I’m sure everyone will have forgotten about it within a short amount of time.

 **ShayButter** : I’m not so sure

 **kogayne** : lmao someone said that they stole our rep

 **LancethePike** : the rep wasnt ours to begin with… We have no part in making the show…

 **LancethePike** : yes, it represents us, but like I think the creators are even more disappointed than we are. They worked so so so hard and they’re getting such negative feedback. It’s terrible, honestly.

 **Pidgeot** : they don’t deserve this. This is…. A lot

 **Mathematics** : rt

 **takashit** : hey kiddos

 **Pidgeot** : I don’t like how that sounds

 **takashit** : its time for school

 **Pidgeot** : suddenly I cant read

 **takashit** : unfortunately, you can’t be Jared, 19, never fucking learned how to read at this moment in time…

 **Pidgeot** : yall here smthin?

 **Mathematics** : seriously, Katie. You’ve got to get an education, as frustrating as it is

 **Pidgeot** : s i g h

 **Mathematics** : honestly you would learn more without the education system but we gotta use what we’ve got

 **Allure** : laptops out, kids

 **ShayButter** : lol have fun kids

 **Hunkules** : ugh we’ll try

  
**LancethePike > MamaMcClain**

**  
LancethePike** : hey mama

 **MamaMcClain** : hi Lance, how’s it going, chico?

 **LancethePike** : i miss you

 **LancethePike** : and Javier and Cloé.

 **MamaMcClain** : hey mijo, it’s okay. You’ll be home soon. Do you want us to call you?

 **LancethePike** : yes please

 **MamaMcClain** : okay. I need a few minutes to make sure they’re up, but we’ll call you in a bit, okay?

 **LancethePike** : okay.

 **LancethePike** : love you mama

 **MamaMcClain** : I love you too, mijo.

**[CALL ENDED 1:06:37]**

**  
TrashleeAsh > kogayne**

**  
TrashleeAsh** : do you ever feel like you’re part of a story?

 **kogayne** : what do you mean?

 **TrashleeAsh** : like you’re in a book. Do you ever feel like a side character, only there for the author’s convenience?

 **kogayne** : not really…

 **TrashleeAsh** : yeah… you’re a main character kinda guy…

 **kogayne** : where are you going with this?

 **TrashleeAsh** : and have you ever thought about how quickly time is slipping between our fingers?

 **kogayne** : oh… existential crisis. got it.

 **TrashleeAsh** : we’ll be graduated so soon… then we have to deal with college and adult life and then eventually we’ll die

 **TrashleeAsh** : and what’s it all for, anyway?

 **kogayne** : i believe that our purpose in life is to make it the best, most fulfilling life you could possibly have. Make sure that you’re happy so that you can make the others around you happy.

 **TrashleeAsh** : and if we’re really in a book… when will it end? HOW will it end?

 **kogayne** : why think about when and how it will end when you can focus on it being the best penned novel in the whole world?

 **TrashleeAsh** : i guess you’re right but

 **TrashleeAsh** : there are such better books out there so what’s the point?

 **kogayne** : be the best novel YOU can be. It’ll interest so many people. You can be the best written novel of your friends and family. You can make a difference, leave them aching for more of your story. You can do that.

 **TrashleeAsh** : why should i?

 **kogayne** : because that’s the way to happiness.

 **kogayne** : if you want to live an unhappy life and have an uninteresting story, you go right ahead, i won’t stop you… but i we’re friends because i love your story and i want to hear more of it. I want to help you write your book.

 **TrashleeAsh** : really?

 **kogayne** : truly.

 **TrashleeAsh** : thanks, Keith. you’re a really great guy, you know that?

 **kogayne** : i learned from the best

  
**TheAdamVine > takashit**

**  
TheAdamVine** : sjieo

 **TheAdamVine** : i stikl lobe you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thxxxx  
> arcs:  
> -artist keith  
> -______ and _____ are like ________  
> -Zarkon and Lotor  
> -____ [NEWLY INTRODUCED]  
> -______’s ___  
> -Hunk/Shay  
> -_____ _______


	29. A Chapter Full of Assholes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kogayne: hi yeah what the fuck is happening
> 
> Mathematics: Lotor
> 
> Pidgeot: he’s HERE?!
> 
> A lot happens in this chapter. Shiro messages Adam, Lance talks about his family, Lotor shows up... its not a good situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **TRIGGER WARNING:  
> **  
>  -SEXUAL ASSAULT
> 
>  
> 
> **READER DISCRESTION IS ADVISED. THIS HAS A VERY HEAVY TOPIC.**

**takashit > The Adults™**

**  
takashit** : i knew it was only a matter of time until he texted me again.

 **Mathematics** : who?

 **takashit** : adam.

 **Allure** : no.

 **takashit** : he’s drunk. He told me he still loves me

 **Mathematics** : and?

 **takashit** : i don’t know what to say. Should I leave it alone?

 **Allure** : no. Then he’ll think its okay.

 **takashit** : so what should I say?

 **Mathematics** : let’s start with this: do you still love him?

 **takashit** : you know I don’t.

 **Mathematics** : are you 100% sure?

 **takashit** : yes. I don’t want him to be in my life anymore. He hurt me.

 **Allure** : then approach it gently. Say something like “I’m sorry, I don’t feel that way.”

 **takashit** : hhhh okay. Sorry if I’m like,,, extra stressed today.

 **Mathematics** : it’s okay, kashi. We understand and we still love you.

 **Allure** : we’ll try to keep the kids off your back for the day. We love you, Shiro.

 **takashit** : i love you too. Both of you. You’re so special to me.

 **Mathematics** : oh yeah, Allura, has Lotor said anything since he texted you a few weeks ago?

 **Allure** : nothing, thankfully. I don’t want to have to deal with his greasy ass.

 **takashit** : He’s an asshole...

 **takashit** : i’m gonna go message Adam now.

 **Mathematics** : good luck, kashi

  
**takashit > TheAdamVine**

 **  
takashit** : Adam. It’s been a while. I’m really sorry. I just don’t feel that way anymore. I’m in a commited relationship, and I’m not looking for anyone new.

 **TheAdamVine** : I’m so sorry, I am really sorry, Shiro. I was drunk. I didn’t mean it.

 **takashit** : it’s okay, Adam. It happens to all of us. Don’t worry about it :)

 **TheAdamVine** : thank you, Shiro.

  
**takashit > The Adults™**

 **  
takashit** : he said he didn’t mean it

 **Mathematics** : bullshit

 **Mathematics** : alcohol makes you not have a filter. You say what you mean without any problems

 **takashit** : i know… as long as he doesn’t message me again, I’m gonna trust the fact he said he didn’t mean it.

 **Mathematics** : good luck with that.

  
**Pidgeot > Mathematics**

 **  
Pidgeot** : why does shiro look like he’s about to rip the graying hairs out of his head

 **Mathematics** : Adam texted him

 **Pidgeot** : oh shit no way

 **Mathematics** : yeah, he said he still loved him

 **Pidgeot** : oh SHIT

 **Pidgeot** : spill this tea

 **Mathematics** : well shiro messaged him back saying that he was already in a relationship and didn’t feel that way anymore

 **Mathematics** : but like… what if he still does?

 **Pidgeot** : you know he’d tell you. Adam hurt him. i don’t think he feels that way

 **Mathematics** : i know i know

 **Mathematics** : i just can’t shake the sinking feeling

 **Pidgeot** : Matt, listen. Shiro loves you. Shiro loves you and Allura so SO much. He would tell you. He would let you know. I mean, he came to you when Adam texted him, right? Have faith in yourself, because he absolutely loves you and would do anything for you. He’s not gonna hurt you like that.

 **Mathematics** : you’re right. I’m overreacting

 **Pidgeot** : not really, I don’t think so. It’s natural to think that way. But I’m telling you that yes, it’s okay to feel that way, but it’s not the case.

 **Mathematics** : thanks, Pidge.

  
**kogayne > LancethePike**

 **  
kogayne** : hey, are you okay? you look kinda sad.

 **LancethePike** : have you noticed that I’m the main person getting homesick?

 **kogayne** : well, you’ve left a lot behind. We’ll be back soon, though.

 **kogayne** : do you wanna talk about them?

 **LancethePike** : sure.

 **LancethePike** : my mom and dad got married at 21 and had their first kid, Veronica. Now, Veronica has two kids, Emiliano and Josefa. Anyway, after Veronica, they had the twins, María and Sofía. Then they had me. Next was Javier, then Cloé. My dad left when I was 12, leaving my mom to care for all of us.

 **LancethePike** : my mom is such a hard worker. She works from open to close every day and spends the rest of her time making sure that we’re eating and that our rooms are clean and we’re doing our homework.

 **LancethePike** : Veronica is a brainiac. She can memorize things so quickly, it’s no wonder she did well in school. Her son, Emiliano, is the class clown, just like me. Josefa, on the other hand, is very shy. She chooses her friends carefully.

 **LancethePike** : Mariá is a sweetheart. She reminds me of Hunk. She loves almost everyone and is very very friendly. Sofiá is almost the exact opposite. She can’t be bothered with most people, they “get in her way”

 **LancethePike** : Javier is my transgender brother. He’s been through a lot mentally, of course, because of dysphoria and things. He’s getting top surgery in a few months and he’s so excited about it. He and I are really close. We helped each other through hard times.

 **LancethePike** : and Cloé is the youngest. She’s 12. She’s a diva. Everything is so dramatic with her, i don’t know where she gets it. She wants to dye her hair blue…. i wonder if she’ll have it done by the time i get back.

 **LancethePike** : Mom, Veronica, María, Sofía, and I all have matching tattoos. It’s a McClain family thing, because we’re all so close. It’s a sword halfway out of a scabbard with hearts on it, on our left shoulders. It’s what mamá always said. Kill em with kindness.

 **kogayne** : your family sounds so nice, Lance. I see why you love them so much.

 **LancethePike** : yeah. I miss them a lot.

 **kogayne** : i would’ve loved to be a part of a family like that as a kid

 **LancethePike** : well maybe when we get back you can meet all of them… for real this time. I’m sure Mamá would love you.

 **kogayne** : ….i’d like that.

  
**Allure > eur-in for a treat**

 **  
Allure** : who just knocked on the door

 **Allure** : are we all here?

 **LancethePike** , yeah, no one has left yet this morning.

 **Allure** : hmmm… I’ll get it.

 **Allure** : no. no no no no no. FUCK no

 **takashit** : what’s happening?

 **Allure** : how did he FIND me?

 **Mathematics** : Princess, you’re gonna have to explain. Who?

 **Allure** : come see for yourself

 **takashit** : SHIT

 **kogayne** : hi yeah what the fuck is happening

 **Mathematics** : Lotor

 **Pidgeot** : he’s HERE?!

 **Hunkules** : what the fuck??? that’s some kind of stalker shit

 **LancethePike** : this is a stupid question but are you gonna let him in?

 **Allure** : hell no. Pretend like we’re not here.

 **takashit** : he knows we’re here. He can hear the music.

 **LancethePike** : shit shit shit I’m sorry

 **Allure** : someone else do it.

 **Hunkules** : I’ll do it.

 **Hunkules** : he wants to talk to you… alone.

 **Allure** : I’ll go. Shiro and Matt, follow behind us. See what happens.

 **takashit** : okay

 **Mathematics** : yes ma’am

 **LancethePike** : keep us updated.

 **Mathematics** : we’re listening at the door

 **Mathematics** : they’re just making causal conversation right now

 **Pidgeot** : i bet he’s up to something

 **takashit** : I’m not moving from this spot until he leaves

 **Mathematics** : me neither.

 **Hunkules** : should you set up a sound recording just in case something happens?

 **takashit** : good idea. Can’t use my phone, putting it under the door to record.

 **kogayne** : mute the chat first

 **Mathematics** : Allura asked how Zarkon’s doing with the cases.

 **Mathematics** : i can feel the tension and i’m not even in the room

 **LancethePike** : my head is tingling

 **LancethePike** : it’s my McClain senses. When I don’t feel too good about something, my head tingles. And I seriously have a bad feeling about this.

 **Mathematics** : I think it’s fine. They’re talking about the new Supreme Court Justice.

 **Pidgeot** : Lance, your pacing is making ME anxious. Wanna play tic tac toe or something?

 **LancethePike** : hhhh sure

 **Mathematics** : for the record, I’m also very worried about this -Shiro

 **Hunkules** : I’m uh gonna do some pre-cal work, I think

 **kogayne** : me too.

 **Mathematics** : yeah, keep yourselves occupied... just make sure you can jump up at a moment’s notice

 **Pidgeot** : K.

 **Mathematics** : I’ll keep giving updates, but don’t respond unless it’s absolutely necessary.

 **Mathematics** : Lotor started bringing up things that happened in college.

 **Mathematics** : it’s suspiciously quiet.

 

**kogayne > LancethePike**

**  
kogayne** : are you okay?

 **LancethePike** : fuck no I’m not okay

 **kogayne** : listen, she’s gonna be fine.

 **LancethePike** : dude she’s like a sister to me. We’ve gotten close. If he hurts her….

 **kogayne** : I don’t think he’d hurt her.

 **LancethePike** : shit what was that

 **kogayne** : Allura.

  
**Pidgeot > eur-in for a treat**

 **  
Pidgeot** : SHIT

 **Pidgeot** : OH MY GOD

 **LancethePike** : HOLY FUCKING

 **LancethePike** : IM GONNA FUCKING KILL HIM

 **kogayne** : this isn’t happening

 **kogayne** : this CANT be happening

 **kogayne** : I’m going after him. Taking Akira.

 **takashit** : coming with.

 **Hunkules** : oh my god

 **Hunkules** : oh my god

 **Hunkules** : is she okay???

 **Pidgeot** : i don’t fucking know

 **kogayne** : I WOULDNT IMAGINE SO

 **LancethePike** : i’m going to fucking murder him.

 **Pidgeot** : it looks like Shiro and Matt are doing that for you

 **Hunkules** : I’m calling the police.

 **Pidgeot** : i’ll google the number

 **LancethePike** : holy shit... she took a hit right to the skull. There’s blood...

 **Pidgeot** : I’ve got it.

 

  
**takashit > eur-in for a treat**

 **  
takashit** : car. going hospital.

 **Pidgeot** : coming.

 **LancethePike** : where is that little bastard

 **LancethePike** : where the FUCK is he

 **kogayne:** he ran off. You don’t need to take matters into your own hands. It’s done with. We’re pressing charges and anything you do can be used against us. So don’t.

 **LancethePike** : okay. I’m sorry.

 **kogayne** : is she okay?

 **Pidgeot** : I’m bringing extra clothes for her.

 **Mathematics** : i think she’s okay physically, other than the obvious bruising, but mentally…

 **Mathematics** : we’ll find out when we get to the hospital.

 **Hunkules** : shit. okay.

 **LancethePike** : I hope you hit that son of a bitch hard. I hope he feels it for months.

 **Mathematics** : can we please drop it? I… i don’t know if I can handle it. I… let’s just wait until we get to the hospital.

 

  
**ShayButter > Hunkules**

 **  
ShayButter** : Hey!! How’s it going? What are you guys doing today?

 **Hunkules** : i’m really sorry, none of us are in a very great mood at the moment. We’re going to the hospital.

 **ShayButter** : holy shit what happened?

 **Hunkules** : Allura’s nemesis found out where we live. He showed up and wanted to talk to her privately so she went (Shiro and Matt we’re listening at the door) and he…

 **Hunkules** : he touched her. He tried to kiss her and she refused. So he said something along the lines of “it’s okay, no one has to know.” and she still resisted so he forced himself on her. She kicked him in the balls and he got angry and smashed her head against the wall. Shiro and Matt came in. Shiro started beating his ass. Lotor ran outside and down the street, chased by Shiro, Keith, and Akira. Matt and Lance took care of Allura... Pidge cleaned up the blood and I called the police. We’re going to the hospital to make sure he didn’t physically hurt her badly. I’m not sure what we’re gonna do for her mentally.

 **ShayButter** : holy shit oh my god that’s terrible

 **Hunkules** : yeah. I agree. We’re pressing charges. Shiro and Matt look like they’re gonna lose it. Everyone’s crying. It’s… rough.

 **ShayButter** : tell everyone that I’m thinking of you all. That’s just horrible.

 **Hunkules** : thank you. I have to go. I’m sorry.

 **ShayButter** : i hope she feels better. Keep me in the loop.

  
**LancethePike > TheRaven**

 **  
LancethePike** : I’m gonna fucking kill a man

 **LancethePike** : this isn’t happening

 **TheRaven** : what happened??

 **LancethePike** : get ready… this is intense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so so much for reading this and I’m really sorry about this chapter...  
> ARCS:  
> -Hunk/Shay  
> -Artist Keith  
> -Lance’s internet friend  
> -______’s ___  
> -Zarkon and Lotor  
> -Allura and Lance are like Siblings [IN HEAVY PROGRESS]  
> -Adam  
> -_____ _______


	30. Tensions Are High

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thatgorgeousman: Of Course. When You See Her, Tell Her That I Will Be There Soon, And Let Me Know How She’s Feeling.
> 
> takashit: of course. Thank you, Coran.
> 
> Thatgorgeousman: Thank YOU, Shiro.
> 
> Anxiety is high as they sit in the hospital waiting room. Too high.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> -Sexual Assault
> 
> My poor children :(

**takashit > Thatgorgeousman**

 

**takashit** : Coran, i don’t mean to alarm you, but something has happened to Allura

**Thatgorgeousman** : What?? Is She Okay?

**takashit** : do you remember Lotor?

**Thatgorgeousman** : Of Course. That Scumbag Was Terrible.

**takashit** : he still is.

**Thatgorgeousman** : What Do You Mean?

**takashit** : Lotor started talking to Allura a few weeks ago. He told her that his dad was taking two of her cases. She wasn’t too happy about that.

**Thatgorgeousman** : Damn. Zarkon Has Always Been The Altea Family’s Biggest Competitor.

**takashit** : it doesn’t end there

**takashit** : They talked again yesterday. except…

**takashit** : Lotor showed up at our house

**Thatgorgeousman** : HE WHAT?

**takashit** : he found where we live and he came knocking on our door. He asked to talk to talk to Allura in private, so she brought him to the bedroom with a door (it’s not as sketchy as it sounds). Matt and I sat outside so we could hear what’s going on.

**takashit** : they talked for nearly an hour, just making small talk. At first, Allura was very distant and answered with one or two word sentences, but as the hour went on, she let down her guard and started talking more. Next thing you know, he’s trying to get his hand in her pants and she kicks him in the balls. He grabbed her and smacked her head against the wall. She passed out, Keith and I chased him, Matt and Lance saw how she was, Hunk called the police, and Pidge cleaned up the blood on the wall

**Thatgorgeousman** : What The Hell? Is She Okay? I’m Looking For A Plane Ticket Immediately

**takashit** : We’re in the hospital now. She’s been in IC and they won’t let us see her. We’re all in the lobby, worried sick. None of us can sleep. If it weren’t for my phone in my hand, i wouldn’t know what time it is. 

**takashit** : they’ll only let family members in. non-married significant others and best friends don’t count. We asked the doctor, she said that Allura will be out of IC within 12 hours. 

**Thatgorgeousman** : I’m Booking A Straight Flight From Chicago Airport To Prague Airport That Takes Off In 6 Hours. I’ll Be There As Soon As Possible.

**takashit** : while you’re still in the states, can you start taking care of the legalities? Filing a report and that good stuff. I don’t know if she’ll want to represent herself or not… We haven’t talked since it happened.

**Thatgorgeousman** : Of Course. When You See Her, Tell Her That I Will Be There Soon, And Let Me Know How She’s Feeling.

**takashit** : of course. Thank you, Coran.

**Thatgorgeousman** : Thank YOU, Shiro.

 

**takashit > eur-in for a treat**

 

**takashit** : Coran just booked a flight that leaves in 6 hours. He’s gonna he here asap. 

**Hunkules** : do you need anything, Shiro, Matt?

**Mathematics** : can I get some water please

**takashit** : I’m okay, thanks.

**LancethePike** : the only thing worse than having ADHD and anxiety is being WORRIED and having ADHD and anxiety.

**takashit** : that’s not the worst thing lance. You should know that. Think about how Allura feels right now. Think about how she’d feel hearing you say that. She’s HURT, Lance. Think before you speak.

**LancethePike** : oh

**LancethePike** : sorry.

**Hunkules** : Shiro, man, I know that you’re scared and you’re hurting, but we all are. Lance’s coping mechanism is somewhere between complaining and joking around. He’s just trying to cope, man. Lay off.

**takashit** : Cope with what? You two have known her for a month and a half. The rest of us have known her for 8 years. I’m her BOYFRIEND. Think about how I feel. I’m so scared for her. Lance knows nothing about her.

**LancethePike** : I might not have known Allura for as long as you, but she’s like a sister to me, Shiro. You might not see it but we talk all the time. We joke around, we spill tea, we do our makeup together. She reminds me of my older sisters, and she’s so easy to talk to and confide in. I don’t know as much about her as you do, but I care about her too. She helps me with my anxiety and makes me feel less homesick, Shiro. You’re not the only one who’s worried. 

**takashit** : that’s great coming from the reason why she’s in here

**LancethePike** : excuse me?

**takashit** : He knew we were home because of your music. You practically lured him here

**kogayne** : Shiro. Stop it. You’re too emotional right now.

**takashit** : No, it’s his fault that Allura’s even in here

**kogayne** : stop this

**LancethePike** : SHUT THE FUCK UP SHIRO

**Hunkules** : Guys it’s not worth it. Stop. Please stop it.

**Pidgeot** : Both of you, take a break. Get out of the group chat or I’ll remove you both.

**LancethePike** : It’s not my fucking fault, Shiro, and if I recall correctly, you’re the one who asked me to play music… i didn’t fucking lure him here, he came because he’s a fucking creep. Also, weren’t you supposed to come in if things started going south? Why didn’t you bust the door down? Huh, Shiro?

**kogayne** : STOP IT NOW

**[Pidgeot Removed LancethePike and takashit From the Chat]**

 

**LancethePike > kogayne**

 

**LancethePike** : I can’t do this

**LancethePike** : I can’t

**LancethePike** : shes

**LancethePike** : mu fablt

**kogayne** : Lance. This isn’t your fault, Lance.

**LancethePike** : bsthriom

**kogayne:**  I’m coming with you. You need to talk this out.

**LancethePike** : ok

 

**Hunkules > kogayne**

 

**Hunkules** : where are you going

**kogayne** : Lance.., isn’t having the best time. I’m taking him to the bathroom to talk it out.

**Hunkules** : that’s weird… i usually do that with him

**kogayne** : i didn’t mean to step on your toes, if you want to, you can totally go ahead.

**Hunkules** : no no no it’s okay, i swear. You go ahead and help him out.

**kogayne** : thanks, hunk

 

**takashit > Mathematics**

 

**takashit** : how are you holding up?

**Mathematics** : i’m not

**takashit** : glad we’re on the same page.

**Mathematics** : Lotor needs to go to hell after a painful death

**Mathematics** : the doctor said that the hit was so bad that it was life-threatening. His life needs to be threatened.

**takashit** : i agree with you. What are we gonna do when she’s released?

**Mathematics** : i don’t know. We’re gonna let her sit and she’s not gonna have to do any work, she just gets to recover. We’re not gonna push her to talk, though we should find a therapist.

**takashit** : whether or not she goes to therapy is her decision. We can recommend it like crazy,  but we can’t force her to go and open up to a stranger.

**Mathematics** : I know…

**takashit** : wait

**takashit** : i have a degree is psychology why didn’t i think about that

**Mathematics** : oh damn i forgot too… Honestly right about now my mind is blank.

**takashit** : come over here.

**takashit** : we’re gonna get through this together. We’re gonna take care of her and she’s gonna be okay and we’ll help each other.

**Mathematics** : i want to see her

**takashit** : i do too. I can’t believe they won’t let US in 

**Mathematics** : kashi, what if she’s not okay?

**Mathematics** : what if she doesn’t remember us?

**Mathematics** : what if she only has a few days left?

**Mathematics** : what if we lose her?

**takashit** : All of those things are so scary

**takashit** : and they’re terrifyingly possible

**takashit** : but she’s a strong girl. She’ll make it and she will fucking wreck Lotor in court.

**takashit** : Lotor will go to prison for a while and Allura will be safe and be able to recover.

**Mathematics** : what about Zarkon? You know, her biggest competitor? He’s not going to stand idly by while Allura sends his only son to prison…

**takashit** : we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Right now we need to focus on making sure that she’s comfortable and healing well.

**Mathematics** : yeah.. Yeah okay.

**Mathematics** : I just can’t help but worry

**takashit** : I’m really really worried too. I’m surprised I haven’t had a complete breakdown yet.

**takashit** : I’ve had kind of a half breakdown, but her safety was my priority so I didn’t get to really panic.

**Mathematics** : must be nice…

**takashit** : Matt. She’s going to be okay. As much as I hate sitting here and letting our minds wander off in the wrong direction, I can’t bring myself to leave. Keith and Hunk are going to get Coran when he gets here. 

**Mathematics** : that’s an interesting combination…

**takashit** : that’s true… Hunk gets anxious easily.

**Mathematics** : have him take Katie. They’re nearly siblings, plus Coran knows them well. Pidge will try to keep spirits as high as possible.

**takashit** : that’s better than my idea. We’ll go with it.

**takashit** : ...

**takashit** : is it my fault?

**Mathematics** : of course not, Shiro. Lotor is the only one at fault. We were as careful as we could be. It’s a horrible freak accident. 

**takashit** : I feel bad for saying those things to Lance

**Mathematics** : I know, kashi. We all need some time… Apologize when you’re ready.

**takashit** : hhh okay.

**takashit** : I’m going to the bathroom.

 

**Pidgeot > eur-in for a treat**

 

**[Pidgeot added takashit and LancethePike to the chat]**

**Pidgeot** : they’re letting us in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I think this was going to happen when I started this fic? nope. Thanks for reading it, though!
> 
> Arcs:  
> -artist keith  
> -Zarkon and Lotor  
> -Lance's internet friend  
> -______'s ___  
> -adam  
> -Allura and Lance are like Siblings  
> -_____ _______


	31. Coran Has Entered The Building

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mathematics: hey wait has anyone thought to tell the twins?
> 
> Hunkules: oh no
> 
> Pidgeot: dammit
> 
> Uhh Coran gets there... That’s just about it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi uhhh i missed some days i’m sorry i got a bit obsessed with Leakira don’t hate me.
> 
> Also this chap is v rushed because I wrote it in 30 minutes at 3 AM soooooo
> 
> TW:  
> -physical assault

**takashit > Thatgorgeousman**

**  
takashit** : They let us in to see her

 **Thatgorgeousman** : How Is She Doing?  
takashit: she’s not looking too well, but that’s probably because she’s asleep. She’s pale.

 **Thatgorgeousman** : What Did The Doctor Say?

 **takashit** : she said she’ll probably be out within the week, but she’ll be on bedrest for a while. We were planning on going home as soon as she gets out, but I guess that’s not going to happen.

 **Thatgorgeousman** : I Cannot Believe What He Has Done. He Is Going To Rot In Prison, And Then He’ll Burn In Hell.

 **Thatgorgeousman** : I Knew That He Was A Bad Person, But To Think…

 **takashit** : I agree. I could never have imagined what has happened to her. I’m not going to speak for her, I don’t know what it is like. I don’t know how she feels. I can only guess what it is like for her. And I hate that that is the case, but it’s the truth. Until she wakes up, we won’t really have any real idea about how she’s doing. The doctor can only tell us so much.

 **Thatgorgeousman** : I Understand How Hard It Feels. The Seconds Turn Into Hours, And It May Seem Like Forever Until She Wakes Up, You’ll Be So Excited… But You Must Remember To Give Her TIme To Recover. She’ll Talk When She’s Ready.

 **takashit** : I know…

 **takashit** : Have you landed?

 **Thatgorgeousman** : Yes. They’re Letting Us Off The Plane Very Soon.

 **takashit** : I’m sending Keith and Pidge to come get you. I’d do it, but I can’t bring myself to leave. Matt is the same.

 **Thatgorgeousman** : Oh Of course, I Won’t Take It Personally. In fact, I Thank You For Staying There With Her. She Needs Someone To Watch Over Her.

 **takashit** : and thank you for coming out all this way.

 **Thatgorgeousman** : I’m Her Only Remaining Legal Family. Of Course I Have To Come.

 **takashit** : Keith and Pidge will be there soon. I’ll have Pidge message you when they get there.

 **Thatgorgeousman** : Thank You, Shiro.

 **takashit** : you’re welcome.

  
**Hunkules > ShayButter**

**  
Hunkules** : Here’s the updates. We were at the hospital for 17 hours, she was in intensive care and they wouldn’t let us in because we’re not legal family. So after a long ass night, they let us in.

 **ShayButter** : how does she feel???

 **Hunkules** : Well, the doctor said that she was actually pretty lucky. She has a minor concussion, but no major damage to other parts of her brain. After she gets dismissed, she’ll be on bed rest for two weeks. As for how she feels, I’m not sure. She isn’t awake right now.

 **ShayButter** : oh my god, I’m so glad it wasn’t anything major, though anything at all is really bad… What will you do when she gets off bed rest?

 **Hunkules** : well, we were planning on getting back to the U.S. in October, but since it happened, we decided it would be better to come back as soon as she gets out of the hospital, but with the bed rest problem, we’ll have to wait. We’ll come back as soon as we possibly can.

 **ShayButter** : that’s so unfortunate, I still can’t believe…

 **Hunkules** : on the bright side, while she’s on bedrest, she can work in the case. Coran, her uncle, filed a report just before he left to come here. We’ll push charges, she’ll win, and he’ll go to prison. Just like that.

 **ShayButter** : I hope you’re right.

 **Hunkules** : I do too.

  
 **LancethePike** > Hunkules

  
 **LancethePike** : I don’t think i’ve ever been this tired or anxious or worried all at once

 **Hunkules** : I feel you, buddy.

 **LancethePike** : Shiro and Matt look like they’re barely hanging in there…

 **LancethePike** : we need to do something to get their minds off of it

 **Hunkules** : Should we go to the cafeteria and get them something?

 **LancethePike** : I was thinking more along the lines of Pidge discourse, but I like your idea better.

 **Hunkules** : I meant to ask you… Are you okay?

 **LancethePike** : As okay as i can be considering the circumstances, why?

 **Hunkules** : well, i mean just, the harsh things that Shiro said. Are you sure you’re okay?

 **LancethePike** : honestly it hurt for a bit but i’m okay now. He’s stressed. I shouldn’t be giving him shit

 **Hunkules** : first of all, you weren’t giving him shit. Second, uhhh i agree. He’s stressed, and as much as you two shouldn’t have said those things, it’s all over now.

 **LancethePike** : exactly. Now, let’s go see what hospital food they have.

  
**LancethePike > Mathematics**

**  
LancethePike** : we’re going to the cafeteria. You two want anything?

 **Mathematics** : we’ll come with you.

 **LancethePike** : no no really it’s alright, Hunk and I got this.

 **Mathematics** : you’re sure?

 **LancethePike** : totally.

 **Mathematics** : in that case, can we just get two of the basic breakfast trays please?

 **LancethePike** : we’ve got you!

 **Mathematics** : thanks so much!

 **LancethePike** : it’s the least we can do.

  
**Pidgeot > Thatgorgeousman**

**  
Pidgeot** : hey, we’re here. Midnight Blue Peugeot, red license plate. Keith can help you put your luggage in the boot.

 **Thatgorgeousman** : Thank You, Pidge!

 **Pidgeot** : no prob

  
**Mathematics > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Mathematics** : hey wait has anyone thought to tell the twins?

 **Hunkules** : oh no

 **Pidgeot** : dammit

 **LancethePike** : I knew I was forgetting something

 **takashit** : who wants to break the news?

 **Mathematics** : I say we call them.

 **LancethePike** : wait I have an idea for a not funny prank but it’s an attempt to get our spirits just a fraction of an inch higher than they are

 **Pidgeot** : shoot

 **LancethePike** : we facetime them and flip the camera so that it’s just Allura sitting in a hospital bed and we’re like “SURPRISE!! YOUR PSEUDO BIG SISTER WAS PHYSICALLY ASSAULTED!”

 **Pidgeot** : why did i encourage you

 **takashit** : It sounds funny in a terribly horrible way

 **LancethePike** : REALLY?!

 **takashit** : sure! I’m gonna call them now.

 **Pidgeot** : okay real quick Coran Keith and I are making a coffee run anyone want anything?

 **Hunkules** : cappuccino 

 **LancethePike** : literally anything

 **takashit** : black coffee, 4 espressos

 **Mathematics** : americano pls

 **Mathematics** : kashi you’re gonna die like that

 **takashit:**  finally

 **Pidgeot** : cool

  
**Lukaso > takashit**

**  
Lukaso** : we’re definitely coming. We’ll be able to be there Thursday.

 **takashit** : you really don’t have to come up here, it’s okay,

 **Lukaso** : nonsense. Allura is our sister. We HAVE to come.

 **takashit** : I’m starting to see a pattern.

 **Lukaso** : ???

 **takashit** : nothing…

 **takashit** : Thank you so much for making your way up here

 **Lukaso** : it’s no problem, really. In fact, it gives us time to hang out with you guys more, even if it is because of a horrible thing.

 **takashit** : I like your attitude. We’ll see you soon, okay? Take care!

  
**takashit > LancethePike**

**  
takashit** : listen, I am SO sorry for what I said earlier.

 **LancethePike** : you don’t have to apologize, Shiro. I’m really sorry for responding the way i did.

 **takashit** : we were both in the wrong and i'm sorry

 **LancethePike** : bros?

 **takashit** : bros

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not gonna list the arcs bc it’s almost 4 am and i’m tired as shit
> 
> THANKS FOR READING!!


	32. Confessions Pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> takashit: they’re back, see?
> 
> Pidgeot: they look happier than they did when they went
> 
> Mathematics: will you shut the fuck up, por favor?
> 
> They're back to their usual antics... and uh something goes down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!  
>  THIS FIC ENDS AT THE BEGINNING OF SEPTEMBER! I have other projects that I want to work on for the remainder of the year, but the sequel will begin in January. During September I'll be editing and rewriting chapters, so I suggest rereading this fic before starting the next one (i haven't come up with a name yet lol). THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING AND STILL READING THIS AHHH! **

**TheRaven > LancethePike**

 

**TheRaven** : Who’s that new guy on your instagram?

**LancethePike** : Which one

**TheRaven** : the old guy

**LancethePike** : oh! That’s Coran. He’s Allura’s uncle

**TheRaven** : are her parents coming?

**LancethePike** : no. Coran is Allura’s last living relative.

**TheRaven** : oh. It must be so hard for him.

**LancethePike** : he’s keeping a surprisingly positive outlook on it. He hasn’t looked too anxious that I’ve seen, anyway.

**TheRaven** : wow. I wish I was that positive… damn.

**LancethePike** : I know, right?

**LancethePike** : shes his last living relative and he seems completely chill, whereas she’s my friend and I’m freaking out.

**TheRaven** : well, we all handle things differently.

**LancethePike** : okay true

**TheRaven** : here’s a feel-good playlist that I made

**[Playlist from TheRaven]**

**LancethePike** : THANK YOU RAVEN

**TheRaven** : it’s no problem! i hope she gets to feeling better… you too. Unhappy lance makes me sad.

**LancethePike** : I’m sure your playlist will help! Thanks so much, Raven.

**TheRaven** : you’re welcome, Lance

 

**takashit > eur-in for a treat**

 

**takashit** : I know that we’ve had a tiny bit of previous discussion on what we’ll do when Allura gets discharged. But I don’t think we’ve come to a complete conclusion. Here’s what I suggest: we find tickets for the day after she gets off bedrest. So we won’t stay for the whole four months, of course. 

**Pidgeot** : so when is she off bedrest again?

**takashit** : the doctor estimated 2 weeks but once she wakes up, she’ll be able to tell.

**Mathematics** : so for our mom, about when do YOU think?

**takashit** : Ah, Colleen. I’d say around September 3rd.

**Mathematics** : thanks, kashi

**LancethePike** : oh my god

**Pidgeot** : ?

**LancethePike** : my mom doesn’t even know what happened

**Hunkules** : LANCE

**LancethePike** : im SORRY! I’ve been kind preoccupied trying not to have a panic attack every minute of the day

**Pidgeot** : okay valid, but you need to call her. 

**Hunkules** : Your mom is going to have a fucking aneurysm

**LancethePike** : wish me luck?

**takashit** : good fucking luck, dude

**LancethePike** : thank you…

 

**LancethePike >MamaMcClain**

 

**LancethePike** : uhhhh can I call you?

**MamaMcClain** : of course, mijo. Why, what’s going on?

**LancethePike** : I’ll explain. I’m calling you.

**[Call Ended 0:26:19]**

**MamaMcClain** : Dear god, I’ll be praying for her. Come home as soon as you can.

**LancethePike** : I will, mama. I love you.

**MamaMcClain** : I love you too, mijo.

 

**kogayne > TrashleeAsh**

 

**kogayne** : I have a Lance problem

**TrashleeAsh** : spill 

**kogayne** : so first of all let’s clarify. I have a flaming gay crush on Lance that may or may not be turning into being in love with him.

**TrashleeAsh** : got it. 

**kogayne** : so since the thing with Allura happened, we decided to leave and go home as soon as possible. But the thing is… What if we never see each other again? What if we get back and suddenly it’s like the other doesn’t exist? 

**TrashleeAsh** : I want you to look at what you just said and then think about it. That’s absolutely ludicrous. 

**kogayne** : I mean, what if we go to different schools? I don’t think I’ve seen him before at school. What if he does sports so we’ll never see each other? There are so many possibilities.

**kogayne** : nice word of the day by the way

**TrashleeAsh** : Isn’t there like only one school in the area? He probably goes to your school, seeing as how he and Pidge are friends. 

**kogayne** : I guess… but I’ve enjoyed our fake dating so much… I’m gonna miss it a lot. 

**TrashleeAsh** : Idea: tell him.

**kogayne** : hold on hold on hold on he doesn’t like me though

**TrashleeAsh** : he kisses you, doesn’t he?

**kogayne** : yeah,,, but he’s the type to kiss his friends if someone dares him to. Besides, he could just be acting… FAKE dating, remember?

**TrashleeAsh** : all of that is possible, but what if he DOES like you but doesn’t know how to tell you?

**kogayne** : In theory, that makes sense, but there’s no possible way. He hasn’t texted me about something cutesy in weeks

**TrashleeAsh** : isn’t that because Allura is in the hospital?

**kogayne** : well it COULD be but

**TrashleeAsh** : I suggest you tell him, man. You might get a REAL boyfriend out of this.

**kogayne** : I don’t know… I might do it tomorrow or something. I need time to think it over. Should I tell Pidge that it was fake? Maybe she can help me?

**TrashleeAsh** : it’s up to you. Do you wanna ruin the surprise of it?

**kogayne** : how are you so smart about this?

**TrashleeAsh** : I’m not a lovesick fool.

**kogayne** : you right, you right. I’ll do it tomorrow.

**TrashleeAsh** : good. I’m proud of you, kogane.

**kogayne** : thanks, Ashton

 

**Pidgeot > eur-in for a treat**

 

 **Pidgeot** added **Thatgorgeousman** to the chat

**Thatgorgeousman** : Greetings, Friends!

**LancethePike** : hey Coran! That Gorgeous Man! Nice screenname dude

**Thatgorgeousman** : Thank You! I Came Up With It Myself!

**LancethePike** : NICE

**Pidgeot** : *chanting* GORGEOUS MAN GORGEOUS MAN

**Thatgorgeousman** : thank you, thank you all.

**takashit** : You know, Coran, I think you’re just the type of positive spirit that this group needed at this time

**Thatgorgeousman:** What Happened To Allura Is Unfortunate, But We Can’t Go Back In Time And Change Anything, So The First Step Is To Accept That What Happened Did, In Fact, Happen. Next, You Gotta Move On, Remembering That You’ll Be Pressing Charges Within A Few Months.

**Mathematics** : I think you need to rethink your psychology degree, kashi

**takashit** : as much as I’d like to hate you for saying that, you’re so write oh my god

**LancethePike** : Coran The Gorgeous Man, Motivational Speaker. Coming to a town near you.

**Hunkules** : Where is Keith? He’s usually in the group chat by now

**kogayne** : I’m here

**Pidgeot** : LURKING

**LancethePike** : are you okay, chico lindo?

**kogayne** : Yeah, I’m just thinking

**LancethePike** : about what? Do you wanna talk about it?

**kogayne** : no, I’m okay, thank you, pretty boy

**LancethePike** : you can come talk to me anytime, Keith, you know I care about you

**Thatgorgeousman** : I’m Sensing Some Gay Tension

**Pidgeot** : Nah, they’re together. The only tension there might be sexual but they’re not acting on it for.. Many reasons.

**Thatgorgeousman** : Ah, I See.

 

**LancethePike > kogayne**

 

**LancethePike** : first of all, lol sexual tension im giggling

**LancethePike** : second, are you sure you’re okay? You wanna talk here, without the others?

**kogayne** : actually… Can I talk to you in person? Like, just you?

**LancethePike** : sure, I’ll come to you.

**kogayne** : thanks, Lance.

 

**Pidgeot > Klance**

 

**Pidgeot** : uhh where did klance go

**Hunkules** : ???

**Pidgeot** : after I made the sexual tension joke they both disappeared

**Hunkules** : oh my god

**Mathematics** : If you think they’re fucking in a hospital bathroom you better think again… they have STANDARDS

**Pidgeot** : Matt… It’s Lance

**Mathematics** : fair point, have you considered, it’s also Keith

**Pidgeot** : oh you right

**Hunkules** : I wonder what they’re doing?

**takashit** : as much as I’d love to go find out, I think we should give them some privacy

**Pidgeot** : see, Matt? He doesn’t wanna catch Keith and Lance fucking in a hospital bathroom

**takashit** : Pidge they’re not fucking in a hospital bathroom.

**Pidgeot** : you don’t know that

**Hunkules** : why do you even care if they’re fucking? I thought you were ace

**Pidgeot** : i myself don’t want to have sex but if my best bud is getting the D i better know about it

**Mathematics** : oh my god

**takashit** : s t o p

**Pidgeot** : im not sorry

**Hunkules** : hhhhhahhaaaaaa

**takashit** : they’re back, see?

**Pidgeot** : they look happier than they did when they went

**Mathematics** : will you shut the fuck up, por favor?

**Pidgeot** : I’ll ASK him

**takashit** : Pidge I swear

 

**Pidgeot > kogayne**

 

**Pidgeot** : Shiro doesn’t believe me when I say that you guys just fucked in the hospital bathroom

**kogayne** : what the FUCK pidge

**Pidgeot** : well I made a sexual tension joke and then you guys disappeared sooooo what else am I supposed to think

**Pidgeot** : so did you fuck?

**kogayne** : nO??

**kogayne** : I have MORALS Pidge

**Pidgeot** : dammit

**[Pidgeot Screenshotted the Chat!]**

 

**Pidgeot > Klance**

 

**[Photo from Pidgeot]**

**takashit** : I told you 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanna thank you guys for reading this. It means so much to have people appreciate my work and what I'm doing. This fic may be coming to an end soon, but it's not the end of the story! I'm also gonna take this Golden Opportunity (Please appreciate my comedy) to ask that you check out my other upcoming fics. First of all, I'll be writing more prose fics that are set in this universe that describe things in more detail. Also, I'm doing kinktober so you should rate my smut-writing skills during that. :). THANK YOU!


	33. Confessions pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mathematics: no offense but that wasn’t the biggest secret
> 
> Thatgorgeousman: Oh, I See
> 
> Allure: we’re all gay here, Coran
> 
> SO. MANY. PLOT TWISTS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic ends in early September! I've got other projects I'm working on, but this universe is coming back in January with a new chatfic called "Amber Circumstances" Until then, you can look forward to: kinktober, edited chapters for GO, and some oneshots set in this universe :)
> 
> Also can we appreciate that I've updated EARLY today?

**Pidgeot > eur-in for a treat**

 

**Pidgeot** : you two look happy

**Hunkules** : Pidge you’re gonna have to be more specific there are eight of us in this chat

**Mathematics** : to be fair only 7 are conscious rn

**takashit** : tag yourself I’m the one unconscious one

**kogayne** : you’re… you’re not.

**takashit** : shhhhhh

**Thatgorgeousman** : Pidge Obviously Means Keith And Lance

**LancethePike** : I don’t know what you’re talking about

**Hunkules** : Armadillos?

**Pidgeot** : Armadillos.

**Thatgorgeousman** : Armadillos???

**takashit** : Armadillos…

**kogayne** : I have an announcement to make

**Pidgeot** : hit it

**kogayne** : Lance and I are officially together!

**Hunkules** : that’s… not news to us

**LancethePike** : Keith you forgot to tell them

**kogayne** : oh yeah.

**Pidgeot** : ?

**Thatgorgeousman** : What Is Happening

**kogayne** : Lance, care to do the honors?

**LancethePike** : I would love to, chico lindo

**LancethePike** : this all started within the first week of our trip. Hunk, thank you buddy, told me about your whole armadillo thing

**LancethePike** : So I told Keith and we decided to fake date to trick you guys.

**kogayne** : and, as it turns out, we kinda started liking each other for real

**LancethePike** : Just now, Keith told me in the bathroom

**kogayne** : and we’re together now

**Pidgeot** : IT WORKED

**Mathematics** : MY SISTER IS A FUCKING GENIUS OH MY GOD

**Pidgeot** : I KNOW MY BEST FRIENDS SO WELL

**Hunkules** : OH MY GOD IT ACTUALLY WORKED

**takashit** : HOLY SHIT I CAN’T BELIEVE IT

**Thatgorgeousman** : I Am Beyond Confused

**LancethePike** : ...I’m with Coran

**kogayne** : what the fuck is going on

**Mathematics** : we have a confession of our own

**takashit** : so

**Pidgeot** : I’m telling the story fuck you

**Pidgeot** : It started when Keith started showing a little interest in Lance

**LancethePike** : ??

**kogayne** : when you stared at my dick that one time

**LancethePike** : oh yeah

**takashit** : what

**kogayne** : nothing

**Pidgeot** : shut up

**Pidgeot** : I made a group chat called “Klance” where we plotted on how to get you together

**Pidgeot** : I told Hunk to tell you about it, Lance, but to pretend like he shouldn’t have told you

**Hunkules** : I think I did a pretty good job

**Pidgeot** : I was hoping you were going to tell Keith

**Pidgeot** : and you did…

**kogayne** : wait a minute

**Pidgeot** : I know you both so well that I knew that Lance would propose a prank and Keith would agree

**Pidgeot** : you played right into my hands, McClain

**LancethePike** : WHAT

**Pidgeot** : I know you’re both idiots and you’d never turn down a challenge, so I made sure you guys were getting closer as time went on, just to give you an extra push, hence these:

**[14 Photos and 5 Videos from Pidgeot]**

**Pidgeot** : It was all a part of my master plan. And you were both stupid enough to fall right into OUR prank

**takashit** : we fucking got you bro

**kogayne** : WHAT THE FUCK

**LancethePike** : NO FUCKING WAY

**Hunkules** : you don’t think I’d ACTUALLY tell you something top secret, do you?

**Mathematics** : get REKT fools

**LancethePike** : I need to lie down and think about this

**kogayne** : d a m n

**takashit** : you think you’re so slick, kogane

**LancethePike** : wait, was Allura in on this? 

**takashit** : yep

**LancethePike** : THAT SON OF A BITCH

**Allure** : who’s a son of a bitch?

**takashit** : ALLURA

**Mathematics** : PRINCESS

**Thatgorgeousman** : While You Were Talking About Your Schemes Against Each Other, Allura Woke Up… I Told Her Not To Get On Her Phone But She Wouldn’t Listen To Me

**LancethePike** : Allura you son of a hoe

**Allure** : I thought I was a son of a bitch

**LancethePike** : nevermind hug me I missed you

**Allure** : what did I miss?

**takashit** : nothing really, we’ve all been waiting for you to wake up.

**Mathematics** : how do you feel?

**Allure** : surprisingly not bad… 

**takashit** : thank god

**kogayne** : I’ll go get a nurse to see you

**Allure** : thank you, Keith.

**Allure** : I do have to say, I was surprised to wake up and see Coran at my bedside

**Thatgorgeousman** : I Caught The First Flight I Could Find

**Pidgeot** : Keith and I picked him up from the airport

**takashit** : we’ve just been sitting here for two days waiting for you to wake up

**Mathematics** : I am suddenly aware of how in need of a shower I am

**LancethePike** : retweet

**LancethePike** : I’m still mad at you Pidge

**Allure** : why?

**kogayne** : Lance and I are finally together

**Allure** : OH COME ON YOU HAD TO DO IT WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL??

**Allure** : Lance I thought you loved me

**LancethePike** : It’s not my fault, Keith confessed first

**Allure** : KEITH COME ON

**kogayne** : wait you KNEW?

**LancethePike** : I told her she’s like my sister… I tell sisters everything.

**kogayne** : there have been so many plot twists today I-

**takashit** : wait you knew about their plot??? AND YOU DIDN’T TELL US???

**Allure** : I was sworn to secrecy. You know how it is, don’t you kashi?

**Mathematics** : ???

**takashit** : uhhh nothing

**Mathematics** : ahem,,, takashi?

**takashit** : nice going Allura

**takashit** : I never got my psychology degree

**Pidgeot** : YOU DROPPED OUT?

**Mathematics** : why did I know this?

**kogayne** : g u y s

**kogayne** : stop stop stop I need to PROCESS what’s happening

**Hunkules** : oh my god brain??? I don’t know her

**Thatgorgeousman** : I Am Not Sure If I Have Ever Been This Confused

**LancethePike** : I’m right there with you 

**Thatgorgeousman** : I Have A Confession Of My Own

**Thatgorgeousman** : I Am Gay.

**kogayne** : welcome to the club

**Pidgeot** : if you weren’t, we’d kick you out of the chat

**Mathematics** : no offense but that wasn’t the biggest secret

**Thatgorgeousman** : Oh, I See

**Allure** : we’re all gay here, Coran 

**Hunkules** : I’m texting Shay the news… All of the news…

 

**Hunkules > ShayButter**

 

**Hunkules** : You will not BELIEVE what is going on

**ShayButter** : is everyone okay?

**Hunkules** : Okay so first of all, Keith and Lance are dating for real (they were FAKE dating), Allura is awake and feels well (she knew that they were fake dating), Shiro never got his psychology degree, and Coran is gay

**ShayButter** : wh-

**Hunkules** : it’s a lot right? 

**ShayButter** : I just woke up my brain isn’t ready for this

**Hunkules** : retweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! IT'S NOT OVER JUST YET!
> 
> **HEY GUESS WHAT I HAVE A DISCORD SERVER NOW!**   
>  COME TALK TO ME! 


	34. They Are SoftTM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidgeot: I Have Made A Terrible Mistake
> 
> Hunkules: petition to kick klance out of the group chat
> 
> Hunkules: all in favor say i
> 
> This is basically all fluff because I am s o f t

**takashit > eur-in for a treat**

 

**takashit** : so you know how you four have missed three days of school now?

**Pidgeot** : no

**Hunkules** : school who?

**LancethePike** : ok THAT pathetic bitch? We don’t associate with her

**kogayne** : i got ahead enough that i didn’t miss anything. In fact, i technically don’t have to work for two more days

**LancethePike** : y’all hear smthn?

**Hunkules** : it was probably just wind

**Pidgeot** : oh yeah, makes sense

**Mathematics** : I’m late but damn, that bitch needs to lay OFF

**takashit** : as amusing as you all are… you need to get your computers out and get to work

**LancethePike** : no, heck you

**takashit** : uh i’m offended

**Pidgeot** : fuuuuuuuuck

**Hunkules** : it’s gonna take me like 3747297 hours to catch UP

**LancethePike** : i’m pretty sure I missed like 4 quizzes and a portfolio assignment

**Mathematics** : ripperoni and cheese

**kogayne** : I think instead of school, I’m gonna go walk around, get a coffee, see what our little town of Kladno has to offer

**Thatgorgeousman** : This Is Strange

**Pidgeot** : ?

**Thatgorgeousman** : In All Of My Research, I’ve Uncovered That Teenagers Are Usually Never Awake This Early

**takashit** : yeah, well I’m sure these aren’t normal teenagers

**Mathematics** : what do we have, let’s see

**Pidgeot** : we have me, the brains

**Pidgeot** : Hunk, the sweethearted chef

**Pidgeot** : Keith, the loner

**Pidgeot** : Lance, the goofball

**Pidgeot** : Matt, the weeb

**Pidgeot** : Shiro, the tired dad

**Pidgeot** : Allura, the cool mom

**kogayne** : hey wait

**LancethePike** : I AM NOT A GOOFBALL  
  
 **kogayne** : you sure about that?

**LancethePike** : falejfahweih

**LancethePike** : i am WEAK

**Hunkules** : wait are we gonna have to deal with your flirting in this gc now

**kogayne** : didn’t you already

**Hunkules** : let me rephrase: are we gonna have to deal with your REAL flirting in this gc now

**LancethePike** : yes

**Pidgeot** : dammit

**Mathematics** : Pidge, your perfect plan had a flaw

**takashit** : oh let them live, it’s young love. If I do recall correctly, Matt, you ALSO flirt in this chat

**Hunkules** : *sips tea*

**Thatgorgeousman** : Though Your Personalities Are Interesting, I Am Still Confused As To Why You Are All Awake At This Hour

**LancethePike** : well, Anxiety Boi can’t sleep when thoughts decide to use his brain as a playground

**Hunkules** : are you okay

**LancethePike** : peachy

**Hunkules** : since we’ve been sitting in the hospital ive grown to like the early morning,,, even though we’ve only been here for like 3 days

**Pidgeot** : I don’t sleep

**kogayne** : shiro woke me up

**Thatgorgeousman** : Ah, I See.

**Allure** : good morning, all

**Mathematics** : good morning, princess

**Hunkules** : *sips tea louder*

**Mathematics** : shut up

**Allure** : I’m shut upping

**Allure** : pfffffft

**takashit** : … are you okay?

**Allure** : its an inside joke between me and Jakub… 

**Thatgorgeousman** : Speaking Of The Twins, When Are They Arriving?

**Allure** : they’re coming??

**takashit** : yeah, we called and told them what happened and they insisted on coming

**Allure** : AWW

**Mathematics** : they’re showing up tomorrow, so I think a handful of us should go clean up the flat

**kogayne** : i don’t have to do school today

**takashit** : Coran, do you wanna come with us or stay here?

**Thatgorgeousman** : I Suppose I’ll Come. I Haven’t Left The Hospital In Days. 

**Mathematics** : Shiro, Keith, Coran, and I are going to clean the flat and clean ourselves. When we get back the rest of you (minus Allura) can go shower and that good shit

**Pidgeot** : can you make a coffee run first?

**kogayne** : the hospital has coffee

**Pidgeot** : That is NOT coffee… That is brown water that actually tastes like dirt

**kogayne** : good point

**Allure** : I’ll just chill here

  
**Mathematics > The Adults™**

  
**Mathematics** : so how are you REALLY feeling, ‘Llura?

**Allure** : if i’m being honest, I feel fine physically

**takashit** : and mentally?

**Allure** : I could be better

**takashit** : do you wanna talk about it?

**Allure** : I mean it’s just like… in hindsight it was obviously a bad idea to go into a room with closed doors with him, even with all the precautions. 

**Mathematics** : you can’t blame yourself for what happened. None of us were expecting it.

**Allure** : I know… I honestly don’t blame myself. I know that it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t any of our faults. It was that bastard. He’s /so/ going to prison when I get back

**Mathematics** : We packed your laptop in the hospital bag so that you can start working on the case if you want

**takashit** : or you can, you know, do something else with it. We don’t expect you to want to jump on the case immediately

**Allure** : thank you, but I think I will. I’ve got a few weeks to bring it all together. Hopefully we’ll get word of the court date soon. 

**Mathematics** : Let us know if you need anything, Princess.

**Allure** : thank you. Thank you both so much. I love you both more than you can ever know.

**takashit** : we love you too, ‘Llura. We want to make sure that you’re okay.

**Mathematics** : to be honest, we were both a complete wreck for two days. Kashi looked like he was about to explode and I was just drained. 

**takashit** : we weren’t the only ones worried, though. Keith was scared out of his mind. He doesn’t look like he was, but he was shutting down. Pidge closed herself off. Hunk was crying a LOT, and Lance was the most honest with his emotions. We were all really worried about you.

**Allure** : I’m so sorry for worrying you

**takashit** : no no no don’t take it that way, we love you, we want to make sure you’re happy and healthy

**Allure** : I love you guys

**Mathematics** : we love you too, princess.

**takashit** : we’re gonna start cleaning up, but feel free to message us more. We’ll see it when we take a break

**Allure** : okay, thank you.

 

**kogayne >  eur-in for a treat**

 

**kogayne** : The three musketeers have been dropped at the flat, coffees have been acquired, I’m making my way back to you

**Pidgeot** : b l e s s

**LancethePike** : o dam I can’t wait to get me some o that frothy goodness

**Hunkules** : cant relate… i like it black

**LancethePike** : THAT’S why you like shay

**Hunkules** : uh rood

**Hunkules** : looks aren’t everything my good man

**LancethePike** : that’s a crazy concept to me because

**LancethePike** : look at my boyfriend

**LancethePike** : damn what a hot piece of ass

**Pidgeot** : stop you’re gonna make him crash the car and I wont get to have my coffee

**LancethePike** : and I wont get to have my boyfriend… you’re right.

**kogayne** : I-

**kogayne** : lAncE

**LancethePike** : yes, dear boyfriend of mine?

**Hunkules** : are we playing “how many times can lance show off the fact that he’s dating keith in one conversation?”

**Pidgeot** : it looks like it

**kogayne** : you’re lucky I don’t text while driving

**Pidgeot** : damn that’s like the only thing you don’t do while driving

**kogayne** : shhhhhh

**Hunkules** : coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee

**LancethePike** : Keith Keith Keith Keith Keith Keith Keith

**LancethePike** : can you tell im in love

**Pidgeot** : no, really?

**kogayne** : laaaance

**kogayne** : i cant carry all these coffees come help me

**LancethePike** : of course, chico lindo

**Pidgeot** : I Have Made A Terrible Mistake

**Hunkules** : petition to kick klance out of the group chat 

**Hunkules** : all in favor say i

**Pidgeot** : i

**Allure** : let them have their fun

**Thatgorgeousman** : i

**Hunkules** : i

**Pidgeot** : sorry allura you’ve been outvoted

**[Hunkules Removed kogayne and LancethePike from the chat]**

**Pidgeot** : THIS PLAN BACKFIRED

**Allure** : I was trying to tell you that they were going to be worse in person but noooo, don’t listen to me

**[Hunkules Added kogayne and LancethePike to the chat]**

**Hunkules** : please for the love of my innocence STOP

**kogayne** : that’s what you get

**takashit** : keith we need you

**takashit** : everyone else, school

**Mathematics** : oh my god Lance has been such a bad influence on you

**LancethePike** : it’s a gift

**takashit** : I hate to tear you two apart, i don’t know how you’ll survive without each other for ten minutes, but we really do need Keith here

**Pidgeot** : the SHADE

**LancethePike** : wait kiss me

**LancethePike** : I love you

**kogayne** : I love you too, Lance

**Pidgeot** : BARF OH MY GOD

**LancethePike** : this is your fault Pidge

**Pidgeot** : I try to do one nice thing for my friends and suddenly im being punished

**kogayne** : oh that’s not even punishment 

**Pidgeot** : please, spare me

**Allure** : hey kids

**LancethePike** : Alluraaaaaa

**Allure** : do your school

**Pidgeot** : no

**LancethePike** : friendship with Allura ended, Pidge is now my best friend

**Pidgeot** : should I be excited

**Thatgorgeousman** : Unfortunately, Education Is Important

**kogayne** : I’d rather be Jared, 19, never fucking learned how to read

**LancethePike** : *tearing up* thats my boyfriend

**kogayne** : that was for u, bb

**Pidgeot** : you know what, I prefer school to this… gotta blast

**Hunkules** : ^^^

**LancethePike** : i GUESS i’ll join the club

**takashit** : you kids are impossible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol remember when I wrote 3000+ word chapters? 
> 
> I HAVE A DISCORD SERVER NOW  
> [COME TALK TO ME! ](https://discordapp.com/invite/7hfUtyg)


	35. Beautiful Background Ships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lukaso: as much as i support you guys, uh, yeah that’s not the best position i’d like to be in
> 
> takashit: Pidge before you say something
> 
> takashit: dont
> 
> uhhh the twins are driving, Keith and Lance went to the flat, Hunk and Shay are excited, Shalluratt loves each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops here’s yesterday’s chapter
> 
> sorry it’s late i’ve had a rough few days

**Lukaso > The Bros and The Hoes 2k18**

**  
Lukaso** : Good morning, all!

 **Allure** : Hey Lukas!

 **Lukaso** : Oh you’re awake! Good, we were worried.

 **Lukaso** : we’re on our way over there, we’ll be there at about 4.

 **Lukaso** : Jakub told me to tell you that he’s excited to see you

 **LancethePike** : eyy its my main man Lukas

 **kogayne** : rood

 **LancethePike** : eyy its my side hoe Lukas

 **kogayne** : ROOD

 **LancethePike** : eyy its my bro Lukas

 **Pidgeot** : can you two PLEASE spare us in this chat?

 **Hunkules** : yeah, Shay and I don’t act like this in the RS group

 **LancethePike** : but we’re not you and Shay, my beautiful best friend

 **Pidgeot** : ah, it’s our loss.

 **Lukaso** : hahaha what?

 **Hunkules** : Lance and Keith have been bone-meltingly mushy for the past few days

 **Allure** : at least have courtesy for Jakub and Lukas. They came to see me in the hospital, not you two giggling and sucking face

 **Lukaso** : as much as i support you guys, uh, yeah that’s not the best position i’d like to be in

 **takashit** : Pidge before you say something

 **takashit** : dont

 **Pidgeot** : what pos-god DAMMIT shiro

 **LancethePike** : fine, maybe we can spare you for a FEW hours

 **kogayne** : you forget that i can drive

 **Pidgeot** : no you can’t

 **Lukaso** : I thought gays can’t drive

 **kogayne** : semantics

 **kogayne** : I could take Lance back to the flat and we could be cute and mushy there

 **Hunkules** : why haven’t you been doing this the whole time

 **LancethePike** : it’s fun seeing you guys suffer

 **Mathematics** : idk man,,, i’m kinda with Lance… the hate is funny

 **Pidgeot** : to you maybe

 **kogayne** : ANYWAY uh since Shiro isn’t making us do school, I’m gonna take my boyfriend and yeet off

 **Allure** : sounds good

 **Pidgeot** : just don’t be mushy in the gc and we’re golden

 **LancethePike** : wait but it’s a Golden Opportunity to make you hate us

 **kogayne** : where have i heard that phrase before

 **Hunkules** : what phrase

 **kogayne** : Golden Opportunities

 **Hunkules** : i have no idea

 **LancethePike** : idk??? can we gooooooo let’s gooooooo

 **Pidgeot** : bring coffee if and when you come back

 **kogayne** : will do

 **Lukaso** : are they always like this

 **Mathematics** : ngl i forgot we were in this chat

 **Pidgeot** : not usually but i have a feeling they’re gonna be like this for a long while

 **Lukaso** : lol good luck with that

 **LancethePike** : you do realize I’m still here, right?

 **Hunkules** : yes

 **Lukaso** : that’s the point

 **LancethePike** : hm.. Fine. Be that way

 **Hunkules** : whatever… i’m gonna get ahead on my schoolwork

 **Pidgeot** : not a bad idea, Hunk

 **Hunkules** : why thank you, small Pigeon

 **Allure** : I should probably get started on the case, right?

 **takashit** : it’s not a terrible plan

 **Allure** : okay.

 **Mathematics** : I’m gonna take a walk, take in the sights.

 **takashit** : ooh hell yeah im coming with you

 **Allure** : have fun

 **takashit** : love you, llura

 **Mathematics** : ily princess

 **Pidgeot** : not you too

 **Lukaso** : see you guys soon!!

 **Allure** : see you!!

  
**ShayButter > Hunkules**

**  
ShayButter** : good morning, Hunky

 **Hunkules** : mmm how are you?

 **ShayButter** : tired… i don’t wanna go to school

 **Hunkules** : neither do I, really. I should probably get ahead in my studies, though.

 **ShayButter** : How are you??

 **Hunkules** : relieved. Keith and Lance went to the flat for some Quality Time™ and Shiro and Matt went on a walk. Allura is working on the case, Pidge and I are doing schoolwork. I’m pretty much content

 **ShayButter** : that’s so good for you

 **ShayButter** : I’d love to kick back and relax at some point but i’ve got work tonight

 **Hunkules** : wait when did you get a job?!?

 **ShayButter** : a few days ago… i wanted to tell you but i figured you were busy with Allura

 **Hunkules** : that’s great!! Where did you get it?

 **ShayButter** : a new place on the square that’s opening up. It’s a New Orleans themed restaurant

 **Hunkules** : o dam

 **Hunkules** : that sounds so cool

 **ShayButter** : when you get back you should definitely come try the stuff… I’ve only gotten a bit but it’s so good

 **Hunkules** : We’ll stop by when we’re driving back home after our flight!

 **ShayButter** : oh hell yeah!!

 **ShayButter** : I’d be lying if i said i wasn’t excited that you’re coming home early

 **ShayButter** : the circumstances could be better, but….

 **Hunkules** : I’m excited to see you. It’s been too long

 **ShayButter** : oh i KNOW

 **ShayButter** : the last time I saw you was at Timmie’s party

 **Hunkules** : oh my god you’re right

 **Hunkules** : that was in like May

 **ShayButter** : remember when we ALMOST made out

 **Hunkules** : damn i wish i would’ve kissed you

 **ShayButter** : I wish the same.

 **Hunkules** : I’m so. Excited. To see you

 **ShayButter** : I’m so excited too!!! I’ll see if I can get the day off that day.

 **Hunkules** : after we eat at your place I can let the others drive on home and I’ll bus it or something just so that I can spend time with you

 **ShayButter** : you can stay over

 **Hunkules** : really??

 **ShayButter** : hell yeah, you can stay the night and I’ll drive you home the next day

 **Hunkules** : ooooo yeahhhh boiii

 **ShayButter** : i’m so excited… i literally can’t say anything else

 **Hunkules** : hhhh me too

 **Hunkules** : Pidge is looking at me weird because i’m bouncing with excitement

 **ShayButter** : i’m on the bus absolutely vibrating

 **Hunkules** : MOOD

 **ShayButter** : I can’t wait to see you again

 **Hunkules** : right back at you

 **ShayButter** : oof i have to go

 **Hunkules** : Have fun!! Learn a lot!!!

 **ShayButter** : :)

 

**Mathematics > The AdultsTM **

**  
Mathematics** : hey Llura

 **Allure** : hm?

 **takashit** : I love you. so much.

 **Mathematics** : you’re so strong and i absolutely adore you.

 **Allure** : you guys-

 **takashit** : I’m so sorry you’ve been through all of that shit. You don’t deserve any of it.

 **Mathematics** : you’re so hardworking and responsible

 **takashit** : and Lotor is a fucking piece of shit that deserves to rot in prison and burn in hell

 **Mathematics** : and no matter what happens, we’ll always be here for you

 **Allure** : you guys

 **Allure** : i love you both

 **Allure** : so much

 **Allure** : and if you ever need anything i will drop what i’m doing and come help you because we’re in this together

 **Mathematics** : we love you, Llura

 **takashit** : we really do

 **Allure** : and I love you both

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In conclusion, Hunay and Shalluratt are beautiful. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
> 
> also oops i forgot the twins were supposed to come... 
> 
> remember when I wrote good long chapters??? hahahaha


	36. Chapter Title?????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TheRaven: i can’t wait for you to tell your kids that you got together after making out in a hospital bathroom
> 
> LancethePike: it’s the epitome of romance
> 
> TheRaven: retweet
> 
> Raven’s uncle is gross, Ashton makes bad decisions, keith is gay, pidge shows emotion, Matt is WORRIED, Coran and the twins are MIA, Shiro is tired, Lance is a romantic, Hunk is an amused boi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> depending on how late i want to stay up you might get another chapter tonight
> 
> also i think this chap is longer than the past ones and i’m proud

**TheRaven > LancethePike**

**  
TheRaven** : yo yo yo wtf is up bro

 **LancethePike** : Oh my god i forgot to tell you holy shit

 **TheRaven** : w h at

 **LancethePike** : Keith and I are like

 **LancethePike** : together

 **TheRaven** : like…. Together together?

 **LancethePike** : together together

 **TheRaven** : HOLY SHIT

 **TheRaven** : WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME

 **LancethePike** : well two days ago we had to do schoolwork, which is so lame, yesterday Keith and I hung out just the two of us, and uh i’m telling you today.

 **TheRaven** : wait so when did you get together

 **LancethePike** : 3 or 4 days ago

 **TheRaven** : give me every single detail

 **LancethePike** : okay well Keith seemed a bit…. odd so i asked him what was going on. He told me that he wanted to talk to me in person so I went out of Allura’s hospital room and he was like,,,,, shaking so i took him to the bathroom so we could talk in private.

 **LancethePike** : and like he was acting REALLY paranoid, checking the stalls and making sure no one could hear us… i was getting WORRIED… he was acting like he killed the owner of a huge drug cartel or something

 **TheRaven** : nice analogy

 **LancethePike** : thanks, I watch Orange is the New Black

 **LancethePike** : anyway, he was looking scared as hell and i start to ask him wtf is going on but he comes over and starts making out with me and i’m like “uh okay sure i’m into this”

 **LancethePike** : so then uh he pulls away and i’m like “wtf i was loving that” and he looks at me and just goes “i’m in love with you”

 **TheRaven** : i love the subtlety

 **LancethePike** : right? So he looks MORTIFIED and i’m like “o dam i’m not gonna let him get away this easy” so i’m like “Keith” and he looks up and i kiss him and then this old guy walks in and gives us a dirty look but like fuck him man

 **LancethePike** : so then on the way back to Allura’s room i tell him that I love him too and he SQUEALS.

 **LancethePike** : so then we talk it out over text as to not raise suspicion and uhhh we’re together now.

 **TheRaven** : i can’t wait for you to tell your kids that you got together after making out in a hospital bathroom

 **LancethePike** : it’s the epitome of romance

 **TheRaven** : retweet

 **LancethePike** : so what’s going on with you?

 **TheRaven** : well my uncle is a complete creep

 **LancethePike** : uh oh… what’s he doing?

 **TheRaven** : he keeps telling me how much i’ve grown (he means my tits) and how my face is much more mature now

 **LancethePike** : fucking EW

 **TheRaven** : it’s fucking disgusting but i don’t want to say anything because i don’t want to upset my aunt

 **LancethePike** : just say that current events are making you nervous

 **TheRaven** : it’s not even because he’s complimenting me it’s because he’s a total creep

 **LancethePike** : eewww… just try to distance yourself from him as much as possible

 **TheRaven** : i’m trying to… i just don’t want anyone to ask me why i’m in another room when the whole family is in the living room

 **LancethePike** : cover yourself up with a throw pillow???

 **TheRaven** : that’s not a bad idea

 **LancethePike** : i take payment in the form of love and affection

 **TheRaven** : fortunately for you, you have a boyfriend for that

 **LancethePike** : rood

 **TheRaven** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

  
**Pidgeot > eur-in for a treat**

**  
Pidgeot** : do you ever just get scared of college

 **Pidgeot** : and like the future in general

 **Pidgeot** : cause like we have to adult and try not to die on our own while also not failing school AND have working jobs AND deal with bills and shit

 **LancethePike** : SAYS YOU

 **LancethePike** : YOURE ONLY A SOPHMORE

 **Hunkules** : i mean valid

 **Hunkules** : but uhhh from the three seniors in this chat,,,, we’re gonna need to have words

 **Pidgeot** : 3 years is a short ass time y’all

 **kogayne** : yeah well guess what,,, we’ve got 1 so uhhhh idk what to tell you man

 **takashit** : wait where are you guys applying to?

 **kogayne** : i don’t fucking know

 **Hunkules** : i was thinking IU but then i remembered Indiana is a piece of shit so uh maybe somewhere international bc i kinda hate America

 **LancethePike** : I kinda really want to go to Manchester University

 **Mathematics** : but for what tho

 **LancethePike** : either creative writing or business

 **Allure** : i suggest business… no matter what you do in life you’ll always need that knowledge.

 **LancethePike** : then business ig

 **Hunkules** : I’ll have to look into it more but i’ve heard that university in France is cheap as heck

 **kogayne** : it’s free in the Netherlands

 **takashit** : wait so you all want to come back to Europe for college

 **LancethePike** : well i’ve dreamed of going to Manchester U since i was like 12 so

 **Mathematics** : damn… commitment

 **Hunkules** : i wanna go somewhere for engineering and possibly a minor in culinary arts or something

 **LancethePike** : oh hell yes Hunk you make a MEAN garlic tomato quiche

 **kogayne** : and idk for me…

 **Pidgeot** : art school

 **takashit** : art school

 **Pidgeot** : DRIFT COMPATIBILITY

 **takashit** : what

 **Pidgeot** : hhh never mind

 **kogayne** : but artists get like no money

 **Hunkules** : what’s more important is doing what makes you happy

 **Pidgeot** : I want to go to college for computer science but i also want to start a nonprofit for kids learning robotics and coding. It’s going to take a lot of my time and money but it’s doing what i really care about

 **LancethePike** : awww little Pidgey has emotions

 **Mathematics** : the Pidgeot is evolving into a more careful, loving pokémon

 **Pidgeot** : shut the fuck up i’ll rip your fucking face off bitch

 **Hunkules** : she devolved

 **takashit** : Keith, do what you love…

 **kogayne** : Hey Lance

 **Mathematics** : PFFFFFFF

 **takashit** : i’m just never gonna speak again

 **LancethePike** : that’s my fuckinf boyfriend y’all

 **takashit** : is it too late to say that i don’t approve of this relationship

 **kogayne** : i’m a grown ass man Shiro

 **takashit** : hhhhhhh

 **Hunkules** : Lance look what you did…. you ruined him

 **LancethePike** : i’m so proud

 **takashit** : okay but really uh talk about this elsewhere i don’t wanna know about my little brother’s sex life

 **kogayne** : what sex life there’s nothing there

 **Pidgeot** : wait then what did you and Lance do yesterday

 **kogayne** : we cleaned up a bit, took a shower, made some food

 **LancethePike** : made out a lot

 **Mathematics** : oh god that’s a relief

 **kogayne** : wait what did you THINK we were doing all day???

 **Pidgeot** : do you want me to go into detail or no

 **takashit** : STOP

 **Hunkules** : this is mildly amusing

 **LancethePike** : wow uh pervs

 **kogayne** : oh yeah you didn’t even hear about how they thought we fucked in the hospital bathroom

 **LancethePike** : jesus fucking christ you guys

 **LancethePike** : i may seem very sexual but i have STANDARDS

 **LancethePike** : we’re gonna wait until Keith is ready and then i’m gonna make it all romantic and shit. We’ll take it slow

 **takashit** : can someone please remove me

 **takashit** : i don’t want to hear about this

 **Hunkules** : i apologize on behalf of Lance

 **kogayne** : that’s MY boyfriend y’all…. look at him, he’s such a romantic

 **Allure** : i’m gonna gently shift the conversation to the case.

 **Hunkules** : oh yeah, how’s that going?

 **Allure** : can you guys send me your witness accounts pls

 **takashit** : are you sure you’re okay with reading it?

 **Allure** : honestly, I’m not sure… but it doesn’t hurt to try.

 **Allure** : also, Shiro, can you send me the last 5 or so minutes of the recording you took

 **takashit** : of course.

 **Mathematics** : I’m going to sit right next to you and make sure you’re okay. I don’t want you slipping into a PTSD episode or something

 **Pidgeot** : wait where the fuck is Coran

 **Hunkules** : and where the fuck are the twins what

 **Thatgorgeousman** : Ah, Hello! Sorry To Worry You, I Was Taking The Boys To The Flat To Put Their Things. We’re Going To McDonalds. Do You Want Anything?

 **Allure** : I would really love a McFlurry

 **Pidgeot** : hit me with those nugs Coran

 **LancethePike** : ^^^

 **kogayne** : a chicken sandwich pls

 **Mathematics** : can i get a fuckinnnnn uhhhhhhh burger?

 **LancethePike** : NICE

 **takashit** : ooo wait a crispy chicken mcwrap sounds so good rn

 **Hunkules** : i just want some fries man

 **Thatgorgeousman** : Got It! We’ll Be There Shortly!

 **Allure** : thank you, Coran!

 **Pidgeot** : what a blessing of a man

 **kogayne** : retweet

 **Mathematics** : you’re spending too much time with Lance

 **LancethePike** : i’m merely informing him of the current Funny Things

 **kogayne** : you can’t keep me away from him lol

 **takashit** : a man can dream

 **LancethePike** : uh RUDE

 **Allure** : Please write your accounts i really need them

 **Mathematics** : sorry princess

 **Hunkules** : ah sorry

 

**TrashleeAsh > kogayne**

**TrashleeAsh** : I just made the second worst decision of my entire existence

 **kogayne** : what the hell did you do

 **TrashleeAsh** : so i was taking a hot bath but it was like,,,, too hot. I was overheating. So i stood up to take a shower and i made it like ICE COLD

 **TrashleeAsh** : that’s a bad fucking decision.... my eyes started getting fuzzy and i got really fucking dizzy lol i’m dehydrated as fuck i’m boutta fall over

 **kogayne** : A S H T O N

 **kogayne** : you need WATER

 **TrashleeAsh** : i’m drinking 0.75 liters before i sleep tonight

 **kogayne** : 1) wow precise 2) good omg 3) what was the FIRST worst

 **TrashleeAsh** : it also involves a bath

 **TrashleeAsh** : i wanted my water to smell good so i put peppermint oil in the water but like…. peppermint oil acts as a freezing thing when it comes into contact with skin. Basically it gets so cold it burns so i got into the bath and suddenly my entire body was on fire

 **kogayne** : NO SHIT

 **TrashleeAsh** : so i jumped out and tried to shower but my sister had taken a shower downstairs and we were out of hot water so i had to wait like six hours

 **kogayne** : a s h t o n

 **TrashleeAsh** : i never said I was a smart human being

 **kogayne** : hhhhh oh my GOD

 **TrashleeAsh** : so how’s your boyfriend

 **kogayne** : gorgeous.

 **kogayne** : he and i spent the whole day together yesterday being domestic bois

 **TrashleeAsh** : tell me all about it

 **kogayne** : well we went back to the flat so we could be obnoxiously gay without annoying the others (apparently they thought we were fucking)

 **kogayne** : we got there, we kissed a bit in the elevator, once we got home we made out a LOT. And then we cuddled for a while, just talking about things, and then we cleaned up the place a bit and made ourselves some lunch. Then we watched Alex Strangelove and made out a bit more and then took a shower and then made dinner

 **TrashleeAsh** : that is so fucking domestic and cute i can’t

 **TrashleeAsh** : important question: did you shower TOGETHER or no

 **kogayne** : we were both kinda thinking about it but he insisted that we take our own showers cause he doesn’t wanna see me nude until we do the do for the first time

 **TrashleeAsh** : didn’t he accidentally stare at your dick that one time

 **kogayne** : well yeah but it was clothed

 **TrashleeAsh** : likely story

 **kogayne** : fuk u

 **TrashleeAsh** : okay but really i stan you domestic boyfriends in the Czech Republic i’m-

 **TrashleeAsh** : living vicariously through you

 **kogayne** : i will keep you updated, be sure of that

 **TrashleeAsh** : THANK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi uhh thanks for reading this uwu
> 
> this fic is ending really soon but it’s starting back up with the sequel fic, “Amber Possibilities” in January! Until then, I’m doing kinktober, and uh idk, maybe some other stuff!!


	37. Everyone Is Smooth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidgeot: i’m leaving before this gets rated PG-13
> 
> Mathematics: leave, baby sister, this isn’t fit for your eyes
> 
> Pidgeot: fuck you
> 
> Coran did a thing, Lance is thirsty for likes, Hunk is TRYING, Pidge has feelings, Shay exposes stuff, Allura gets out in a few days, Matt is smooth af, Shiro is content, Jakub and Lukas are confused...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here’s that other chapter that i wanted to post yesterday
> 
> uwu Allura is getting out tomorrow probably

**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

**  
[Photo from LancethePike]**

**LancethePike** : okay so who the fuck did this

 **Pidgeot** : THERES A /FAN PAGE/ NOW???

 **kogayne** : who-

 **kogayne** : is it Ashton? does it say?

 **LancethePike** : idk?? the name is “#1 klance stan”

 **kogayne** : ashton i swear to god

 **LancethePike** : how do you know it’s ashton

 **kogayne** : he said “i stan you domestic boyfriends in the Czech Republic”

 **LancethePike** : it COULD be Raven?

 **LancethePike** : she said “i can’t wait for you to tell your kids that you got together after making out in a hospital bathroom”

 **takashit** : disappointed but not surprised

 **kogayne** : wait we haven’t checked off everyone in this chat

 **LancethePike** : PHONE SWEEP

 **LancethePike** : hand over your phones we’re going through your instagram accounts

 **Pidgeot** : hey wait why

 **LancethePike** : you’re all suspects

 **kogayne** : except shiro

 **takashit** : thank god

 **LancethePike** : we’ll ignore all the porn and stuff

 **LancethePike** : nothing on Hunk’s phone

 **kogayne** : nothing on Matt’s

 **LancethePike** : Allura is a negative

 **kogayne** : no Pidge either

 **LancethePike** : CORAN

 **LancethePike** : YOU MADE THIS ACCOUNT??

 **Pidgeot** : holy shit

 **Hunkules** : the tables are tabling

 **Thatgorgeousman** : What, Am I Not Allowed To Have A Fan Page?

 **LancethePike** : actually you know what here you go

**[12 Photos from LancethePike]**

**Mathematics** : jesus christ

 **Allure** : Lance is thirsty

 **LancethePike** : thirsty for dem likes

 **kogayne** : brb gonna tell Ashton about this

 **LancethePike** : ditto with Raven

 **Pidgeot** : Coran you absolutely gorgeous man

 **Thatgorgeousman** : What Can I Say? I’m A Man Of Many Interests.

 **Hunkules** : this is crazy

 **Hunkules** : shay needs to hear about this

  
**JakisBak > The Bros and the Hoes 2k18**

**  
JakisBak** : wait so why did we have to give up our phones to Keith and Lance?

**[Photo from Pidgeot]**

**Pidgeot** : Coran did it

 **JakisBak** : oh my GOD

 **Lukaso** : it already has 200 followers??? how long has it been up?

 **Hunkules** : like 20 minutes

 **JakisBak** : holy shit really

 **Mathematics** : maybe it’s a shift in the dimensions

 **Allure** : what

 **Mathematics** : remember that alternate reality lance came up with where we’re a cartoon? what if the followers are from that dimension

 **Pidgeot** : are you

 **Pidgeot** : on drugs

 **Mathematics** you know just as well as I that I only smoke weed on tuesdays

 **Hunkules** : PFFF

 **takashit** : why is this what i walk into

 **LancethePike** : RETWEET

 **Pidgeot** : Lance for the last goddamn time you smoked weed ONCE

 **Hunkules** : and it was on a Saturday

 **LancethePike** : smoke weed everyday

 **JakisBak** : is he always like this

 **Pidgeot** : unfortunately yes

 **LancethePike** : does anyone have two kazoos i need to make a meme really quick

 **Hunkules** : lance are YOU high?

 **LancethePike** : high on Love

 **Mathematics** : oh no

 **Lukaso** : i have a feeling this isn’t going to end well for us

 **LancethePike** : Oh i’ll spare you this once

 **Pidgeot** : E X H A L E

 **Hunkules** : wow that was the closest call i’ve ever heard of

 **LancethePike** : oh don’t be dramatic

 **Pidgeot** : speaking of you being grossly in love where is your MIA boyfriend

 **LancethePike** : i think he went to take a piss

 **Hunkules** : tmi man

 **LancethePike** : what? it’s natural? literally everyone does it???

 **takashit** : AAAALRIGHT Lets stop talking about this before it gets controversial

 **Mathematics** : PIDGE QUICK DISCOURSE

 **Pidgeot** : is it okay to pee in the shower

 **Mathematics** : PIDGE LITERALLY ANY OTHER DISCOURSE

 **Pidgeot** : are ghosts real?

 **kogayne** : 100% yes

 **Hunkules** : oh look who is back

 **JakisBak** : i’d say probably yes?

 **takashit** : I’m gonna go with no

 **LancethePike** : what.

 **Lukaso** : i don’t really think so??

 **Allure** : of course there’s ghosts

 **Mathematics** : oh yeah, 100%

 **Pidgeot** : how could there not be?

 **Thatgorgeousman** : I’m Not So Sure.

 **Pidgeot** : Anti-ghost side, state your case

 **takashit** : well first of all, this loosely depends on religion and if you believe in an afterlife, also whether you believe in souls at all.

 **Lukaso** : i’ve never heard a convincing argument that they’re real. All of the stores just seem faked.

 **Thatgorgeousman** : Also, I Have Yet To Find Any Concrete Scientific Evidence.

 **Lukaso** : Besides, what are the chances that if a ghost were to show up it would have the strength to knock things over

 **takashit** : also uh Ouija boards are absolute bullshit

 **Pidgeot** : Finished?

 **Lukaso** : yep

 **Pidgeot** : OTHER SIDE GO

 **LancethePike** : Coran, have you EVER looked an electromagnetic field or seen a head signature reading?? that shit don’t lie

 **Pidgeot** : Though i agree it does kinda depend on whether you believe in souls, there are too many reports for it to be a coincidence, especially if a known death happened somewhere near there

 **Mathematics** : I do have to admit the “they’re stronger at night” thing makes no sense to me but if they harness the electromagnetic stuff they can easily push stuff

 **kogayne** : and also how would Ouija boards be shit?? getting a response from a girl named Claire after figuring out that Claire Martin died in our house is unrealistic??

 **Pidgeot** : other side, are you finished?

 **kogayne** : hhh i guess

 **Pidgeot** : thoughts, disbelievers?

 **Thatgorgeousman** : None.

 **Pidgeot** : believers?

 **Mathematics** : no.

 **Pidgeot** : DISCOURSE COMPLETE

 **JakisBak** : that’s an interesting way of doing things

 **Pidgeot** : it keeps it orderly

 **Allure** : so i get out in a few days

 **takashit** : we should probably start packing, right?

 **Thatgorgeousman** : I Would Advise It.

 **takashit** : it’s saturday, unless you wanna catch up on schoolwork, come with me and we can back. Matt, Coran, twins, you can come with us or stay here. It’s absolutely up to you.

 **Thatgorgeousman** : I Plan On Staying Here All Day

 **JakisBak** : ^

 **Lukaso** : ^^

 **Mathematics** : ^^^

 **takashit** : cool, kids come with me

 **Pidgeot** : but DAAAAD

 **takashit** : but PIIIIIIDGE

 **Pidgeot** : ugh.

 **Hunkules** : we’re making a coffee stop first though right

 **kogayne** : we can do the same thing we did the other day, where we grab coffee, I drop you at home and run coffees back to the hospital

 **JakisBak** : where are you getting them

 **kogayne** : Starbucks

 **JakisBak** : can i get me a chai latte

 **Lukaso** : an iced caramel latte

 **Mathematics** : death coffee

 **Allure** : iced caramel macchiato

 **JakisBak** : what’s a death coffee?

 **Pidgeot** : a black coffee with 6 shots of espresso

 **Mathematics** : i like my coffee like i like my girls and guys…. strong

 **takashit** : THATS

 **takashit** : actually a good one i can’t argue

 **Hunkules** : wow i stan a relationship

 **Pidgeot** : you better stan 3 or else your ass is gonna get WHIPPED boy

 **Hunkules** : I’m already whipped

 **Mathematics** : A rare pokémon appeared!

 **Mathematics** : Hunkules, you have caught a level 10 Lovebug

 **Pidgeot** : there are rare moments when i’m actually proud to be related to you

 **Hunkules** : what’s with matt and the wholesome memes today

 **Mathematics** : it’s a wholesome memey kinda day

 **LancethePike** : rt

 **Pidgeot** : rt

 **LancethePike** : DRIFT

 **Pidgeot** : DRIIIFT

 **kogayne** : does ANYONE else understand that because i sure as hell don’t

 **Pidgeot** : we’re too advanced for you heathens

 **kogayne** : :(

 **LancethePike** : i still love you tho

 **kogayne** : <3

 **LancethePike** : sosiwuxiiwjixiwjsox

 **Lukaso** : you okay there Lance

 **Hunkules** : he fell

 **LancethePike** : for you, Keith

 **takashit** : WHY IS EVERYONE BEING SO SMOOTH TODAY

 **LancethePike** : I’m talented

 **Mathematics** : i have a lot of love to give

 **Pidgeot** : is there a way to change love into patience and give some to Shiro

 **Mathematics** : i already tried, trust me

 **Allure** : he just needs some loosening up

 **kogayne** : i don’t like what that implies

 **Pidgeot** : and you called us the pervs

 **LancethePike** : correction: that was me

 **takashit** : Keith is coming with your coffees… the rest of us are putting our phones DOWN and packing things

 **kogayne** : about to pull out of the parking lot, be there in 5

 **Allure** : so i never did ask you boys… what do you think of my friends?

 **JakisBak** : can i avoid that question?

 **Lukaso** : JAKUB

 **Lukaso** : I think that they’re really fun and almost over the top but they make things exciting

 **JakisBak** : I think the gay is a bit overwhelming at first but then you start to get to know them and suddenly they’re actually really really cool

 **Allure** : huh… that makes sense. I’m glad you’re getting along well, though.

 **kogayne** : can i get some help carrying drinks in

 **JakisBack** : on the way

 **Lukaso** : be there soon

 **Allure** : they just stood up at the exact same time i love twins.

  
**ShayButter > Hunkules**

**  
ShayButter** : good morning Hunky

 **Hunkules** : how are you, Shayby?

 **ShayButter** : did you just combine my name and “baby”

 **Hunkules** : i was trying something and it didn’t work it’s okay

 **ShayButter** : lmaoooo i almost want to show this to everyone else

 **Hunkules** : noo they’ll see i have a love for romance

 **ShayButter** : and why is that such a bad thing?

 **Hunkules** : whenever Klance does anything romantic I pretend to absolutely hate it

 **Hunkules** : but honestly, I’m happy that my best friend is happy and in love

**[ShayButter Screenshotted the Chat!]**

**Hunkules** : SHAY WAIT

  
 **ShayButter** > RS and the Bird

  
**[Photo from ShayButter]**

**Hunkules** : NOOOOOO

 **LancethePike** : oh worm?

 **Pidgeot** : exposed by your own damn girlfriend

 **kogayne** : awww he approves!

 **Hunkules** : dead to me

 **ShayButter** : but HUNKY

 **Pidgeot** : i’m leaving before this gets rated PG-13

 **Mathematics** : leave, baby sister, this isn’t fit for your eyes

 **Pidgeot** : fuck you

 **takashit** : if we’re being honest, i’m glad my baby brother’s first boyfriend is Lance. He is a guaranteed good guy

 **Allure** : that was alliteration

 **Allure** : and yes, my pseudo brothers seem very happy together

 **Allure** : wait that sounds very incestual… MY GAY FRIENDS ARE CUTE TOGETHER

 **kogayne** : is this really approval from ALL of our friends, Lance??

 **LancethePike** : good. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 **Pidgeot** : just don’t be gross and we’re good

 **Mathematics** : AWW PIDGE HAS F E E L I N G S

 **Pidgeot** : SHUDDUP SHUT UP

 **LancethePike** : is that a Jesse Hernandez reference

 **Pidgeot** : maybe??

 **LancethePike** : you’re not even IN choir

 **Pidgeot** : uh i did the musical remember

 **Hunkules** : yeah!! we were on crew together

 **LancethePike** : oh yeah

 **Pidgeot** : also jesse hernandez’s legacy has lived on even throughout classes he didn’t have

 **kogayne** : is that who that is?? I heard someone in my pre-cal class last year scream “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP” from like a classroom away

 **Hunkules** : that’s Jesse alright

 **LancethePike** : sadly he graduated last year

 **Pidgeot** : but we as the cast and crew of the Spring 2018 musical will fill in for him

 **kogayne** : ...riiight

 **ShayButter** : he was in my Composition class last year… funny guy

 **LancethePike** : THE PERUVIAN PRINCE WILL BE MISSED

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tHANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR READING!! 
> 
> this fic ends in a few days but it will be back with “Amber Possibilities” in January!! Until then, you can look forward to Kinktober and a few other cute oneshots!


	38. The Chapter That Is 5 Days Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allure: Pidge is my favorite kid
> 
> LancethePike: HEY WAIT
> 
> Pidgeot: uwu fuck you lance
> 
> Allura gets out!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhh i was playing minecraft and League of Legends with the real Jakub and Lukas i’m SORRY
> 
> Also this chapter is v short...

**Allure > The Bros and the Hoes 2k18**

**  
Allure** : get your asses over here and pick me up i’m getting out today

 **Pidgeot** : fucking yeet

 **Lukaso** : wait Pidge how old are you again??

 **Mathematics** : shes still but an infant

 **Pidgeot** : I’m 15 god mom

 **JakisBak** : am I the only one who thought she was like 11

 **LancethePike** : LMAOOOO nah she really is 11

 **Pidgeot** : fuck off lance i’m 15

 **Lukaso** : and now i am CONFUSION

 **Mathematics** : why is this one Kansas

 **LancethePike** : but this is not Ar-kansas?

 **Pidgeot** : AMERICA EXPLAIN

 **takashit** : what the hell was that

 **LancethePike** : the meme team bitch

 **Hunkules** : that generated raw ENERGY

 **Pidgeot** : it’s just the power of the meme team

 **kogayne** : lance what the fuck are you doing

 **LancethePike** : i don’t know what you mean

 **kogayne** : what the fuck is in that mug

 **LancethePike** : what mug

 **Hunkules** : are you drinking Coke out of a coffee mug

 **LancethePike** : shhhh it enhances the flavor

 **Pidgeot** : i call BULLSHIT

 **kogayne** : lol uhh so i’m single now

 **LancethePike** : wait what

 **Pidgeot** : Lance is dead now

 **Mathematics** : wait why is it a big deal that he’s drinking coke out of a mug?

 **takashit** : okay you don’t get to be a part of this conversation you put ice cubes in your apple juice

 **Hunkules** : you fucking WHAT

 **Lukaso** : friendship ended with Matt

 **Mathematics** : WHATS WRONG WITH ICE CUBES IN APPLE JUICE???

 **LancethePike** : oh that’s repulsive

 **Mathematics** : you’re supposed to be on my side Lance

 **LancethePike** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Allure** : seriously matt, we need to talk about this.

 **Mathematics** : there’s nothing wrong with the way i enjoy my fruity beverages

 **takashit** : we’ll discuss this later. Everyone, let’s rock and roll

 **Allure** : that’s SUCH a white person thing to say

 **takashit** : i’m not white????

 **Mathematics** : he’s Japanese, princess

 **Allure** : yes but that doesn’t stop him from saying things that white dads that try to be cool say

 **kogayne** : to be fair is IS a dad that tries to be cool

 **LancethePike** : shiro is a daddy pass it on

 **Pidgeot** : N OOO

 **Mathematics** : i thought we weren’t talking about that anymore

 **Hunkules** : PFFFFF

 **JakisBak** : that gave me whiplash oh mygod

 **Lukaso** : is THAT why he drinks apple juice?

 **LancethePike** : hey wait apple juice is good as fuck man don’t diss the good AJ

 **Mathematics** : yeah bitch

 **Allure** : hey hey hey you’re not off the hook yet

 **Allure** : you need to stop exposing your damn kinks to the kids

 **Mathematics** : oh but Lance is allowed to talk about his?

 **LancethePike** : to be fair that wasn’t my fault

 **Pidgeot** : lol Hunk remember that time when we exposed Lance’s praise kink to the group chat

 **Hunkules** : and then Keith gave us the knowledge that he’s never gotten off before

 **Lukaso** : hi what the fuck

 **JakisBak** : okay wait so Matt has a daddy kink, Lance has a praise kink and keith has never- What??

 **kogayne** : why are we talking about this

 **Hunkules** : matt is also into roleplay

 **Lukaso** : I’m-

 **JakisBak** : okay uh i’m leaving i gotta drive

 **Lukaso** : i’m gonna stay here and make fun of Matt

 **Mathematics** : why aren’t we talking about how Lance has a kink based around his own self esteem issues

 **kogayne** : because i love him and i don’t want to make him feel bad

 **Mathematics** : AHEM Shallura take notes on how to be good partners… Keith is doing a fine ass job

 **takashit** : hey i didnt start it

 **Mathematics** : okay whatever buff man shut up and drive

 **kogayne** : smh

 **Allure** : you know i’m starting to see a pattern in our conversations

 **Pidgeot** : oh yeah Allura i’m bringing you clothes… we want you to be comfy so it’s just a t-shirt and sweatpants but i’m sure it’s more comfortable than that hospital gown

 **Allure** : Pidge is my favorite kid

 **LancethePike** : HEY WAIT

 **Pidgeot** : uwu fuck you lance

 **Mathematics** : Coran is gonna fill out the paperwork and then we can go!

 **kogayne** : oh yeah, where is Coran?

 **Hunkules** : i don’t think he’s in this chat

 **Pidgeot** : o dam

**[Pidgeot added Thatgorgeousman to the chat]**

**Lukaso** : oh yeah, since you’re on bedrest, Jakub and I brought our computers so we can play league

 **Allure** : League of Legends??? Just like old times!

 **Lukaso** : just like old times. We also have minecraft just in case

 **Allure** : oh dammit I cancelled the subscription for the world with our house

 **JakisBak** : it’s alright, we can build a new one

 **Allure** : hell yeah!!

 **LancethePike** : wait

 **LancethePike** : Allura is a NERD NERD too??

 **Pidgeot** : why’d you say nerd twice

 **LancethePike** : cause she’s already a nerd… she’s friends with us and also uhh lawyer

 **LancethePike** : but she’s also a VIDEO GAME nerd

 **Hunkules** : minecraft?? really??

 **Allure** : alright uh it’s really creative and fun to play don’t @ me

 **Pidgeot** : it’s more fun than fortnite

 **Mathematics** : oh okay miss “games are better with a storyline”

 **Pidgeot** : fortnite is stupid

 **Mathematics** : disagree but whatever

 **kogayne** : what is WITH all of the discourse today

 **LancethePike** : new discourse: how much do you think i love keith

 **Pidgeot** : a gross amount

 **kogayne** : not enough

 **Hunkules** : a truly gay amount

 **LancethePike** : none of you are right

 **LancethePike** : it’s a lot

 **JakisBak** : tHATS original

 **LancethePike** : shhhhhhh

 **Thatgorgeousman** : They Are Sending A Nurse In To Assist You!

 **Allure** : yeet

 **Mathematics** : did Allura just meme

 **Allure** : possibly

 **Pidgeot** : the perfect time to say “mayhaps” and it wasn’t said… she’s a fake memer

 **Pidgeot** : here’s your clothes btw

 **Lukaso** : wait so why are you all having a conversation out loud and a different one over text??

 **kogayne** : it’s just how this group works

 **takashit** : we get to say more stuff if we’re having two conversations at once

 **Lukaso** : coran, how do you keep up with them omg?

 **Thatgorgeousman** : I Don’t. I Only Text When It’s Necessary. Even Then, It’s Wild.

 **Allure** : the nurse tried to tell me something like “because we kept you here for so long, you have to be on bedrest for only 3 days.” which honestly i don’t even see the point of it but whatever, i’m not a medical professional, i have no idea…

 **Mathematics** : at least we get to get home quick!

 **Allure** : yeah, I’m glad I don’t have to sit in the same bed for weeks… sitting here was less than ideal.

 **takashit** : well we made the flat all nice and pretty for you and we’ll be your personal servants

 **Pidgeot** : wait wait wait i didn’t sign up for this

 **Hunkules** : Pidge its the LEAST we can do

 **Pidgeot** : if i’d known this would’ve happened i could’ve made her a kind of servant robot thing… Matt and Hunk could’ve helped

 **Mathematics** : while that may be true, if we knew it was gonna happen we could’ve, y’know, decked Lotor in the face when he showed up at our door

 **takashit** : also it’s the thought that counts…

 **Pidgeot** : fuck y’all and your need to do physical labor

 **takashit** : it’s for your friend who was in the HOSPITAL

 **Pidgeot** : pft ehatever man

 **Hunkules** : ehatever

 **LancethePike** : ehatever

 **kogayne** : e h a t e v e r

 **Pidgeot** : stfu

 **Allure** : guess who’s cleared to go bitchessss

 **Mathematics** : hell fucking yeah come hug me

 **takashit** : imma get in on this hug action hell yeah

 **LancethePike** : GROUP HUG

 **kogayne** : wait for them to have their moment

 **kogayne** : aaaaaand NOW

 **Allure** : I love you guys

 **Pidgeot** : uwu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: The Author Writes About Kinks When She Doesn’t Know What To Do
> 
> Jakub and Lukas are leaving today so i will def be updating again soon hahaha


	39. It’s Never Goodbye With Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allure: i never said i was any good at naming things
> 
> Allure: my rabbit as a kid was named Fluffy
> 
> takashit: damn Llura really?
> 
> it’s the final chapter!! they get hoooome!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS THE LAST CHAPTER SO I MADE IT NICE N LONG FOR YOU

**-big hecking time skip to when they get home because the author can’t keep an update schedule-**

  
**Pidgeot > ColleentheQueen**

**  
Pidgeot** : Hey mom!! We’re in Brownstown! Hunk is meeting up with his girlfriend for the day, we’re gonna have lunch with her and then we’ll start heading to Allura’s

 **ColleentheQueen** : Your father and I will be waiting for you

 **Pidgeot** : get donuts ppllllss

 **ColleentheQueen** : why? you’re eating lunch with Shay

 **Pidgeot** : we haven’t had donuts for nearly 3 months mother

 **ColleentheQueen** : hmm i bet i should take a trip to europe… i’ll get skinny

 **Pidgeot** : you’re perfectly skinny as is mom

 **ColleentheQueen** : and yet you’re asking me to get donuts

 **Pidgeot** : shhhhhh it’s okay

 **Pidgeot** : gotta go!! gonna have lunch!

 **ColleentheQueen** : see you soon!! Tell Matt I said hi!

  
**Hunkules > ShayButter**

**  
Hunkules** : we’re in brownstown, can you send me the address please?

**[Location from ShayButter]**

**Hunkules** : thank you! I’ll see you soon, Shayby

 **ShayButter** : so it’s sticking, huh?

 **Hunkules** : yeah i kinda like it

 **ShayButter** : I like it too. <3

 **Hunkules** : I’ll see you so soon! <3

  
**kogayne > LancethePike**

**  
kogayne** : hey are you okay?

 **LancethePike** : 100%

 **kogayne** : okay… care to explain why your bouncing is shaking the entire car?

 **LancethePike** : i’m so excited to be back. This trip has been so fun and absolutely amazing (other than the thing with Allura) and I got to meet you and kiss your pretty face and fall in love with you

 **LancethePike** : This has been such a pleasant, terrific experience and I loved every second of it, from meeting everyone to my birthday to hanging out in the hospital to being your boyfriend to eating dinner. There’ve been so many wonderful things that have happened, and no, I don’t want to go back to reality, but at least i get to go back into reality with you.

 **kogayne** : oh my

 **LancethePike** : are you… crying?

 **kogayne** : no?

 **kogayne** : maybe just a little bit?

 **LancethePike** : are you okay?

 **kogayne** : god i love you so much

 **LancethePike** : huh. I love you too, mullet

 **kogayne** : ugh moment ruined

 **LancethePike** : hey! what?

 **kogayne** : really? MULLET??

 **LancethePike** : am i not allowed to comment on your truly hideous hair

 **kogayne** : yes it’s totally hideous, or at least that’s what you say when you’re running your hands through it when we cuddle and kiss

 **LancethePike** : toché

 **kogayne** : so why the fuck are you bouncing again

 **LancethePike** : i’m so excited to be back

 **LancethePike** : i’m gonna get to see my family again! All of them!! It’s gonna be so amazing, I’ve missed them so much

 **kogayne** : I bet you’ll have fun with that!

 **LancethePike** : i actually meant to ask you

 **LancethePike** : do you want to come meet my family?

 **kogayne** : i already met them?

 **LancethePike** : god you’re so stupid

 **LancethePike** : do you want to meet my family as my boyfriend?

 **kogayne** : oh

 **kogayne** : yeah, i’d really like that!

 **LancethePike** : really?

 **kogayne** : of course!

 **kogayne** : I’ve never really had a big family… i wanna know what it’s like

 **LancethePike** : oh don’t you worry, mamá will 100% take you in, you don’t have a choice

 **kogayne** : good to know

 **LancethePike** : really, I’m sure Hunk would’ve left by now if it weren’t for mamá bugging him to come over all the time

 **kogayne** : you and i both know that’s not true… I don’t think you and Hunk could live without each other

 **LancethePike** : that may be true…

 **kogayne** : hey Lance?

 **LancethePike** : hm?

 **kogayne** : I love you.

 **LancethePike** : I love you too, chico lindo.

  
**takashit > Allure**

**  
takashit** : i can’t believe we’re finally back

 **Allure** : me neither, it’s crazy to see things that are so familiar after being away for so long

 **takashit** : i’m glad we’re in the states so that Matt can pick up some of that driving slack, y’know?

 **Allure** : ugh me too… i was getting very tired of driving

 **takashit** : though i was your little directions boy

 **Allure** : and a very handsome one, too

 **Allure** : but now we’ve got our hot twink driver for you to be directions boy for

 **takashit** : PFFFT

 **takashit** : that’s true, he’s our hot little twink boy

 **Allure** : okay wait that makes him sound like he’s our son

 **takashit** : HA

 **Allure** : i think the kids are dead

 **takashit** : why??

 **Allure** : they’re all completely passed out

 **Allure** : Pidge looks like she’s not breathing

 **takashit** : to be fair, these kids are exhausted. Waking up at 5:30 every morning for the past week or so does that to you… especially when you’re sitting in the car all the time

 **Allure** : ha yeah imagine sitting in the car but instead of chilling out you have to stay alert and drive and shit

 **takashit** : fair point

 **Allure** : you know, i’m glad that Hunk gets to spend some time with his girlfriend. She seems so sweet, i think they’re perfect together.

 **takashit** : oh i agree holy shit! i love her, she needs to come hang out with all of us

 **Allure** : yeeeeess!!

 **takashit** : ah also she makes a mean lunch

 **Allure** : they really are perfect together lmaoo

 **takashit** : omg what if they opened a restaurant together

 **Allure** : aaAAWWWW

 **Allure** : that’s couple goals man omg

 **takashit** : what would they call it?

 **Allure** : ooof uhhh

 **Allure** : it depends on what they’d serve

 **takashit** : okay uhh what about like a bakery

 **Allure** : Balmera Bread

 **takashit** : a family diner

 **Allure** : The Garrett and Balmera diner

 **takashit** : that’s… not very original

 **Allure** : like the Salt and Pepper diner from John Melany’s thing

 **takashit** : ohhhh

 **takashit** : uh how about a Samoan themed restaurant

 **Allure** : oooh… idk,,, something in Samoan… i don’t know

 **takashit** : oh how about a bar?

 **Allure** : Balmera BEER

 **Allure** : or Garrett Gin

 **takashit** : huh… okay i guess

 **Allure** : i never said i was any good at naming things

 **Allure** : my rabbit as a kid was named Fluffy

 **takashit** : damn Llura really?

 **Allure** : Coran tried so hard to make me change it but I was stuck on Fluffy

 **takashit** : well you ARE very stubborn… i’m not surprised.

 **Allure** : then Fluffy got outside and my neighbor accidentally hit him

 **takashit** : oh shit, how old were you?

 **Allure** : like 4 i think?

 **takashit** : o o f

 **Allure** : looking back, i was a very nihilistic four year old

 **Allure** : my parents had died and my rabbit had died so i was honestly completely coming to terms with the fact that i was gonna die eventually

 **Allure** : the first thing i ever wrote in school was my will

 **takashit** : holy shit

 **Allure** : coran got all of my clothes and my best friend Romelle got all of my toys… that’s just about it honestly

 **takashit** : i don’t know whether to laugh or ask if you’re okay

 **Allure** : I need to text Romelle and see if she wants to catch up… it’s been a long ass while… i wonder how she’d react to know i’m a lawyer…

 **takashit** : I’m sure she’d be so proud of you, my love

 **Allure** : well she could never be as proud as i am of you and matt but i /guess/ it’s enough

 **takashit** : you little

 **Allure** : hehehe

 **takashit** : take a nap, get some rest, princess. You deserve it.

 **Allure** : You know, I think I will.

 **takashit** : I love you, we’ll wake you up when we get there

 **Allure** : thank you, Kashi, I love you too.

  
**LancethePike > MamaMcClain**

**  
LancethePike** : MAMA

 **MamaMcClain** : Mijo! Where are you? Are you close?

 **LancethePike** : in Bloomington… we’re so close.

 **LancethePike** : I’m so excited to see you, it’s been such a long time

 **MamaMcClain** : I’m dragging Javier and Cloé over here… Javier is acting like he’s too cool but he’s just itching to see you again. Cloé on the other hand is openly excited to see you.

 **LancethePike** : Tell them I’ll be there in no time… we’re so close. I can almost see it.

 **MamaMcClain** : be safe, mijo. there will be no car wrecks because you want to get home quickly.

 **LancethePike** : of course, mamá.

 **MamaMcClain** : and as soon as you get home you’d better tell us everything that happened. Have you been journaling?

 **LancethePike** : oops…….

 **MamaMcClain** : Lance!

 **LancethePike** : I’m sorry!! I forgot, I was too caught up in my friends and the beauty of the places we went… i did take lots of pictures though

 **MamaMcClain** : well that’s good, at least

 **LancethePike** : i do have someone for you to meet when we get home, though.

 **MamaMcClain** : I can’t wait.

 **LancethePike** : I love you mamá

 **MamaMcClain** : I love you too, mijo. get home safe, we’ll be here waiting.

  
**kogayne > LancethePike**

**  
kogayne** : have i told you that you have really nice legs

 **LancethePike** : wow, so forward

 **kogayne** : okay well i’m just staying that those shorts make your legs look good and your ass look even better

 **LancethePike** : how can you see what my ass looks like i’m sitting down

 **kogayne** : when we got out at the last rest stop i may or may not have been admiring you

 **LancethePike** : well for the record your ass always looks good

 **LancethePike** : and your eyes… dear god your eyes

 **kogayne** : MY eyes?? have you SEEN your eyes?

 **LancethePike** : but yours are the perfect shade of indigo

 **kogayne** : every time i look into your eyes i feel like i’m falling… they’re so bright and happy but the blue has so many shades, it’s reminiscent of the ocean, with the light blues overlapping the darker shades like waves that I’m drowning in

 **LancethePike** : holy shit

 **LancethePike** : I love you so much my poetic mullet

 **LancethePike** : and don’t tell anyone but your hair isn’t that bad. In fact, when i look at you i can’t help but feel like running my fingers through your hair and playing with it while we cuddle. And your lips will be the DEATH of me. For someone who looks like he’s never used chapstick in his life, your lips are so soft and so fucking addictive.

 **kogayne** : I love how some days you look like a total frat boy with your muscle shirt and backwards hat and others you look like an instagram beauty guru with your crop tops and shorts that accentuate your body so. well. Not to mention your skin is so goddamn soft, I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything as soft as your face and arms holy shit

 **LancethePike** : your voice is so sexy i can’t even… like every time you whisper i think i might die. It’s so low and gravelly but damn… i imagine you’re a good singer…

 **kogayne** : your hips oh my god your fucking hips… it’s obvious you’re latino because you fucking KNOW how to use your hips. I’ve only seen you dance a few times but FUCK i’m in love

 **LancethePike** : my hips can do a lot more than just dance, you know

 **kogayne** : socjwuxiwjci

 **LancethePike** : I’m SORRY i saw the opportunity and i had to take it

 **kogayne** : you fucking kill me, Lance McClain, and i love you for it

 **LancethePike** : goddamn oh you too, chico lindo… i fucking love you

  
**Pidgeot > Klance**

**  
Pidgeot** : god i can SMELL it… I can HEAR it… I can TASTE it…. please kill me

 **Hunkules** : smell hear taste what

**[Photo from Pidgeot]**

**Hunkules** : oh god

 **takashit** : nope guess who is LEAVING

**[takashit Left The Chat]**

**Allure** : uh not in my car no fucking way

 **Mathematics** : i’m… not seeing it

 **Pidgeot** : the fucking sexual tension between those two

 **Hunkules** : i wonder what they’re talking about

 **Pidgeot** : lol i don’t wanna know

 **Mathematics** : okay but like didn’t Lance say they were gonna wait a while

 **Mathematics** : cause it looks like they’re about to rip each other’s clothes off and fuck right here

 **Hunkules** : hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i don’t like that

 **Allure** : yknow im glad shiro left

 **Allure** : also again, not in my fucking car

 **Pidgeot** : i have an idea

 **Allure** : no

 **Hunkules** : that always means bad

 **Mathematics** : ….continue

  
**Pidgeot > LancethePike**

**  
Pidgeot** : god i can fucking feel it and i’m not even in your relationship

 **LancethePike** : what? are you texting the right person???

 **Pidgeot** : y e s

 **Pidgeot** : either you or your goddamn boyfriend

 **LancethePike** : so what can you feel????

 **Pidgeot** : your sexual tension jfc

 **LancethePike** : w h a t

 **Pidgeot** : everyone in the entire car feels it and they’re not very happy

 **LancethePike** : there is no sexual tension???

**[Photo from Pidgeot]**

**LancethePike** : toché

 **Pidgeot** : Allura says not to fuck in her car

 **LancethePike** : we’re not fucking, Pidge

 **LancethePike** : i’ve made it clear because y’all nosy as fuck that we’re waiting until Keith is ready and we’re both comfortable

 **Pidgeot** : it sure as hell doesn’t seem that way… is this what we’re gonna have to deal with?? Both of you being a) grossly affectionate or b) tense as fuck (literally)

 **LancethePike** : lucky for you, we’re getting out of this car in 5 minutes and you don’t have to hang out with me until we go back to school

 **Pidgeot** : I’m just giving you a hard time, dude. Youre all good… you’re just being a teenage boy

 **LancethePike** : s i g h

  
**Pidgeot > Klance**

**  
Pidgeot** : i gave Lance a hard time lololol

 **Hunkules** : he looks kinda mad dude what did you say

 **Pidgeot** : not to fuck in Allura’s car

 **Mathematics** : i’m sure he’ll get over it

 **Allure** : he usually bounces back

 **Pidgeot** : u right.,, i wonder if it would’ve been more fun to mess with Keith instead

 **Mathematics** : nah, he’d probably turn bright red and not talk to anyone for a good hour or so and just contemplate things

 **Allure** : Lance gets all riled up n shit and he starts yelling… it’s not like *funny* but it’s funny

 **Mathematics** : rt rt rt

 **Hunkules** : wait was shiro texting and driving earlier

 **Allure** : TAKASHI

 **Mathematics** : get the camera get the camera

 **Pidgeot** : on it

  
**LancethePike > eur-in for a treat**

**  
LancethePike** : so

 **kogayne** : oh no

 **LancethePike** : i just wanted to say, as we’re nearing Allura’s house

 **Hunkules** : no no no

 **LancethePike** : that this trip has been absolutely phenomenal

 **Pidgeot** : it’s happening

 **LancethePike** : shut up and let me talk

 **LancethePike** : So I didn’t know anyone but Pidge, Hunk, and Matt very well before… I knew OF you but not you personally. I think being forced in a car full of people kinda makes you get close to those people, y’know? So if y’all shut up for a minute i’m gonna say some things for a hot minute

 **LancethePike** : Allura, holy heck girl… First of all, you’re gorgeous, kill it, queen. You’re so interesting. Hearing your stories from your childhood, man you kept me enthralled. You’re my sister, girlie, so like don’t be afraid to talk to me n shit cause i give really good advice. You, Allura Altea, are a literal goddess… Like the goddess of kindness and generosity holy shit. We’ve known each other for like 3 months but bitch we family now. I absolutely love you, Allura, thank you so much for letting us come with you, it was amazing.

 **Allure** : Aw Lance I love you too, you’re so sweet you charmer!

 **LancethePike** : Matt, my memey bro, joker supreme, brother of my best bud, you’ve helped me keep this group light and comedic. Pidge assisted too, but we’re not talking about her so yeah. Idk how one man can be so funny, intelligent, responsible, loving, and high at the same time. We’ve both learned some things about each other that i don’t think either of us wanted to know, but we’re closer now, and you my fucking bro.

 **Mathematics** : eyyyyyy it’s my boi Lance

 **LancethePike** : Shiro holy shit dude, you are the dad i never had. 100% dad of the year. You are chill and responsible as shit at the same time, man, idk how you do it. We’ve had our differences, specifically when Allura was in the hospital, but man, you’re a cool ass dude. You’re so serious sometimes but other times you can be such a goof, man you’re great.

 **LancethePike** : Pidge, the lil gremlin, the bitch, fuck you. No i’m kidding. You little asshole, your sense of humor is very interesting and different from everyone else which is good sometimes. You completely surprised Keith and I with your plot, dude, kudos to you, you brilliant little sadist.

 **Pidgeot** : having trouble coming up with good things to say about me?

 **LancethePike** : yes

 **LancethePike** : Hunk!!! My best bro!!! I love you!!! Had Pidge asked only me to come, i probably wouldn’t have, just because she’d bully me and i wouldn’t have known anyone else but Matt. You have blessed us with your cooking, your absolute angelness, and just your presence in general. Ily man, I could go on for DAYS

 **Hunkules** : that’s my best bro right there. ily man

 **LancethePike** : Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man, goddamn! I’ve only known you for a hot minute, but i think you are one of, if not the most interesting person i have ever met. You have so many unbelievable stories and you’re ALWAYS positive, man. I can tell you really do care about Allura, and all of us, really. You da man, Coran!

 **Thatgorgeousman** : Between You And Me, You’re My Favorite Of Allura’s Friends.

 **LancethePike** : and of course, Keef, Mullet boi, knife man, chico lindo, wannabe Gerard Way, i didn’t know I could fall in love like this. When I thought about my future, I always thought of the stereotypical trophy wife (i respect women i promise) that I met at a business meeting of some sort. Never in my life would I think that I’d fall in love with Keith Kogane in Europe while pretending to pretend to be in love. You’re so special, chico lindo, more than words can say. I love you and your hideous mullet <3

 **kogayne** : I love you too, Loverboy Lance

 **Pidgeot** : i see it

 **Allure** : LOOK ITS MY HOUSE

 **LancethePike** : nice moment ruiner guys

 **Mathematics** : Lance, we love you, but shut up, we’re home.

 **Pidgeot** : Home.

  
-

  
Lance is nearly vibrating with excitement, though so is everyone else. The long drive to the Paris airport from Kladno was less than interesting, then the long flight from Paris to Cincinnati was very boring, and the immediate drive from Cincinnati to home was a WHILE. So sue him, Lance is excited to get out of the car and be home. Everyone in the car is sitting on the edge of their seats, looking out of the windows in earnest, willing Shiro to just _drive faster_. Pidge is laying across Keith and Lance’s bodies in order to watch as Allura’s house grows closer. Matt is nearly sitting on Coran’s lap, and Hunk looks as if he’s attempting to phase through the window. Needless to say, they’re all excited to be home.

Shiro pulls the minivan into Allura’s long driveway, barely pressing the gas, just to irk the others. Who says he can’t be annoying? After what seems like forever, The group of eight reach the top of the driveway, where three families are waiting for their kids to be deposited. “Shiro can you hurry the fuck up? My mom got us some Krispy Kreme and i will jump out of this car to get to it,” Pidge’s voice cuts through the jittery silence. She doesn’t sound annoyed, necessarily, just anxious to get to her donuts… maybe her parents too, but who knows?

As soon as the driver’s side back door slides slowly open, Pidge throws herself into her mother’s waiting arms. It’s a mystery as to how she got into the middle of the minivan so quickly, seeing as she was in the very back with Keith and Lance. Thankfully, Sam was the one holding the donuts, so Colleen’s arms are open and ready for her daughter. Both of them have tears in their eyes, though no one is willing to point it out.

The rest of the group gets out of the car and starts stretching. Days of only sitting shouldn’t make you sore, but damn, Hunk is hurting. “Lance!” A shout echos through the air, one of a young Cuban girl, making Lance turn is head, a smile breaking out immediately. His younger siblings run towards him, arms and smiles wide. Lance takes off, taking a sibling in each arm and stopping at his mom, allowing her to wrap her arms around her kids. They say their greetings and ‘i love you’s, his mother speaking loudly in Spanish with tears rolling down her cheeks.

Hunk spots his moms standing quietly, waiting for him. “Mom, Mimi!” He shouts, running over to them. They envelope him in a hug, whispering how much he was missed and how quiet the house was without him. Coran, Keith and Shiro stand off to the side, allowing the rest of the group time with their families. Allura, on the other hand, decides to converse with the families, starting first with the Holts and ending with the McClains.

Keith is happy. He really is. Seeing his friends get their big family reunions is slightly disappointing to him, but he’s happy for them. He doesn’t remember his earlier conversation with Lance until said boy starts striding over to him, grin wide on his face. The tall, tan boy holds out his hand to intertwine their long fingers. Keith, of course, turns bright red. This was happening. Oh shit. Lance leads his boyfriend, well, really drags him to his mom, who is standing with a polite smile. “¿Quién es él?” The youngest, Cloé, asks, tugging on her mother’s shirt. “Es el novio de Lance” Javier says teasingly. “Javier, se amble. No sabemos si él es sus novio,” Rosalina looks up at Javier sternly. Keith has no idea what they’re saying, which is honestly very scary, but Lance seems to get a kick out of it. When the duo stop, Lance wraps Keith up in a side hug, pulling him closer. “Mamá, Javier, Cloé, this is the chico lindo, señor mójol, amor de me vida, mi novio, Keith. Treat him good, okay?” _Novio_. It must mean boyfriend, right? But what was all the other stuff? Keith reminds himself to ask Lance later.

“Él tiene cejas gruesas,” Cloé points out, looking Keith up and down. Javier walks around him, getting a full look. “Su pelo es feo. ¿Por qué le amas?” Javier adds. He pauses, then continues with, “él tiene un buen culo.” Rosalina looks absolutely scandalized, shouting, “¡Cuida tu lenguaje!” Lance turns bright red, shooting Keith a sympathetic look. “Por lo que he escucho, es un chico amable,” Rosalina starts, tugging her youngest son by the ear, “lo recibremos en la familia, así que de amable.” Keith gives Lance a look as if to say “what the fuck are they talking about?” Thankfully, Lance reads it perfectly and decides to translate. “Cloé and Javier were talking about how much they like you already, isn’t that right?” Lance grits his teeth, putting emphasis on the final three words. Keith can tell that’s how he intimidates his younger siblings, because they nod vigorously.

“Keith, mijo, welcome to the family. We’re glad to have you!” Rosalina is the first to break the tense silence, welcoming Keith - very literally - with open arms. He accepts her hug, noticing Lance and Javier playfully glaring at each other while Cloé dances around them, happy for her eldest brother to be home. “Thank you so much, Rosalina. I’m so glad to be here to meet you all. It really does mean so much to me.” Keith smiles, feeling more than welcomed by the McClains. He doesn’t mind being a part of a big family, not yet anyway. “Entonces, ¿cómo lo conseguiste?” Javier says to Lance, eyebrow raised and smirk resting easily on his face. Lance lazily entwines their fingers, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” he answers in English. Keith is silently grateful, he quite enjoys being a part of a conversation he can actually understand. “Try me,” Javier states confidently.

Javier looks very similar to his older brother. The only major difference is that Javier’s eyes are green, whereas Lance’s are blue. The younger boy’s face does look a bit softer around the edges, but that’s to be expected. After being on testosterone for a few more months, his lawline will probably be more prominent. Other than the slightly softer face, Javier passes completely. Had Lance not specified that his younger brother is transgender, Keith wouldn’t have guessed. He decides not to comment, though, just in case he hits a raw nerve. Lance and Javier seem to have a very different style in clothing. Instead of muscle shirts, Javier opts for semi-tight sweatshirts and dark jeans. He doesn’t wear a hat, unlike his elder brother. Keith thinks it probable that once Javier goes through top surgery, he might start dressing a bit like his brother, though it could be the very opposite.

Cloé, the beauty, is six, and seems to be going through the “i pick my own clothes” phase. She’s dressed in a hot pink long sleeved shirt and pastel purple shorts with a pair of fake glasses with stars on them. Her skin is lighter than her brothers’ and her wavy brown hair reaches her lower back.

After a short conversation with the McClain family, Keith excuses himself to say hello to the Holts. Before leaving, he presses a kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek. “Hey Colleen, how’s it going, Sam?” He asks, striding comfortably toward Pidge and Matt’s parents. “Oh hi Keith! Our kids behaved while they were gone, right?” Sam opens his arms to give Keith a hug. “Of course! Pidge was a little gremlin as always, but i owe her a favor so i’m gonna say yes, she and Matt her both wonderful,” Keith steps back, arms crossing over his chest, an easy smile on his face. He’s always been comfortable with the Holts, they’ve given him a taste of what it’s like to have a nuclear family. “And what favor would this be?” Colleen ever so nosily asks. “Thanks to her, I’ve got myself a boyfriend,” he’s proud to be in his first relationship, okay? Sue him if he talks about it a lot. “Congrats, Keith! Good for you!” The couple start spouting off congratulations. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the attention a little bit.

After talking to everyone, Allura looks more than exhausted. She decides to excuse herself with her bags and go inside. Shiro offers to come in and help her unpack, asking Matt for his services as well. She refuses, telling them both to spend time with their families and relax for a good long while. Matt doesn’t have to be told twice, of course, and nearly throws Pidge into the car. A few less-than-teary goodbyes are said to the Holt family, then they drive off, Pidge neatly hanging out of the window to wave. The next to leave are the Garrett’s. Hunk thanks Allura multiple times, promises to text the chat as soon as he gets home, and disappears with his mom’s. Rosalina offers to let the broganes come over for dinner, but they politely decline, telling the generous woman that they have much unpacking to do. She understands, of course, and starts to load her kids in the car. Shiro and Kosmo wait for Keith, letting him have a moment with his boyfriend. Rosalina pretends not to notice what’s going on, Cloé actually doesn’t know what’s going on, and Javier has his video camera at the ready.

Lance faces Keith, taking his hands and staring into his eyes. “Why does this feel like goodbye?” He whispers sorrowfully, a sad smile displayed on his face. “Lance, with us it will never be goodbye. I’ll come kick down your door, you’ll never get a moment of peace,” Keith jokes, eyes glowing as Lance giggles. “Chico lindo, you are my heart. I will always, always, always love you. You’d better fucking text me when you get home or I’ll be the one kicking down your door,”

Lance presses their foreheads together, reminiscent of their first kiss. “Lance,” Keith whispers, eyes flicking from his boyfriend’s eyes to his mouth. Lance hums with a questioning tone. “I’m gonna do something. Tell me no if you’re not comfortable. Tell me no and I’ll stop, okay?” Lance smiles, wide. “Tell me no, Lance,” Keith’s smile can’t be contained either. “How about I say yes instead?” Lance closes the distance, uttering the words. The kiss is chaste, but full of emotion. It would’ve gone farther if not for the two cars full of family watching them. They part, peck lips again, then Keith turns away. “I love you, text me, and I’ll see you soon, okay?” Lance calls, already opening his passenger side door. “Of course, Lance. I love you.”

A group of friends like this one comes only once in a lifetime. Each of the friends realizes this on the way home. It’s gonna take a lot to break these kids up. The splitting up and driving home seems like an ending, though of what, none will know. There are still endless possibilities for these friends. More adventures to be had and high schools to be conquered. And of course, there are more Golden Opportunities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRANSLATIONS:  
> ¿Quién es él? - Who is he?  
> El novio de Lance - Lance’s boyfriend  
> Javier, se amble - Javier, be nice  
> No sabemos si él es su novio - We don’t know if he is his boyfriend  
> chico lindo - pretty boy  
> señor mójol - Mr. Mullet  
> amor de mi vida - love of my life  
> mi novio - my boyfriend  
> Él tiene cejas gruesas - he had thick eyebrows  
> Su pelo es feo. ¿Por qué le amas? - His hair is ugly. Why do you love him?  
> él tiene un buen culo - he does have a nice ass  
> ¡Cuida tu lenguaje! - Watch your mouth!  
> Por lo que he escucho, es un chico amable - from what I’ve heard, he’s a kind boy  
> lo recibremos en la familia, así que de amable - we will welcome him into the family, so be kind.  
> Entonces, ¿cómo lo conseguiste? - so, how did you get him?  
> PLEASE CORRECT THESE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM DOING
> 
>  
> 
> **THANK YOU SO HECKING MUCH FOR READING THIS OH MY LORD ITS BEEN A RIDE BUT ITS BEEN ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!**


	40. THANK YOU SO MUCH

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FINAL ANNOUNCEMENTS!

I just want to thank each and every one of you so so so much. Seeing the number of hits and kudos (it’s a lot for ME okay?) and reading the comments have really motivated me to complete this. It really wouldn’t be the same without you all, so thank you so VERY much! I honestly cannot express my gratitude with words... it’s insane. I never imagined that this would be a “successful” as it is, so THANK YOU!! Yes, you, the one reading this right now. I absolutely love you!

Amber Possibilities starts on December 31-January 1st (on either of those days) and will start with a recap of the last chapter of Golden Opportunities and the events between the two. As soon as it starts, there’ll be a link below to go straight to Amber Possibilities. Please continue reading the saga!!

I will need IDEAS for AP so send me asks on [my tumblr](tumblr.com/blog/klanceisunoriginal)! I’m making a Spotify Playlist very soon so look out for that too!!!

Thanks so much again for reading this!! I really really appreciate everything so much! I love you all and I’ll see you soon <3

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH for reading all the way through this oh my lord! You are all so amazing i swear...
> 
> fun fact: this story is based on my own trip to Europe (the Lotora thing didn’t happen, thank god, and i didn’t fall in love, but it is what it is)  
>    
> I suggest you follow me on tumblr and instagram! Come talk to me and tell me what you think!!!
> 
> THANKS AGAIN, I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH <3


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